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Tue June 06, 2017

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Peacock escapes zoo, enters liquor store, gets smashy. That pea-dick source: globalnews.ca \| share:	4
		St. John Bosco's Brain stolen from a Catholic church. Police looking for an Igor. At least the brain wasn't in an Abby source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	11
		You do understand that if Trump is removed from office, we go from having a moron in charge to having a religious fanatic in charge, right? source: fark.com \| share:	170

		"Authorities" seize "Fruity Pebbles marijuana" bar, misplace punctuation guide source: wral.com \| share:	19
		Wait... there's an upcoming tick apocalypse? That sucks source: nypost.com \| share:	27
		Anthem Healthcare to Ohio: We're out of here - and you can thank Trump source: cnbc.com \| share:	32
		Khashoggi dead. ZOINKS source: bbc.com \| share:	15
(Some Guy)		Man choked to death in Denny's parking lot, which is odd because that usually doesn't occur until after the order arrives source: cw39.com \| share:	43

		Photoshop this security official in a secure stance -- securely source: video-images.vice.com \| share:	19
		Vail bear breaks in to a condo and does some pounding on the piano. No, this is not an LGBTQ story NTTAWWT source: wgntv.com \| share:	9
		If you stole a pick up truck in Aberdeen, Idaho on Sunday morning and then wrecked it, and impaled a guardrail through it, crossing a canal and then getting away, everybody wants to talk to you because WTF happened here? source: foxnews.com \| share:	12
		The 50 greatest job titles of all time. I take comfort in knowing that being a "Sex Robot Safety Inspector" could become a real job in the next 2-3 years source: worldwideinterweb.com \| share:	26
		Report: Qatar crisis likely sparked by Russian fake news story. Russian fake news: Is there anything it CAN'T do? source: cnn.com \| share:	85
		A free shot in this bar only requires that you hold your hand very, very still ... right, Bishop? source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	11
		High prices force McDonald's to not offer the McLobster this year in Atlantic Canada source: cbc.ca \| share:	38
		If you were wondering who the "BTR" is that filled up the QB throwing game high score list at the Pittsburgh Dave and Busters, now you know source: profootballtalk.nbcsports.com \| share:	25
		This summer please remember: Despite what the Environmental Working Group tries to tell you, your sunscreen is not going to kill you in your sleep, sell your children into slavery, and start a new life with your partner in Sweden source: vitals.lifehacker.com \| share:	38
		Have a valid EBT card? Now you can get a discounted Prime membership to order your flat screen TV. Lobster delivery not yet available source: krqe.com \| share:	135
		There are many things you can do when your car is stolen, but police don't recommend this man's 'Hunt the thieves down and hold them at gunpoint' strategy source: king5.com \| share:	73
		George and Amal Clooney give birth to twins. Actual quote from their press release: "George is sedated and should recover in a few days" source: wtop.com \| share:	64
		Today's installment of "It's got to be China": Zoo feeds live donkey to tigers while visitors look on in horror source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	74
		Today's Fark ready headline and historical figure ready for Fark: "D-Day's hero: Andrew Higgins loved bourbon, cursed a lot and built the boats that won WWII" source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	23
		Collector charged in theft of Star Wars items, will be frozen in carbonite source: fox40.com \| share:	32
		Photoshop this colorful condo facade source: contemporist.com \| share:	14
		Liquor Board of Ontario may go on strike...right before Canada Day. They have a word for this: EXTORTION source: thestar.com \| share:	37
		Oh, looky here...Canada must increase their military spending because "they can't rely on the U.S. or others for protection". What, you're just realizing this now? source: ctvnews.ca \| share:	84
		Landowner has men arrested for picking hallucinogenic mushrooms on his property. Anyway, here's the address of the place source: fox4now.com \| share:	46
		South Carolina court rules it's not against the law to take pictures and videos of women in bikinis if you're in public pool. With helpful pics of women in bikinis just in case you didn't know what that looked like source: charlotteobserver.com \| share:	131
