Psst. these photos are all quality rated shit because of your best friend the iphone, yes, not so great now eh?

Look how much hotter I got once tacos came in to the equation.

I don’t care what girl haters say about me, the proof is in the man pudding opinions. Bitch I be strikin’. Sorry to make you feel threatened constantly.

And here is a picture of not trying. I am sorry to have to do this to you but you give me no choice, the more beef you give me the more casual hotness I’ma have to throw your way. I tried to be nice.

Beautiful blizzard out there. This is the type of romantic winter night that inspires days of writing for me.

It was worth the wait.

We eaves-dropped and both were eaves-dropped upon. Waiting at the caddy was gruesome, next time I will go at 6 when GE opens and mayhaps suffer being the #1 loser, that being the first in line on the wait list. They have line-ups GE told me and baby don’t wait in no blizzard line-ups. Nuh uh. We had two glasses (teach says 3) of whiskey each and a glass of Riesling each and 9 tacos to split as well as a pound of wings while waiting and other drinks too. Not bad for a Monday espesh when ya gotta case of ‘em riiiight? The Queso tacos aren’t worth it (fried cheese) which launched us into an unintelligible conversation about young cheese. DON’T GET ME STARTED ON YOUNG CHEESE. Kidding. But not really. Remember, I do happen to know everything.

The people who joined me on the pew at Caddy were also waiting for tacos. They agitated me as does plenty but only because we waited over an hour longer. Watching lushes drink and gab away at cadillac lounge skid row was only a minor solace. I liked our waitress, I think they know when you are waiting for tacos.

And before we left we marveled over the gap betwixt mine legs and the one pixel speck captured therein, my my what a fluke of joy.

During the day time I was quite productive in the workplace where outfits virtually do. not. matter. of fact.

And now here I am from some other day.

Here is possibly a real life still moment in time preceding or during some louse making fun of me or making commentary on the person what is me, attempting to discredit or what have you and meanwhile, here I am being a nice genuine guy, I’m just a person sharing their life remember. Why do you have to haterade masquerade? Why come Grandma?

I look bad? I think I am only going to look more interesting the more I age no matter how many people try to cut me down along my journey to the path of righteousness, you can not beat me down. I only say this stupid self-congratulatory shit when you start it remember. You started it dickface. You brought this on yourself, normally I just show and don’t tell. You send me hate mail and I reply to it punctured with SMOKING HOT photos of myself.

Or mediocre ones, whatever.

You are what you, are. The only things that can capture my current attention reflect my own self I feel and therefore, I like weird impressive shit and hold it up, share it, talk about it. There are no dark clouds in my world, I cannot stand for it so please just fuck off about your me-issues, seriously. You are sad. Whatever secret private amazing life you may lead or claim to, you are still leaving vitriol on a girl’s blog. That is sad. You took happy out of your day to do that. Ew.

It bugs me to upload pictures and then not blog them. I have a few batches of photos in my flickr account I’ve just given up on, let fizzle out and burn in my past. But not these guys, I am making an “effort” to save these repetitious bathroom of the Library bar mirror selfies.

Quite different from the class what is Mercato’s bathroom but it’s the subject that counts, I say.

Hung out with RaRa two Saturdays ago and I will again soon :).

What impressive style you have Rara! Which Ken do you like?

Before we go out we always take a shitty picture of me. In case I order a deep fried appetizer platter for 6 and never look this thin again. One never knows how hard they will give’r but there are always suspicions and guestimates, yes? Yestimate?

If we break up my dad gets his Ray Bans back haha. No I am not dating my dad I realize that was written funny.

Hey d00ds do you think she will think I am a young and hip person now? Haha.

This is a bonafide classic Raymbo Bright outfit.

I look like a muppet what are you talking about exactly?

Here are some more Turkish Delights photos for you now no problem hey you’re worth it!

I wore this hat to taco date night last night and felt like it was taking over the entire bar it’s so big. I wore it equal parts to not wearing it. I think we did okay.

The matching black hats my mom and I have are very coneheady so tying them up like this was a genius move, go me.

This is a medium sized bathingsuit, now I am a small, therefore I appear malnourished but I assure you I am a total eataholic pig. Say mean things, think mean things I don’t care it won’t make you any skinnier.

I’m not bad for winter though, considering I work out less than in spring/summer. I want a tan. Bad.

I typically hunch like crazy and as we age we turn into potato old ladies but if I stretched out normally to elongate my long torso I would look petite and skinny like this at all times. I have to make a concerted no-hunching effort several times daily. Mom you too.

Just think if I was a dude, which I sometimes think about regarding how I am perceived and received but anyway with a picture like that up there I’m sure a bevy of omg fag you fag total fag what a fag troll comments would happen to me, you know? God forbid anything positive ever come of the internet and someone being allowed to be awesome and own their whacked-out style and fun zany life. I apologize for nothing as I have done nothing wrong.

