There needs to be a new Ghostbusters.
Forget the hullabaloo surrounding whether the cast is all-female or all-male or all-puppy, a new instalment needs to tackle a concept more terrifying than supernatural ghouls - human ones.
Just when we thought the dating landscape couldn't get anymore disappointing following the creation of Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw, the Charlize Theron endorsed method of "ghosting", something The New York Times dubs "the ultimate silent treatment", there is now "haunting" to deal with.
It's the romantic version of Kevin Rudd verses Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott verses Malcolm Turnbull.
There is "no wrecking, no undermining and no sniping", it's more subtle than that.
Haunting is the social media version of an occasional appearance on Sky News here, an op-ed in The Daily Telegraph there or hanging out with Ray Hadley nearly every week. Its sole purpose is to let you know that a presence from a previous relationship or liaison is there. Watching. Sometimes even pushing "like" just to mess with your head. They want you to know that they know that you know they are there watching your Instagram stories and your Snapchat series.
Cosmopolitan define this phenomena as "worse" than ghosting.
"Haunting is when someone from your romantic past lingers in your digital present by occasionally watching your Instagram or Snapchat story, or sporadically liking your posts. A haunt is a ghost from a previous relationship (or fling) that somehow got stuck in your online realm," an investigation explains.
"To be clear, haunting is more than silently lurking on someone's Instagram or Facebook from relationship hell or heaven. It's some little reminder, in the form of a phone notification, that they once existed (to you) and that ending things with a person doesn't mean they don't exist anymore. These little reminders can be incredibly disorienting - why do these dead relationships linger? If communication is cut-off everywhere else, why swirl around in your digital sphere?"
It's soft-core shirtfronting.
Someone who haunts is a virtual creep. Waiting. Silently. Index finger poised ready to double tap. They are trapped in your social media attic.
you: how are you still single?
— Erin Taylor (@erinisaway) April 17, 2017
me: pic.twitter.com/HdCh9AJeUQ
Imagine Casper the Friendly Ghost crossed with Beetlejuice. Although instead of screaming "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice" the best thing to do if you wish to exorcise them from your life - and your virtual space - is to simply block or mute them.
If all else fails close down your accounts and move back to 1997 when all we did with technology was play Solitaire or Snake.
But that's pointless. It's a bit like wearing garlic to avoid vampires or watching 13 Reasons Why to cheer yourself up or our politicians spilling the leadership of the major parties every five years.
To call time on your time spent being haunted and stuck on the emotional merry-go-round it creates, stop asking yourself what they are doing when they lurk and offer spontaneous "likes" and instead confront your ghoul, channel your inner Regina George from Mean Girls and ask them the age-old question: "Why are you so obsessed with me?"
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