the lamer the balance tests, the older you are apparently. feh.
love this guy.
warmest socks ever. wil come in handy for tobogganing.
garbage dump lady whom i reference constantly but can never find a picture of online. also should have used a different camera. anyway this is me like every morning.
so what’s on the ticket tonite aside from obviously getting gunned? think i’m staying local, cheaper, less bullshit and so on. and i never make resolutions but this year i plan to be way less lazy and on top of that finally get my driver’s license as well as finish my book asap and to also finally change my phone plan i am sick of fainting every time i view my bills (burlington is long distance and i have a toronto area code) and first thing next week go to the gym i am still paying for and hassle them into killing the contract somehow. i figure i’ve been quietly acceptingly paying since summer so they might give me a break.
i filled up an entire sheet of paper (i have sloppy shit big loopdy-loop writing) with all the chain restaurants/fast food garbage i’ve consumed since i’ve been a suburbanite. some places more than once even. oh and i lost that list. i know i didn’t throw it out it’s just tucked away some place i won’t ever find again so here i go now:
applebee’s
turtlejack’s
mandarin
red maple buffet
east side mario’s
wendy’s
mcdonald’s (REGRETSY!)
tim horton’s (somewhat counts)
chap’s (twice)(texican is NOT a word)
shoeless joe’s (FUCK THEM!)
st. louis
royal coachman
bombay something
slye fox (was sick that nite)
brooklyn bar&grill (twice)(burlington bowl)
emma’s backporch
secret favourite mediterranean restaurant (multiple times)
another mediterranean place
new york fries
thirsty cactus
harvest burger (twice)
dominoes (a few times)
pizza pizza (twice)
some other pub
my thai
queen’s head
that other pub near it
then some other pub
then the pub around the corner several times
pita pit
tons of junk food like chips candy chocolate pop nachos chili dip etc
sushi doesn’t really count except for when you get sake beer and tempura rolls which is always. i still want to hit burger king. i’m sure i’m missing a huge chunk of places i’ll re-add if they come to me.
this thing is going to for sure take me down for a tumble it’s so long. i guess it’s meant for permanent bride dress style material clutching or some preggo angelina sauntering.
hey dewds just grabbin’ a brew maybe i’ll catch a few waves in a few ha tubular. that is so my dad’s face. it’s cool how i have a five o’clock shadow (whatever that means)(i mean i know what it means it’s just why can’t they say mustache gristle?) now.
i heard that the longer the person’s hair is, the more vain they are. toootally have a complex about it now and have ever since i heard that little tidbit.
yep i’ll just be floatin’ on in here scuse me now.
turd face no under eye makeups (as in, centimeter thick mascara glob).
too bad no smalls. this dress is by roxy.
one day i will clean that mirror. see how long this thing is!
can it just be summer again already.
this isn’t going to get any steadier i give up.
the earth is not flat only i am.
why do my ends go so thin and pointy like that why do i have christina aguilera dirrty hair what am i a fucking bratz doll?
amazing choc/peanut butter melt-aways. i brought up mint choc earlier because everyone got mint chocolate melt-aways in their stockings, had to help pre-pick them up for santa and i was like hold off i don’t want that shit sorry. they were out of the big size peanut bars so i got these little dudes instead. not the same apparently if they’re teeny. the point of this story is i made fun of the term (concept of) melt-aways for ten hours afterward. isn’t melt-away redundant?
boxing day shopping roadie necessity.
got that for nana, filled it with rosewood (banana republic, smells so good).
nana opening it.
nana enjoying it replete with nana face.
nana’s blurry tree.
this is what i was stroking my hair with. hahahuhhhh.
jeez relax calvin klein.
roomie for the week. barkley. enjoys barking also known by me as BARKLING. for example: why is he always barkling? he also enjoys nervous piddling.
and tons of weed. no just kidding.
the last few hours have been hellish. dave is extremely under the weather and i am terrified i’m next, this one’s a bad one. might be food poisoning though i doubt it as his aunt just had this on xmas day. i am a total total loser when i barf, i have a massive spew phobia so i am hoping big time it doesn’t come my way.
two things i haaaaaate: mint/chocolate combination and orange chocolate combination. blech. the mint/choc is thanks to my stuffing a junior mint up my nose once to gross out my brother, it got stuck then burst, melting and oozing down my nasal passage like the worst coke drip you will ever have and ever since i cannot stand the shit and when people hear something so ludicrous such as disdain for mint chocolate you have to tell them why so i’ve retold this story infinity times. i hate the flavour of orange and chocolate because they just do not go and that’s that. dave got one of those orange things for christmas (also doesn’t dig on the flave) and it was pretty funny seeing him pretend to be pumped about it. the only good thing about it is slamming it into a table. right now those “slices” are sitting pretty in a paper bag in a cupboard but will soon be at the bottom of a trash bag instead or maybe they’ll stick around for desperation stoner snacks.