It’s no coincidence then either that my blog has now cruised in to the 4-digit ranking neighbourhood, not on a rise? MY asshole you wish.

Hey guess what, I like me and that’s all that matters. John Candy says that in Planes, trains and automobiles, a phenomenally hilarious classic. When are you haters going to realize that none of your bullshit matters to me, the nasty remarks you make? The only opinions that are real and I heed are that of famous successful people (MY heroes) and my family & friends. Not you naysayers. For the 1000000 time you are wasting your time, here or anywhere where you speak up and say nay I say Nay, you look like an old ugly turd and match your insides all the more meanwhile everybody else is straight givin’er, enjoying their lives and takin’ names.

Stop being so brutal to yourselves. If you’re too old then so what, fuck off and think about your identity crisis elsewhere. Ugly? Also not my fault or problem. Fat? You have seen me fluctuate and struggle but mostly, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I think people should make an event out of their life or at least that is what I do and have always done I don’t see how it affects anyone else really, or is their business if they don’t like it. You can keep crying about it and writing about it but you still aren’t more popular than me because I’m sorry this thing you hate that I do, draws a crowd so what is not to get?

I put careful consideration in to what I put on this thing here, actually, everything is intentional and thought out beforehand, blogging is exhaustive work I’ll have you know. Especially when it wasn’t chic (and even more so competitive now that it is) but I knew I was building something and that one day I would be the best because I kept at it through thick and thin, because I am a writer, a creator, it is simply what I do. I exist to make things and sometimes my thing is simply just me.

Aww look at my papa, this is where my squinty french eyes come from. Anyway, but everybody makes things right, and plenty way better than me ok that’s true but do they have the whole package? The clout, the chutzpah to market it or the tenacity? No they don’t and I have met so many lazy artists before it kills me, their arrogance about it too, my success and crappy art vs. their good art and no success. This happened to me in grade eight when I was chosen to be valedictorian over the “smarter than me” polish peers in my enrichment group. Yeah but you can’t public speak to save your life and you’re all nerds. You have to excel in ALL categories and that includes popularity and influence on top of grades. All of this is in my book too fyi, why and how I am the success that I am now. I dumb it down because I can dumb it down, because I am an actual smart person, idiots. Blond hair black hair who cares, you are focusing on the wrong shit! Also, I can write, I don’t care what boring whiny educated folk say, my voice is exceptional, hypnotizing and constant, enviable too. I write circles around you. If I had a tradish media paycheque too you betcha I’d write even better and more professional than this. I went to England for Journalism, I know how to write farticles thanks. I don’t have to write farticles though so I don’t BUT if you wanted me to write for your magazine, it would be a widely read, acclaimed, and most juicy of reads. Get in touch if necessary.

Chorizo fonduta: amazing. It’s a bowl of cheese soup w/you guessed it, Chorizo in it.

Pimms Royale in a funny glass that is hard to drink around ice cubes by.

You are born with it. You don’t copy everyone else to be it. I have a lot of copies, do you have any? Well there you go.

This is boring me now. Be back with left over yogurtys and taco pictures and remember, don’t be ordinary, be extraordinary. I ain’t no Pollyana contemporary but I do know some shit and simply, being wicked gets you places in life. Am I not the practice of my preach or what? Shut up who asked you anyway. I know I’ve been a lazy blogger lately cos I have been coasting off some winter cabin fever MTV fumes so if I want to wear a Bazooka Joe bucket on my head blog stylez for a week, I will. And you will like it.

OK dumbos here’s the rest of yesterday’s adventure.

Note to self, get THOSE pictures off teacher’s phone to blob. It never ends.

And so, European sensation quartet better known as The Turkish Delights seen here, plunge in to their private superstitious pre-show ritual. Nobody knows what it is that they do during this hour long hot tub sojourn of solitude, (and they never will! gwonnnnng)(that is the sound of a golden gong gonging btw) this mysterious practice. We expect that it is awesome, though. Janet’s hat is a legit paramedic’s hat, I want it. So pointy and Austrian.

This is the Nickelback of hot tubs. It plays tunes and is riddled with massage jets everywhere. With fyber-optic ever-changing disco lights too. Awesome. It’s like a spaceship pod in a techno movie in the future, very Abyss. Full score marks for this tub. That is hot.

Ah gad I want to go back. Day time hot tub would be hilarious there eh mom? Teacher is off Wednesday (exams) ;).

These are feet that look like hands, teacher’s, I didn’t know he had flippers. It’s tough being the elegant one all the time.

It was a cold night, a frosty one indeed. So many matching yellows seen here.

Teach is pretty slavic-looking too. I wonder how many secret boners he got? AHAHH he said six.

