Monthly Archives: April 2013

Rayminvasion

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Hi “friends”.

Super proud of my chicken leg marination turn out. Now I’ve got yellow curry basil coconut cream lime pepper breasts marinating. Booyakasha. Kitchen gangster. Ooh speaking of did you see the thing on Yakuza on National Geographic last night? Kinda want shoulder chest tattooos now.

Mr. Jacobs designer pop.

I really don’t smoke that much I just like the manipulative artsiness and photo opp novelty. When you date a smoker as a non-smoker it turns in to monkey see monkey do. Not in Canada though I hate Canadian smoke, in Europe it’s far more Serge Gainsbourg fabulous in fact bf kinda looks like him too. Hot. I still make lots of bitchy remarks about smoke smell though, airing out the house, opening windows and such.

One of my rotating house outfits. Housefits. This is from Friday I think? I’m 5’8 1/2 if anybody wants to know, people ask sometimes. At my physical the nurse measured me as 6’2 she was not the best at cm conversion. I said that’s very nice of you but there is no way I’m six two then she’s like okay you’re 5’6 and I was like NO WAY LADY never mind and don’t even bother telling me how much I weigh either ahha.

I have discovered the miracle of crap attackz and it is smoothies. First drink a glass of water, then have a n’espresso, then have a smoothie which is heavier and pushes the water, espresso and last night’s dinner out your bum before you’re done your smoothie! I’m becoming OCD about this routine. Water coffee smoothie. Then around noon we have lunch or whenever hunger strikes. Normally I starve myself all day long and have a bodum of coffee and no water.

The teeny stairs I climb up and down multi-times daily, easier for someone sans foot injury. I do a 360 degree rotation and walk sideways like a crab. Foot is getting better the doctor said we just came back from fisio. Hurts like hell when he presses on the ligament and manipulates it then he rubs it for 5 minutes with the ultrasound thing. Then he asks questions about us/me and wtf it is I’m doing here haha. He’s like what did you do this weekend and I’m like I have no idea actually. I can’t tell if people think I’m funny or totally insane and I also do not care. Being an adult rules.

ps. my nails are almost at Rihanna length now. pps.. why do people think Beyonce is queen cos she ain’ts! Riri’s music is on every station and she kills it just saying.

BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A TREAT.

Yes Shannon it’s a stocking peel ahahhaha. #burlesque (miss you).

For today’s session I didn’t do anything sexy at all well maybe I did I just can’t help it I is so sexy. Haha.

I hope he likes me so much he throws the bill away. Maybe if I shave my leg next time ughh so embarrassing to have teeny black hairs sprouting out of your ankle in front of two dudes right?

Curvy little monkey now.

Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll do some sit-ups sometime zzzz.

Aghhhhhh.

Met the sister, she’s awesome and an incredible painter/artist. We have the same hair colour and she is a shit disturber like me/us. Perfect. Insta-family.

Plus she says I’m pretty all the time and that I have nice teeth. Gave her my blog url I better not regret it! She said she’ll comment and say that everything I say is a lie hehehhe.

What the hell is he looking at?

Oh.

I bet these look great at night.

SO CUTE. There’s more hanging off the building but you get the point come to Holland to see for yourself.

Cigarettes make me a cheaper drunk. Also he said that diet coke and vodka makes booze stronger, any diet drink does I’ll have to look in to that.

So bad. So good. Had a salad too which was boringsville in comparison. This is where a girl (they knew) asked me where I was from on account of my accent and my ego exploded when she said cool. CANADA <3.

My right hook punch scab is slowly healing hope I don’t have a scar left over I need vitamin e cream omg I love that stuff. I punched the visor in the car because the week of planning to come here was stressful to the max and full of doctor appointment mayhem with mom. Hi mom love you miss you xoxoxo.

Queen’s night is tomorrow. We’re going to a rave or something. The crown pass over happens early in the morning I will probably be asleep and it happens in Amsterdam.

