special introductory paragraph
U.S.A. For M.O.D. Surfin' M.O.D. EP Gross Misconduct
Rhythm Of Fear Devolution
Dictated Aggression The Rebel You Love To Hate Red, White & Screwed
It's common knowledge that everybody loves an O.D., but where to begin? S.O.D.? A.O.D.? F.O.D.? That Fall song "R.O.D."? Well, the correct answer is none of the above: if you want a REAL O.D. experience, you have to go straight to the one and only Billy Milano and his hilarious, ass-kicking thrash metal band S.O.D. In retrospect, it appears that "S.O.D." was in fact one of the above. This Anthrax side project (Stormtroopers Of Death) blew the pants off of the young sweaty '80s thrash world with their loud, fast, offensive and uproarious debut album Speak English Or Die! (an easy 10 on a 1-10 scale: go to ebay and Buy It Now!), launching the career of jumbo-sized politically incorrect bully Billy Milano in the process. When the Anthrax guys had to return to their permanent jobs in Nuclear Assault, Billy found himself some other players and created a band with the strange, forgettable name Method Of Destruction, presumably so he could shorten it to "M.O.D." and fans would make the connection. M.O.D. initially picked up right where Speak English Or Die! left off, but within minutes Billy was replacing all the members and turning them into a tighter thrash band. Then all KINDS of things happened, none of which will be discussed here because this is an A.O.D. review page. You see, when Cruising With Elvis In Bigfoot's UFO failed to chart, Jack Richard took a - AUGH! WHO PUT THIS BEAR TRAP IN MY ARTIFICIAL VAGINA?!?!?
It didn't work so they recorded U.S.A. For M.O.D.. Now here's the thing: I'm WAAAAY rounding up on this one. It is certainly not a perfect 10, nor even a semi-perfect 9. However, I personally enjoy the shitting life out of it - REGARDLESS OF ITS MANY OBVIOUS FAULTS - and am thus willing to round my deeply-felt "8.5" to a "10." And if, like most people, you're only going to buy one M.O.D. album, this is probably the one that you would enjoy most. It's not anywhere near as loud, abrasive, tight, mean and funny as Speak English Or Die!, but it IS an honest attempt to mine the same territory and entertain people who enjoy good old basic thrash metal with a bit of tasteless insulting humor tossed in. And it succeeds, if my personal enjoyment of the record is any indication!
Let's start by discussing the lyrics. Some of the lyrics are not very nice. I'm sure Mr. Milano was just trying to be funny, and in a sense it IS funny that he attacks such defenseless and bizarre targets as starving Africans, poor immigrants and A.I.D.S sufferers, but he's unfortunately not anywhere near as concise and clever a rant-writer as that guy in Anal Cunt (who write similar songs with side-splitting effect). I'm all for off-color humor, which is why I think it's funny when Billy suddenly jumps out of his trademark talk/shout delivery to dramatically croon, "That's what you get for having a penis up your aaaaasss!" or when he responds to USA For Africa's pleas for donated food with "Maybe I should save it/But naw I got the cash/Think I'll take the easy way/And throw it in the trash!" But by too often relying on offensiveness and shock tactics rather than clever wordplay or insight, he at times comes dangerously close to sounding like Skrewdriver or something. I mean, I personally can see the humorous 'over-the-top' intent of verses like "America has its own problems/That's what should come first/So fuck those nigger's charity/And let them die of thirst" and "So go home now/Don't come back/Take your goat/Get on your boat," but in a music scene rife with real-life, non-cartoonish racist skinhead violence, how could Billy be sure that his jocular viewpoint wouldn't be taken completely seriously? Or did he even care?
The best thing I can say is that those songs make up only a very thin minority of the 24-song track listing. Most of the record tends to focus on lighter topics like fat broads, breakfast cereal, horror movies, homicide, murder, violence, psychosis, hopelessness and suicide. You probably won't laugh at any of them (except the uproarious 8-second parody "Ballad Of Dio," which finds Billy seethingly intoning, "In the dark of the day/Or the black of the sun/He's coming for you --- LOOK OUT!"), but Billy's "young teenaged fat boy" vocal delivery (which, whether he'd admit it or not, seems to borrow its overall tone from the Beastie Boys' Licensed To Ill) is just so harmless and friendly-sounding that tracks like "Bubble Butt," "Spandex Enormity" and "Get A Real Job" are much more entertaining than they have any right to be.