The hat thing was my idea. Thanks for these matching hats Lois!

Fun times indeed.

Papa took these, he was switch-hitting from his own camera too. I think he might show family highlights to others through that device. He has always had a camera on him, he’s so cute. His pictures never come off the digital camera though, I don’t think they have a computer even. Or a cell phone.

Checking for rolls. After that gargantuan plate after late brunch you never know right. I sure am porcelain though.

Mom if you ever feed Stella again after we tell you no there will be secret scary punking consequences. I know you can hear these words now! YOU HAVE SO BEEN WARNED.

Dugan is A MOTHERF%CKER indeed. Teacher is shy so he didn’t intervene when he saw Stella being stalked, I went haha yeah right. Then my mom cornered her under a table and it happened. That cat is prehistorically huge for a cat. Freak of nature. I fed Stella lots of stuffing and chicken with gravy to apologize.

Some guy delivers high rollin’ frozen meals to the entire neighbourhood, awesome right? My mom’s even had lobster tail. Anyway that’s what we were eating I was like what am I eating, turkey? It’s gigantic there is no way this is all from one chicken cos teacher had his own goddamn very one, stuffed with stuffing. We did two wishbone showdowns from them ahah. I won. Guess what I wished for.

I did not mean to match all that stuff. My hair was kind of retarded in the back.

Mom I was loaded when I watched our creeps episode but did they show our text messages or was that on my episode? I have a surprise for you on Thursday ps. ;).

I love this archway.

OOZ-A-BOO-BOO-DOO-DOO!? All important questions asked to Stella at least 50 times daily.

Nana got sozzled on the bottle of Bailey’s I brought. We partied in the hot tub it was a typical dysfunctional birthday party with the family MTV should have been there haha. My uncle talks to all ten of the house pets like how my mother and I do, cranks Nickelback tunes in his Hummer. The back story to all of these shenanigans you would need an entire day’s time to listen. Yes we are that family.

Every time we see them they death guilt scare me HARDCORE. I’ve had a death fear for forever, “This might be our last Christmas together” yes thank you for announcing that! So I am hyper conscious of it at all times. “Get a picture of our legs beside each other HE MIGHT DIE RIGHT NOW!” Meanwhile he is just chilling watching TLC ha ha. My smother used to pretend pass out fake-die (like in movies) in bed on me too when I was a tweenager and I’d freak OUT but knew she was deeking me out so then I’d start to suffocate her with my hands over her face and mouth until she resisted me hahahah ok moving along now.

I like a room that is entirely a couch, it was cranked to 73 in there. The volume controls are on the wall very Run’s House, right?

My mom and I will post anything.

My mom goes ooh so Diane Arbus. Nerd. Follow us to our spaceship now.

Why would someone lie about their age to be older? So that people tell her she’s younger looking? Oh wow that’s it for now thank christ. Uploading more stuff kay bye. Teacher came home early today and my blog just chugs along at its own high traffic frequency pace also, Mondays are say anything/underpants Sunday spillovers, you didn’t know? Go read a lofty high class cultured blog then.

I would join this cult.

These bottoms are diapers on me now.

STEAM IS SLIMMING. Ha.

Ahh so relaxing. Good family times. Stella was stalked and attacked by Dugan the psycho cat from hell that also has tore open my Nana’s hand, a vein, ugh. She showed me her vein and I imagined it instantly and started dry-heaving. Stella is alright, hope it’s not that deep. So we locked Dugan away and then four more girl cats showed up. My mom lives in a nuthouse. Fun place though I was like see this, it’s called Easy Street AND YOU LIVE ON IT, when she tried to have a pity party. Your only issues are OPP: Other People’s Problems-oriented. Lady, you got off. For now.

Anyway, legit zonked. Night!

Okay fine one more retarded picture for the road. Literally.

At least my arm is skinny kay, THANKS, bye.

Welcome to the last minute gift sprint because my nana is 831 now. All of the good stores were closed, wait a minute what am I saying? They all suck and I don’t think my nana would like a tanning package so lets hit the lcbo after this pointless waste of ghost town time stroll through the wind tunnel what is known as liberty village market (or the name that it is actually called, fine suit yourself).

Hello? Are you in there? Do you want some of these expensive eye stinging soaps?

I guess I’ll have to keep looking.

I’ve changed into a girlier sweater so she can’t hurt my feelings about being such a sloppy disappointment. What’s that? I can’t hear you over the hot tub IT’S THE JETS, THE JETS THEY’RE SO LOUD What? My cousin is engaged? That’s great!

I got her Bailey’s. A bracelet she can drink.

Should we bring the dog? I think she might go bananas, hopefully in a good way.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING BYE!

ps. last day to enter to win the golden deeldo contest, click the vibe image on my sidebar up above. See you on the QEW.