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dad bought a dufflet cake and didn’t understand the “big deal” as my aunt and i were gushing over it.

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i love sb and i love that it’s just up the street. i walked in asking for anything beatles and he had nothing so i figured f that dad for once is getting something else. he could put beatlemania out of business. wait, isn’t it already? haha.

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tin tin dinky car. not cheap.

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mom got him this. shawn and i ripped her and made candle jokes. things do not change.

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beer tour.

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grandpa’s favourite post meal sipper.

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also got him these novelty tea bags of famous composers.

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it’s weird to see your brother do domesticated things.

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my brother and dad dress alike. so funny, meanwhile they make fun of me for all my wild outfits. do you want me to dress like you guys too then? their fashion idol is seinfeld for christ sake.

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they even have his shoes and fight over them. every time my brother gets a new pair my dad eyes them covetously and cos my brother is anal once he gets a few scuffs he buys a new pair and now my dad has like 40 pairs of weird futuristic space shoes.

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show-stopping denim fave. watching seinfeld with my dad while he is dressed like seinfeld is a hysterical laugh-inducing meta explosion.

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ooh, experimental, stripes. out there. ok back to me now.

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i wore a weird outfit that didn’t photograph very well. we’re eating chili. FASCINATING REAL LIFE.

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it was really rich. had i not been sick i’d have had two slices.

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he said he can re-use the 5 for next year. mentioning next year you just lost a year dad.

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fish eye.

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people look like they’re up to no good in fish eye. criminals.

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smirnoff party face.

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he loved it.

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i said he could re-gift these, he said no way. put it on the kitchen shelf along with the queen i got him from sb. i’m going to load him up with so much sentimental nostalgic crap that shelf is going to fall off the wall. my aunt was able to get him a beatles quadruple disc he didn’t already have. everyone always double buys him stuff.

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these are from germany. they also had a set with john wayne, audrey hepburn, warhol etc etc. funny. if some snoot comes over to tea whip one of these out.

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wagner was kinda hot.

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shulgan‘s book is intense. reading it while on cold medicine and sketchy hung in the bath is an effort. he is a fantastic writer and i can visualize all the settings of toronto this book takes place in and now i know how to make a crackpipe. wicked. his tmi puts MY tmi to shame. for anyone not paying attention, shulgan is the idiot who bamboozled me for the globe and mail exploiting the end of my engagement a year ago thus igniting a media trickle down effect which thwarted me under the microscope that much more but i got his agent out of it and now we’re pals so, thanks buddy.

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nails are getting wicked long i am being very good and i am stoked for my next manicure.

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hand model coming right up.

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love my new tartan jacket. it is wicked tiny. i will make it form to my ribcage.

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snuck out to my shitty date bar. i was stir crazy. almost canceled as once i got out of the shower and put on a shirt i sick sweated soaked right through it and envisioned myself sweating by candlelight. not good. i needed to eat though and was too sick to make anything.

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that drink took forever to get through. so did the second one. by the third i was good to go for a fourth. sometimes you have to get slaughtered to deal with how terrible you feel as a sick person. i feel on the mend today but still in the thick of it.

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david bowie labyrinth outfit, same hair too. yay. pretty delirious at this point in time not going to waste getting dressed up.

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told you we were going out again ahah smooth.

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normally i don’t take any pictures on a “date” he said it was his first time experiencing anything like this and cos my mom and i had been snapping like crazy last week i figured he already knows i am insane what’s the big deal. also, it’s a good thing if i take pictures, it means i feel comfortable and you’re not a fucking asshole. anyone who makes a stink about photos ever, red flag.

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watusi has the best menu. i want them to make a raymi tapa.

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requested loads of jalapenos. heat is a drug.

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it’s the best date bar cos it’s so dark and you can share mini portions and the cocktail list is expansive and fun plus they’re two ounce drinks. mustache had 5 manhattans. he’s a suit so it makes sense. i had four different things. we were there awhile and took our time.

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i took advantage of the setting.

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someone on fb is already making ass quips. why do i have to cover up? yeah it’s pretty blatant but so what? good genes and i work hard and you don’t live forever. hearing people gasp when you walk by is funny. what’s the matter? oh someone just fainted cos they looked at my ass.

