I have no idea what is going on anymore, what hello? I am talking to you out of a shoe. Just kidding I have not lost my mind NOT YET BABIES. How many girls feel that way sometimes though like they are freaking about to lose it at any fucking second? A gf of mine said one time she had to get physically removed from her apt by her besties for a little calm down babysitting time at theirs. I think we can call that (extreme) white girl problems? Hmm not really I know some cray (dope) black chicks too, crazy is not exempt from race that’s for damn sure. Wow look at this little expert here. Seeing as I am regressing back to life at 21 (BEST YEAR EVER) I may as well take it back to how I wrote and blogged back then. Excessively detailed. In a shit’s hitting the fan kind of way. That makes the reader like AGHHH!! Holding on for dear life the entire time haha. I think with a spurt of nice weather and sunshine I get happy so I act goofier and I am trying to just enjoy it. I “stop caring” and start enjoying. The worst thing about having a solid life like this is not enjoying it. How assholic.

I got conceited about this even though the markers dried out pretty quick, the pink one for sure. I lucked out on orange.

Took awhile to get it right. The picture fools.

Yo save me a piece I do not want to waste my money on this. I’m a new product whore fyi. raymiATraymitheminx.com get am me hints guys.

The Lesnos™ dragged some discarded planters, two of them, huge, heavy. With a dolly. Two trips up to Rebecca’s balcony A woman on the ground floor asked if Bech was Russian (because we were strong like ox?) then asked if we had a mattress for sale. Sad face. Bech is Austrian. It was a cute encounter. 2 Broke girls much though? Lol.

Next jam to be overplayed and over with in 3 days. Right now though I’s drinking it in.

Dancing to Ghostface on my Uncle’s boat. One of many highlights.

Sunday was a fun day in city, a boozy blur. Very fuckin’ Jack Sparrow.

My ponytails lasted in to the next day as well. PARTY STATUE.

When I get through these I’ll do the family boat cruise post. I am an A-hole. See what happens when your entire life turns into a blog bulletin board requirement.

I love my bargaining chips. Perma-boat placement success secured! This guy. (me your hero in case it wasn’t obvious). Thanks Julesy.

Ol blinky is talking about some car he wants to next buy for his triple midlife crisis purchase (his words). He gets shy in front of babes and impresses by talking about his toys like all men do. Cool story bro tell it again.

All the Kerouacs are colourful characters.

No aunt Janet no fancy spread then so this is the lunch I made for us.

Jumper times! No not train track jumper ew gross no. 3F jumper ah-duh.

Got a box of shoes back from Adventurehouse and this is the screening process it had to undergo for house introductory purposes for some reason (because cats are retarded).

No really it was this big. I will cut you if you make a camel toe comment. No Rebecca will. that’s one of her sayings. I try not to make literal threats that get taken literally when you type them out on the internet. But no really though you mess with the bull and you get the horns. WINK. AHaaha. Do you like my big tough guy act?

Can you imagine if I just fell off the back of that thing? That would be fuh-nay. Bet you’d like to see that and yes, I did imagine falling off and sploshing in to the lake. It would have sucked.

Me right now btw and speaking of JOing. Haha what?

I picked out some new products to demo and review from Adult Deals Daily. Sexy minxy “me times” I am stoked. You know you’ve made it when your spanking it gets sponsored. Oh lordy.

The Lelo is a couples vibe they’re doing a featured deal on at the moment. Intriguing.

I like that it looks like it came from the movie Rango, or an iguana, Rango? No idea. No wait I’m right. Sort of. Anyway it’s on sale for $119 at the moment, you have 4 days left. Tell me how you liked it. I’ll be reviewing some other products I will not blow the surprise on just yet. It’s hard to keep my trap shut. But I will do it!

That flippity flap cape is also from 3F I don’t think I’ve worn it out yet. If you saw the piles of clothes and shopping bags in my tickle trunk boudoir I would faint.

Now back to the boat. And my Bruise Watch Summer 2012. It’s faded more now thankfully.

Think you’ve seen that one already. Second time’s le charmant.

Rods everywhere.

O_O.

WishinIwasfishin.ca

Bring your own hot girl. Or maybe there will already be one on board.

