we watched singles on friday nite so i guess i was feeling very 90s. do you think reality bites tried to emulate singles? anyway fil’s entire being is based on that movie. guy has a tattoo of the fire ring layne staley designed on his calf, had hair down to his ass (sensitive guy ponytail), owns every single cd from that entire scene/era, wool socks, um, other goofy shit. if you think this video is brutal wait ’til you don’t see the cat power one where i make a ton of meaningful eye contact with the lens and sing all mournful and husky and really give it on the i hate myself and i wah-ah-ahnt to die parts.

hey look it’s my new lightning conductor ugh. i didn’t realize the ears had metal in them yeah yeah holding any umbrella during a lightning storm is asking for it enough. i was so paranoid the other day i closed this thing up and just walked in the rain carrying it and scampered like a tard home getting all drenched. maybe i’ll cut the ears off.

also it’s a pretty tiny umbrella, no sharing, yet is just too big to jam in my purse.

ugh i’m so QUIRKY i know make room for the zany look out.

cid and i were hiding in the bathroom from the vacuum. this is why women have become stereotyped as homemakers, maids, domestic house goddesses (barf) whatever term you prefer, because asking a guy to clean first of all takes ages and all the nagging isn’t worth it but in the event you actually get your wish the guy turns into OCD freak and makes all this fucking noise to let the world know he is CLEANING look at me i’m dusting and sweeping i’m mary poppins. it’s like they use it as a weapon against you meanwhile all the times you tidy go unnoticed and happens in secret cos you’re not a glory hog you just want shit organized. next time fil cleans i am going to a spa. seriously he dismantles our entire living space when he goes to town all the chairs are upside down the table is on the balcony he puts any thing that was on the floor on the bed and chairs, dirty shoes even like a crappy art installation.

my dad gave me that.

my chore was the bathroom, fil never cleans it, dunno why he just doesn’t do bathrooms. omg he just walked up to me and said we need coasters stop bossing me!

clearance rack at shoppers is my boyfriend.

the one and only time cid detests fil.

because he thought he saw something.

my bouche is amuse.

ordered the prix fixe, my salad. v nice.

some kind of fish i forget haha.

sean had the braised beef.

you’re not supposed to take photos in the spoke club. meh.

i was getting mad cut-eye from a waitress when this was being taken. does it show in my face? sass‘ dress is adorable.

word up casie check this photo of her as a sunshine girl ten years ago!

The caption said something like:

Casie Stewart a former Miss Teen Cambridge is looking for a career in marketing. She likes hockey (meh) baseball (meh) and rockclimbing (did it once).

hilarious and i think that pose should be brought back.

following evening we went to sweaty betty’s to help gill look cool in front of her aussie/kiwi mates.

brought her my leftover seaweed salad, wasn’t feeling it.

that wall splatter really brings out the print of britt’s shirt. claire don’t look so sad see you tonite!

dude couldn’t take a good picture of us to save his life.

think i’m gonna have to drop the shade of my makeup down a notch otherwise go tanning twice a week.

cheeky bugger. couldn’t understand the majority of anything he was saying.

nice. tan lines inspiration! i’m doin’ that this year you know (cos you care).

fil is probably tweeting as cid at this moment in time.

my thoughts exactly ha. when i showed up britt called me a bitch well she went hey bitch and i was all uh ok i am not drunk enough to deal with that one yet anyway i knew right off the bat she was a bit ahead of the game booze-consumption-wise. matt said he’d never seen her like that before and loved that she had zero filter ha JUST LIKE HIM!

sorry for the head cut off shot but in the other one gill has laser beam eyes. this nite was very posey for photos.

brosz7 and fil can’t go a day without seeing or talking to one another.