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buttons are dying to explode off me. oh my boobs have gotten perkier since personal training too i noticed yesterday, slight lift. james is sculpting me into a trophy and then he is going to sell me to rome. i told britt i’m going to get super fit and make this one asshole we know take me out to a really expensive restaurant and then not have sex with him and eat like a total pig because he said that girls he knows don’t eat at restaurants while we were in the middle of a Smörgåsbord at a resto i was featuring, like guy, this is my job to eat this shit not pretend. texts me once in awhile to visit him at his condo. britt’s like yeah fuck him over. oh, don’t worry.

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must prepare for a meeting for a new project i’m apart of that is going to be wicked spectacular i can’t wait to start hyping it.

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piece of fish message:

Hi Lauren,

Talk soon.

Don’t knock my online personae I work super hard and it’s not like this blond me is a long time ingrained thing, I was part speaking in machiavellian jest. I have struggled for many years to get where I am now and I’m exhausted. I’m sure if I had the money to flit around the world I’d write whimsical messages so cavalierly from beaches myself. To date I haven’t had the time to take a break from hustling.

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newest tickle trunk addition. it’s my family tartan, Anderson, from Scotland, Perth to be specific. the motto is stand sure. or is it strong? my aunt modified it to fit her, my great grandmother purchased this fabric many years ago. the buttons are from my grandfather’s army jacket (something like that) we (aunt and i) have the same size upper body so it fits me perfectly, super petite. i regretted not getting this tartan one when i was in ottawa at a bar’s hipster clothing sale.

idiot. so me. it was too much and i wouldn’t spend $15 on it. the girl should have brought it down to ten. no one won here.

drunk shopping makes me second guess everything but then the times when i am right i find out only after the fact when i go through my pictures later on.

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dearest raymi, you’re fucking awesome.

oh and maybe it’s creepy to send this kind of message, but i get so
fucking annoyed at the shit people say about you (not that i’ve ever
heard it personally, but the emails/comments you post), and if someone
who’s being all negative about you wants to make the effort to say
this shit, then someone who loves your blog and wants to be positive
should do it too, right?

amazing (was on my way somewhere couldn’t type in length)

ha good i feel totally validated that i got a smiley face in return! i
can carry on drinking alone and happy now.

carry on being super.

I’m so hung ughhh brain is broken

fuck i forgot about time difference. hair of the dog, no? it will fix your brain

Where in the world r u

spain. i’m in dublin/london usually but here for work.

Woah far well hiiii

HIiiii. hope you get over your hangover soon. i’m dreading mine tomorrow

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girl gaaaaaaaaang.

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it was the perfect groupie outfit.

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we were starving. darius had beer and pizza only. one slice of pizza left. men, you need to be better hosts. step it the fuck up. ok i take it back darius just texted me and reminded me i had the last slice of pizza but that was only later on after the concert. next time have greens available and meats (protein) no carbs. cheese too if you have time.

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and this? this is not wine. i elitist twatted all over this. just kidding i will drink anything. i just can’t pass up comedic opportunities.

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everyone i kissed this night i’m sorry but you’re sick now.

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the dancefloor is right here.

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and here.

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nothing like sashaying around in front of people all squeezed together tight.