Onward to the music. Or as Chris Squire wrote in his gorgeous contribution to Yes's 1978 Tormato LP, "Onward through the night of my life." This album is made up of basic classic mosh/thrash guitar chord sequences -- heavy straightforward crossover riffs that speed up and slow down but otherwise showcase no dynamics or technical prowess at all. But this was what hard underground metal was LIKE in the old days! Chunky, simple, fast, fun - and catchy catchy catchy! Free of confusing math-metal changes and non-4/4 beats, this music was perfect for headbanging and moshing around in a circle at your local club or dining hall. Some of the songs are brief and silly, others feature longer, more developed instrumental sections, but you CERTAINLY won't find any of those fancy-ass "classical influences" or "individual notes" on this record; M.O.D. may stand for a lot of things but it certainly doesn't stand for "Metallica Or Dillingerescapeplan!" This is straight-up stripped-down no-frills low-rent underproduced neighborhood crossover thrash metal. If each of your hairs are only barely resting in place in the pores on your head, you probably shouldn't listen to this album because I'm telling you your head is gonna start bopping up and down and you'll go bald (and thus unable to attract affection from any other living being) nearly immediately.
If you like non-black rapping and distorted guitars that go "chug-chug-chug-chug-chug," beat a path to your record store's door to buy an album that includes both (a) the lyrics "Mother - Father wish I was dead/Could of been cum on their bed/Put me in this world, gave me little/The rich fuckin' bastards didn't care at all," and (b) the liner note "This album is dedicated to my dad. I miss you and I love you!!!" Billy Milano: Man of Complex Emotions or Human Liar?
Fans curious to hear what the brand new rejiggered version of M.O.D. sounds like are out shitting for luck too, because the EP only includes three original compositions, and they're just lite-metal jokes -- "Surf's Up," "Party Animal" and "Mr. Oofus," only one of which is any goddamned good at all. And believe me, it's NOT "Mr. Oofus," which sounds like an outtake from the worst GWAR b-side ever. The record features major-label metal tones and production (not the low-rent neighborhood mosh music of the first record), but there's no sign of thrash for miles around. It's just a bunch of midtempo chugging and "hilarious" adaptations of '60s beach music chord sequences. And NOTHING FUNNY. Here is the entire first verse of "Surf's Up" -- let me know if a joke happens to show up somewhere: "Driving to the beach/Gonna check out the waves/Waxin' up my board for/the pipeline craze/I'm dreamin' that I'm riding/to the top of the crest/and a six pack of/Milwaukee's best/I finish my ride and paddle back out/Turn round-raise without a wipe out." Are we supposed to laugh at the mere thought of a thrash band singing normal lyrics about surfing? Because THERE ARE NO FUCKING JOKES IN THIS SONG!!!! YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE A BUNCH OF REFERENCES TO SURF CULTURE AND EXPECT 'HUMOR' TO SOMEHOW ARISE FROM IT!!! That's what I would have said had I been in the studio that day. I would have said it more politely in person though, without the capital letters. If there's anything good to say about the EP, it's that (a) "Surfin' USA" is a great Beach Boys song and it's nice to hear Billy Milano actually *singing* instead of talking, (b) "Party Animal" is a fairly catchy heavy chunk of punk-metal even if the lyrics are monetarily worthless, and (c) Billy's muppet-voiced lounge jazz cover of Petula Clark's "Color My World" is truly uproarious, and the only funny moment on what was clearly intended to be just an absolutely hysterical little comedy record. One other positive thing about this EP: Billy Milano's dogs are cute as all hell! Visit www.billymilano.com and check out the "Familia" section. They're ADORABLE!
Gross Misconduct is to Suicidal Tendencies' How Will I Laugh Tomorrow When I Can't Even Smile Today, Dirty Rotten Imbeciles' Crossover and Agnostic Front's Liberty And Justice For...
In other words all four bands began as intense, mean, awesome, fast as hell hardcore-style bands (each band was at their PRIME), then all four decided to move to a more metal sound with more slow parts and things but they were limited by underground cheap production so the albums sound ridiculously lo-fi and non-commercial, then by the third LP each could afford expensive radio-ready serious big-time tight THRASH METAL production. Let me know if this sounds okay and I'll use it in my review.
