yesterday, ahem, ward and i were driving westbound on Hurontario street, we get to the lites and i see this old dude in his maroon ford escort LX (license plate 043 PCA), hunched over the steering wheel and gaping at a porn Mag. ok i think i can deal with that but what i could not deal with was the fact that he had his mirror angled down to his crotch – his dick was out and his shoulders were going up and down up and down up and down. the lite turns green and he putters off, still jerkin’ it and driving quite sloppily. at the next set of red lites he looks around and catches ward and i glancing at him thru the corner of our eyes. he figgers we’re not on to him so he keeps bobbing up and down and now the pornMag is in his lap and he is still jerkin’ it! he even hada box of tissues on his dash. holyffuk. i was so close to reporting this dirty senile ole guy. instead, ward and i followed him for 20 minnits, he tried to lose us but we kept up. then all of a sudden he zips up and angles his mirror so he is making eye-contact with me – at first all his bobbing led me to believe he was retarded as well, turns out he was peeking glances at me with his tongue hanging out. With that, we gave up on him.

sick. if he was a hunk i’d be less grossed-out by it, too bad he was older-than-ffuk and ugly-as-sin…though, he’s still a jerkoff. (ok i admit, that was lame)

and now for something completely different………

circumcised dinks are better cuz they are cleaner and prettier to look at and easier to play with. guys with uncircumcized pricks are so vain and get all huffy when yer not givin’ them head the “right” way, you have to overlap some of the skin over the head each time u bob up and down, it gets to be annoying. Also, uncircumcized dinks smell dirty too……..there’s nothing worse than an ugly smelly dick.

i apologize for all those who have uncircumcized dinks. if yers is clean and unsmelly then it’s ok, i should’nae generalize like i did. some aren’t so bad looking and there are lotsa ugly circumcized weiners out there.

so i get this silly link sent to me from my buddy in australia

go to http://www.zombo.com

ok i say to myself, why not

You can Do AnYthiNg at ZomBoCom, the unaTTainable is UnkNown at Zombocom, the only limit is yourself at zombocom, this is zomboCom and welcome to you who have come to zomBoCom the infinite is poSSible at zomboCoM

if you like the sound of a sooooooothing, cheesy, german dude trying to hypnotise ya, go to zomBoCom

if you wait long enuff a link appears and you can sign up for a mysterious NewZletter – hey, maybe it will be from mr.Zombo himself! i signed up, unknownst of what’s to come. so i wait, twiddling my thumbs, in the hopes of an inspiring message from ZomBo

top 3 silly words of the day

biLbo

boink

blop

Ok so i’m back and i’m baaaaaaaaad

you may have noticed sum technical difficulties, servers switching and what-not. baaaah.

i think i’m addicted to lip baLm, actually, i KNOw i’m addicted to this shit. Every 5 minutes i smear on some more. WHY why WhywhywhyWHY??do u think i need help? I heard there’s actually a term for it, one of those long, stupid phobia-type names for people who are addicted to lipChap. This one dude would re-apply it every hour on the hour, even setting his alarm to wake his ass outta bed to put sum more on. As of yet, i’m not that bad. I do have an addictive personality however, so i wouldn’t be surprised if i went downHill and craaaaazy as shit over LipBaLm

the other day i did the stand-up tanning thing, you know, when you gotta stand there and hold the sweaty straps, the fan blasting up yer cootch and in yer face and you get these silly goggles….anyhow, i’m wearing myself a purple pair with this totally warped-out elastik strap, so i am trying to tighten it, it flicks off and the thing falls to my feet. now, with my eyes closed, cuz i’m all paranoid, don’ t wanna risk sun spots and have my retinas burned-to-shit – i am trying half-assedly to piece this thing back together. No luck, it’s hopeless. i squinted my eyes so titely, when the 8 minutes were up, the sunLamps turn off, it took for fucking ever for my eyes to adjust to natural lighting. i stumble and fumble around for a bit, trying to get my shit together, i fuckin’ put my underwear on inside-out, and didn’t realize until 3 hours later, when i went to the can.