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am i too old to crowd surf? i’m pretty sure if i did it i wouldn’t get in trouble. i crowd surfed at metallica when i was 15. twice. don’t ever tell me i’m not punk rock. my friend jessee and i were the only girls in the mosh pit. my boyfriend was so jealous i got to go (kid at school’s dad gave him/us tickets, he had a crush on jessee and i was her best friend) he was such a metallica fan, my ex/first boyfriend and basically felt i was a poseur thanks to my brother, like guy i listened to metallica just as much as you at the time so shut up. i bought him a tour photobook and he didn’t care at all wtf that thing was like forty bucks. i was thrown into a chick on her boyfriend’s shoulders holding a metallica banner. i was wearing docs. i knew i would regret not crowd surfing at a metallica concert if i didn’t do it. took me like half the show to get up the courage. i looked to jessee was like i’m doing it here lift me up she put her hands together and crouched down i put my foot in her DIY stirrup and then all the dudes surrounding us by then knew what was about to happen so they helped launch me up and then the gropefest began you’re coasting upon a sea of hands. guys in mosh pits are animals when a girl passes by they touch you all over. i had to hit a few people. the adrenaline rush and surge you get is fucking intense. then i did it again and someone totally wedgie’d me and i was wearing a thong and i was like ok enough of this. plus knocking into another woman up in the air was a bit frightful. i couldn’t hear for two days afterward. my boss at the hardware store was calling my name down an aisle while i was sorting railing hardware and he thought i was just being passive aggressive so he marches up to me i look up at him all, what? pure attitude. he just laughed. then i yelled I TOLD YOU I CAN’T HEAR WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? i miss the hardware store. it was very socially stimulating and i like working with wops, it’s just a constant shit talk fest and then all the contractors come in reeking of weed and coffee and cigarettes beeline me and my big mouth and all my deviant stories. ah memories. being a snarky quick study is what kept me employed for five years and now i know how to do all kinds of repairs and have skills you wouldn’t even know. can you picture me in a tool belt beneath a sink installing a peatrap with a.b.s. cement oozing all over, do YOU even know what the hell A B S is? didn’t think so. i went away to england and brooklyn and maine and they always took me back they loved me that much, we were like family. i’m a lifer.

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this chick read my palm. she said i have a certain line in my hand that is unique and therefore i am unique and that i’ve had some trauma in my past involving men, maybe a father or a brother. that is where she fucked up. she read melodie’s palm too. there’s elements of truth in this crap but i think a lot is flukey shit telling people what they want to hear and then proceeding further based off their reactions. i started making a frowny face and said ahh no sorry yes i have man trauma but not family man trauma.

penny lane moment:

here’s the performance where i had the janet jackson superbowl wardrobe malfunction. enjoy and be disarmed. i don’t particularly like how i sang this one and it was hard to in that bodice. it’s better about halfway through which is when my dress explodes. i was bending over to put my bb and camera down on the stage, had them shoved in my bosom, then i danced and POP. i recovered though. at the end my dad is like one more i’m like DAD my dress. people love the family dysfunction reality. i’ll post harvest moon later that one’s my favourite, also i feel fine. well i don’t feel fine its just the song name ha.

party posts for the new comers.

ten years of this bull$*#!

++

blogtourage

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decade done

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barbie hair

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bonus:

dinner with cory mintz

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this is what breakfast lunch and dinner looks like in my world and the magic that makes this blog go ’round. i am trying to drink more water and having an apple here and there but really honestly lately i’ve not had much of an appetite. lack of sleep will do that to me, then the cycle is hard to break. my waistline isn’t complaining. that’s soy milk, i try to have very little dairy. i have weird food ideas and zany beliefs that if i do this or eat that, cut out this, then i can maximize my late night booze glutton excess. james says your metabolism is a burning fire and if you don’t throw something onto it (food) then it won’t keep burning and if your metabolism is out of whack then you get faaaaaaaaat. ok well then explain anorexics, they seemed to win in the metabolism starvation achievement lottery.

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haven’t worn this baby in years. see?

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almost parted with it the night of my party it was up for grabs. it is my mission this week to go through more leftovers and post photos of what’s available for the die-hards who couldn’t make it out.

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i know it’s full on ridiculous but i don’t care it makes me feel great like a little, novelty act?

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today i was a little sickly babushka. this is in the john at that gas station on lakeshore. aunt and i were en route to burlington for my dad’s birthday hoo-ha.

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thursday nite cab ride, foggy nite. likely contributed to the decline of my immune system’s almighty (virtually non-existent) powers. actually, i think i am relatively healthy (knock on wood) i don’t think i get as sick as i used to.