In other news, that thing in my nutsac turned out not to be a third ball at all; apparently when I jammed that shuttlecock up my ass at your daughter's christening, it took some sort of weird turn and Wait a minute. This isn't Outlook Express! Who painted up my TurdPad to make it look like Outlook Express? Now I've written up this fantastic analogy - one that ranges right up there with anything you might hear from a professional music critic (Lester Bangs, GB Shaw or Edward Said) - and my intended recipient will never see it! Not now? Not EVER! And don't start in with that "cut-and-paste" hullabaloo; the last time you suggested that, I got the entire top half of the monitor stuck to my leg. In related news, M.O.D. released a new album today called Gross Misconduct. Just like Surfin' M.O.D., the front cover features a cartoon of a young man and a shark, highlighting the fact that this is the only time in MOD's career (before, since, after or during) that they would record two CDs in a row with the same line-up. Shockingly, unlike its brief predecessor, this one kicks ass!!! Nearly every song is mean, catchy, fast and tight speed metal/thrash that ranks up there with anything their contemporaries in Exodus, Nuclear Assault and Anthrax were doing. Seriously -- this is a hell of a thrash album! Tons of fun, like Anthrax without that dork singer. Billy's speak/sing voice is still full of personality (unfortunately it no longer would be after this release) and this is probably the most talented line-up he's ever played with (aside from SOD). The songs are actual "songs," rather than fuzzy chunks and headbang blasts like on the first album. And the "jigga-jigga-jigga" razor-sharp and fast guitarwork of Louie Svitek are a nostalgic treat for the ears. Most of the riffs sort of hover around the same upper area of the guitar neck so I imagine the CD might seem a little repetitive to some listeners, but I'm wild about this sort of straightforward speed metal. It always bugged me that so many could-have-been great '80s thrash bands hired ridiculously high-pitched operatic vocalists -- or alternately, jerks that just imitated James Hetfield as closely as possible. That's why the speed metal that attracted me the most was that of DRI, Suicidal Tendencies, SOD, The Accused and Slayer. These vocalists didn't sing -- didn't even TRY to sing -- but they each had so much personality in their approach that it was worth a million dollars in pennies to have them ruin my hearing and make my brain slosh around inside my banging teenage skull until it turned into a ball of mush that can no longer retain any piece of information for more than ten seconds.
I thought it would be hilarious to put a part in here indicating that I'd already forgotten I was writing an M.O.D. review (ex. "Wait a minute! What are all these words doing on the screen? And who took a dump in my bidet?"), but my editor insisted it would be too hilarious and nobody would be able to finish the page. As such, the review will now continue in a harmless "real-time" manner.
The second half of the record isn't quite as flawless as the first (the hardcore tempo of "Satan's Cronies" doesn't mask its complete theft of a DRI riff, the cover of Fear's "I Love Livin' In The City" is stunk up by the poor decision to have the entire band shout every other line together in an awkward anthemic NYHC manner, and "The Ride" ruins its circusy potential with some really dull changes), but it's still got some great jokes and a few killer Jamms that'll have your whole house rockin' with domestic violence. Lyrically, Billy learned from the USA For MOD controversy that most people don't understand irony (especially when your lyrics aren't funny at all), so he not only takes a more uniformly serious (and less offensive) approach this time around -- he goes so far to include a "Song Meaning" under each printed lyric! This is an awfully nice tool for a lazy reviewer such as myself, as I only have to glance at the booklet to tell you that Billy's concerns this time around include "doing something for yourself," "safe sex," "being a true friend," "drinking and driving" and "getting used by a record label." Heh heh. Sorry. That just reminded me of a great joke I read today in The Mummy Joke Book. Check this out: Q: Who makes up the Pyramid PTA? I know, we all had a hell of a fucking laugh about it here at the white slavery auction too. It even influenced me to dust the horsefeathers off of my own rib-tickler brain cell and come up with one of the finest knock-knock jokes this world has ever known. Check this out: Knock knock. See? It's dirty, filthy, sleazy, sexy, ribald and randy, just like all the women's fashion magazines I mailed it to. Talk about a great FCUK! Don't look now, but I'm DKNY! (dickin' ya)
When Yes's "Rhythm Of Love" lit up the Billboard charts for nearly 2 weeks in the summer of '88, Billy Milano knew that his goose was cooked if he couldn't come up with a hilarious "Weird Al" Yankovic-style parody of it. His first few attempts were killed in post-production ("Rhythm Of Shove," "Rhythm Of Gloves," the Christianically witty "With Him Above"), but he really hit pay dirt when he convinced his original guitarist to come back to record a new album with him. That album was, of course, Ryhtmsm Of Pain and is reviewed below.
In 1992, Billy Milano decided not to have an interesting voice anymore. Or perhaps he threw it out while on tour or from smoking a cigarette. Not even God himself knows the exact reason, but what was once a charming, guy-next-door goof-voice is now a gruff, raspy, Slayer-esque SCREEEEAAAAAMM!!! My guess is that the guys in Pantera were calling him a faggotass faggot and he wanted to show him what time it was. That's point one. Point two is that this music is less thrash/headbangy and more midtempo and pounding than before, what with the thrash of the '80s having unfortunately faded away due to the pummelling, groundbreaking, take-no-prisoners assault of Stone Temple Pilots. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, although some of the new material gravitates a little too closely towards the indistinct. There's also this sense that Billy's taking it all too seriously now -- as if music is no longer supposed to be fun, but SERIOUS, AGGRESSIVE and IMPORTANT. This feeling is expressed through everything from the cliched NYHC cover art to the more-aggressive-than-memorable '90s-metal riffs to the stone-faced lyrics that don't include the word "Bubble Butt" even once.
