turns out the super annoying conversation that wasted twenty minutes of my life was a hoax! enjoy your 3 seconds in the spotlight, genius.

what what (in my butt)

emo news report

i am thinking about eating more chicken maybe i’ll wait and make salad out of it later with goat cheese & jerk sauce and fil will punch me in the face and eat it all with his hands cowering on the kitchen floor by the cabinets like an opposum busted going through the trash eyes like flashlight beams DON’T LOOK AT ME! and he sounds like a banshee from hell.

there is a fancy olive oil on the counter called PLANETA and everytime i look at it i think it says PLACENTA and then i am like ew for the rest of the morning when i am making espresso LEAVE ME ALONE PLACENTA OIL.

i was going to write a telling it like it is anecdote about how annoying i think graphic novels are but i don’t want pitt to kill himself and write a novel in my comments i didn’t really think through all my opinions of why they are annoying either, they just are. come on, graphic? novel? more like REALLY LONG SHITTY COMIC BOOK nice try.

here are some pictures of my friends:

phony photo booth

emo cereal

last nite i ate 2/3 of a roast chicken from loblaws well maybe 3/4 of it or 4/5 depending which way you look at it cid helped me. i started eating it with my mouth only holding the container in my hand/lap and going at it, lise was like NICE ONE despite having not eaten an animal in two months, we pull into the gas station and this douche taxi driver is aiming to take the pump we had been waiting thirty seconds for, i roll down the window, chicken in one hand, it all over my face and fingers and make a sarcastic angry motion that uh excuse me this is our pump and he returns the sarcastic gesture being all well go to it then meanwhile he was diagonally about to saddle up to it so he goes away lise gets out to pump and i am in the car eating my chicken and luckily no one else was watching you know when you are in the car and there is another car in front facing you and you and the person sitting in the other car have to act like you aren’t looking at each other every 4 seconds and you play that look then look away game i hate that.

then as lise is trying to back up to leave this yuppie turd in a white SUV blocks us in and by now it is established that we are ragelors probably the smell of the chicken and the stupidity of all of toronto except for me and lise so she gets out of the car and tells the guy to BACK UP who was on his cellphone totally oblivious to the fact that we can’t move for his shitty mobile cos he has blocked us in, i am very nervous about this because lise has totally fought people in cars before haha.

before this incident we are pulling into the lcbo and this other car pulls in from the other entrance and does a stand-off with us and we are like wtf MOVE then it does and we go back to talking about girl things and as we are walking to the entrance this little troll woman in wellies and garbageman clothes starts telling us about lise’s missing light and how she didn’t know what to do and how we should be careful when we are leaving and we are just standing there giving the you are a fucking retard face. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO COS YOU ARE MISSING A LIGHT. i like when people give you lessons you didn’t ask for like it is do or die. then i spied on her in the lcbo at this point i wasn’t sure if she was even a woman and i was thinking about my chicken and i hadn’t eaten all day I WILL KILL EVERYTHING! the troll went right to the beer section, i didn’t see what she got, unfortunately. lise said her headlight has been missing for six months and no one has given her a lesson about it before.

then before we went to pay i said lise this lady talks a lot watch this and then we go to pay and the cashier talks to us forever and lise is trying to contain herself. anyway i like that chatty lady, the first time she spoke to me last summer i was a bit freaked out cos i spend all day alone, a whole day can go by and i won’t have opened my mouth to say anything and then i walk to the lcbo alone thinking about stupid shit and then this lady starts a full-blown conversation with me it was too nice i felt like i had to jump through that window right now but it did make me feel special for the rest of the day.

more on how fucking insane i am to come.

ps. i am sick of winter.

if you care to know the top five blogs that i stalk you should

READ THIS ARTICLE

don’t cry if your blog wasn’t mentioned, fil‘s wasn’t and speaking of his blog he has something to share with you here:

NEWS FROM A RECENTLY SILENCED PHILOGYNIST!!!

what the sweet mother fuck? philogynist logged into blogger this morning to portion out a dollop of his usual literary crack that you love so much and is so highly addictive that it should be classified as an opiate only to find that:

This blog has been locked by Blogger’s spam-prevention robots. You will not be able to publish your posts, but you will be able to save them as drafts.

with a little digging px quickly learned that his blog being locked by blogger was tantamount to a scathing indictment of the quality of his site:

spam blogs… can be recognized by their irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text, along with a large number of links, usually all pointing to a single site.

hmmm, philogynist hmmmm-ed to himself… irrelevant? check. repetitive? well, you’ve got cid, raymi, or booze so… check. nonsensical? third person, calls himself philogynist – check. lots of links pointing to one site? pretty much every other post links to raymi so it’s difficult to argue.