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i’m in a full blown anxiety attack while taking these. talking to the driver about the weather, global warming, tropical vacations, winter. i was hiding my panic. it’s so terrifying and embarrassing but i know what is happening to me and can control it and breathe calmly as i focus on the goal which is to not wig out. thinking about the impending singles party i was on my way to wasn’t exactly a help. i met my mom at union and made her walk to the bathroom with me while i sat in the stall for a moment of calm. i’ve just been overstimulated lately and haven’t had any time to myself, one thing after another after another and thinking about all the upcoming things and boom, you start to hyper-ventilate. i dunno if you’ve ever suffered an anxiety attack before but it can be frightening.

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and then this. the nervous atmosphere and awkward vibes, tension, the cameras, photographers, singles, catered, drink tickets, it was like the most hilarious setting to be in for someone in the middle of an anxiety attack. the title of my next-next book will be AT LEAST MY NIGHTMARE IS CATERED. i didn’t see any guy who caught my fancy. there was one guy who might of had a chance, we made eye contact a few times, he was too shy to approach, i looked too intimidating and unwelcoming so we let the moment pass. mom and i left for jack astor’s where every single man was post work already wasted.

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going with the flow. mom was like you don’t seem yourself. yeah i know, it’s called having an anxiety attack and then partly-zonked from half a chill pill.

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sticking my name tag where it belongs. i want to get to a place in my career where i won’t ever have to open my stupid mouth again. people will just know what i mean by my blinking.

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look at my body language i’m so on edge hahha.

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people are floored that i do normal people things. like dating sites. britt says i should be getting paid to date. fucking right good idea. lsw stands for lakeshore west go train line, pretty invasive right haha. i don’t even read the shouts outs but apparently people are obsessed by them. just like craigslist but every day printed during the work week. i wonder if i’ve ever gotten any on my way to visit my dad? SPOTTED, CRAZY GIRL DRESSED LIKE A RAINBOW PLATINUM BLONDE WITH FOUR HUNDRED BAGS LOOKING OBSESSIVELY INTO HER BLACKBERRY.

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i used to dress like a yuppie to ensnare men when i was too young to be doing so. i fit in pretty good eh. except for the tattoos. totally give me away.

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a new hater is trying to say i’m pot bellied now. nice try there sucker.

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funny to see a tree covered like this.

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i self-entitledly walked up to the stack of dirty trays on my way out and took one for a rain shield.

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mom you look cute with my headband on. i saw a girl wearing it last nite at the india party. by the time i decided to maybe approach her to make her headband all about me she was gone and i was already on to the next thing holding my attention.

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one night out as a blogger totally kills an outfit for me after its being photographed copiously. no worries here though as red wine got on the white collar of my jackie o sweater. sigh. life. things. destruction.

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blurry don’t care love the skinny. i’ve been bloated all summer let me own and enjoy this.

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james said i am getting ripped and that what i said about my body being receptive to exercise was right. he’s going to benefit so much from my mania haha. i should be asleep right now speaking of. i might cancel tomorrow’s training session if i am too mangled from this cold. it’s a bad one. one of those ones that take you out for 72 hours except actually a few days longer but you never get a sick day when you are self-employed. the guilt just eats away at you.

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the majority of my dinner. well we snacked at the singles party but it wasn’t that substantial. ok yes it was but it was the first thing i ate in days it seemed.

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masters of the universe bar.

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mom manipulated me into cabbing home with her.

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these are ridiculous.

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coug shoe collection. when i have my dream house i will have an entire wall of wedges. it is my goal to be a shoe person one day.

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i feel like shoe fetishes are for those who need to compensate for lacking in other areas of appearance. sorry but i do. yes they add but they aren’t necessary in the grander scheme of things. so says the fortunately tall girl.

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look at that spiked one in the back. fierce. i would have individually photographed each one but i was too tired.

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came home to prepare for wolf parade. another huge night.

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which i’ll blog proper over the next few days. i’ll spread out the material as i don’t plan to be doing ANY partying whatsoever this upcoming week nor will i be able to. look how tired i am and guess what i am allowed to look tired because i am a real person just like you. i’m organizing three groups of people for this concert out of the kindness of my heart i didn’t even want to go i could have just stayed at my mom’s but i wanted to hook up brosz7kowski. good karma. i get a lot of perks and i like to share them if i can. i got him a photopass too. drink tickets. a piece of fish was also there that night. it’s weird when you realize pieces of fish are real people too and do real things like you but then you are actually someone like me and totally foreign to them. i am so dying single.