Speaking of "Bubble Butt," did I mention how fascinating I find it that the young Billy Milano wrote so many songs making fun of fat girls when he himself weighed about 800 pounds? When he sat around the house, he REALLY SHAT ARJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
Still, the band delivers on at least half of these tunes (and I use the term "loose" tunely). You'll find some intriguingly warped chord sequences ("Step By Step" - sadly not a NKOTB cover) as well as some surprisingly progressive musical composition ("Irresponsible"), and one leftover piece of classic high-speed thrash ("I, The Earth" - a song written from the Earth's point of view that is sadly sung by not the Earth at all, but Billy Milano). Plus, new listeners will be particularly impressed by how accurately Billy and Friends predict the sound of Slayer's later Diabolus In Musica; "Rally" (sadly not an actual KKK rally) sounds EXACTLY like something from that record, and the intense, brooding "Dead End" (sadly not a Dead Kennedys cover) isn't far behind!
Oh! I nearly forgot. Billy Milano fancies himself a "rapper" on this CD. Good night, everybody! Say hi to Dee Dee King for me!
Oh you're still here. Staring at my dick through the computer screen. No really, you'll love hearing Billy "Fuck Their Nigger's Charity" Milano declaring himself "Rhymestein: The Poetic Genius" as the world's shittiest rap metal ever brapps away in the background. And "Jive Time Jimmy's Revenge"? Well, it's called "Jive Time Jimmy's Revenge," for one thing.
CHERISH IT.
Also, what's the deal with all these hairy topless joggers I keep seeing everywhere? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . THERE'S ONE NOW!!!!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Isn't that an awesome Black Sabbath song, "Who Are You"? Some people complain that it's a little too prog, but I think it's one of the more fascinating songs on Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.
Isn't that a great U2 song - "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath"? I heard that Bonno, The Edge (Of Shit) and the boys drove down Broadway playing a song on the back of a flatbed truck to promote their latest album, once again demonstrating that the "U" in "U2" doesn't exactly stand for "Uriginality" ("Where The Streets Have No Name" = playing on a roof = Beatles' "Let It Be"; "Whatever their shitty new single is" = playing on a flatbed truck driving down a city street = AC/DC's "It's A Long Way To The Top"). Say! Can you tell I'm procrastinating? That's because I thoroughly loathe Devolution and Dictated Aggression, but I'd just as soon not invoke the ire of Billy Milano, a somewhat large, aggressive man who by all accounts happens to live in my somewhat large, aggressive hometown. But truth must out. Truth WILL out. Surely he's used to bad reviews by this point in his career anyway. Every other critic in the world thinks he's a washed-up dumbass! But do I? Hell no! I just don't particularly care for these two feces-encrusted pairs of underwear he tried to pass off as the fifth and sixth M.O.D. releases. Otherwise the guy's a real ass-kicker!
Except for Surfin' M.O.D.. Otherwise, the guy's kickin' some ass!
Devolution and Dictated Aggression, though performed by different M.O.D. line-ups (I think the drummer might be the same - not sure), are to my ears two coins of the same fountain. And this emperor has no clothes. Color me argumentative, but I don't understand the appeal of music with no hooks. I don't understand the popularity of a Pantera or a Nickelback -- bands that play two or three detuned chords over and over while a guy screams at the top of his lungs at you. I DO understand good old classic American hardcore with the fast catchy chord progressions you can hum in your head, and thrash with the headbanging tough razor-sharp knife-thrusting ass-kickery, but this two-chord over-aggressive entirely non-tuneful sort of rap-SCREAM-metal (nu-metal?) just sounds like creative bankruptcy to me. How hard is it to write a chord progression? Not that hard! So why are there only about two or three different ones on both of these entire records COMBINED?! Sure it's aggressive, but who cares? It SUCKS! Cliche'd, worthless screaming. Presumably it was an attempt to keep up with the tastes of a new generation (unfortunately Slayer appears to have chosen the same road with their BEYOND-disappointing God Hates Us All), but unfortunately this new generation was a bunch of dumbasses with bananas in their ears. This music defines mediocrity -- it's the epitome of generic, without even a hint of the band's (and Billy's) former personality.
