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Comment by Chicago Beard 11 hours ago

I also recommend this site to new widows. I am also a psychotherapist. When I get a new patient who is newly widowed I write the site's URL on my business card. 

Comment by Marsha H 11 hours ago

Mary. Jane.  The same thing happened to me regarding Legacy and thanks to Steve Cain for having created it.  I found it a few months after Ernie passed and it truly saved my life (was at the bottom of the barrel at that time; no one understood what I was going through.)  The first person to ever answer me was Chicago Beard and the rest is history.  I've met some wonderful people on here (mostly Americans) and have made some good friends and I just wish all of us could meet somewhere central.  I often recommend this site to some new widows I meet. 

Hope you are feeling much better my friend.

Comment by Marsha H 11 hours ago

Dearest Chuck ...  When I read you post you had me almost falling on the floor I laughed so hard.  I really needed that laugh so much today.  You managed to sense I did!

I wish I could 'BEAM YOU BOTH DOWN, SCOTTY!'  LOL  I would love to have you here and we'd have a blast.  Oh my, the 3 of us limping around, but nothing stops us! 

How about a 'Limp Line' for a Chorus Line.  LOL 

We get lots of rain in British Columbia so for poor Steve being the 'Tin Man', I'll bring the oil!  Of course I would share one ruby slipper with you little brother as we're hobbling like to demented crabs out of water and nowhere to go. kI'd love to see my neighbors see the 3 of us kicking up our legs and being bizarre because most of them need a jolt of reality and learn to have some fun. 

You in a gingham frock and hey, what about that one red slipper!  You'd sure get me laughing. 

Much love back

Your hormonal sister

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane 11 hours ago

Honestly, this place, and everyone here has probably saved my life..I don,t mean literally...but emotionally. Ood, that I DIDN,t find this group, untill a higher power knew I was ready to find it. I am NOT the same person who I was last year, and that wouldn,t have been me...so LUCKY Y'all...you get the REAL me lol.i honestly don,t know what I would do without this place to come to.

Comment by Mary. Jane 12 hours ago

Wow, Beard..that is SO true. thank you for sharing it

Comment by Chicago Beard 16 hours ago

https://www.facebook.com/682329048475716/videos/1589722671069678/

Hope this link works.

Comment by Diane C 22 hours ago

OMG Chuck,

I am reading this post at work and laughed out loud. Now I am looking around to see if anyone heard me and want to report me for aberrant behavior... haha. Thank you soooo much for a good laugh. I needed it today!!  ;0) 

Comment by Charles E. Nelson yesterday

Dear Marsha,

As I just commented to Mary Jane, I do so wish I could magically transport myself and Steve to your side to help you get through this nasty business you are now going through with Sciatica. Since your therapist says it may be 3 weeks before you can walk normally, that would give us three plentyy of time to come up with a cute dance routine to celebrate your recovery - I'm thinking a kick line ala " A Chorus Line" ?  In the interim, we could entertain the neighborhood by walking arm in arm down your sidewalk as if it's the yellow brick road doing a geriatric version of "The Wizard of Oz" - Steve can be the Tin Man, since his ankle is held together with pins, whild you and I battle it out for the ruby slippers. I fear I'll lose that one - not because you're the woman, but because I get the impression that you can be one scrappy fearless gal, and I wouldn't stand a chance!

Anyway, I hope you have a better day today, and that each is showing some improvement and lessening of your pain. When it gets bad, just try to picture me in a blue-checked gingham frock, and that should distract you!

Much love and many hugs,

Your crazy  brother Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson yesterday

Dear Mary Jane,

I have to echo Marsha's words...you are not alone, although none of us can be there physically for each other the way we would like. I can't count the times I've wanted to reach through the computer and hug somebody, or just hold their hand. I have wished I could magically transport myself to someone's side to help them drive someplace ( for you, for example, because you do not drive), or to help out with whatever I could.

Yes, you are so very correct that after the initial offerings of sympathy and support, we seem to be expected to be "over all this" by some sort of mystical timetable in other people's minds. That is why finding this family who know differently has helped me so much. Oh, there are some friends and family who get that my loss of Larry has permanently changed the Chuck they knew - and thankfully accept that fact and are getting to know the new version of me inhabiting this old body. As for the rest of them...well, the less said of that the better.

My friend, I wish there was some secret I could share about getting through this, but despite our shared support and understanding of each other's grieving, I have come to accept that this path is one that is different for us all just as we are all individuals. But you will get through this...we all will, because the bottom line is, we have to - there is no acceptable alternative.

As you continue through the days and confront your feelings of loneliness and sadness, all I ask is that you remember that we are here for you  just the way Marsha said we are - believe her please, because the lady knows whereof she speaks!

Wishing  you a day in which you find some peace, another smile or laugh, and always hope - the thing we all need daily.

Love,

Chuck

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Mary.Jane ...  Believe it or not the way you are feeling is very normal in the journey of grief.  Each person is different, but for myself I had the hope it was all a bad dream; Ernie was away and he'd be home soon and I knew deep down it was wishful thinking.  I got so much done to the house and inside the house as if preparing for his return.  Each year after that I seem to be all over the place and part of it is financial; having to pay everyone to get something done.  I do what I can.  I said the same thing you did, 'What's the point.'  I also have changed sleeping habits and I'm a night hawk and get up around 10 AM instead of earlier because to me it's just more hours to think about my beloved.  You may not feel like you are getting stronger, but you are.  Please just go with the flow; do what you can and when you want and remember, your daughter and yes, your cat love you and would be lost without out you.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's just getting through the journey of grief before we get there. 

What I've learned from grief ...  I'm stronger than I thought even though I've always been a strong woman; I'm more to the point with people and don't play games socially as I feel it's a waste of time and I was surprised people complimented me on that trait.  I have become humbled, more compassionate, more intuitive into the reality of WHAT REALLY IS GOING ON WITH PEOPLE SUCH AS OURSELVES; and when I feel like crying sometimes I do, but mostly I poke fun at myself and those that know me here think I have a very good sense of humor.  I'm beginning to become 'me' again little by little and so will you.  Yes, you'll miss Bob until it's time for you to join him, but just sit quietly and think of what Bob would want for you.  He would want you to go on in his memory, take what your learned from him and use it in your life for each person in a relationship gives a true gift of themselves that enhances the other.  I've learned to stand up for myself more and act more like a man doing business.  I don't feel my age, act my age and I have most of my mental faculties.  LOL  I'm tough, but gentle; compassion, but sometimes blunt when needed and I stand strong for the memory of Ernie.  So my dear friend don't be afraid of this new feeling because you are simply healing through raw grief and it will ebb to a dull roar.  You are NOT alone!  We're all here for you!

Hugs

Marsha

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