i said i saw four mennonites at the salvation army in st. mary’s? well, i lied. i actually saw five.

may already (tomorrow duh!), yay for may!

i got clipped in the back by a door at union waiting for the train

i will never assume because i am a famous blogger, that people want my junk just cos it came into contact with me, again.

aw pitt, i believe he’s doing this again this year give him some monies!

the red mumu shirt i speak of i eventually threw in the garbage.

we drove to orillia yesterday and had beers on a patio, then we had beef jerky and doritos for dinner and went to the pbj show, it was pretty good, i thought they were drunk maybe.

i think i started to draw the world then got bored and had some ruffles and gingerale. you know, waspy snack attack.

my battery was dying so no these are not drunk fuck-up shots, arty pretentious or anything like that, i am not that cool.

orillian bathroom messages

speaking of munchies, queen’s park is still trashed from the little weed rally this past weekend

holy pre-menstrual mental illness.

WORMHOLE may 2006! archives!!1!

me: yeah my caring window just closed

nxne nerd gathering one year anniversary of meeting wendi!

as we were leaving the steamwhistle this chick goes to wendi where are you going wendi says to the kooks the girl goes, the gooks? then we, pitt especially, explode in laughter that lasted five minutes. (i look a little mangled in these pics)

dirtbags are winning, again.

endorphin rush
new bathingsuit
depression spiral over

i kept thinking i am in any fucking mel gibson movie where he is too badass to go to a doctor.

happy mother’s day mom!

doubt it, dicks who are dicks spend years refining themselves.

remember when i dreamed about pepsi and then i bought some? of course you do cos you think about me all the time.

you are going to love this HARD then hate me then LOVE me then gain four pounds.

anyway, i wish i could be one of those people who shuts up cos then i would have this massive entourage waiting for that special moment when i open my mouth and all passively say hey, and everyone nods furiously in agreement that they GET IT.

GROWING UP IS SCARY!

you chose to be a lazy bitch and now you are on my blog and next time i will take your picture.

pitt’s bday.

whatever MOM!

was that like reading indiana jones?

note to self, stop sharing thoughts.

yeah people get mental when i show up and defend myself in their shit slinging forum

i DID feel like i was being watched that nite tho
and normally i chalk it up to being self involved and crazy and fil never believes me when i say people are staring at me
so

ungh jaslene.

then he waddled over to his neighbours to most likely describe how beautiful and mysterious i am.

some fucking loser got my wiki entry taken down jeez get a life maybe?

thanks taleb!

he was mad loaded.

five minutes after i wrote that post i punched him in the head.

fil had the tiniest most pretentious lamb burger ever.

HIPSTER PLAGUE!

hangover bed party of one: no internet

may 2-4 fireworks

i told em charge me i don’t care, but they didn’t want to, they would prefer to give me attitude about NOT charging me instead of charging me.

ok when i said go through that box of junk what i really meant was masturbate and and watch tv.

chicks do this to fil in front of me all the time, they are all going to die.

log jammin’

oh barf

dear last nite YOU WERE MENTAL!

merkley???: what are you tlaking baotu?

blog POEM

oh fuck good thing i feel slightly hung cos there are a trillion kids screaming their fucking heads off in the park right now

elizabeth’s backyard is like narnia, wtf lamp post?

sigh i want to go away!

VICE delivery.

these geniuses get in a limo from the victory. THE VICTORY. A LIMO.

at this point i will mention that i have the brutalist fucking beer goggles in all of the lands i REALLY thought he looked like joaquin phoenix and i still do

rent fur

first time started getting food sensitivities.

xxoo
your favorite lez

dad had this, insert diarrhea jokes please.

if you haven’t eaten yet, you might want to piss off

and now my food poisoning transcript

i really liked steve and i think he liked me too even though i told him he looked like the pervert asshole from dawn of the dead, COMPLIMENT DUDE!

lavendar diamond hang out pics

ok maybe some of you are jonesing for my little bitchy this is what happened and these are all my insane perspectives on it anecdotes

videos if you care.

i just paid my over 200 dollar phone bill

thanks new orleans!