Super bummed someone took my boots from The Sheraton and I hate myself for how long it took me to notice. Not that I can wear heels right now anyhow. Wore my Toms to a night club on Saturday, didn’t know we would end up there. Spontaneous slob outfits in fancy settings gets you a lot of attention cos your I don’t care factor is off the charts on top of just standing out as a Canadian period but people in clubs are out on the prowl anyhow so who knows really. One cougar in particular got under my skin I’ll tell you about it later cos you love that shit. I hope when I’m older I don’t scowl at younger prettier girls. In fact I know I won’t.

These guys whistled something in Dutch I don’t know what.

Then I met my two new best friends Whiskey and Peggy, mom and son chihuahuas.

They are so cuddly and affectionate too. What’s the point of having a prick for a pet?

This guy’s place is very nicely done I asked if a chick did it, nope. Girls he’s single.

Smirnoff ice here is 4% so they can sell it in supermarkets. They say it’s like lemonade, for kids AHAhah like seriously what’s the point I’d have to drink a billion to cop a buzz.

Girls are not as good as guys at the lighter bottle cap thing. This took us awhile.

So annoying.

Finally minxed Whiskey over my way.

I want one! It’s not that I’m not a dog person I’m just irresponsible. No. I just move around a lot and that’s not fair to little dog people. One day I’ll have my own we’ll see.

Floor score!

Brand new shirt in a bag on street we kicked across square. Was €10. Raymi 1, #Holland 0.

Foot doctor’s office #art. May as well blog the rest of my instagrams. Follow me on there too I want to have lots of followers! NOW!

In the backyard. Way cuter than the mass-produced ones at Canadian Tire or Garden Centers.

Photo bomb. We kind of look related right? This is in Germany.

For schnitzel my nitzel. #germany #rheine #foodie not #foodporn but we inhaled in seconds nonetheless.

In the downstairs bathroom. Oh those quirky Dutch. I love it.

See my headband?

Housewife #foodie #porn egg a la Raymi. #brunch.

I’ve been to #Mars. #Aruba. Okay bye for now off to buy flowers.

all biz for my plej

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I went to dinner my last night in Canada last week at Bar Isabel and had an amazing time. You gotta be somebody to get a reservation there (otherwise sit at the bar) cos the place is so hot right now, good luck to you (call for a table). Luckily “I am a somebody” and colleague rocks the foodie scene too so we got a table no problemo. Recognized scores of other foodie peeps, chefs, elites, Toronto’s who’s who of who. I tried not to stare holes in to the side of one of Top Chef Canada’s head, colleague did that for me while I sucked on octopus tentacle.

Grant van Gameren is Bar Isabel‘s chef. He’s part of this year’s #FOC13 (Festival of Chefs) and will be at Cheese Boutique May 12 so if you’re “not somebody” or are a day person go sample his delicious makings at CB on MAY 12. I love when Cheese Boutique does Fest of Chefs because you have the opportunity for a more intimate encounter with your favourite chef(s) there. It’s hard to gab with ‘em during dinner service (impossible more like) and they’re typically shy, bashful, humble or bitchy so you don’t even bother saying hey no matter how full of yourself you are. We didn’t disturb Grant cos I had a case of the shy’s but now colleague is all why didn’t we? #FOC13 is in its 10th year so you need to check it out before a potential revamping read between the lines. I say no more.

All you little rascals out there are gonna love the lighting in Isabel. The dark atmosphere is great for people watching and the people to watch are well worth it. I most enjoyed watching other people at the bar watch the diners at tables, comprised of chefs with their own restaurant empires and other misc. industry persons.

I love new restaurants when the service is top tier, when they layer on the courtesy and friendliness. I’m just so addicted to nice. It makes you feel like you are all in this together.

Nice hang-out nook in the front and in the back too.

Always something to see out there from within 797 College.

Teeny tables leave more room for more people, smart.

I bumped in to Nick at the bar the second I stepped inside. He about fell off his chair at the sight of me like a freshly Aruba tanned ghost I was, boo. Hadn’t priorly spent much time in TSnot or seen him since winter so it was nice to run in to him. Damn I miss that tan and is this hug extreme enough or what haha.

Alright down to business, what is mommy going to drink? A woman scorned OBVIOUSLY.

…A Woman Scorned

Devil’s cut bourbon, amaro averna, campari, cinnamon/clove tincture, deathwish syrup, snake oil bitters.