CHAVS!

gatecrasher.

at one point i saw a doppleganger for a restraining order qualified stalker of mine and it was not a fun scene after that.

ruining the photo.

free show, what class! my underpants match britt’s shirt at least.

this bro was perving all over the teeniest woman ever it was hilarious.

britt and i got to dancing for a bit, it was interesting trying to dance in my sensible old lady wedges they certainly limit some integral moves i have built into my repertoire. next time it’s fryes.

time to whip this dump into shape cos barfanie‘s coming over! remember her?! PUMPED.

the elimination of that poof would be nice.

i heard that women dress sexier when it’s that time of the month. i guess for someone like me that translates to escaped from the psych ward.

tres natural pose. do you know the hair spray on tights trick to make them last longer, stronger and prevents runs/rips/holes/tears? spray it on one leg at a time all over then rub in with hands. seriously i’ve had these tights for 3 years now. don’t believe me here’s an obscure little-known fact, in the pulp video for disco 2000 a girl in a restroom is spraying her tights, check it. (haven’t heard that song in forever where is my cd? anyway ew sounds so dated! the panty hose spray happens about midway in the video 3.38 hmm maybe it’s perfume but why the f would you do that?) though they’ve finally got a hole so i think i will have to send them on their way back to kindergarden heaven.

here it is in action.

that skirt is a total free-show’r.

ok i’m gonna go get a life now and make use of this nice sunny day but wait, first it’s cid time…

he has a twitter account now, guess who created it.

NAP CITY!

thanks for not hoggin’ all the room, guy.

aka stoner snack 101. when will there be a term for drunk munchies? anyway, this usually happens when you don’t eat enough before going out and then on the way home fil someone says aw come on do you really need to go to the store i’m not hungry ok fine we have those pita chips i can deal then muhfuckur eats the entire bowl lying down in bed before you even make it back from the bathroom.

trying to describe (to someone who has not yet experienced their perfection) what these little bitches taste like would be like trying to describe a monet to a blind person.

fil it’s your turn to clean the stove.

oh god yes.

find a nice pita break it in half flavour side down and get the light laughing cow cheeses you really won’t be able to tell the difference from the regular guys.

break a cheese in half to spread it out cos it’s so rich.

then top it off with one of these party guests. you’d think it’d take away from the whole equation but actually it adds to it, brings all the flavour together nicely. if these were laid out on a platter at a party in a corner of the room and you were the only one who noticed you’d eat the entire fucking tray i bet you 500 dollars.

and now for my other new discovery last nite that i am “making a thing” – i realized that guys are the new girls, seriously, these four quacks were just gabbin’ away like no big thing at all meanwhile us four broads sat all in a row totally ignored and once you finally got a word in they’d just stare blankly at you then go back into their sex and the city world. i know! when did this happen? guys are like livin’ large all independent and casual and uh whatever it was funnier to me at the time. another good zinger to brosz7 was you’re so drunk you couldn’t even play the triangle then he pissed himself laughing at it for a bit. he considered himself a 4/10 for drunk at the time HA right! more like an 8.9 guy can’t even tell his own drunk also it is illegal for guys to admit that too. one more thing i like how wordpress now identifies ‘brosz7′ as a real word and doesn’t underline it in red.

UPDATE: brosz7 puked up his big mac and has since admitted to being over an 8. i win and am always right.

i keep going over in my head all the things i did and did not say. sean and i want to do more of these presentations. in fact when i was up there one woman interrupted and asked if i did it all the time i was so entertainy i said over the mic uh do you think i should? then all the women fiercely nodded their heads off. nice. so one thing, i’m going to expand on my points and put out a how to be famous on the internet book. why i haven’t already ugh anyway, my other emo book can wait. secondly more of these talks now that i’ve done it the scared has gone away.

haha.

sass blogged a little bit of the evening portion of wednesday nite (that i still haven’t) sean covered both the day and eve’s events as did casie.

i should get that dress in other colours too eh?

and just like that the book stack painting is SOLD.

still in progress both of these. cid stepped in some maroon paint and i had to chase him around with a bundle of wet napkins, guess how he took to that ugh.

time to tidy the junk chair.

