Do you often wonder how some people effortlessly have the ability to make others feel as though they are the most important person in the world, with just a few carefully chosen words and gestures. Charisma and charm are invaluable qualities to have, but how do we acquire that magnetism, drawing power and allure?

Whether or not you aim for world domination or simply being less painfully awkward in social situations, it’s reassuring to know that charisma is not innate. There is a definite science to being the most popular person at a party, as actions trigger our hyper-vigilant neurological system. Humans are social animals. The amygdala, situated in a primitive part of brain, is specifically designed to assess, monitor and appraise other human beings - discerning who is friend or foe - an invaluable survival skill for a social animal. If the amygdala receives a range of positive messages, including facial expression, body language, tonality, words and actions, it primes a ‘safe’ neural circuit and the individual begins to relax.

Being present is step one

Presence is the easiest and most misunderstood aspect of being charismatic. Being present means you have dedicated 100 per cent of yourself to the current situation. When someone is speaking to you, tune your brain into not only what they are saying to you, but why they are saying it to you. This means thoroughly listening to the other person’s point of view. When you finally find someone that makes an effort to understand you, don't you feel a strong appreciation for them? This is the power of presence and it’s important to leverage this everyday if you want to cultivate charisma.

Hold your own power

It’s much easier for others to like you if you like yourself. Be comfortable with who you are and be consistent. Hold your own power. Know yourself and don't try to be someone else. Be optimistic, don't discuss your personal problems and master your story telling skills. Speak with conviction and develop your sense of humour. Don't put yourself down so that it takes away from who you are.

Warmth when combined with the right amount of presence and power, is the factor that makes you approachable. Warmth is related to presence, but is more related to providing a feeling of comfort to those that you are interacting with. To be warm means treating people as equals, even though demographically you may perhaps be on a different social ladder. Making people feel important makes them feel special and appreciated. If you’re able to become a source of this, people will be attracted to you. Warmth can be achieved by bringing a form of ‘feel good’ to everyone that comes in contact with you.

Listening actively is an essential skill

Most people can immediately tell if you are really paying attention and genuinely interested. Be relaxed, open and friendly by linking facial expressions, body language, tonality because the amygdala picks up very subtle cues. Be calm, confident and respectful to make the other person feel safe and more relaxed.

Don't let your ego drive the conversation. Make the conversation about the other person. Let the world revolve around them. Show genuine, authentic interest, which helps to make the other person feel valued and more likely to communicate. Socratic questioning, by delving deeper into subjects, can help to understand the other person’s reality and see the world from their perspective.

Perhaps, most importantly, it’s important not to get swept up in your own actions and notice how the other person is responding verbally and non-verbally. Watch their eye contact, facial expressions, and gently enquire as to how they are feeling. It goes without saying, that checking your phone or looking around the room are best avoided.

Being charismatic doesn't mean overhauling your personality. A simple tweaking of your belief system and your ability to engage with people will make you a more attractive human being to everyone who has the pleasure of coming in contact with you.

Marianne Vicelich is an Australian self-help book author and self-love coach. Visit www.mariannevicelich.com.