We have received your request for a review to verify that your blog is not a spam blog. Someone will look over your blog and respond

it’s going to be locked forever.

raymi says: jesus article

dumbass, inc says:
LAist covered that Jesus story and the commentors say that Cameron is just a jew who is causing trouble

raymi says:
dude sorry to break it to you but jesus did not have magical powers therefore did not rise from the dead to live again

dumbass, inc says:
thats the sorta thinking that will keep canada the 2nd rate country that it is

raymi says:
the human brain makes emotional decisions, and then applies logic as best it can to prop that up

raymi says:
like i want to smoke weed but i cant cos i have to work and weed will make me slow but no maybe it will make me more creative therefore i will smoke weed

dumbass, inc says:
therefore i will smoke weed with you

dumbass, inc says:
… finding weed

dumbass, inc says:
… smoking first bongload of the day

raymi says:
2nd rate to what the US of A? ahhahahahahahah!

dumbass, inc says:
to the world, heathen

raymi says:
usa is trillions in debt – china will ownz them in the next 20 years

dumbass, inc says:
not likely since China prays to rocks and lets their goverment ass rape them and throw their daughters off cliffs

raymi says:
better than being a delusional chump tho

dumbass, inc says:
at certain points delusion turns into reality

dumbass, inc says:
the us is very young and yet we rule

raymi says:
the usa is in big trouble you owe way more money than you make

dumbass, inc says:
big whoop

raymi says:
debt growing huge every year

dumbass, inc says:
what are they gonna do? reposses our cars?

raymi says:
and sooner or later other countries are going to want some of their money back

dumbass, inc says:
whatevs

raymi says:
in the form of land, business, and access to rape asses

dumbass, inc says:
we’ll fight some war for them

raymi says:
yeah im sure thats what they will want

dumbass, inc says:
that is what they want

raymi says:
anyway keep believing in magical powers!

dumbass, inc says:
will do, so will all of your heroes

dumbass, inc says:
dylan, hendrix, rembrant

raymi says:
my heroes do not believe in god

raymi says:
those arent my heroes

raymi says:
those are yours

dumbass, inc says:
not only do they believe in god they believe in Jesus

raymi says:
THOSE ARE NOT MY HEROES

dumbass, inc says:
cobain

dumbass, inc says:
the stones

dumbass, inc says:
axel

raymi says:
i dont think he [cobain] was into jesus

dumbass, inc says:
slash

dumbass, inc says:
deeply

raymi says:
stop forcing yer beliefs in others onto me

dumbass, inc says:
ahahahaha

dumbass, inc says:
oh if only i could

dumbass, inc says:
picasso, dali, michaelangelo

raymi says:
again, yawn

dumbass, inc says:
you love all of them and you know it

dumbass, inc says:
youre wet thinking about Michaelangelos David

dumbass, inc says:
the most punk rock Christian artwork ever

raymi says:
no i am not actually im thinking about how sorry i feel for people who are brainwashed

raymi says:
you may as well be a scientologist

dumbass, inc says:
how is it i dont have a snappy comeback to that?

dumbass, inc says:
… smoking more weed

raymi says:
so you believe when you die you turn into a ghost and float to wherever you want and can watch girls changing?

dumbass, inc says:
that was the entire point of my book Stiff

raymi says:
well thats pretty idealistic isnt it almost embarrassingly so how about REALITY and making the best of the time you have right now and not thinking the party begins when you die

raymi says:
just saying

dumbass, inc says:
im all for making the best of time now and also thinking a better party begins when i die

dumbass, inc says:
in a place where my dick is even better

dumbass, inc says:
there is a possibility of better in Reality

raymi says:
well you are extremely intelligent

dumbass, inc says:
its part of being an American

raymi says:
do you realise what you just handed me

dumbass, inc says:
its why our schools dont have to be so good

raymi says:
you are saying that

raymi says:
oh nevermind

raymi says:
this is too easy for me

dumbass, inc says:
im saying that all the most creative, punk rock, and cool people believed in an invisible man in the sky, yes

raymi says:
i am creative and punk rock and cool and i do not believe in that shit

dumbass, inc says:
thats what you say in interviews

raymi says:
i do not prescribe to bullshit

dumbass, inc says:
but when the shit goes down i bet you say oh god oh god

raymi says:
i went to catholic school for 11 years

dumbass, inc says:
hot

raymi says:
no when it goes down i die the end goodbye

raymi says:
i would be saying the name of someone i know who loves me who is concrete and exists not some made up fogey homo

dumbass, inc says:
ahahahaha

dumbass, inc says:
you love homos too, see youre just lying all over the place

raymi says:
yeah REAL homos

dumbass, inc says:
ahahahahaha

raymi says:
all that jesus loves me crap pffffffft

raymi says:
just a ploy to sell bumper stickers

dumbass, inc says:
well the bumper stickers are wrong because i dont remember where it says in the bible that jesus loved you

dumbass, inc says:
seems to me he was pretty pissed off most of the time

raymi says:
that song jeeeeesus loooooooves ME

dumbass, inc says:
yeah no one cool wrote that song

dumbass, inc says:
you are hating the wrong things

raymi says:
well anyway i am right and you are wrong

dumbass, inc says:
you should hate that song

raymi says:
i like that song

dumbass, inc says:
ahahahahaha

raymi says:
it’s creepy

DIE COLLEGE KIDS!

me: my battery is in already i got a call!

Phil: wow

me: yeah!