Or below deck.

Change times.

Flattering. I always wanted a bond girl suit. See my purse back there haha.

I love iphone reversey mode.

This didn’t look that stupid after all I coulda rocked this look for the rest of the afternoon. Whatever. Now I know. At least we can enjoy it backwards still.

I am a daredevil standing back there.

You don’t have to bring one single thing on board for fishing my Uncle’s got it all covered. And then some.

Woah. There’s an awkward potato.

Yeah buddy all cool now.

I like to keep it Michelle Tanner as much as poss (the hair). Don’t have a cow man which, she appropriated from The Simpsons. obvs but still flies cos Michelle can do whatever Michelle wants. GOOD NIGHT MICHELLE! (ps. superbo RTM FH homage post right hurr BTW).

Jules was like what a ballin’ boat. That is correct. Affirmative. *robot voice*.

I look funny. I refer to myself as a Muppet 400 times more now oh great. AMINAL SMASH.

Cha cha cha see how my arm looks huge but it’s not? Nice.

Better.

Lates.

I love going through the harbour, is that what they call it? I guess so. All calm and serene, back at night too it’s exciting but on the way out you have plane on a runway anticipation you know it’s gonna happen and then they gun the motor and you can rock a surfer stance as you just leave the marina passed the pier. I’m a water baby for sure.

New flag.

Now we all have fishing licenses haha.

Perfect Canadian Tire outfit. Where are the Canadian tuxedos?

TO BE CONTINUED. I have interview questions to answer and a music video to prepare for. Plus a ton-a other ting tangs. Laundry to fold. Ugh. BYE.

YEAH buddy we can find you a rich husband here. Don’t leave! j/k

Carrying shit sucks. Bye for real now.

HKD reporting for raymitheminx.com

Cavalia Odysseo the VIP Experience guest post by Heather. Sadly I could not make it to this one so I sent my camera girl/producer, she LOVED it and I am still jealous. Read along for why. I saw ads for this in Quebec city last summer and dreamily longed to attend a show, then I was invited to go two weeks ago but was booked for that particular evening. I needed to pass along the VIPLEASE to someone else cos I knew it would be not to be missed!

Spent the day shooting w/ Raymi, and she ended up double booked for the evening, so she offered me two VIP passes to the Cavalia: Odysseo show in Toronto, located temporarily in the giant white tent in the Portlands. It was only a few hours before show time, so I rushed home and quickly changed, and recruited my friend Kat to come with me.

Kat loving it.

The cab dropped me at the entrance, just off Lakeshore East, slightly west of Cherry. I zoomed over to the Rendezvous Entrance, where I was greeted by a lovely lady, and quickly grabbed my lanyard and headed into the arena for the show. Kat was stuck in traffic, and she made the opening with minutes to spare (the alternative would have been drinking alone in the VIP lounge, which would have been not much of a purgatory, as everything is free).

First impressions….there are no bad seats in the arena (2900 seats), everything is pretty close to the action. I’m talking metres away from the show, so close, that you actually feel apart of the show. I’ve never gone to a show quite like this, the closest (and totally incomparable) would be an old fashioned circus.

I feel like Cavalia: Odysseo should have an unofficial motto: “Yes, we have horses & other stuff, but this is not the circus. This will be one of the best live shows you will ever see.”

horsies. Neigh Little Raymis, neigh.

Things start off simple, a song and an introductory performance of the horses with various riders. The stage floor seems like the set of a play, and slowly expands into a great expanse, tilted up in the rear to give amazing views to the upper rows, but also providing many optical illusions that work in with the theme of each of the night’s performances.

This show really has a bit of everything: African dancers, clogging, acrobats, horse jumping, horse tricks, girls & guys dangling from the upper set pieces in elaborate silk riggings, men wearing spring feet who jump metres in the air….and so much more.

One of the things I kept noticing is how safe everything is. If a horse goes a little bit off course, a helping hand is always ready to direct the animal back where it should be going. During the horse jumping, the standards are held by performers, and they correct any lower jumps almost by instinct, making the show seamless, even with the very few tiny errors that are common when performing with live animals.