Pretty gangster and who doesn’t love a huge ice block just for you. Nothing like bourbon to um, do things to your everythings lol and if you like to get gassed you’ll love the entire cocktail menu.

Round one. Chicken Wing Escabeche (SO GOOD) and an order of Grilled Green Onion & Romesco Sauce – super delicious. The wings are juicy and plump. I’m a wingaholic.

I enjoyed the fact that my shirt looked like my napkin. It’s the little things.

Party in the back. Not an empty seat in the place.

Spying I mean, life inspecting.

Oh my god this mixed meat plate was so good I can’t stop thinking about it all the way in Holland, seriously. Melt on your tongue meat sliced so thin, my absolute favourite.

**special treatment time** :) Grant sent over Sobrassada and Honey Crostini it was delectable, sweet, a bit spicy, perfect.

Of course I wanted to try the octopus, so I did and wasn’t disappointed I only wish we also ordered the horse because I’ve never tried it before. If you have it tell me how it is please thank you.

We got the Octopus, Chorizo & Stewed Peppers instead of the WHOLE Grilled Octopus & Potatoes because a whole octopus seemed insane and too much, I like to have a variety when I eat out when possible. I also love chorizo, it’s so versatile you can do so much with it and put it with anything so there you go bro.

Salted Chocolate for dessert. Wow just wow. Salt with sweet is ridonkulous and after a meal like that, the perfect ending along with a glass of red. I was good and nursed my cocktail throughout dinner.

There she is again by candlelight. I always make sure to get everything with flash and without and I seriously do not give a shhh about who I offend with the flash I think restaurant snobs and bad attitudes need to can it.

Be sure to follow @BarIsabel797 on twitter ah duhhhhhh. ps. I spy Shinan with a Top Chef.

Someone’s stealing heaven

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Went to Rheine yesterday – Rheine is a town in the district of Steinfurt in Westphalia, Germany. It is the largest town in the district and the location of Rheine Air Base. And that is the extent of my wikipedia knowledge for now.

Bike lock ghosts.

He’s got blue eyes. Would not stand beneath this sign.

Looking forward to clothes shopping. You can’t wear animal prints here cos they think that shit is stupid. WATCH ME. Ha. I forgot that some euros are fashion advanced so what looks cheesy to me here now in a year and a half everyone in North America will be doing. If I gave a fuck about fashion I’d write about it in length. Actually I do care about fashion but only my own everyone else can suck it.

This long streety street reminded me of Quebec City. Once you get to the top/end it turns in to open space, fountains, tables encircling the square, there’s a few squares, more like oblong blobs of cobblestone space and a few churches that on the hour sound off but are not synchronized and I suggested a techno beat with some dancing goths.

So love flower prints.

I could not find the perfume I wanted and I sprayed so much on it was hard to get to the bottom of so just went with some RL for Raymi Lauren. My teenage fail safe.

And Nail polish I can’t stop staring at the bottle of I can’t wait to paint my long minx talons.

The doctor said I have to wear better supported shoes and these are the only ones. Kinda gino euro anyway so they work/don’t care. I need fancier shoes. I NEED EVERYTHING.

Another warm day, very summer-like.

Ah duh H&M is German swedish I totally knew that lol. Didn’t go in because you do not come out empty handed.

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Method Blogger

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When I landed we got to stare at one another for forty minutes through the glass as I waited for my luggage. Frustrating. The phone started dialing and I bet a phone somewhere on the other side rings? I got spooked and hung up though.

This is in the kitchen. I love it.

1 tulip at the airport. 80 at home. Don’t forget the soup.

Whoops. ALL good now, separated in to two vases some just couldn’t reach the water cos they were all stuffed in to that tiny wine cooler HAH then we left them in the front window with the curtains closed.