maybe i should call rogers and change my plan afterall or demand a free phone this is bananas if i added up all the money i gave those skeeves since i was 19 i could buy an ice cream truck like cheech and chong and have adventures and ice cream and pick up junkies.

oh yeah i also wanted to tell you about cid and i’s favourite game it’s called SEE HOW MANY TIMES I CAN SPEED PET HIM AFTER HE WAKES UP FROM A NAP BEFORE HE PSYCHOTICALLY FLIPS OUT ALL OVER MY ARM.

about 6 in the morning i got up to wizz and when i went back to bed cid (purposely) got between the bed and myself and i totally tripped launched swan-dived into bed (from the doorway, so like three feet!) and hit my shin on the wood part around the box spring what a fucking DICK i’m trying to decide what sort of favour i should return today, i already took my sweet ass time unloading the dishwasher (filmed part of it) the tinkling sounds of the plates and glasses and cutlery totally makes his skin crawl, we think it tickles his ear drum, but anyway he is the moron who insists to sit as close as possible to the kitchen while i unload the dishwasher he’s like oh fuck i hate you and i hate this but i am NOT missing it for the world, just like the pricks who say my blog is garbage BUT YOU’LL BE BACK TOMORROW TO MAKE SURE IT IS STILL GARBAGE!

one time i wrote about cid and sophie (or ollie) the dog the week we babysat fil’s mom’s dogs and we brought cid over and i said it was funny watching cid slap sophie, and some chick in my comments thought cid was a person and i was blogging about how funny it is that this person slapped a dog so she got all THAT IS NOT FUNNY!

and i said uh yes it totally is ps. CID IS A CAT!

i totally ruined my mom skirt!

cid’s all what’s going on?

oh, right, he says.

bunless webers for dinner chased down with peameal

i was starving and impatient so i had my burger and peameal separately as in actually chased my patty with the peameal oh right you care.

then off to rent a movie. downstairs in the lobby all the owners were partying down for their annual make fil and raymi use the side door to avoid their wine breath and refreshments meeting. they’re putting in a guest unit in the sauna area in the gym wtf how is this going to affect exercise time and why didn’t they ask my permissions!

i can’t wait to be reunited with my old man bicycle.

mural at the vegetarian restaurant, my weber peameal chaser just wasn’t enough.

we rented gone baby gone. i sided with casey affleck in his decision to do the right thing, very uncharacteristic of me, fil sided with his gf, in the end i changed my mind.

FUCK!

i knew i should have uploaded these pics to my own account. they were garbage while they lasted, sorry guys.

oooh i smell a new the notebook! the stone angel looks so endearing, gill lets go see this together (i’m having withdrawals from your loud sniffle cry sounds). too bad ellen page is in it though, sigh. fil and i still have to use that 50 dollar movie card you gave me rilah, i’m trying to gauge how bitchy i am and if i can deal with a movie theatre tonite or not.

good morning

i finally wrote a rebuttal in defense of my COOL PEOPLE DON’T DANCE AT CONCERTS bathroom stall remark.

everyone’s all oh you’re a square, you don’t feel it, squares don’t dance HERE’S A DRAWING OF A SQUARE! retards. yeah ether bunny/internets i know your script.

liam titcomb played last nite i forgot to mention it no matter i felt like an ugly cow all nite long and was bitchy cos of it. i was hating on this one chick who had her hands in her pockets and a really long dumb hippie bag (come on, down to her goddamn knees!) and she’s trying to play it all casual above it all groovy like (total nerd) and i wasn’t buying it, and brad says well maybe she’s nervous, no sorry. later on in the john i am about to tag my name somewhere in my stall and i overhear someone slagging liam! so i put my pen away and bust out to see this laid back honky washing her hands talking shit about my pal, and no i didn’t jump on her, some other woman was in my way and we had to do the hokey pokey excuse me oh ahha excuse me around our purses and the cloth drying implement so couldn’t scratch her eyes out, i think i was mostly mad because she had the audacity to have her hands in her pockets and bad hair to boot. she said she liked the drummer and played with him, what a cunt, as if you wouldn’t blast liam in a second. i tried to find her again outside cos i wanted her to know that she was the biggest poseur i’d ever seen. no dice.

aw lost kangaroo.