		Today's CDC warning: Please do not snuggle with your backyard chickens source: tampabay.com \| share:	50
		Millwall stabbed 8 times by London terrorists. Larfs it off. Who's Millwall? Fark you, he's Millwall source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	72
		That time your mother texted you to ask what pegging is source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	112
		Seven things to do if you win a huge lotto jackpot surprisingly doesn't include "pinch yourself, you have probably overslept your alarm and need to get to your minimum wage job" source: cnbc.com \| share:	115
		Today is 'Secure Your Load Day,' so be sure you don't blow it on a road anywhere source: kiro7.com \| share:	51
		TV reporter & cop have a moment on camera. One emerges a star & one is looking for a new career source: statter911.com \| share:	251
		Blurry pictures of Bigfoot aside. Someone caught a woman levitating. Or at least walking on sunshine source: wcax.com \| share:	54
		A naked man seen walking across Welsh countryside while John Cleese sits at his news desk waiting to open the show source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	35
		Most people see letting a snake bite a baby as "illegal." This mom calls it "opportunity" source: actionnewsjax.com \| share:	75
		French police shoot suspect who incorrectly declared "Hammer Time" outside of Notre Dame source: bbc.com \| share:	127
		In marking the 73rd anniversary of D-Day, here are photos from 1944, and how those same locations look today source: kdvr.com \| share:	72
		Twelve possible reasons we haven't found extraterrestrial life. Missing: We haven't checked under the couch cushions in a while source: realclearscience.com \| share:	175
		Principal fired over Confederate flag video, being white nationalist has a few more things to say source: wgno.com \| share:	163
		Turn signals: Too complicated source: miamiherald.com \| share:	198
		Photoshop these smurfs source: i.imgur.com \| share:	21
		New comparative analysis shows that by sheer number of deaths related to terrorist incidents, Europe was a far more dangerous place in the 1970s and 1980s source: news.com.au \| share:	234
		73 years ago today, Allied forces launched Operation Overlord. For you historically challenged Millennials, "Operation Overlord" was the code name for the invasion at Normandy. Oh, Normandy is in France. Oh, right -- France is a country in Europe source: wtop.com \| share:	239
		Of course the pesticides farmers use on their produce won't harm your children. Besides, six fingers and cysts on reproductive organs are hip with the younger crowd these days source: mnn.com \| share:	43
		Come for "No Satanic activity at Renaissance Fair", stay for "he promised to call next time he had some meth so he would be sure not to use it" source: oregonlive.com \| share:	54
		Miracle baby born without a nose has died shortly after his second birthday. "He touched a lot of people's lives," his father said, with tears in his voice. "A lot of people cared about him" source: al.com \| share:	69
		Porn star wallops boyfriend in Pinellas. That's gotta hurt source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	109
		Trump Organization to launch 'MURICA themed budget hotel chain source: nytimes.com \| share:	98
		In the near future doctors will be able to screen for cancer with a blood test, so you will know years sooner about your pre-existing condition source: sciencealert.com \| share:	27
		Overly emotional support dog bites passenger on Delta flight source: airport.blog.ajc.com \| share:	151
		Apartment manager decides to replace damaged staircase. Sure, they informed the residents, after they already started removing the stairs. Of course someone has a problem with this. Like the second story residents source: wsbtv.com \| share:	45
		Your move, Patrick Tribett source: wbng.com \| share:	11
		Q: Is it safe for me to eat the mushrooms that sprouted up in my yard after a recent storm? A) No B) No C) HELL NO source: khou.com \| share:	76
		"My atheist friends are, in general, driven by a conviction that the earth is sacred" source: thespec.com \| share:	189
		Arby's, We have the bolts® source: al.com \| share:	56
		Dear Ellie: My wife wants me to have sex with a stranger source: thestar.com \| share:	111