The table is going to be replaced but not from ikea he says. I’m all whatever about it but it’s nice to do the whole playing house thing. There’s a lot of vintage dutch around here too, love retro design and the bright colours despite some thinking the 70’s were tacky with all that orange, it’s not for everyone. It’s hot out today, well, winter is definitely gone and it’s 21 I see it’s going to be overcast in Toronto? I check your weather before you wake up. When he gets back from a meeting we’re going to go do some Dutch stuff. Also as an aside I explained what a Dutch oven was and he does not find the duplicity as funny as me BUT he does perform them on me so I think that he actually does now. Fuck it’s always outsmarting, out-witting and out fucking with over here my brain is constantly being stimulated combined with love and in Holland it’s romantic and crazy, but normal. Going to the fysiotherapeut was funny I kept having to hide my smirk. Normal to them, not normal to me and I’m not even walking around baked all the time so the normal is even funnier because I’m not imagining it. I had my lubed foot rubbed by ultrasound from a guy wearing tight mustard corduroy pants in front of my boyfriend and I’m trying to speak english with the doctor while he’s jerking off my foot in a cuckoo clock designed modern fun house of a clinic and it was normal, it was normal, but everything has a keebler elf aesthetic to it. I like it I really do. I think I’m just fucked in the head in general and I get lots of laughs out of life, moving on. I’ll show you pics later on, I go back Friday.

I didn’t ask what’s under those tires but farmers use them to hold down their ______?

Old men and their cars that they baby/adore more than their dumpy wives (no offense) they sat at a table directly across from their babies and eyeballed them like hawks. Brit cars in Germany. BF points out every single car of interest to me, make, country. There’s lots of cool ones. He’s getting a new car too I forget what. I don’t have a blog name for him yet so I just call him he or bf, that’s good enough for now.

Common house shade but like everyone has them, like one house got one then everyone got one, ranging in colours, I’ll be sure to ask why.

Front hall.

Pre-donair carpaccio I made salad too. Holy fuck I am a total house wife now I mean I’ve done it before but sometimes I’m like how the hell do I do this again? Luckily I have mad foodie skills. It’s neat to see how someone else cooks something a different way, or cuts mushrooms different, it means debates on everything. EVERYTHANG. Like WWII I am this close to saying my grandpa dropped b*mbs on Germany lol but it doesn’t matter cos he’s not German maybe I’ll save that for next week when I meet Christine and her german bf wtf small world right go look.

It’s a late spring though the trees haven’t gone green yet but there’s cherry blossoms blossomed. It’s still very green and gorgeous otherwise the grass is all new.

Hair is getting long. Next on to do list is to trim the ends, a teeny bit, and, myself back the hell off my hair I will stab you.

This is where I live. Ha jokes.

German gas station, were grabbing beer for our donair date.

I wish this was taken during the patch of sun but it’s not. He’s done his meeting now so I better finish this crap up stat.

We have this in Canada right? I swear we do?

Waiting for our snack.

This is what they call a snack, it’s cheap and there are long line-ups and a place down the way copied their style and built a place like it but they have no line-ups.

It went up from 2.50 euro to 5 though.

So good. We shared and passed out early. We get up way early and I think that’s good, yeah? Okay bye for now I have to hang up my clothes and fix my face. Tonight we have the chicken I marinated for supper, it’s smelling goooooood. oh and ps. I’ll tell you what I meant by “method blogger”/ing later on and yes it has everything to do with Joaquin Phoenix lol WWJPD?

xxoo

deutschbag

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Friday afternoon couch soup time outfit, he made from scratch. Lovely.

Hey guys! When you don’t do stuff online or have a phone to constantly play with you get busy like it’s the eighties, I really like, doing stuff. Got up super early today (for a stoner) and after the best bowel movement of life in days (finally) after making smoothies and espresso for breakfast 1 I tore these chicken legs the fuck up and marinated those huge bastards. I used zero instruction, direction and had zero guidance or help. I’ve never removed skin from chicken before and even if there were instructions to aid me like I could even fricking read that shit anyway, everything and I mean EVERYTHING here is written in other languages. Try reading curry from Kashmir or wherever while in Netherlands and good luck to you. English does not really exist here, it does, but I’m not insisting on it. Anywhoo, we’ll find out later how this all turns out.

For dinner or pre-.

Today’s smoothie.

Pretty looking fire hazard there.

What’s up Dutchski neigh neigh.