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fuck i’m so overwhelmed. getting melodie on list too last minute she decided to come. happy she did. we haven’t hung out in awhile.

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my room is totally trashed all over again.

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didn’t know it came out so early. seeing it in print today for the first time was pretty cool. funny picture of all of us at the table too, rob looks like a blobby fun dinner guest. i look tired and my hair looks dumb and seeing that title in print is really funny. EXTRA EXTRA! LAZY ASS GETS FAMOUS IN SLOW MOTION!

strung out sundays i like because i like the slowness and i reward myself with self-indulgent internet sleuthing and catching up on the dumb things i need to catch up on and preparing my game for the upcoming week.

-too legit to quit xoxo.

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girls night out. was pretty sick but pulled through it. to network or not to network? i seriously need a break but i cannot take one as i have something planned every single day until next week is done and then maybe a day off sprinkled here or there which would be reserved for personal time or future husband “work” time. i need a nurse. no, babysitter. all of the above.

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big night. so good. thanks smirnoff.

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omg this party sucks hash tag lame haaha.

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smile.

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that’s my papa face. we have really tiny eyes and big teeth. the marketplace was so cool, everyone got right into character, bartering, yelling, it was fun. i like fun. i like activities. going to the same events and parties and boozing it’s all the same time after awhile which is why i appreciate this type of event. also the same thing was going on worldwide in however many cities simultaneously. epic.

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i overheard people arguing over rupees and then i realised it was pretend why are these guys cutting side deals for their photo stall? oh duhhhh good one white, really swift.

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you’d have loved it. at first we walked in there a little hatery which is basically a thinly-veiled shy cop out then after a drink blammo blondetourage gets its act in gear.

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kinda blew it big time in the dressing in theme for this my brain was broken yesterday. i could have worn my peacock wizard kaftan. but my hair was up i’d be all hunchy in it.

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this cute girl inspired my blog post title i was walking around alone taking video and i asked to shoot her then we chit chat and she asks if i’m having a good time? i say yeah great totally and she goes into punjabi drawl goofy voice GOOD INDIA TIIIIIMES? which took me aback and rendered me momentarily speechless (barely happens i love talking too much). love a girl who hams it up when you are least expecting it. made my black heart melt. whatever they paid her to push that bike around through the crush of bodies all night long was worth every penny.

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these dudes were having their own version of a blondetourage except in aladdin outfits form. what are these things called? i know women have the sari. anyway if i wasn’t so sick i’d have interacted with more people. i was a bit dizzy and faint and trying to vodka through my hangover.

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george harrison was there. i remember this guy from bloor street i have a video of him in my youtube from a lifetime ago. was happy to see he made his way to this party. support thee fellow artist. it’s not easy.

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another toronto notable mr kid rock. the original. wouldn’t you just change your name if someone became more famous than you with the same name? i would.

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i’ve met him a billion times and he never ever remembers who i am. you can’t possibly remember everybody his brains must be overwhelmed by the constant party. i made a shithead face on purpose because i didn’t want to succumb to the playing the game. i think casie and i should invade his closet and interview him.

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who is this chick i feel like i know her and she was talking to one of us? ahah it’s april man i was out of it last nite lucid sickness ugh. love the lashes very 60’s. i am going to request watching the party at my dad’s today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!!!!!) can’t wait. wish i could sleep over, can’t, early appt tomorrow in the city then boot camp work out.

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ms o’nizz was on the scene turning heads. she had a big fur coat (guess she checked it) and was totally margot tenenbaumed out and her hair, totally adorable.

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i rode this all the way home to parkdale from cherry beach. i am an animal. just kidding i cab chitted all over the city until the fare was up to $300 cos that’s how i do. kiddding. i just remembered trish’s saying, “if i don’t go home with a dude i go home with food” as she got a cabbie to drive her to a 24 hours variety store. last nite i went home alone and foodless so i sort of won? no morning shame just the crushing reality of how single i am and sick.