Phil: wow
omg

me: WOW
OMFG

Phil: wow

me: ROFL

Phil: imho wow
lollerskates

me: im trying to think of more

Phil: lolocopter
roflcopter

me: this is making me sneer at you

Phil: hee hee
pwned!
im in ure base killzing ure guyz

me: STOP IT

AND NOW AN EXAMPLE OF WHY I DO NOT SIGN INTO MY MSN 7.5 ANYMORE:

raymi says:
who is this

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
i am the ghost of a random add

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
by way of your blog

raymi says:
oh hi

raymi says:
let the ass kissing begin

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
that’s not the way it works

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
YOU are supposed to pay ME for my time reading it

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
fork over some money

raymi says:
sorry delusional

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
i’m predicting everything you say

raymi says:
then stop reading

raymi says:
what am i going to write later on today

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
are you asking that as a serious question?

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
because i’ll tell you what you SHOULD write

raymi says:
you said you are predicting what i write

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
yes i am, but that wasn’t my question now was it?

raymi says:
there was no fucking question i am not a fan of your attitude right now

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
my my, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

raymi says:
i dont know you and you are telling me i should pay you for reading my predictive blog you are nobody

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
i didn’t say your blog was predictable (because ‘predictive’ is not a word, by the by) i said what you’re saying in here is predictable

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
because i control everybody

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
even though they don’t know it

raymi says:
predictive text

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
sadly, you are one of the people i’ve been forced to predict

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
& i don’t like working with you

raymi says:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/predictive

raymi says:
you are a piece of some very sad work

raymi says:
what next genius

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
turn that phrase around & apply it to you, my friend

raymi says:
YOU SAID PREDICTIVE IS NOT A WORD

raymi says:
you are obviously a young little boy

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
no need to yell

raymi says:
with no friends

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
keep your voice down

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
your neighbours are going to complain

raymi says:
yes there is reason to yell you don’t know what you are talking about

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
i feel SO bad for you. because it’s YOU who doesn’t know what their talking about.

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
please go cry in a corner now

raymi says:
they’re talking about

raymi says:
what do i not know what i am talking about

raymi says:
i can’t believe i am still talking to you

raymi says:
fuck

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
i ate some alphaghetti this morning, cook it up, eat it & it turns out to be about 10 years old

raymi says:
are you for fucking real

raymi says:
i mean i get that you are a loser but to what degree is unknown

Every morning looks like oatmeal says:
listen, i havea to go do some dxm, when i get back, i expect to have a serious conversation with you. because you are my friend.

raymi says: hahaa

i don’t think i ever posted this picture before on account of it being extremely embarrassing, that was during my asexual babysitter phase, two summers ago

we did the nasty last nite i didn’t think it was going to happen, i guess absentmindedly diddling fil’s fiddle during tv time on the couch had something to do with it, so after we finished impersonating the kid on little people, big world we hit the hay and no we do not make fun of the fact that he is a little person we make fun of how stupid spoiled and lazy he is and how he has a big mouth and braces and never closes his mouth and yes i know that big mouths can be akin to dwarfism whatever at least make an effort to close your fucking mouth, your mom and dad both little people don’t sit around with their mouths gaping open like that, anyway fil is really good at it.

i was going to give some doing it details but i’m all of sudden not in the mood.

oh at the coffee shop yesterday i overheard this kid talking to an older guy who works there about something nerdy probably anyway the funny part was when he said BUT DON’T POST IT ON WIKIPEDIA COS PEOPLE CAN CHANGE IT then he saw me looking at him and he made his voice all hushed and conspiratorial, i love it when dudes are talking computers and they look at me like i don’t know anything then i join in on the conversation and correct everything they said 50/50 they die of boners on the spot or they get extremely defensive and competitive and repeat everything i said but re-word it then i’m like we are arguing the same side of the fence the only difference is you will never get a girlfriend bye.

one time at a walk-in clinic (i was there cos i was paranoid i had a tape worm or some kind of parasite from mexico i’m the best) and this dude about my age maybe younger anyway super tool wearing a death metal shirt super skinny bad hair very insecure and there is this lady waiting and they strike up a conversation i gather they know each other you can tell this lady has a babe daughter and is only pity-talking this guy and then he starts talking to her about messageboards and perl script and basic html shit and he can see me watching and listening and he gets this I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT TECHNOLOGY bravery to his speak meanwhile he isn’t telling the lady anything she couldn’t just find on google herself and she is egging him on by saying wow you’re so “knowledgeable” and “technologically advanced” and i am by this point openly shaking my head at him and he is probably thinking this hot girl is just stupid and doesn’t know anything about computers typical GIRLS i don’t get a chance to say anything cos soon enough i was called away but before that the kid stops nerd talking a bit and casually asks about this daughter of the lady’s what’s she up to this summer hoping for an in and the lady goes OH WELL SHE’S IN CUBA WITH HER FRIENDS.

B!U!R!N!

he was being all pious like computers will save me and are fun and neat and all that and then was TOTALLY deflated after she said that her daughter was in cuba with friends. ha.