This one was right up at the fence and I spooked it with the camera sound before I could get a proper posed shot.

I know right? Does this teleport to Toronto? There’s shit everywhere and I am like, is that art or is that just a, normal thing?

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I’m the new you

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Okay hi guys.

I haven’t blogged yet because I haven’t bought an adapter for my laptop, nor d/l photos off the camera, nor turned on my phone which was typically my camera blabbity blah so sorry for not checking in sooner/being a shit blogger. I am in Holland, which is in the Netherlands. I’ve been to Germany twice since arriving. This is like bizarro world Canada. People hold hands when they bicycle ride together it’s terribly endearing/heart warming. I am six hours ahead of Canada EST so not only is everything foreign to me here (the language) communicating back home seems even more ridiculous. I love it here though. The front and back yard/garden is over run with wild brambles and flowers, the cars are goofy looking to posh. My boyfriend (swoon) drives like a maniac it’s super fun. There’s nothing but fields and never-ending landscapes of green and cows, chickens, horses, ducks. An old man whistled at me in Germany when I went to use the toilet at an Italian restaurant we went to yesterday so “I’ve still got it” you never know when abroad if your look back home translates here. I think I’ll be meeting the folks later on today and I’ll have to hide my tattoos for that, and for the second and third time as well. They will be minxed in no time I am told. This year the Queen (Beatrix) steps down so her son the prince can become King it’s rather nice of them to time that for me, maybe I’ll be invited? lol. My foot is still a disaster and there are lots of cobble stone hills and lanes to fuck it up more on, moron. It’s still sinking in that I am here, I promise to upload some pics asap. It’s warm here too, getting there at least. Mom told me there’s been a cold snap back home. If you want to email me and be my pen pal that would be agreeable to me. See how I am talking like euro Yoda now? Get used to it as the only person I speak to speaks like that too. I am excited to go to Ikea Euro Netherlands style. Because I don’t understand what anyone is saying ever I hope it doesn’t make me come off like a snob too much instead of the shy idiot that I am. I went into a schnitzel place in Germany to use the loo and the letter D and H on the door forced me to interact with the bar maidens so there is no possibility of ever slipping in or out of anywhere unnoticed and I think they told me the wrong door purposely for a laugh. My bf knows absolutely everyone so my comings and goings are announced to much fan fair yes yes hi hi it’s true I just used your facilities, as the owners wink at the sly devil what is my Dutch bf. It feels like a dream it really does. He smokes so frequently that its become monkey see monkey do, the occasional drag off a Marlboro here and there everywhere I dunno there’s something about the tobacco overseas, even in America, way less disgusting than Du Mauriers or Belmonts. I will not become a smoker don’t worry mom. Oh and I’m definitely flossing daily now I have learned my lesson.

I can’t wait to show you guys some pictures. There’s a music box screwed into a tiny wooden shelf beside the downstairs toilet that plays a cute melody I can’t recall at the moment, the toilet is from the turn of the century, the stairs are a doozy for my foot. Looking forward to getting a bike. Hope I don’t lose my tan too quickly, also, I need to figure out the kilos to pounds conversion too and maybe pick up some Dutch-German while I’m at it, as we drive around I try to pronounce words that flash by, advertisements and such and then we just laugh and laugh so. Oh right I have a blog post to post next I forgot, I’m reviewing that new bar Isabella joint on College where I ate the night before I flew here it’s amazing and the who’s who of foodie world had the place jammed you need a reso to get a table otherwise wait at the bar. Even if you don’t eat you can go there too as I spied two lithe models walking around a lot.

Okay bye now, Fraulein Raymi.

I don’t know why i uploaded this

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But you’re welcome?

Today I had the dentist again, blood work, x-ray, banking, brunch with mom, now I have to edit my insaniac farticle then get ready for dinner with colleague for a mystery resto that’s really hot right meow, hipster caj. Dressing for mysteries, so, mysterious. Tomorrow I have the dentist again early morning for the other half of my face and my face is still frozen right now too so eating will be a trip. Holy crap. Later.

I feel like stalking to someone right meow

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That’s it I’m bored out of my mind/avoiding stuff. I have done ass all since being back. I have zero interest in all: things. Anyway enough about me maybe some pictures will help inspire my blabber mouth.