Mon June 05, 2017

		That's some nice vigilance you've got there: London Bridge attacker was featured in 2016 TV documentary "Jihadis Next Door" source: telegraph.co.uk \| share:	137
		Museum will spend about $44 million to raise Revolutionary War gunboat from lake bottom. Whatever floats your boat, I guess source: wcax.com \| share:	47
		"My goodness My gracious" / they shouted "Come see 'em" / It's something brand new / A Dr. Seuss museum source: wtop.com \| share:	16
		On the 75th anniversary of the Battle of Midway, here's a look back at how a leak to the press almost turned disastrous source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	39
		Missouri Governor signs bill allowing lower wages on public projects source: stltoday.com \| share:	87
		Photographer turns shelter dog cones of shame into cones of fame source: kdvr.com \| share:	12
		Why don't they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs, Coral Dad joke thread source: fark.com \| share:	190
		Beached whale rescued from shore on Treasure Island Sunday morning, was pushed back into the sea in spite of constant "but I bought a three day pass to Disney World" pleas source: tampabay.com \| share:	20
		UK releases names of London Bridge attackers, confirm their motivation included being the Butt of too many jokes source: npr.org \| share:	46
		Antlers man, Antlers man, drinking and driving like no one can source: newson6.com \| share:	22
		Fark NotNewsletter: The word of the week source: fark.com \| share:	61
		Connecticut police say man arrested in DUI didn't have tail lamps in his vehicle, but did have narcotics and a throwing ax source: norwichbulletin.com \| share:	10
		Photoshop this killing machine source: i.imgur.com \| share:	23
		Colorado terrorized by naked yoga enthusiast (with SFW picture of what a naked yoga enthusiast might look like) source: thesmokinggun.com \| share:	36
		Business owner amazed and appalled at the idea that someone dying of a botched medical operation at his unlicensed cosmetic surgery clinic might be considered newsworthy source: clickorlando.com \| share:	18
		Tonight at 8PM EDT, "tunein" to Paul's Memory Bank for 2 hours of songs beginning with the letter "P" source: beta.tunein.com \| share:	28
		"Oh, dear, I think I flooded it" source: mirror.co.uk \| share:	48
		American politics are bitter and divisive these days, so let's all relax and watch Canadian PM Justin Trudeau paddle his kayak over to chat up someone's mom source: twitter.com \| share:	113
		Consult a physician for an erection lasting more than two days - especially if it's hourglass-shaped, dude source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	41
		VHS tapes are becoming 'unwatchable' due to age, so archivists are trying to preserve that record of your painfully awkward Senior Prom moment for posterity source: npr.org \| share:	109
		Tractor trailer carrying live lobsters overturns on Nova Scotia highway. Drivers with trailers of boiling water or melted butter wanted in the area source: cbc.ca \| share:	23
		Middle schoolers in Texas decide to put on slavery reenactment for fellow classmate source: chron.com \| share:	110
		Libertarian mag asks: Uber, But for School Buses? source: reason.com \| share:	65
		When your boyfriend "likes" a celebrity's photo online, obviously the correct reaction is to write a blog about it and poll your friends to see if you're justified in your anger source: theverge.com \| share:	143
		It's probably time to reevaluate your life if you start a brawl over a McChicken sandwich source: hawaiinewsnow.com \| share:	41
		Saudis Spent $270K at Trump Hotel In Lobbying Campaign Against 9/11 Bill source: dailycaller.com \| share:	48
		"He raised both his middle fingers and explained, using colorful language, that anyone criticizing Mylan, including its employees, ought to go copulate with themselves" source: gizmodo.com \| share:	90
		Bureaucrats indispensable in helping NYTimes reporters run offices in distant lands. Sorry - make that bureau CATS source: nytimes.com \| share:	23
		Portland turns up the crazy from "weird" to "vicious" source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	252
		Photoshop this playful scene source: gdb.voanews.com \| share:	15
		The internet tilde is the perfect tool for snark? How about no -no- _i think not_ [nope] source: nymag.com \| share:	46
		As the mugshot shows, trading a Chrysler Sebring for meth wasn't even the worst decision he's ever made source: actionnewsjax.com \| share:	60
		Bus driver on meth causes accident and death. That's the bad news. Good news, subby has a great new band name source: dailymail.co.uk \| share:	21
		But.... who'll look after Gromit? source: bbc.co.uk \| share:	58
		Harvard withdraws acceptances for ten students after their social media activity demonstrates they're already over-qualified to join the Trump administration source: washingtonpost.com \| share:	136
		This afternoon's active shooter is in spins wheel Columbus, Ohio source: 10tv.com \| share:	149
		Things that go well with tuna: Mayo, toast. Things that don't go with tuna: Hep A source: fox40.com \| share:	38
		Every couple of decades, John Kerry manages a real zinger source: slate.com \| share:	81
		Policymakers are considering random drug and alcohol tests for airline pilots. In other news, airline pilots are apparently NOT subject to random drug and alcohol tests. Enjoy your flight source: cbc.ca \| share:	78
		The American opioid epidemic may be devastating, but it's good business for one business and their complete lack of morals, ethics, or ability to not break laws source: aol.com \| share:	143
		Boy rescued from claw machine after firefighters spend 30 minutes and $20 trying to win him back source: wtop.com \| share:	42
		King Douchenozzle von Crunk arrested on drug charges source: pennlive.com \| share:	76
		Unless you and 8 of your friends want to be gunned down in vodak-soaked, cold blood, if a guy says he was once a Russian paratrooper, JUST AGREE WITH HIM source: bbc.com \| share:	70
		Reported shooting in Orlando leaves multiple fatalities. Story developing source: wcnc.com \| share:	655
		Photoshop this low rider source: i2.cdn.cnn.com \| share:	14
		California could send each of its 130,000 inmates to Harvard University and still save money over what it spends to keep them locked up source: fox59.com \| share:	113
		NASA delays plan to agitate chemtrail believers source: gizmodo.com \| share:	40
		If your electronic monitoring bracelet 'accidentally' fell off Saturday evening Newark police would like you to give them a call source: nj.com \| share:	25
		Neighbor kills a man trying to drown his twins source: msn.com \| share:	131
		Want to ever think about retiring? Flock to Latin America with the rest of the snowbirds so you can live an upper-class lifestyle on $1,500 a month source: charlotteobserver.com \| share:	92
		Scientists discover a NOPE that mimics a NOPE source: news.nationalgeographic.com \| share:	49
		Just because you can game the system for a high score doesn't mean you're actually smart. Difficulty: We're playing the U.S. education system, not a video game source: scientificamerican.com \| share:	60
		Farmers puzzled why their cows broke down fences, then threw themselves off cliff. Guess they got tired of being in same pasture for heifer and heifer and heifer source: thelocal.ch \| share:	48
		Police want you to keep an eye out for this guy source: katu.com \| share:	33
		Man not allowed to ride roller coaster for failing to have enough fingers. Stand up and give him a hand source: ktvn.com \| share:	39
		You shouldn't drive if you're drunk. You definitely shouldn't drive with a BAC of .573, and probably shouldn't be alive source: portlandoregon.gov \| share:	56
		Cuck, cuck, noose source: wtop.com \| share:	140
		Who you were at sixteen still defines you today source: salon.com \| share:	112

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