The Comebacks (2007)

Actors: Dennis Rodman (actor), John Salley (actor), Jesse Garcia (actor), David Koechner (actor), Maurice LaMarche (actor), Holmes Osborne (actor), Andy Dick (actor), Don Abernathy (actor), Bradley Cooper (actor), Will Arnett (actor), Trae Ireland (actor), D.T. Carney (actor), Jon Gries (actor), Nick Searcy (actor), Casey Sander (actor),

Plot: Lambeau Fields lives a middle-class lifestyle in America along with his wife, Barb, and a gorgeous daughter, Michelle, who he has brought up as a son. Lambeau is a failure and has virtually given up on his career as a football coach. Then his friend, Freddie Wiseman, encourages him to re-enter this field, and he does so by re-locating to Plainfolk in Texas and joins the Heartland State University. It is here he will meet some of the most pathetic players, and quite disillusioned he goes about to find new-comers. He finds a kicker in Jasminder Featherfoot, provided of course, he keeps her involvement secret from the rest of her family. Then he finds Lance Truman, whose drag queen dad has brought him up more like a tom-girl. With these additions and others Lambeau sets forth to include his team in the next Super...Er...Toilet Bowl 2 series, and it is here that he will find that Lance fumbles a lot; Barb is not quite faithful as she seems; he will soon be in jail for Indecent Exposure; Michelle has a black boyfriend; and Freddie has a hidden agenda.

Keywords: american-football, baseball, basketball, boyfriend-girlfriend-relationship, championship, coach, college, cross-dresser, exchange-student, failure
Genres: Comedy, Sport,
Taglines: Keep your eye on the ball. The producers of "Wedding Crashers" spoof the greatest sports movies ever.

Quotes:

Michelle Fields: I want to have what you and mom have.::Lambeau "Coach" Fields: Herpes?

Titans Coach: Crack is whack and white don't cover black!

Michelle Fields: I was out catching some waves.::Lance Truman: In the middle of Texas?::Michelle Fields: I told you I'm hardcore.

Vince: Hey coach. Name is Vince. I'm just a bartender from Philly whose only dream is to play ball. It's all I got left after I lost my job teaching, and my wife left me. Like my alcoholic father used to say before he passed on, "A man can only take so much failure!" I'll give you everything I got. What do you say coach?::Lambeau "Coach" Fields: I say you can add "Did not make the football team" to your list of woes.

Lambeau "Coach" Fields: Yeah, this is great. Middle of Podunk, nowhere. How am I gonna find an All-American quarterback?::God: If you build it, he will come. If you build it, he will come...::Lambeau "Coach" Fields: Who will come?::God: Your father. Your dead father.::Lambeau "Coach" Fields: My father's not dead. I just spoke with him this morning.::God: You got to be shittin' me. Is this 314 Bentley road?::Lambeau "Coach" Fields: No this is 314 Bentley drive.::God: That damn Google Maps. Anyway, the quarterback you're looking for is on the baseball field.

Trotter: [Buddy Boy is blocking Trottter's locker] Out of my way, fat ass. You finally decide to block something and it's my locker?::Buddy Boy: I was just gonna drop off an invitation to my birthday party. FYI, there's going to be a petting zoo. [whimpers]::Lance Truman: Nice. Score one for Trotter, which is one more than he had yesterday. [throws ball at Trotter, who catches it as team oooohhhs]::Trotter: Look, man, why don't you pretend this thing is a football, and just drop it? [team ooohhhs louder]::Lance Truman: Why don't you act like a barbell and get benched? [team cheers]::Trotter: Why don't you pretend this whole thing is a basket full of groceries and get sacked? [team yells]::Buddy Boy: Hey, hey! Why don't you act like my parents, go upstairs and have some makeup sex? [team look at each other, confused] [big fight occurs] [coach walks in]::Lambeau "Coach" Fields: Hey! Knock it off! Knock it off! [Randy winces in pain as Coach repeatedly slams his head into a locker and then kicks him in the ribs] Now, you listen to me. This is a team. And the only way we're going to win is when you start acting like one. And you can sure as hell bet that no one is leaving this locker room until you understand what being a team is all about. [walks out slamming door]

Chip Imitation: Heh heh, it started out where she was wearin' a lot of clothes. Then she wasn't wearin' a lot of clothes, then BOOM! I got a chubby!