You don’t know how awesome shit is until you take a step back from it you get greedy and think things will never end. You get over things quick, snarky “over” kind of over, capital whatever. That’s so wrong and it’s because of technology and the need to share every single experience live like it is our duty, the attention span wains. I heard about google glass for two weeks straight from an entirely different perspective because I saw how first hand how handy it would be to look at all of Aruba through it and stream our bullshit because in a blink of an eye you’re down another and another street and you can’t possibly process it all. I can barely get through my abundance of footage, I’m too hoardy maybe. Lazy.

Yesterday we skyped all day long. We are kind of going insane. We were inseparable for 2 weeks and weren’t thinking at the airport I could have stayed on to one of the ABC islands with him. I got wasted because I couldn’t handle it I needed to go home to ditch and switch my wardrobe up. My boots are missing too, I either hid them so good on myself I can’t find them or they were ripped off from The Sheraton’s luggage hold, which is probably what happened and I am ^^#&#^& PISSED and sad. They were a good buy from Buffalo with Lolo and whomever took ‘em knows the treasure that they are. Whatever. I’m over external needs. Being a nudist injured pool rat in the Caribbean makes you a minimalist, no, not one of those pretentious ones I still “need” all my stupid junk and shiny accoutrement and I am simply just lying to myself about the need for skanky boots that I adored and babied.

Thank you Alison love you so much hope it doesn’t get smashed en route with me maybe I’ll bring it in my carry-on.

Love this place.

Thank you for the whistle mom!

I matched it pretty well I think.

They don’t have Balashi here, the lcbo peeps pretty much laughed at me when I asked for it. Aruba? Like I asked for rubies flown in from the Middle East. They hadn’t seen me in two weeks I felt like they should have given me a hug or something lol.

Tanning has been good for my post-vacay depression. My hands are turning into little old lady leather fingers lol.

These are my wooden cotton swabs from the asian market we visited all the time and one of the sons stared at my tits all the time and I’d bust him and it made shit really awkward for me.

Unrelated here’s a couple outtakes from my Movember Calendar shoot. I believe I’m Miss June. Kevin Luc did these. I had a lot of awkward rejects I dunno why I wasn’t on my game that day.

Kind of cute in a wtf kind of way. My specialty.

My birthday dinner.

Love the tent outdoor breeze thing and the violinist serenading the diners and people watching and having to pose for pics for my mom every 4 seconds. Bro was a good sport.

While I was being sung to this guy struggled to light the candle and it ruined the moment and I tried to help him the whole time GIVE UP Bro!

My little grey NB purse strap finally bit the dust just as we walked away from bartering for this little leather gem, mom and Lois hated it, they seem to think I am the same person as them aka a priss. Purses are just robin hood type satchels to put all my shit in and that’s that. Then one day the first gay person ever was like lets make that look better then trillions of dollars later you women are all fucked with Coach purse label whoring.

I miss running. I dashed up the stairs earlier today, tried to. Bad idea. The way I fell that made my foot turn the way it did seems to have trauma memory and I can’t bend it that way sans pain anymore and it still hurts btw, I can walk and stuff but I’m hiding the pain, dealing with it fuck I hope I don’t turn in to one of those arthritis complaining of pains bitches. Laaaame.

Did I mention I have to go to the dentist tomorrow? It’s been years. There’s gonna be lectures and cavities and awards for most bonehead excuses for missing cleanings and reg. check-ups woohoo. Followed by my family doctor and the same rap. Tomorrow, this just in, SUCKS. Plus my mom thinks I am moving too fast going off to Europe like so (but really she’s just bummed and will miss me she admitted via text) but still she’s going to nag me the entire day about it. Tomorrow I am asking for the gas at the D-tist. Maybe not though cos I started having a panic attack the one time I had it and he was drilling my mouth to John Mayer and I wigged out LOL.

I love this bar. I went there often last summer too. There are salt n pepper shakers throughout, I mean every inch of space has wooden shadow boxes housing shakers. Obvi someone thiefed one of these cos there was only one.

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