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roddy told us we were being gawked at all night long. people magnets. put several dynamic independent modern women together and holy shit, men, you are in the minority now i feel bad for you. and for us too cos we have competition. the house was crawling with hot women last night in fact i was digging it and humbled by it, inspired too. gotta bring it to win it. but anyway as we were doing our peacock struts and men were coming up to us we’d be nice and dance with them and whisper ok do you want him? no ok me either he’s cock blocking lets dance this way.

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assault on the senses.

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if you don’t come to one of these gigs with a good time in mind then you will not have one and you will be the guy leaning against the wall, or the girl. if you have a sour time, then you’re sour, not the time.

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keri and i were mirror reflections of one another, she was flight attendant classy version i was 1999 holiday party guest and carly was a sexy cupcake. breakup skinny is the best skinny ever.

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even the hair too loved it. uniformity. is the best.

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tight.

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photobombed hahahahahhaha.

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our handler. very good sport. i can remember being the girl dragging the bro around to everything so i relate to the overwhelming and stress to be the protector of the harem.

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dance dance text text tweet tweet smoke smoke drink drink tweet tweet flirt flirt photo photo repeat repeat. casie, i love that kaftan.

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another photobomb. a reaction to this day and age and all the vampy chicks out on the town. you know what? being a girl is work, time, effort, of course we are going to capture it we are proud of ourselves why let it all go to waste?

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gotta go have a wonderful strung out sunday it’s the actual ACTUAL ten year anniversary mark for my blog today. ten years ago today i was in ward’s bedroom creating a thing called “a blog” and in the beginning it went by life happens to raymi. then raymi happens to life. then everybody loves raymi etcetera and so forth.

dad i love you, you are very important to me. please live forever thank you.

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a take on the classic i fuck what i kill i kill what i fuck photo. that’s me and casie. duh. i am game for this tonite but she said we should look hot so, hot it is. maybe drawing a picture of it is good enough won’t have to put into practice. it would be nice to have a red carpet photo with those shirts. i get the mean evil one because that’s my role. i do not plan to get gunned tonight i’m too sick for it and i am so sore from training today. ok my brain is fried time for a bath.

please vote for me third poll down/ don’t know if i am actually winning as there are other polls within the same category for people’s choice i haven’t sleuthed out the competition yet.

this pervert skippy guy made a funny post about me and is spreading the love and i didn’t even ask.

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these are my mother’s pictures from thursday night. i feel behind and overwhelmed with all the material i am sitting on, my ocd brain does not like it. i’m like an assembly line. wow look out bill shakespeare this post is going to be a doozy i can see it now. late nite last nite. i knew it, couldn’t be avoided, also i am sick so that’s a bonus. i wonder if it’s the same thing my dad had?

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mom and i squirreled ourselves away in the corner like shy little mean girls. we were photographed upon arriving and paying at the door. yes, i paid for something. actually mom paid for me (for once, she’s really stingy) cos of my $20 rush hour traffic cab ride from pdale to union to meet her.

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i didn’t do my hair or clean myself up much for full on princess assault cos i felt like hell and couldn’t be arsed so i dressed fancier to compensate. the party wasn’t bad, more women to men ratio i think it will be a successful launch for the next party now that the first one is out of the way. typically version 1.0 anything is generally a write off. that’s what i’m told for if you ever do stand up comedy, your first set you will tank, bomb, whatever. doesn’t really help one get over nerves or motivate you out of fear to give it a try.

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my mom was getting on my nerves because we were torn between the royal york or the keg. i am seriously man hunting and i figured if no hipsters are going to approach me in my queen west bubble it’s time to extend the territory. one of my pieces of fish spotted me at jack astor’s, he facebooked me yesterday, did i just see you? oh yeah i guess you did. no matter man financial district, thursday nite, teeming with blokes don’t bring sand to a desert.

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there was a wallet at the singles party at joe bidali’s and a stick of cocoa butter. lots of prizes too so i nicked it. that’s my new amex card haha keith on fb went hmmmm seems a bit bendy.

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future kills. casie said all the girls bagged dudes at the movember gala same night as this well, so did i. play on playa. ok no i didn’t bag anyone i went home with my mom but yeah, got some contacts is all aka future kills.