FUCK SHIT PISS CUNT COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT COCK PUSSY DAMN DAMMIT FUCK YOU FUCK OFF FUCKER MOTHERFUCKER JESUS CHRIST!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
haven’t been able to swear since christmas eve we have house guests who aren’t for it. i’m actually doing quite fine but i sound like the biggest geek ever and removing a chunk out of your vocab not to mention a whole wack load of material leaves you with like, nothing. smiling and nodding and agreeing haha. lots of inside jokes too.
oh and according to wii fit i am 20 years old. can you imagine being twenty again?
sorry for lickin’ bag blog-wise. haven’t been feeling it nor have i had the time. here’s a video to get you started (wow i literally just uploaded it and some loser parked in my youtube already one-starred it so gay i so missed the shittiness of the internet while on hiatus pfft fuck everyone). this christmas has certainly been a long one and different. awesome gifts, so spoiled.
biosilk rules, you can also use it on your skin. thanks alison!
here‘s a set from xmas eve at my dad’s with some other bullshit in it uploaded a few days ago can’t be bothered to transfer.
here’s my dream summer maxi dress though.
and another garbage awesome christmas house.
cool effort, burlingtan.
finally have the house to myself time to get baaaaaaaaked.
oh look it’s raymii.
implementing new jeans into my wardrobe have to learn to be ok with them not being super skin tight. they’re ass hanger-offers like hi guys i had no idea these pants were perfectly slouched around my hips.
you heard it here first, junky is in for twenty-ten.
these are my two rotating holiday outfits so if you see me in one it’s cos i wore the other one the day before. just helping.
requisite tree pose. like why? for my nana? like she cares.
ghetto red tips.
XL? yeah thanks mom but no thanks.
festive.
now you know how nice my family is to me. secret’s out you dicks! that’s my mom’s writing and my brother’s drawing. there’s fifty billion of these since the beginning of time. anther fave nick was to refer to me by bee stings. assholes.
mary kate vortex.
took off my awful nails swapped for some sparkly red.
i loooove that there’s an f21 at mapleview mall so much more room to shop and less twerps milling about getting in your way. the shirt, ring and charm necklace i merry christmased myself from there.
that too. scratch on wrist is a mystery.
this little fiesta number i got for ten per cent off cos i take after my mother, well, there were some material pills (quils?) pokin’ out and it was the last small.
an unrelated haha. thank bri.
just a teensers update for now. hope everyone’s hav’n a swell holiday.
look i made you a poster for hanukkah! or a desktop for kwanzaa!
time for hung shopping (haven’t used that word enough today) i just realised tomorrow is christmas eve and i was planning to grinch it out this year but all the sudden i got guilted feelings over it so everyone’s in luck they’re getting some cheap kitschy joke junk gifts. i might have to start drinking right now to power through this next week. seriously it’s tomorrow why didn’t anyone tell me? i thought christmas eve was friday!
oh my god i haven’t had a hangover in months. MONTHS. not since late summer. i can’t believe i used to wake up feeling this way practically everyday wow brutal. i did not miss this feeling at all. however, what got me to it was fun as hell so whatever. once in awhile is alright. ok so here’s last nite in fifty pictures how did i ever blog so much hung before i am amazed by myself.
the nite began with liza minelli, myself and dave gracing the cock & pheasant of streetsville with our collective presences. jen’s dad lives in the ‘saug so that was cool to be able to show off my old hood (streetsville) and give a little background gossip on several bar patrons milling about. oh how festive that guy was in a ton of my classes nice to see him grinding his jaw a million miles an hour and so on.
reunited and it feels so wasted. can’t wait to get my teeth whitened. bar one was all about catch up and making fun of everyone we know until we ran out of people.
dave was a good sport.
