This is the most depressing video I have seen in a long time. The premise is devastating in its simplicity: a collection of clips of news programs and politicians (mostly Republicans) talking about climate change next to a pair of charts showing rising global temperatures and falling Arctic sea ice coverage.
I found it striking that before the 2008 election of Obama and (especially) the 2010 midterm election that resulted in a Republican majority in the House, Republican politicians spoke clearly and publicly that climate change was happening and that something needed to be done about it. And now? Republicans deny climate change is happening and Trump has pulled the US out of the Paris Agreement.
First of all, sorry for not doing a better job of giving updates. My body is fighting the cancer which means chills, high fevers, and I am exhausted. In real life it means me looking for ALL of the covers and blankets and then tossing them off me in a frantic pace. Wendy meanwhile finds herself waking up freezing and me going, “I was feeling hot”.
I am so tired so much of the time and I mean to write some more but I don’t have the energy.
Today I am off to Royal University Hospital for a colonoscopy. Dr. Beck is the surgeon. I don’t know why that is a big deal to people but everyone is always asking me that. I thought I had the name on the oncologist but I forgot it. I had other things on my mind that day.
Being sick and doing nothing but dwelling on the cancer is not the best mental health practice. You start thinking back to when symptoms appeared and you realize the infection hid it and then you realize, “they didn’t catch this early” and it has spread. Then I just head to ProFootballTalk and see what Mike Florio is writing about.
The Trump administration makes so much news that it’s easy to lose sight of even important stories. Thus, the leak of the transcript of a phone call between Trump and President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines has not received the attention it deserved. First reported by the website The Intercept on May 23, the transcript, which came from Manila, not Washington, makes for astonishing reading.
Duterte has become notorious for the wave of terror he has unleashed in the name of fighting drugs. As Trump’s own State Department wrote on its 2016 human-rights report: “Since July police and unknown vigilantes have killed more than 6,000 suspected drug dealers and users as the government pursued a policy aimed at eliminating illegal drug activity in the country by the end of the year.” Duterte has not been coy about his intentions. “Hitler massacred 3 million Jews,” he said after his election last year. “Now, there are 3 million drug addicts … I’d be happy to slaughter them.”
In his call, Trump had nothing censorious to say about all of these killings, which, as one might expect, have felled the innocent along with the guilty. Far from condemning Duterte for his vigilantism, Trump praised him. “I just wanted to congratulate you because I am hearing of the unbelievable job on the drug problem,” he said. “Many countries have the problem, we have a problem, but what a great job you are doing and I just wanted to call and tell you that.”
Duterte purred in response: “Thank you, Mr. President. This is the scourge of the nation now, and I have to do something to preserve the Filipino nation.”
Trump: “I understand that and fully understand that, and I think we had a previous President who did not understand that, but I understand that.”
That previous president, of course, was Barack Obama, a man Duterte described as a “son of a whore” who could “go to hell” for having the temerity to criticize the extra-judicial killings. Trump did not condemn Duterte for these remarks, which are an insult not just to Obama but the entire United States.
Trump concluded the call by telling Duterte “You are a good man” and inviting him to visit Washington: “If you want to come to [the] Oval Office, I would love to have you in [the] Oval Office. Anytime you want to come.” And then this: “Keep up [the] good work, you are doing an amazing job.”
Like a jilted spouse who has finally had enough, Western Europe is going its own way. German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced the split on Sunday, shortly after President Donald Trump concluded an official visit to the continent that created a deep rift in the heart of NATO. “The times when we could fully rely on others are to some extent over—I experienced that in the last few days,” Merkel declared, speaking at a Bavarian beer hall rally. “We Europeans must really take our destiny into our own hands.” At the end of her speech she took a swig from an oversized beer mug, smiling, as if relieved to be done with it.
I don’t disagree with Heer but keep in mind that all of us, journalists included are horrible at predicting the future. Also there will be better United States presidents that will value the relationship with Europe. Remember that Justin Trudeau undid much of the damage from Stephen Harper’s “principled foreign policy” (personally I am much more aligned with Brent Scowcroft and Lawerence Eagleburger’s unprincipled and pragmatic foreign policy).