hmmm, what else can i tell you…

oh yeh, there seems to be a cupple guys stalking me as of late, but i won’t say much about ‘em, they drop into my blog from time-to-time. wouldn’t wanna piss ‘em off and have them follow me home and then fuck my dead body in the back of their pedophiliac vans. it’s kinda spooky, i admit. my coffees are pre-paid for sat’day mornings though, from the mysterious dude(s).

i spilled beer all over myself thurs’nite, i was making a valid statement, sumwun knocks my elbow causing the frikkin’ brew to just dump itself all over my crotch. however, the sad thing about it, i try to re-enact what happened to my friend who was in the toilet at the time and missed the whole event, whilst doing so, i spill beer all over myself again

i’m cut off….

i fell up the stairs today and i hurt my big toe.

my face looks ghastly pale in this shot. meh.

hey boys……

i recommended to this dude last nite he buy this push-fertilizer spreader rather than the hand-held spreader cuz he could drink a beer whilst pushing at the same time, whereas with the handheld, you must solely spread the fertilizer and u can’t hold a beer.

i am master of the art of customer service

little did the guy know, i assembled that push spreader the previous day, and i accidentally put the wheels on backwards, so johnny and i wedged the axle between two skids and took the better part of an hour running at it and trying to kick off this stupid wingNut. it was ridikulous. if he ever looks at the underside of the damn contraption, he’ll notice many a scratch and scrape a la Raymi. at first, the instructions i was using blew away when i left to go help a customer. so then i used the french set of instructions but then THEY blew away when i was trying to kick off the wheel i put on backwards. then i was doomed to put it together with no guide but johnny, the king of lazy stoners, standing there laughing at me.

“ok. whats hotter?”

a girl who can roll a nice joint and smoke with theboys while keepin chill as well as bein entertaining

or

a hot girl with big tits who wears a mini skirt at all times but is dumb as shit and doesnt smoke dope cause it makes her tired???

this is what RayMi thinks

the girl who is smart and can roll is better becuz she is most likely the better lay. hot girls just lay there like cold fishes cuz they think their hot/dumbness is enuff to get ‘em by. the girl who rolls joints is cuter and friskier cuz she’ll wrestle with you in her cute boy clothes and jump into a pool with you fully-clothed and then she’s all wet and hyper and ready to go. the “hot” girl is annoying and high-maintenance and a pain to be around cuz all she talks about is her clothes and what such-and-such is up to and she probilly never shaves her snatchHair. ew. the rolling-joint girl will let you show her your boner and will let you look at her pussy when she’s all baked and will sleep over with you and cuddle. the “hot”girl has to go home early to get her beauty rest and she is uncomfortable in her high heels and short skirt sitting cross-legged at the bush party and she can’t run and jump around with the rest of the boys, she has to stand there with her arms-crossed, sober as a stone and sighing. she is also a bitch and manipulates the dorkiest, loser of the bunch into driving her home.

the girl who rolls yer joints has the potential to be drop-dead-gorgeous when the time calls for it and u’ll want her more, kuz when you hang with sumwun who is a hottie and they look and dress like a hottie all the time, you are de-sensitized to it and eventually, they are not hot anymore. you are more appreciative of the rolling-joint-girl and her hotness when she gets all dressed-up and u eagerly run to hump and hug her cuz she’ll let you, the hot girl won’t let you kuz she has to be an open-card to all you boyz, cuz you must all like her and if it appears she likes one of you over the other than she is a failure and must branch-off to another group where she can hold u all in the palm of her hand. once you see the “hot” girl all dressed-down and casual like the rolling-joint girl, she looks out of place and still has her cake-face make up on and looks like a clown in sweatpants, all name-brand and squeaky clean.