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in the background i am telling this guy off for drunk bbming his ex.

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red flag. next.

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bachelor number two. we’re going to dinner next week. he better have good table manners and tip handsomely.

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men have major hard ons for girls in specs why is that?

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this is all just walking to the royal york man every dude was wasted and verbal and with my mom ready and willing to exploit with her point and shoot you get to see it all. he was trying really hard to get me to go with him in his limo. dude ok sure? yeah i am going to just drop everything and have a limo ride. maybe if you gave me a thousand dollars and didn’t touch me but can you blame him, i’m like alpha bait.

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mom good shot.

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what’s up dude.

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if only this wasn’t from below and my bun wasn’t so pinched and weird.

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it got a little ridiculous. prostate cancer function they wanted us to join but the party was winding down so we didn’t bother going up.

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critically, ridiculous.

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next time i’ll bring a for sale sign.

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gross. i don’t like being touched by strangers. or licked.

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they were going to the “ballet” i said yeah i know what that means. scoundrels.

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he was hot. my mom wished i got his number. i’m glad i didn’t he’s so trouble no thank you i am a lady i don’t date dicks who go to strip clubs.

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what an idiot though eh. he was trying to get my number and i was overwhelmed by the pack of men and just kept repeating i don’t have a card (i ran out from passing them out all night long hahhaa). you have a babe under your arm and you say to her you’re going to the ballet to stare at women that you aren’t allowed to touch and you have to pay for it too. good move danny ocean. smooth.

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see? who are you what’s your number?

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library bar. mom is wearing my headband. she’s jealous that my hair photographs blonder. i’m holding the tray. i stole one from jack astor’s and used it as an umbrella/hat from the rain. how perfect is it that we’re sitting on a cougar printed couch?

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vamping for my imaginary audience.

now here is why my head feels like a smashed orange right now. i am basically sound academy’s hired groupie i love vip. luh uh ove it. i’m going to start interviewing bands i’ll be the next nardwuar except i’ll be the next raymi. i think the music scene will really love me interviewing their heroes i know nothing about. so like hi you’re wolf parade um, what do you do? is that a guitar? what kind of shoes are you wearing? do you think my nose is too big? hahaha.

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i dressed like the emerald city gatekeeper. a guy grabbed my head/hat at the end of the show and was mesmerized i was all, WHAT!?!? then i realized i was wearing the magic hat. there is no way i am getting rid of this i am an idiot for even considering it. it’s a good sound barrier too.

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now i want to discuss an issue that i know some of the foodie world is in a bit of a tizzy over. i am going to address the following using bullet points because i want to come across as a professional here and i want you to think i am very important and i do not want to have to repeat myself on these issues again. picture lucy liu in kill bill in the board room actually i will help you here is a visual.