There IS one difference between the two records, and this is the only reason that Dictated Aggression manages a 2 instead of a 1: the lyrics. Devolution is by-the-numbers NYHC "stick together" "I'm angry" assflappery, but Dictated Aggression's words are actually quite interesting! Right-wing as all hell, but interesting nonetheless! They present Milano as a man with ideas and opinions at any rate, rather than the boring NYHC blue collar stereotype he portrays on Devolution. On D.A.'s many fine numbers, Billy trashes Clinton for passing NAFTA in "Silence Your Sin," waxes depressing about his drinking problem in "Shot Glass," tells an ironic tale of a soldier and his son in "One Was Johnny," bashes MTV in "Empty Vision" (get it? "Empty V."? Sadly this is the best song on the record.), shakes his angry young fist at liberals in "In My Shoes," and sings about killing his former boss in "Just Got Fired." Unfortunately the music is some guy taking a shit on his guitar for 45 minutes.
Actually there's one other difference between the two records, I think. At least there's something else I noticed on Dickheaded Aggression (ZINGER!) that I hadn't noticed on Deterioration (ZINGER II: THE CRADLE OF LIFE): Billy doubles his gruff shouted vocals a lot, making him sound like Ministry star Al Jourgenson. An interesting, ear-pleasing development, but no excuse for the fact that each CD only has one memorable riff (the aforementioned "Empty Vision" and Devolution's "Repent," a swaggering, bass-driven groove-metal tune that features a second vocalist yelling call-and-response with Milano. It even has a catchy chorus!). The rest is macho shitty hookless sub-NYHC garbage.
Not that I'm putting down the mafia-controlled sub-NYHC garbage collectors. They do a fine job picking up all the urine-soaked trash bags on the sidewalk that I soak with urine every morning with my penis. As grindcore stars Sore Throat put it so eloquently in their hit single "The Ballad Of Billy Milano": "Die!!!! Milano...."
I heard they did a 2003 album that was even worse than Devolution, if
you can believe that.
"Wigga" makes fun of white people who try to act black. An ironic comment from the man who once proclaimed himself "Rhymestein - The Poetic Genius," but it's still pretty darn funny. However, the music by its very nature MUST be DJ-driven rap-metal. It's a perfect parody of that Limp Bizkit-type music. But do you like that kind of music? Then "De Men Of Stein" parodies the cold industrial metal of Rammstein, "Rage Against The Mac Machine" the funky skrank-metal of RATM and "Get Ready" the slowly-paced 'rock and roll' chord sequences of Kiss. They're all quite enjoyable and well-constructed parodies (the RATM one for example starts off with the brooding bass-drum combo and staticy wartime walkie-talkie vocals that you can't but not associate with political prisoners RAJEMTD and goes on to include high-pitched electronic guitar squeals just like every song Tom Morello has ever performed; for another example, the "almost live sorta" version of Kiss parody "Get Ready" features an insistent cowbell, an endless 3-note hammer-on solo, and the longest, stupidest, most bombastic song ending in history -- "Thank you! Good night! Thank you! Good night! We love you! WE! LOVE! YOU! A little bit of rock and roll! Do you wanna little bit of rock and roll? Thank you! And we've got t-shirts for sale in the hall..."), but the only one of those bands I like at all is Kiss so I'm kinda left "appreciating" and laughing at the songs more than enjoying the riffs. The four originals are great though - fun, hard, heavy, fast and produced with big modern recording equipment. Plus, it may be repetitive, but the driving riff of the title track -- with its wild pedal steel (?) slide guitar (?) whatever the hell is making that swooping upward guitar move -- might be the coolest thing MOD has ever come up with. Onward to the lyrics. The obvious complaint that everybody makes, because you kinda HAVE to, because it's impossible not to notice, is that Rage Against The Machine broke up several years ago. This is true. However, remember that M.O.D. hasn't put out an album in seven years. He probably wrote this song six years ago and S.O.D. wouldn't let him do it. I don't know. But it's a good tune, as dated as it is. Why leave it in the shitcan when you can release it to Mark Prindle? Wait, let me skip around here because I wanted to say something else. Billy Milano believes in freedom, fighting for rights, American strength, patriotism above all, and fuck the rest of the world. If he runs for office, I won't vote for him. I have no intentions of ever having a political debate with him. But he's at least HONEST about his "Kill All The Arabs - Let God Sort 'Em Out" views -- and judging from our recent election it's clear that a good half of our country agrees with him, though they euphemistically couch their hatred in socially acceptable "War Against Terrorism" rhetoric. And yes, Billy's gung-ho militaristic attitude seems a little hypocritical considering that he's never served in the armed forces (Has he? I don't think he has. If so, please let me know and I'll correct this sentence), but it is what it is. You can accept it, ignore it, throw it away, whatever you want. What I'm going to do here is share with you some lyrics that cracked me up. You may find them offensive and moronic, but they make me laugh. And I'm a fucking liberal! From "Wigga": "All the wiggas in the house say sup- SUP!