The other awesome touch: they raise the house lights once and awhile, to allow the horses to view the audience, and they also curtsey to the audience. It was beautifully done.

Intermission. So my bag baby.

You can really see how much work goes into the planning and rehearsals of this show, not to mention, every day of its production. You can also tell how much the horses love their trainers, and how they do really enjoy putting on a show, and pleasing the audience. The trust the horses have in their trainers is blatant.

I really don’t want to give away all the secrets of the show. I do suggest checking it out, as it will blow your mind. There were two small children sitting beside us during the show, they were sitting on the edges of their seats, absolutely mesmerized by the performances, even though it was well past their bedtimes.

I also cannot remember how many times me and Kat were jaw-droppingly shocked by what was going on. There were even guys riding horses while upside down, barely clinging to the sides of their saddles. I have seriously never seen anything like this, and I plan on catching any of their future shows. I don’t think any other performance of anything has ever excited me as much as this show.

As for the rest of the VIP experience… We were too late to enjoy the pre-show meal & drinks, but we did hit up the intermission dessert buffet & drinks, and we enjoyed the outdoor patio area, that has a spectacular view of downtown Toronto. The after show included a meet & greet with a few of that nights performers, as well as a meet & greet with a few of the horses. The perfect gift for any horse lover.

All & all, it was a surprise for me to attend this show so last minute, and I am very grateful, as it was spectacular, and totally unforgettable. Thanks Raymi! And thank you Cavalia Odysseo for such an amazing experience!!!

And thank you Heather! xo your pal Raymi.

Also they’ve extended the run of the program due to overwhelming demand! Check the calendar for dates and seats.

I have a surplus of to be blogged photos piling up. My niece wants me to send pics from may 2-4 boating day no time no time! I feel bad. Also now I am sick as a dog. Time to slow down I guess? I’ll just start in the middle until my eyes go like this o_O and then I’ll take a nap. Nap attack Jack!

Lela’s plants that are probably spices.

Booboodoodoo 1 and 2 and 3 on the scene. I’m the third with the camera duh.

We didn’t know if her roommie was home. Turns out she wasn’t but came to to shush us up anyway once she got back. I kept saying how very eastern euro of her.

We weren’t even loud or playing music. She just wanted us out by eleven. FINE BYE.

Sweet digs.

Also sweet.

I was giving contradictory and copious guy advice to this girl here, hope she takes it!

Evidence that I am not too big for my britches, bitches.

The feeling is mutual!

I was longboarding all day so I look a bit messy. Hot mess trainwreck station choo choo.

Retro Raymi moment, on a balance board in 2005. They’re good for indoor practice. Can be dangerous. I dyed my hair blond immediately after this photo was taken and f-d it up, huge mistake. Hanging out with guys they are not the best colourist tip givers.

Hi girl bro.

Look how cool I am being! Amplified by Lela’s inherent coolness too, think they call that a coolness squared back home (no they don’t).

Poof I’m gone.

Oh great it’s Rebecca’s new look. NOT.

Rebecca you look my little brother. You are Benjamin Button. Rebenjamin Button. Blaha. I am running a fever so watch out.

Mad bro?

Rebecca did not want a moustache ride from him. They were french. Are french.

Apparently you need to be an astrophysicist to figure out mystery camera.

Not me though I got that shit on lock down.

I give up.

This is what you see when the keymaster lets you in and then you must answer a riddle.

Or just take my picture.

And here I am getting dissed. It’s okay I am used to it. Actually no this cat is dope and says hello to us all the time. It’s like hey where is that cat why hasn’t it come by yet? Oh there it is, what’s up, meow? Bech says it’s a short hair version of chi chi no no mushy mush (yes actual name) it’s crazy how my vocabulary has been infected with all of stupid’s dialect and combined in to one giant clusterfuhk of insanity. Hey it’s a living.

People dig the card. Tim (my d-ball teammate) wants some for his archives cos he’s featured on it. He’s the one throwing that annual giant hipster bash at 159 Manning. I will def be there with the girls. Make sure you reserve a ticket. Everyone will be there.

To the bar!