the bad kids are in the park right now i totally wouldn’t mind at all if every single one of ‘em burst into painful agonizing flames newp, wouldn’t bat an eyelash. i’m sorry but there is just something amazingly irritating about on the cusp of puberty boys’ screeching voices, yelling at the top of their lungs for no &%#$^# reason and banging shit like crazy against trees and every single metal piece of the park. i need to move into a hot air balloon far far away from here. oh nice they’ve moved on to whistling now.

interesting coincidence with the title i chose for this post. the value of jen‘s painting (that i need to give her sometime this decade) just went up.

i must have a proper finished product photo of it somewhere.

sweat machine.

freaking out.

then rob was finally finished (he will just talk and talk and talk if you let him but it was good cos i was nervous and needed more time to hang with yankee jim) petitefashionista went afterward then i went last and all the nerves just disappeared the second i got up there i made everyone laugh quite a bit, they felt me and were impressed by my steez. some people fear public speaking more than death. fact. i tried to remember business classes and pretty much every single class ever how much i enjoyed giving presentations (when i was prepared for them) and talking for as long as possible.

then everyone got to see from where the magic happens. good thing it wasn’t hello kitty or lindsay lohan.

sean was a great help, he took some vids and snaps with his camera so you’ll have to wait on those. thanks guy.

all done so relieved, met many an interesting person afterward and exchanged cards, looking forward to future partnerships and maybe some more speaking engagements.

piece a cake.

more photos from the rest of the evening later.

i had 7 pages full of stuff i wanted to talk about and if i was nervous enough i woulda just read right through all of it in one minute. i think holding the microphone calmed me right down, at first rob was speaking without one then petite went up and she speaks so quietly someone asked if she could use a mic. i opened with my niche being for those who are 5’5 and up and everyone laughed, every time you get a laugh endorphins release. i used the term ‘cray cray’ then explained it meant crazy. more laughs. i was exactly myself and it all worked just fine. rob says i shouldn’t swear but what does he know every time i dropped an f-bomb or said shit everyone seemed to relax a little bit more. i’m not changing for anyone all those alleged non-existent grannies can blow me.

i can’t log into twitter and it is sad and what’s sad about it is the fact that i am actually sad about it. all i want right now is a little coffee distraction and to plunk some dumb links up in thur for my peeps. one top reason i dig the twitter is you don’t have to make an entire post just for some random thought that came to you just put it in twitter and then someone decides it was actually funny and they let you know BAM instant gratification. anyway, i’m makin’ time here when i should be showering but i am too nervous/pumped to get up off the couch yet. they’re touting me as a DIVA for this speaking engagement “Meet Raymi Lauren, the diva behind RaymiTheMinx.com” great so when i actually say something bitchy i won’t be able to escape that title. who decided on that i’d like to know. i mean, i can sort of sing but i’m not exactly mariah carey-like demanding. i have a handout for everyone, key points to go through as well as like 6 pages full of minutea charting my entire internet footpath. on the one hand should i be intimidated by these corporate business types or should i own it i mean, they’re coming to learn how to do what i have achieved. i am way over-thinking this. the weather isn’t helping either i was planning to bike over, just as well i suppose, easier to cab. biking with laptop is pretty annoying and painful and i show up hella more sweaty than just with my purse.

also what the hell should i wear for this???? PS. it’s 433 king st. west not 533

they’re still filming in our hood and a tent is set up in the park and we keep seeing hipster-types swinging on the swings. hipsters do not hang in this hood so they’re clearly cast members. fil zoomed in with his camera last nite on their faces to see if one was michael cera. so far no michael cera. i wanted to be like hey guys come hang out at our place the only stipulation is you have to bring michael.

Sean & Raymi discuss the issues from Sean Ward on Vimeo.

*i say internet celebrities are irritating – i meant celebrities WHO internet are irritating. i am an internet celebrity and i certainly am NOT irritating.

oh and i say “because they love themselves” – clearly wrong grammar oh um wait i mean i was talking street so it is totally acceptable. i say something pretty over the top during my vanity spiel that sean cut off cos it was too kanye west gw hates black people. chicken. sean not me, you know how i do. i say the shit then think a week later.

so much more where that came from.

credit to my bro UNAGI for use of an old time fave track shock and awe.