/Will the wiggas in the house stand up - white boy/Please stand up, please stand up, pull your pants up - WILL YOU PULL YOUR PANTS UP!?" From "Makin' Friends Is Fun": "Why don't you pack your tent and leave the states/Since it pains you so much to watch their fate/Here's your 10 million back, shove it up your fuckin Saudi ass/Getting rich on our democracy, riding on our freedom's back" From "De Men Of Stein": "Dance around like Devo/Dance around like Devo" From "Rage Against The Mac Machine": "You want to free Tibet because you say Tibet's got it bad/Fuck you, fuck Tibet, fuck your fans - move there if you feel so sad!" From "Get Ready": "Are you ready?/-OOO READY/So get Ready - Get Ready/GET UP! GET DOWN! GET READY!" From "Ass-Ghanistan": "Some fuckin' Jihad, you said the blood will flow like a river/But what you didn't tell us is the blood is yours from the ass-kicking we delivered!" From "He's Dead Jim": "I'm an extra on Star Trek/It's my break on TV/The fourth man in the landing crew/It's the last you'll see of me" Okay, they sound funnier in the actual songs. But you should hear them! They're good solid American loud songs! A high 7 for sure, possibly an 8 if I ever start enjoying the music of Limp Bizkit, Rammstein and Rage Against The Machine. Here's hoping Billy keeps the personality in the music and doesn't take another seven years between albums. Huzzah! Also, Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Enjoy a dead turkey for Ted Nugent!
The worst thing 'bout the crossover/hardcore-thrash fusion & the post 1985 NYHC scene was the ultra-nationalist rethoric & macho rightwingish bigotry that shared a big part of the bands: Agnostic Front, M.O.D., Carnivore, Cro-mags, Slapshot, Warzone, etc. Billy Milano is, by far, one of the most radical at this point; that's what avoids me from enjoying this scene, which i think that became the last resort for skinhead violence & racism, and predicted all the dead-seriousness of the new brand of Hardcore (like you said, bands that play two or three detuned chords while a guy screams at the top of his lungs, terribly similar to Death Metal), which i totally loathe.
Not everyone in the late 80's NYHC scene had the same attitude; Youth of Today, Sick of it All and, specially, Gorilla Biscuits (who made one of the best Hardcore record ever, "Start Today", and definitely the one i enjoy most), fighted against intolerance, violence and had a positive edge (you, know Positive Youth). If you agree with the lyrics & the message, definitely, you like the band much more.
Greetings.
Hi, I'm a mod. Since I enjoy overseeing discussions on an Internet forum, I thought "Say, I should download that album Red, White & Screwed by my fellow mod, MOD." But then I did so and was like "OMG! WTF!?" It didn't sound like They Might Be Giants at all! Believe me, I wasn't ROTFL either because I'd wasted nearly 2 minutes downloading the pile of screamy heavy NYHC crossover metal. BANNED
Hi, I'm a Metadata Object Description Schema for a bibliographic element-set. Since I was developed by the United States Library of Congress' Network Development and Standards Office to serve as a compromise between the complexity of the MARC format used by libraries and the extreme simplicity of Dublin Core metadata, I thought I might take a jog on down to Turntable City and purchase Red, White & Screwed by this band Metadata Object Description. Then I put it in my microcassette bag and shouted, "What the hell is goin' on around here? Where's the implementation registry!? Where are the data elements from the MARC record!? And where are the humorous lyrics that made their last album such a treat?' This is just a bunch of serious fiddly-diddle about Milano learning pride from his father, and waxing nostalgic about the old hardcore scene, and talking about what America means to him, and bragging for the five billionth time about how un-PC he is, and telling hippies and protestors to forget their pussy revolution and use violence, and begging zealots to stop killing for God, and complaining about how we've lost all our rights, and screaming that there is no God and people are nothing, and telling foreigners to go home, and complaining about how stressful life is, and bitching at some old punk guy who took advantage of the scene, and mourning the breakup of his marriage. So my question remains: Where's the implementation registry!?
Hi, I'm Mark dOnavon prinDle. Although not nearly as much silly fun as the previous MOD CD, Red, White & Screwed stands head and shoulders (dandruff) above everything else they've done since 1989. It's also, coincidentally, the first speed metal album they've done since 1989! Finally, with the death of awful pounding Pantera screaming annoyance midtempo shit-metal, bands like MOD and Slayer are feeling comfortable returning to their classic sounds and this is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Let me explain why: speedy 4/4 beats and loud distorted guitars are good for the spirit. When you shake your head back and forth to the rapid beat of the drum, your brain releases endorphins that help you feel happy and optimistic. Plus, the straightforward 4/4 beat and chugging guitar approach presents a soothing, predictable platform upon which the band can exercise its creativity through new, interesting chord patterns. Pounding screaming shitmetal, on the other hand, gives you AIDS Cancer.