That being said, it does seem that Trump has strained it’s relationship with Europe to the point where he is being openly mocked and challenged by everyone. This is what happens when you elect an idiot.
So the fun is about to start. On Thursday I have my colonoscopy where the surgeon can take a look at the tumor and figure out what to do. I should have had this done while I was in the hospital two weeks ago but it’s Saskatchewan and we aren’t very good with these kind of things.
They did refer me to a surgeon and I got a letter telling me that the first colonoscopy they could get me into was in Humboldt and a week from this Friday. Luckily I talked to my family doctor and he contacted a surgeon who got me into Royal University Hospital for Thursday.
I’ll take a drive home from Royal University Hospital than a drive home from Humboldt after a colonoscopy any day of the week. Plus, what part of the Saskatoon Health Region that thinks it is a better idea to send people to Humboldt for a colonoscopy.
I am not looking forward to any of this but getting things started it a lot better than waiting. The sooner they cut the tumor out, the sooner I start to heal. The sooner radiation and chemotherapy begin, the sooner it is over. The sooner the biopsy is done, the sooner I know what kind of fight I have ahead of me. Not knowing is frustrating.
Wendy and I were trying to pick a place to go after the chemo is done for a quick weekend escape. She suggested Winnipeg to which I replied, “Only if I am not going to make it.” I don’t know, I thought that was hilarious.
On a plus side, Wendy went out and bought me a Google Chrome Audio. My notebook computer’s Bluetooth hates streaming when I am actually doing some work with the computer and my good speakers aren’t Bluetooth. So for $40 I can stream baseball from ESPN Radio and be happy. I want to add another two to the house and then I can stream it all over the house.
Finally I am having my last meal tonight before the colonoscopy today at City Perks. It will involve dessert.
So on Monday, I realize I wants a new tablet. I had thought of a PS Vita and I was sure that Lee had one. What I remembered was his PSP Go (which sold like 4 copies in North America). So after considering a Nintendo 3DS, I thought of getting a mid-range tablet.
I head to Visions and for some reason there are two cops there. Oliver says to me in a voice loud enough for them to hear, “Umm Dad, does Mom know you are purchasing this?” I reply, “I don’t have to ask Mom, I am an adult” (that being said, we had talked about it).
Oliver doesn’t back down, “I think you talk with Mom about this first”.
So we hit up a McDonald’s, I bribe him with a shake and we head home. I am exhausted so I toss the tablet on the dining table and go to sleep. Wendy comes home and Oliver is immediately, “We need to talk”. He totally ratted me out.
So a bunch of people noticed my column was not in The StarPhoenix. It was a decent column that I liked anyways but I missed deadline at RUH and let them know. That was frustrating for me because deep down I know that 30 minutes would have had it done. The weird thing is that I totally made the point of my column later in the week by my actions. I am going to rewrite it and submit later on when I am feeling better.
As for the short term future of it, I had a good email exchange with them. It’s always jarring when I realize I have been doing this weekly for six years. So I hope be able to write a bit down the road and then eventually go back weekly. Like I said, they have been great.
On a negative note, I haven’t slept in almost a week. I went into my family doctor and for the first time ever, asked for a sleeping pill prescription. I never ask for drugs but all I do is toss and turn all night and it is taking a physical and mental toll.
The other part of it is that everyone else is stressed. Meals aren’t being made. Groceries aren’t being bought. Everyone is hovering over me like I am that orb that Trump and the Saudi King were touching. Wendy, Mark, and Oliver are overwhelmed but that isn’t helping me or getting the dogs let out and walked. I can’t eat beef, chicken, or pork. So Wendy keeps buying me chicken, beef, and pork. All have gone to the dog or to the garbage. We are all frustrated. Basically all I want is mango, watermelon, and yogurt and ice cold water. I’ll pass on everything else.
I’ve asked a few times how I am doing. I am shocked that two weeks ago I was ready to go for a long hike and now I can’t function I am in so much discomfort. I am so tired, so weak, and am in an increasing amount of pain. I have no idea why surgery hasn’t happened yet. I was supposed to hear that today but didn’t hear back. I just want to get the process started. I know it will get worse before it gets better but at least I am making some progress.