YOU HELPED ME STALK MY EX GIRLFRIENDS

Subject: Random thoughts from the Birdman……

Thats it…..for now.
Say hey to Fil
Later
BM

+++

a bit camp maybe but i totally want to see Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?, same supersize me dude and i love that they have the doctor from supersize me with that crazy accent and constant dumbfoundery facial expression.

If Morgan Spurlock has learned anything from over 30 years of movie-watching, it’s that if the world needs saving, it’s best done by one lone man willing to face danger head on to take it down, action hero style.

So, with no military experience, knowledge or expertise, he sets off to do what the CIA, FBI and countless bounty hunters have failed to do: find the world’s most wanted man. Why take on such a seemingly impossible mission? Simple—he wants to make the world safe for his soon to be born child. But before he finds Osama bin Laden, he first needs to learn where he came from, what makes him tick, and most importantly, what exactly created bin Laden to begin with…

click here to read the rest of the synopsis and to watch the hilarious trailer.

sooooooooooooooooooooo i went down to do some laundry (‘citin’ i know!) and ALL of the washers were full of whites, some whites with pink patterned regalia all over, anyway two of the washers were done so i thought hot damn FINALLY some laundry revenge, i choose a machine and start pulling things out oh great i chose the whites with the undies in them machine, i pile it on top of the machine just as my laundry nemesis comes in with her cart, i play it casual oh are these yours? she snaps YES and i bite my tongue big time but i really wanted to say AND WHY DO YOU NEED FOUR SUPER SIZED WASHING MACHINES YOU ENVIRONMENTAL SADIST! and then i wanted to gesture wildly at my overstuffed laundry basket of every single colour invented clothing INCLUDING whites (separating is for obnoxious assholes) yes i wanted to gesture with both arms and make a no blinking crazy facial expression and maybe huff a little bit but instead i just stuffed it all into one machine and then the super’s wife comes in and chats up nemesis (who i think is czech or something like that, we’ve been over this before, i think too much time has passed for me to ask what nationality she is) and then super’s wife asks her IS SHE WITH YOU yes because i am a laundry assistant now i wanted to say FUCK NO I HATE HER! but nemesis just laughs oh no i have no daughter then super’s wife squints at me and says oh uh what apartment are you in and at this point i’m starting to get mad, i nicely say our unit then say you know WE HAVE A CAT! then it clicks and she says my hair is longer or something as i’m struggling to fit all my laundry into the machine and i’m making little sounds trying to politely emphasize my hardship and struggling yet overcoming it all because i care about the environment. seriously, there is a rule that you can’t use more than 2 machines at a time, but all the people in this building are greedy selfish stupid babies (old) they’re typical annex types i’m too annoyed right now to describe them again for the millionth time.

oh yeah i learned that the super has a smoking problem and he tried to quit but woke up this morning basically nic-fitting and then the eastern european washing machine hog said it was harder than alcohol to which i chortled and left and worked the FUCK OUT!

then i went back to put the shit in the dryer and she had ALL FOUR MACHINES. seriously asshole i’m going to have to fight you one of these days. you know that clothing and whatever it is WILL NOT RUN IN A DRYER IT WILL NOT BLEED OR MIX DO YOU HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY??? she had some linen draped on the door of one dryer she was emptying i’m just standing there with my soppy stuff going to my happy place in my head waiting patiently for her to move all of it meanwhile i’m gobbing sweat from my head and neck and back and face is flushed from working out and the last thing i want to do is be near hot laundry and all i could say was the word hot (genius i know, reduced to cavewoman speak) as i stuffed all my stuff into the dryer.

i heard a stereotype about a certain race that when in america they sue like crazy cos they think that’s the american way to be to constantly sue for your rights or whatever i mean all the freedoms and liberties we have we take for granted or are kinda blase about, in other cultures or countries they’re not so accessible so when they come here they go bananas and sue up a storm, is it the same for laundry machines too? or is it old people who didn’t grow up hearing about conservation or the three R’s reduce reuse recycle? either way it’s really fucking annoying and once they’re dead the planet will be better cared for.

JOKES GUYS I WISH WE COULD ALL JUST LIVE FOREVER!

-raymi suzuki