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actually, scrap the bullet points allow me to just run on sentence this school yard politics for everyone else who doesn’t care about the food world set/crowd/scene. there has been a reaction to me having the audacity to eat and be paid for it and to consider myself a foodie or reviewer by jealous foodie geeks. i’m a lifestyle blogger. before i decided to review the dining experience of restaurants in the city, which i am completely within my rights to do, it’s a free country and no one is stopping you to build a niche and make money from what YOU are doing, anyway, i don’t see what the big deal is. yes it is an advertisement. yes it is blog content. yes i love to eat and photograph and share my life. why doesn’t this make sense to people? why are you crying foul here? i have a heavily-trafficked toronto-centric blog and if you go in my archives you can see years of foodie photos all over the city. i go out a lot i eat out a lot, i have gained real life culinary experience from all of this, do i claim to be the best or know everything about food? absolutely not. do i care? no. does it matter? no it doesn’t because dining is only a percentage of the big raymi picture. some restaurants want in on this, it’s affordable advertising, they are already established and thriving businesses and why not have raymi over, it’s fun, lets impress the girl, of course my review will be biased but that isn’t totally fair as the food IS excellent. why would they invite me and then unimpress me? if i don’t like something i am honest and will say so. if i don’t know what a retarded mushroom is then i will say so. i take notes. how is this NOT a review? some bitch on twitter said i am a soul-selling whore “@coreymintz Yup. It does. It is. I am. But at least I’m not a soul-selling whore.” to corey mintz and that i make her want to go all Columbine on someone’s ass. “That girl makes me want to go all Columbine on someone’s ass. @coreymintz Any resto that pays her fee or offers freebies should be ashamed.” wow. and you are the mastermind behind tasteTO? how professional of you. oh wait looking at your site it says you are putting tasteTO on hiatus for the foreseeable future. extra professional! i don’t care what personal family matters you have (i have my own humongous family bs going on right now too but i still carry on) you can’t keep your shit together enough to keep your snoozefest fat cow blog going yet are able to tweet slag some other girl who is able to keep her website going? why should people be ashamed to work with me? look at me. i keep my shit tight, i am an achiever, my food posts are epic, professional, thorough, and a pleasure to see and read. i have been recommending restaurants, bars, clubs, stores, bands to people for years, i am an expert on lifestyle and culture just like everybody else except I’M FUCKING COOLER THAN YOU. i do a lot of good for this city whether you agree with me or not. it MATTERS what i say about a restaurant even if i don’t link to their website, just saying the word is enough i come up first in google when you will google their name. fact. i have access to elite, to dirtbag hip kids, all of that, and i earned it and i prove it on a day to day basis. i am not a fucking whore you ignorant goat. i know about hip places before they even exist. do you? no. you are a bandwagon foodie jumper and your website failed so you can go get fucked for all i care and so can your stupid nerdy friend karen. i am a dream to conversate with. women always feel like they need to aggressively tell me what they think about me once they are won over by my charms. last nite for instance i made this hot cool chick from newfoundland absolutely melt. if i am so terrible how come i am a people magnet, hey? i stand out, you stick in. you look like a stick in the mud, boring, and typical. where is the wow factor? i don’t see it.

i wasn’t even going to address any of this because i am annoyed by the constant barrage of bitchy that comes my way. can we go back to the good old days when you meet a person in real life and then you get to decide if they are a good person or not? you idiots don’t know me and you’re going through my reel of cutesy playing the game photos and base judging me. that’s so lazy. i’m sure you have it together and you’re better citizens than i am because you’re chasing the yuppie dream, congratulations you have won at the game of life let me email you an award.

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in summation, i apologize for nothing. i bust my balls and i work very hard, why do you have to give me shit about it all the time? thank you for pissing me off and trying to create drama because you have nothing better to do with your vanilla lives.

were YOU in the toronto star? do you know how many times i have been written about in various news publications over the past month? do you think that happens from not working hard? i am my own PR girl. i have an idea and a vision and i MAKE it happen. i am sitting on several future projects presently so this is futile even addressing and i am only doing so cos i know it’s going to only happen again. i’m sorry for you that you woke up one day and realized you had some competition maybe instead of fighting the war that’s already lost and name calling you should focus on yourself instead.

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I’ve been eating out a lot of late in support of trying out all the restaurants that cheese boutique were hosting over 8 weeks. This blossomed as a concept with some other restaurants in Toronto that were not apart of that event…that’s called join the bandwagon.

I was asked to do the event run and gladly accepted because CB-PR saw the potential for me to tell you all about their event because they were confident that everyone eats everyday but you probably may have wondered what it’s like to go to some of these places.

Gourmet isn’t cheap and it does make people gun shy about trying new things because nobody wants a bad evening out.

You get to experience the restaurants with me. Everyone wins, you get to know about CB, which if you haven’t been that’s just insane really, especially now if you’re looking for something special for the holidays for your family event meal.

Anyway, I get to know about restaurants and tell MY audience why they are great. I’m not out here telling other publications to stop doing what they’re doing because the Raymi show is here…I’m just living my life. I get to eat another day and keep this blog functional because it doesn’t take 5 min to write a post.

ps. i am 150,000 sites ahead in rank than Taste To….that’s thousands in the
multiples better that TasteTo wishes they had..perhaps their site would
still be functional if they’d just been nice and asked me to do some reviews
for them. hmmmm. something to consider.

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Dear Raymi,

Tomo

++++

check it. PLEASE READ: Alleged Toronto Nightclub Charity Scam.