There's only one problem -- and this applies to many, many bands that choose to tailor their approach to the classic "NYHC" sound -- every song stops kicking ass halfway through in order to present a slow, boring 'mosh' part. I would have no problem with this aspect of the subgenre if the slower parts were ever ANY GODDAMNED GOOD AT ALL. But they never are! Take Slayer's "Angel Of Death," for example. That's a song that slows down halfway through, yet continues ruling because they replace the speed with an eerie, interesting riff. NYHC bands never do this -- they generally just slow down and play 2 or 3 boring macho chords over and over while the vocalist shouts some more. And I'm telling you, these parts drag ON AND ON until by the time the speed metal part comes back (if it does), the song has already been ruined!
So that's why the 6. Some humor would have helped too, but it's mainly the terrible slow 'mosh' breaks that kill the record. Still, if you're looking for a spiritual follow-up to Gross Misconduct, this would be the one to pick. Maybe just remix all the songs to edit out the slow parts?
Three final comments, about three specific songs:
(a) "Jose Can You See" -- Illegal immigration is indeed an issue of concern to people whose communities are affected by it. For example, the suburban area in which I grew up is now completely Mexican. Since my parents never moved, they are now surrounded by neighbors who keep roosters, start illegal fires, allow their yards to be overrun with garbage, and can't understand English well enough to comprehend that these things are frowned upon in American society. Still, surely there is some way to write a song about this controversial issue without sounding like a complete fucking idiot.
And that goes for you too, Ted Nugent.
(b) "G.L.E.T." - This is the sole parody on the record, and it is an absolute scream. Lyrically it's no great shakes, but my goodness is it a spot-on imitation of Metallica and Mercyful Fate. Who would have guessed that Billy Milano could pull off a PERFECT King Diamond impression!? Good work, gang!
(c) "Bullshit Politics" - A terrible song, but it contains what might be the most surprising and honest lyric that Mr. Milano has ever shouted/sang/said: "Bush let me down." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is BILLY "HEY, HERE'S ANOTHER TEN SONGS ABOUT HOW I'M A REPUBLICAN" MILANO we're talking about! So that's nice, even though it's a a corny funk-metal song.
It's Halloween so I have to go home now and shove candy up my dick for the trick-or-treaters (I'm dressing as a Pez dispenser). Good day to you!
Have you ever heard that Led Zeppelin song that goes "Been a long time since I rock and rolled"? Well, that's certainly how Bill Milano must have felt when Scott Ian, Charlie Benante, the other guy and that other guy refused to return home for a follow-up to their best-selling Eat Spanglish Or Dots! LP in 1986. But Bill wasn't born a quitter and he certainly won't die one, so he gathered together his skinny bass playing friend with the Corrosion of Conformity shirt, his permed bleach-blonde heavy metal drummer friend with the Samhain shirt and his guitar-playing friend with the devilock that looked absolutely hilarious when pressed completely down the middle of his face by a baseball cap with "No Mercy" written on it (No Mercy was a Suicidal Tendencies side project. I have their album. Your jealousy is hurting both of us.), and set about creating a new bell-weather by which all future thrash releases would be compared.
Finally.....someone has recognized the supreme thrash-a-mosh-a-metal that is USA for MOD.....or rather M.O.D. not to be confused with MODs as in FUCK THE MODS by DISCHARGE or FLAMING MEAT or VAGINAL ASHTRAY or one of those english american asian punk ...blaxploitation movie worshippers......but anyhoo...for some odd reason at the tail end of middle school and my speed metal loving phase...i picked up USA for MOD and proclaimed them my favorite gay (not that theres anything wrong with that) bashing bands ever......not to mention ARENT YOU HUNGRY....and RUPTURED NUPTIALS....i used to make 90 minute mix tapes for friends and chicks i wanted to bang....and ultimately lose friends and/or chicks i wanted to bang by filling the entire 45 minutes of the next side with RUPTURED NUPTIALS over and over and over again.....or sometimes i would put YOU SUFFER by NAPALM DEATH over and over and over again on the second side and in extreme cases i would alternate the two whilst throwing in LOVE ON THE ROCKS by NEIL DIAMOND every 20 minutes......but then again i like key lime pie......happy kwanzaa......and happy hannukah to scott ian...hes in anthrax and was in SOD....or rather S.O.D........not the grass substitute....or the glorious song SOD on RIGOR MORTIS vs. the earth.....anyhow......god bless USA FOR M.O.D. and god bless you mark prindle.......god bless you up your silly ass.....show no mercy and up the irons......all my love........K.O.