Pasta eating attire. I got grease sauce on it, boo. Vespa has happy hour mon-fri I shouldn’t even be telling you this information!

Cheap bellinis and free apps why am I still talking???

I can gladly OD on this.

I didn’t have pasta eating guilt because we shared and I filled up on bread and apps so then I didn’t even finish my half, but I got the pasta craving out of the way good and plenty. The pesto is better than the fettuccine IMO.

Tons more of these. Also there is mystery camera to deal with oh brother. I am not going to touch it until I get all the other shit out of the way first. My uncle gave me zero advanced notice that our presence was requested on the boat so it was an interesting and stressful surprise waking up to a billion missed calls and then booking it out there. next time call me the night before jesus christ.

Jules I hope you don’t catch my cold. Yolo?

Look at the pink sky. J’adore.

We were snap happy all day.

Not as many fish this day though, maybe cos it was overcast?

Weird blurry camera action. Some of our pics came out uber weird.

See Jule’s face.

Sigh. Being Italian has its advantages. Also, being 20.

We threw everything back in. Now, I’m not really into the inhumanity of this stupid “sport” but everyone does it so I just keep my trap shut. As you get older you should let go of getting angry all the time you can still try to change the world and do good but you got one life to live, don’t spend it nagging.

Have a shot instead! (drink responsibly folks).

These glasses are MIA on that boat or in my bag, I hope. Mom show Mike this photo please.

These guys were friends of my Uncle’s assistant. They were all like why were you late and I was like why didn’t you tell us last night?

I can fish. Not surprised right, pretty messy and tomboyish but I don’t like holding them before throwing them in, so slimy and I’m not confident enough to hold it steady, my nerves shoot right in to the poor thing and it starts to wobble like cray plus I’ve seen lots of cuts and blood, no thank yew.

It was a really fun time. I have to blow dry my hair now it’s turning to hay. My teeth aren’t dirty here it’s the blurry photo quality’s fault.

ps. make sure you rsvp and buy a ticket (cheap) for the Street Fighter costume party I’m a celebrity judge at: Open bar, food, film screening, free Taekwondo lessons from a 5x provincial champion!!! Kay bye. No wait aaan don’t forget the media premiere of High School is tomorrow at 10m I still have tickets for interested stoners out there.

You know what kid, looks like it’s gonna be smooth sailing from here on out.

I’m better now at keeping the compass on the bearing when a fish is on the line. The trick is to hold it steady through the wind and not to turn it so much, just a hair will do. But then you gotta turn it back again then the other way then the other way and then back again.

Cool shirt, where is it?

We ended the voyage on a good note. Jules has always wanted to neck me so it was the least I could do to acquiesce her.

I am in a dark place. haha.

Nice bruise. Summer is the time for bruises. Wah.

Except here I am on a train.

Sick pokemon nails. I can’t believe we pulled this expedition off based on the zero head’s up we had. ps. girls with bikinis are always welcome on my uncle’s boat. Kind of a stipulation.

Fishing license it’s ofFISHial. Yeah buddy!

The orig photo before instagram stomped all over it.

And now it’s all gorgy porgy puddin’ pie. Thanks I’d love a slice!

Thanks for the test tube Jesse Ship!

Lots of tickle trunk costume changes. Kay billions more later, land ho! The roof beckons. Take’r sleazy SOS styles (Strung Out Sunday). ps. You can book my Uncle’s ballin’ 30 foot sea swirl salmon charter fishing boat for a day, it’s got a 14 rod spread full bathroom below deck, bunks, kitchen, hang space, everything. Wishiniwasfishin.ca check out the website (it’s hilarious) for rates. You might even see me on it!

++++

GET READY FOR A CONTEST!!!

Anchor Bay Studios are holding an exclusive premiere for their upcoming film High School starring Adrien Brody at Varsity Bay/Bloor on Tuesday May 29th at 10am. I HAVE 6 TICKETS to give away to my special Little Raymis out there readin’ reading Raymbo and then when you go all you gotta do is tweet with the hashtag #GetBakedJune8 there is going to be some really “interesting” things happening around Toronto afterwards leading up to the official release June 8th – so follow the hashtag #GetBakedJune8 to stay in the loop btw.