Hard Ball (2001)

Actors: Brian Robbins (director), Michael Tollin (producer), Graham Beckel (actor), Brian Robbins (producer), Mark Isham (composer), Josef Brandmaier (miscellaneous crew), Andre Morgan (actor), Mark Margolis (actor), D.B. Sweeney (actor), Diane Lane (actress), John Hawkes (actor), Keanu Reeves (actor), Mark Robert Ellis (actor), Mark Robert Ellis (miscellaneous crew), Larry Donahue (miscellaneous crew),

Plot: Bright, well-educated, handsome Conor O'Neill's promising future was wrecked by his gambling addiction, which dragged him into heavy drinking and petty crime, but worst of all, the stifling grip of loan-shark bookies. Desperate for a loan, he accepts to stand in for lawyer friend Jimmy Fleming as coach of a Chicago black 'projects' ghetto Little League baseball team. His sense of pride, becoming the boys' sole idol, and competition, plus their attractive teacher, motivate Conor. But the crushing loan problem rather requires leaving town.

Keywords: baseball, based-on-book, betting, boy, boy-with-glasses, brother-brother-relationship, chicago-illinois, child, coach, competition
Genres: Drama, Sport,
Taglines: In a place where all bets are off, he's got nothing to lose. The most important thing in life is showing up The story of ten kids and a coach who never had a chance... until they took a chance on each other.

Quotes:

Raymond 'Ray Ray' Bennet: Coach Conor? You're not really trying to get Ms. Wilkes, are you?::Conor O'Neill: No.::Raymond 'Ray Ray' Bennet: Good. 'Cause I already tried and she ain't havin' it.::G-Baby: Yeah, me too.

Raymond 'Ray Ray' Bennet 's mother: Miss Wilkes said she had a good feeling about you.::Conor O'Neill: Miss Wilkes said that?

Elizabeth Wilkes: So you work for Smith & Stevens Securities?::Conor O'Neill: Yes.::Elizabeth Wilkes: What deal did you blow?::Conor O'Neill: What?::Elizabeth Wilkes: Well, I'm sure you're not coaching this team by choice.

Conor O'Neill: I want you guys to take a good look at yourselves and feel proud. We made it here. We're here. What I've learned from you is that really one of the most important things in life is showing up. I'm blown away by your ability to show up through everything that's gone on. The league never wanted you to play this game, but you showed up. But, uh, we only have eight players so, we can't play.

Conor O'Neill: Good morning. Um, Gerius was a player on the Kekemas baseball team I coach. Honestly he, uh, he was too young to play. But he wanted to be a part of the team so badly, I couldn't say no. He had a great smile too though I'm not telling you anything you don't know. He was a really tough guy. Just a boy really who, uh, wanted to be around his older brother. The other day we played a really important game against a good team. And two outs in the last inning, I had no choice but to let Gerius bat. He was fearless as he stepped to the plate. I was terrified for him. With two strikes and our hopes dwindling, he hit a shot down the first base line. He won the game. And watching him raise his arms in triumph as he ran to first base, I swear I was lifted in that moment to a better place. I swear he, uh, he lifted the world in that moment. He made me a better person, even if just for that moment. I am, uh, forever grateful to Gerius for that.

Kofi: It was booty. That girl Meg is dumb. Thinkin' her fathers comin' back from wherever. That's stupid to believe in. That girl and her mom are both trippin'. Cuz where I'm from... don't nobody's father come back.

Conor O'Neill: What? Since you can't talk shit, you got nothing to say?

Conor O' Neill: Hey! Can we cool it with the bitches?

Conor O' Neill: I love it when you call me big poppa!

Kofi: You suck... just like my girlfriend.

Garage: A Rock Saga (2000)

Actors: Kevin P. Farley (actor), John Farley (actor), George Wendt (actor), Joshua Funk (actor), Joshua Funk (composer), Joshua Funk (producer), Joshua Funk (editor), Joshua Funk (writer), Jerry Minor (actor), Keegan-Michael Key (actor), Marc Evan Jackson (actor), Angela Shelton (actress), Sonya A. Avakian (actress), Kevin Leeser (actor), Kevin Leeser (actor),

Plot: Based on the stage play of the same name, GARAGE follows a four-member rock band formed following the death of Frank's (Joshua Funk) father. Catching up with the band every five years--as they assume a different musical trend from 70s disco to 90s grunge--the band goes through highs and lows as members come and go, each struggling to find their individual identity, and their identity as a rock band.

Keywords: based-on-play, independent-film
Genres: Comedy, Music,