shit got boring fast so we moved over to the bowling alley and were told it was closed. yeah sure. i had to pee but felt personally attacked (buzzed) when we were lied to (weren’t haha) so as we left proclaimed they did not deserve my piss. dumped all my shit on the bank floor. good times.
banks are hard to make work.
the bartender hated me maybe it’s because i talk normal and not like jenny all disarmingly sweet. i told her several times to tone it down a little. eventually the bartender liked me. obviously she thought i was in a gang cos i was wearing a leather jacket and inquired about pool tables, therefore intimidated.
this one’s cute because my forehead goes on forever.
oh i just realised i’m wearing the liza jacket here. i told her not to outdress me and she busts that thing out as well as purple pants. COOL.
none of these are in order does it really matter? no? thank you.
my one demand in text on our way to collect her was YOU BETTER BE MORBIDLY OBESE. she claimed to be fat and happy now. yeah um and where might that fat be other than your ego? liar.
this is right before jenny hit the wall. there’s some mucho embarrassing footage of a splits contest. by then we had inadvertently encouraged everyone to vacate the bar.
i am seriously trying to explain how to be straight gangsta.
it is hilarious to see dude’s reactions to jen oh fuck so funny they can’t believe their eyes and ears it’s like they’re seeing a mirage. a dad/son duo were feeling her and she played right into it, hysterical.
RTRD moment. glad i wore such an unapologetic shirt (bigups alicia!) for sitting down and drinking in haha in one photo it’s a full-on cascade waterfall of material and rolls.
who is more flexible? well i know i didn’t pull a groin muscle doing this. i pulled it on the weekend making stoner dance videos in the bedroom DUH. all stretched out and ready to rock.
i just want to get my pose on is that too much to ask?
a little super awkward there was a date going on in the corner and the girl (dumpy) party of which was scowling at us profusely, making fun of our antics etc whatever so finally jenny asks if they want to be in the picture with us all coy. they snort baha no thanks we’re good here. oh really? then stop staring at us. harsh. the girl says actually i was looking at the tv paahaha right you were watching sports sure you look like a sports girl (as in complete opposite) then jenny says enjoy your marachino cherry (she was sucking back martinis) that was the wickedest coldest diss delivery ever dave had to look away it was too much. they immediately left. they made fun of us for requesting miley cyrus holy they started it! ever heard of a sense of humour jesus.
so these were taken while that all went down.
guess who barfed all nite long and who didn’t? not i!
i have no idea how anyone could be made uncomfortable by this. everyone was gone by this point but i mean, what’s with all the stiffs everywhere all the time lighten the fuck up.
here’s your christmas card photo i forgot to send out.
ugh.
look at that big mac omg want.
no keep drinking cos the more wasted you get the funnier i get and my personality gets cuter too. FACT.
girls get hot for me when they get plastered around me. FACT.
familiar pose.
we played name five somethings. dave said name five cities in america. jen screamed out TORONTO and i said MEXICO. HAHAHAHHA that game is intense. whoever answers first wins the round, finishes naming five things in that category while the other person has to drink. once you start losing you continue losing as you get stupider the more you have to drink.
feelin’ smart.
we have differing rules for asshole.
as a typical rule one must get trashed with one they never see it’s packing in as much as you can for all that lost time. meaning, this is why you have to look at 50 of the same picture.
this bar used to be known as sundance (sundance saloon) and i used to go to karaoke there saturday nites when i was 18 along with a bunch of other people i used to hate, still hate. one time i showed up out of the blue and a girl confronted me in the bathroom, a girl dating a former flame of mine. she was all look i’m going to say this straight i.am.jealous.of.you. (that’s your problem not mine)(this guy isn’t allowed to be friends with me talk to me or even look at my blog LAME) why are you here? very fucking awkward.
no idea.
oh yeah liza jacket. jen update: she no longer tans and my fingernails are longer. i win.
glam. lets do this. here she is trying to wooh me with proclamations of how fucking adorable i am and how there is something about me raymes. aw thank you. and i agree.
do you think anyone would take me seriously if i wore sequins on a regular basis?
getting ready for my big debut.
i’ve moved on to wine glasses now.
sorry pipes leave some steroids for the rest of us jeez.
upstager.
jen haz raymi boner.
bloggers barf. wow that picture is SUPES INTERESTING MORE PLEASE!
spins!
ok that’s enough for now. dave has loads of stupid sloppy ones.
jenny is a spectac hang time. more pics here though i’m sure you get the point.