Check out the trailer (Rated R for Raymi).

If you’re interested in watching Oscar award-winning Adrian Brody play a tattoo-covered, pistol packing psychotic drug dealer in a teen stoner comedy before anyone else in Canada to win all you gotta do is tell me how cool I am + write me something funny, anything, fucking impress me for once I don’t care. Tell me how to get Adrian Brody in the sack. Tell me a funny scenario involving me wearing these. Leave all comment submissions in my vomments or tweet harass me. The contest ends when a genius finally shows up. Good luck to all of you.

thanks again for the pasties Coral Reefer! If you were in TDot you would be one of my dates to this premiere.

I’m bringing the girls with me to the pre-screen gala so you can sit near us and throw popcorn at us while I drink from a flask baked out of my mind. If you kick my chair I will destroy you. Have a great Friday!

I bet you’d love to wouldn’t you? Boom are great in that way, I was fungry bordering on Hangry (f-ing hungry + hungry angry) so I skipperdee’d on over for a brew and a meal to fuel up for longboarding my heart out.

First I showed up looking like a greasy nerd and that shirt after sweating profusely in it in the sun all day needs to be torched. I need more of these shirts.

Love me some fitted shirts. Tony hooked it up. I like the direction you’re taking with the teeny shirts big time. Wore this out last night and partied in it a little bit, sponsor my party body! Genius. Like a Nascar driver.

This back room is going to have a makeover this week and Boom will have a new menu launch as well. Looking forward to that, I love how they change it up and the cheeky menu names it’s like a scavenger hunt reading that thing, very quirky which is eggzactly me.

Too bad this is blurry. My badonk doth ba-DONK.

This is the OH CANADA – “Best” peameal bacon and each eggs benny dish (there’s five!) consist of two extra-large poached eggs served on a toasted English muffin, with hollandaise sauce, BOOM frites, and fresh fruit garnish. Ballin’.

Yummy frites. They season ‘em like mawfcuka. Rosemary salt all that good stuff toss it in a big bowl put it on the plate BLAMMO!

And your hero had the KISSADILLAS – two eggs scrambled with chorizo, onions and cheddar cheese wrapped in a tortilla and garnished with salsa, refried beans, sour cream and BOOM frites. I like the innovative tortilla cups too. It’s not at all greasy and I did not go in to a food coma afterward. Boom food is great.

See my two missing nail polish fingers. I kind of like it? Not today though. My hands are majorly tanned now btw. That’s not good.

I needed to carb up.

Stylish place.

Two women stopped to admire my shorts and compliment them profusely “They are good quality!” “Very nice shorts” thanks! They were Italian I think, they get it, exotic sexy people.

Bum Bum Lauren is my family nickname. My mom never cared about me showing my nipples because she knew my arse was the money pot. Well, you don’t say Tracey! Though I think you just did. I am excited to get super toned from skating all summer and get better too. Yes I am careful. I’m going to install a BE CAREFUL jar for all you guys to throw me a dollar every time you repeat that. See you next week Tony :)!

After some patio dranks and before second round of longboarding. There is one hill in High park I will conquer, I start in the middle then go the rest of the way down. You just get too much speed but it levels out flat in the end which is fine I just have to get over my speed wobble fear.

Aw how darling at Salvador Darling. Lela’s roommate wanted some piece and quiet from Rebecca’s huge mouth so we had to go. Ha.

I just remembered I had a drag of a cigarette last night (for photographic purposes only) and it was disgusting and probably why I feel ten times more like sh- today. Great. Please don’t let me do that again ok thank yew.

Sean is throwing a party here tomorrow night. Hide your daughters! See you then. He plays great tunes. I will be the one dancing on the wall.

I’ll go through mystery camera now.

I am way better now, more competent and can do a 180 hop turn! Stoked. So in to longboarding again. I need some new gear to wear though *hint* also maybe a sport beverage too, I can hold things while longboarding. I want to make a video with colleague’s go pro camera. Okay bye. -Marty Mcfly.

Also this song is about me, ha.

ps. my new excuse (deterrent method) is: soft yes, hard maybe. Try it and hey, you’re welcome.