Welcome to the battlefront on this Sunday afternoon. For once the sun is shining down on the good Lord's soldiers as the war against Satan rages on.
The Salvation Army has commandeered the left lane of a busy road - witches hats organised so willing drivers can pull over, wind down their windows and hand over money to help feed the poor, save a few souls and beat back the devil's entreaties.
Problem: No-one seems to be pulling over. More than 30 cars are now snaked along the right lane behind a red light. Drivers are staring ahead, tired eyes doing their best to avoid contact with the Army's soldiers. The louder they rattle their tins, the tighter grows the grip on our wallets. What's wrong with this picture? It's the Red Shield Appeal, a chance to give the wretched a better future. Have our hearts hardened so much?
Truth is, we don't have callous hearts. Nor have we grown indifferent to the suffering of others. We're just exhausted - from being asked to give. You can't go anywhere without having your personal space invaded by an Irish backpacker asking you to give money to a foundation you've never heard of making necklaces for endangered rhinos in Botswana. So-called charity workers swarm shopping centres wearing bright t-shirts and fake smiles.
Would Madam like a special bracelet to commemorate recipients of liposuction surgery that went wrong? Would Sir like to buy and plant a tree for sufferers of plantar warts and dandruff?
You name the cause and there's a gimmick. And if you refuse to answer the knock on your front door, they will still get you on your home phone - and always around dinner time. Oh, no cash, either. These days they just want your credit card.
The absurdity which has allowed this epidemic of asking to flourish can be found in a quick glance at the website of the Australian Charities and Not-For-Profits Commission, which boasts there are more than 54,000 registered charities in this country. That's one for almost every 450 of us. It's almost easier to win tax-exempt status in Australia than it is to register a shady shelf company in the Cayman Islands. What's worse is the lack of transparency and the empty guarantees that the money you hand to that religious organisation or that foundation run by your favourite ex-cricketer or entertainer is being used wisely.
Little wonder our willingness to give has been so blunted, leaving the real victims in this tsunami of tin rattling those genuine people - many of whom honestly believe they are doing God's work - finding less and less to spend on the growing number of those needing help.
So enter effective altruism, a new movement that says we should continue to empathise with the suffering of others - but before giving we should demand evidence that funds are going where they should and the outcomes are measured and provable.
Led by figures like the philosopher Peter Singer, effective altruism calls for a measure of intellectual rigour rather than a robotic handing over of cash. When you do the research, you find organisations like GiveWell that, through strict monitoring, rate the most effective charities.
World's best at the moment? The Against Malaria Foundation - a fully transparent group that has demonstrably saved thousands of lives by providing cheap and effective insecticide-treated netting in nations where children are most vulnerable to mosquito-born malarial infections. Others that rate well include groups battling parasitic infections that are cheap to combat but can devastate the future lives of children left untreated. You won't find any of the big name religions or familiar charities anywhere near this list.
Last Sunday I joined that line of cars refusing to pull over and give to the Salvation Army. After the Royal Commission findings that they failed to protect children in their care from abuse for more than half a century, I've placed the Salvos in the same cellar as the Catholics, Protestants and the rest of the multi billion-dollar religious groups who continue enjoying tax-exempt status, despite decades lying about the disgusting cruelty they perpetrated on thousands of helpless children.
A few weeks ago I sat through a catholic mass because of a family event. As the plate was passed around for a second time I ignored it and thought of the years of haggling by the hordes of callous lawyers the church had employed to pressure and deny its victims rightful compensation.
From now on I'm doing my homework and making sure that when I give, it counts. Charitable foundations that pay top salaries to chief executives and big religions that long ago lost their Christian spirit certainly don't deserve our dough. They're not using my money to buy their way out of Hell.
Garry Linnell is co-presenter of The Breakfast Show on Talking Lifestyle.
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