Hot on the the heat of USA For MOD, Billy replaced the entire band with a bunch of longhairs, and put out a really, really stupid novelty EP. I don't even know where to begin discussing how stupid this record is. The joke is that it's M.O.D. presenting a 60s-style Bleach Blanket Bingo-style movie. But to what end? Why? Is it supposed to be funny? Because believe me, it's NOT! And yes, that movie Irreversible isn't terribly funny either, but at least a guy gets his skull smashed in with a fire extinguisher. Granted, it's the WRONG guy getting his head smashed in with a fire extinguisher, but at least the real rapist isn't performing a pop-metal cover of "Surfin' USA" as he stands nearby grinning. Nor does he interject a bunch of pointless surf lingo like "totally" and "rad" between every song. Supposedly in the director's cut, he DOES perform a straightforward non-metal cover of the Isley Brothers' "Shout," but not in the final version so even there he has a heads up on Surfin' M.O.D., an EP by thrash band M.O.D. that features a straightforward non-metal cover of the Isley Brothers' "Shout."
Also, the second full-length MOD album (Gross Misconduct) is a really good headbanger record! Here's an analogy I'm going to include in my review:
as
USA For MOD is to ST's Join The Army, DRI's Dealing With It and AF's Cause For Alarm
as
Speak English or Die is to ST's debut, DRI's debut and AF's Victim In Pain.
A: Mummies and Deadies!
Who's there?
Filet.
Filet who?
Filet She - Oh!
Because my mind never stops working overtime, I recently thought of a grandicular idea for a new TV sitcom. Picture this: a bunch of British people work in an office on the 104th floor of the World Trade Center. Every week they engage in wacky hi-jinks until the end of the episode, when an airplane crashes into the building and it implodes. What do you think? Do you think the network bigwigs will greenlight my show? I call it Faulty Towers and it stars Bono.
When you put this CD into your stereo and hit "play," you will experience a brief moment of silence as the laser is guided to the correct starting point in the center of the disc. 
Boy, did I have a lousy night. I woke up in a Soho doorway; a policeman knew my name. He said, "You can go sleep at home tonight if you can get up and walk away." I slipped back through the underground and a breeze blew back my hair. I remember throwing punches around and preaching from my chair. It was awful! Also, and I wasn't going to mention this but, afterwards I took the tube back out of town - back to the Rolling Pin. I felt a little like a dying cow with a hint of Rin-Tin-Tin. I stepped back and I hiccupped, and went back on my busy day. Eleven hours in the Tin Pan - God! There's got to be another way! But "Who Are You"?
There's probably less controversey over who really wrote the New
Testament, but I think I heard that about half of the first MOD album
was already written by the Anthrax/Nuclear Assault team members before
they bailed, which could explain why USAfMOD is so good and why Surfin
MOD sucked.
FINALLY! Finally Binally Minalloy is BACK! The humor, the parody, the personality, the FUN(!) -- all combined with a ridiculously offensive (yet heartfelt) post-9/11 jingoism. Presumably the catalyst for this pleasing turn of events was an S.O.D. reunion (and second album!) that took place a few years earlier. He's got a new band, some catchy new metal riffs, and oodles of cleverly-phrased vitriol. No way can I give it more than a 7 though because the whole package is a ripoff out the ass of ripoffs. 13 songs? So it claims. But there are really only eight - a mere 30 minutes of new material. The other five are near-identical remixes and radio edits of previous material on the disc. Also, by relying so heavily on musical parodies of other bands, the lasting power of the music is sort of reliant on how good the bands he's PARODYING are. Let me create a new paragraph in order to analyze this phenomenon more closely.
Hi, Mark.
He's back alright, after seven Milly Bilano is more pissed than ever. 'Wigga' is my favorite song here, wiggas being the one group of people i'm racist against and all. He captures their patheticness perfectly with the line 'pull your pants up, pull your pants up, will you pull your pants up.' The music thrashes too... but of course there's more, as he rips on Rage against the Machine, Rammstein, and Ass-ghanistan. "Makin Friends is Fun" and the title track kick ass too. A couple points deducted cause it's so short, but still a good 8/10.
Hi, I'm a Mod. Since I love The Who and '60s Motown music, I hopped on me scooter and buzzed on down to the local Record Pub to buy Red, White & Screwed by this band MOD. Then I took it home, put it on me record player and was like 'what the bleedin' hell'? Where are the Continental European clothes I was expecting? Where are the French New Wave films? Instead I got some fat guy yelling over speed metal. This strikes me as bollocks, or at the very least, codpiece.
