Picture: Sophia Cachia Instagram
My baby girl made her grand entrance into the world this year on January 14th. Since then, my husband Jaryd and I have taken a slight detour. Picture this: we’re currently like an oversized campervan, trying to guide its way along a dark road, off the beaten track. It’s a bit bumpy and we’ve taken a wrong turn. Our wheels haven’t fallen off yet. They’re not in any way broken. They’re just slightly bent.
Things will change
Introducing a baby into a relationship changes the dynamics of a duo, no matter how hard you try to keep it together. You used to go to work during the week, have spontaneous date nights to the movies on a Wednesday, both call a sickie on Thursday so you could #netflixandchill in bed all day together, and your weekends were based around drinking and late nights - including sex as loud as you wanted, when you wanted! Oh, the freedom.
Then comes the baby. Priorities do a back-flip. So much so, that even personal hygiene is more often than not a last priority. Long gone is 99.9 percent of your freedom and the only late nights you get are the ones where your damn child won’t go the f*ck to sleep.
I recently got my kiddies dressed appropriately and packed up ready for a day out at Dad’s footy, only to arrive and realise I’d forgotten tampons on day two of my ‘post-baby first period’. It was just another case of getting everyone else ready before myself. The old scrunched up toilet paper mound had to suffice. #mumlife
Jaryd, Sophie and Bobby. Picture: Sophie Cachia Instagram
We survived one baby…
I strongly believe, despite all the difficulties that having a baby brings to relationships, that Jaryd and I handled Bobby’s – our first son – arrival in 2014 quite smoothly. We were still as spontaneous and fun-loving as before. You’ll never really feel like yourself and have your life back the way it was, but hey, we did ok.
People will tell you that kids ALWAYS come before your partner, but Jaryd and I both agreed that we wouldn’t let that apply in our partnership. Yes, our son’s needs did come first, but my husband was right up there with him and vice-versa. We managed – in the 2.5 years that Bobby was a solo child – to stay social, to stay in touch, and most importantly – to stay in love.
I guess a positive about Jaryd and I is that we’re passionate. Every single day. There’s always a bum grab here or there, a quick neck kiss … and when it comes to the bedroom, well we make love like two 16-year-olds banging in a free house when the parents have gone away.
Little Flossy was born in January. Picture: Sophie Cachia Instagram
‘Even the sun sets in paradise’
I cannot deny that since the arrival of Florence – our second child – this January, we ‘died’ just a little.
This is something that I’ve had to sit down with my husband and chat about numerous times (because despite how amazing they are, do men ever really listen the first time?).
Without sounding like my head’s so big I can’t walk through my front door, social-media-land loves me and Jaryd as a couple. We get #couplegoalz and #saaajealous quite a bit, and women proclaim they want me to clone Jaryd so there’s more men like him around. But in the words of my favourite Maroon 5 song, ‘even the sun sets in paradise’.
RELAX RELAX RELAX. Bobby and Flossy’s parents are not separating. Nor would that thought EVER cross my mind. BUT BOY this is hard. Really damn hard lately.
Between Bobby, Florence and my current workload, I hardly find time for myself at the end of the day (*refer back to personal hygiene point) let alone my husband. And I’m not talking about sex. Because I think the sex is actually quite easy if you want it to be.
We had a little early morning rendezvous yesterday. Look it wasn’t glamourous, and it finished with Bobby walking in the room mimicking my huffing and puffing – but hey, we got it done!
I’m talking the date nights, the one-on-one bonding, the in-depth adult conversations that we’re so desperately lacking. I just want to talk more. Just us. With no baby on my tit and no Thomas the Tank blaring in the background.
Sophie and Jaryd at her 21st (left) and earlier this year (right) Picture: Sophie Cachia Instagram
I want my husband. He wants me. We just want us back.
Loyalty and trust are up there in my list of key factors to a relationship. But so is communication – something we are currently trying our very best to stay on track with.
This is something I can only imagine gets harder the more children that pop out. And I can already hear the echos of, “Wait till you’ve got four kids, then you’ll know what hard work is!’ Also, I’m well aware that there are much ‘tougher’ situations we could be in -travelling partners, shift work, non-compatible work schedules. But like everything when it comes to parenthood, you can only talk about your own personal experiences and how these new changes affect YOU in the lifestyle that you’re so used to living.
When it was one child, it was a lot easier to stay in tune. More time, more energy, more US. Now that there’s two, well, our life is a little more chaotic. I work from home a lot, so am either locked away in my office or I’m out on the road. Jaryd is currently playing stay-at-home dad, so his average day includes feeding, bathing, changing and playing with the kids. So basically keeping them alive and keeping them entertained. Whilst doing grocery runs and general errands, he’s also out a few nights a week for footy training. Some days we’re lucky to do a quick high-five past each other in the hallway. And whilst it’s just a case of ‘that’s how life has to be at the moment’ – I don’t like it!
Working hard to find ‘us’
Jaryd’s 25. I am 26. I’m not ready to be the parents who are too tired to ask each other how their day was. I don’t want to be the parents who are too busy to care.
For the first time – and only fresh into our marriage – I’m seeing how kids can so easily divide parents. In our situation, it’s not malicious and it’s most certainly not intentional … it’s just … happening. And that’s the scary part. We’re great. We’re always so good. Yet, for the first time in nearly seven years I feel like I’m having to step it up. We’ve gone up a notch in how hard we need to work to make Jaryd and I exist as a couple - and not just as parents.
The only positive I can take out of this is that Jaryd is open to having these conversations and listening to how I’m feeling – so I think we’ve already hit the first issue of open discussion on the head. Oh, and that he still gives me a good noogie when I ask. We can’t be in that much froth and bubble yet, can we?
Sophie is a mum, a writer, a business woman, a media spokesperson and an all round extremely busy lady. You can keep up with her on her blog, on Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat: @sophcachia.