I realized that I am going to be spending some time in the hospital. Since there is not a lot of things I can control, I might as well micromanage what I can control. So that means I might as well look good while in there. No one looks good in that standard issue hospital robe.
I am happy with my slippers. Now only do they feel good, I have a pair of bear hear slippers that scare the dog. I am fine with the slipper department.
I did purchase a couple of pajama bottoms that will go well with t-shirts. Comfortable, suave, and chic. Perfect for laying on a bed in pain. I do need to get a robe and I am unsure where I want to go with that purchase. I have some other lounging pants (is that what the kids call them?) so I am think I am set.
I am also reviewing my tech. What I really want is a PS Vita and a bunch of sports games. Sadly the PS Vita seems to be just barely alive according to Sony. There are some games but rather expensive. Another option is a Nintendo 3DS but no sports games at all from anyone. Really no good third person shooters either.
That leaves me with my tablet which I may just get an upgraded one. My problem is that I don’t really like playing games on a tablet. I guess I am going to have to get used to it. Let’s be honest, I am probably just going to play Tetris and Bejewelled. I am fine with headphones with some excellent and comfortable ones to choose from. I can use my iPod or Spotify to stream. Other than some new pens and a notebook, I am set. I micromanaged that issue right into submission. Next.
Last week I started to run a fever that would not break. I was hot and cold all week and I kept waiting for it to break. I taped an episode of a Shaw/The StarPhoenix show on Tuesday and thought I was doing okay. I drove back to work, finished the day and when could barely drive home I was so tired. I was done work at 6:00 a.m. and Wendy was done at 6:30 p.m. and I fell asleep in the Safeway parking lot waiting for her.
I went right to bed when I got home and never really woke up until late Wednesday night where I had this horrible pain in my side. I feared it was an appendix about to bust. We had planned to be at Grasslands National Park this weekend and the past thing I wanted to happen was a burst appendix and spending a week in Swift Current.
So we went into a packed Royal University Hospital Emergency Room. I almost walked back out and I am glad we didn’t. There were no beds. Instead of beds in the hallways, they had people sitting in chairs in the hallways. I was there for 20 hours. Around 4:00 a.m. they did some bloodwork, took some X-rays, and sent me home. I felt like and idiot for coming in.
I plopped down on the bed exhausted and Wendy let the dogs out (if you are wondering “Who let the dogs out?” It was Wendy) and collapsed into bed beside me. Then the phone rang. It was the Emergency Room doctor. He asked Wendy if we could come back to the E.R. right now. One of the tests suggested I could have a blood clot in my lung. I sat there and said “No, I am not going back” and kind of complained about how stupid this was. I then got out of bed, showered and tossed on some clean clothes and returned.
A shift change meant new doctors but they had ordered a CT Scan for me. As I went to leave, a porter (who I would lose battles with all day) ordered me into a wheelchair and wheeled me up for my scan. They did the scan and I went to grab the wheelchair and push it back to the E.R. The porter appeared, ordered me back into it and pushed me back down to the E.R. while scolding me for trying to walk.
Then we waited and waited and waited in a closet off of the admitting area. No privacy or a bed but it was nicer than the hallway. Finally at noon, Wendy asked one of the triage staff if I had been forgotten. He assured me I hadn’t and told me that I could grab some food and even offered me some as he had heard my blood clot tests had come back negative. I made a huge mistake and should have eaten then but I really wanted a Baconator and could also taste it.
The doctor and intern called us into an interview room and said, “No blood clots but we found some micro density growths on your liver”. She started to ask me a bunch of questions again and said she wanted an ultrasound. I asked what she was looking for and the answer was, “cancer”.
We wandered (porter free) upstairs to ultrasound. I could see the screen. I could see the growths.
So much of the staff at RUH that day shops at 33rd Street Safeway. They all know Wendy. While I was waiting for a review of my ultrasound before they sent me back, some of the staff asked Wendy why were there all day. They knew it was bad from the tests.
I went downstairs and the doctor told me there was cancer. It was 20 years to the day that my mother was told she had cancer. I was given the options of some more tests or if I wanted to go to the family doctor and have him order it. I just said, “do them all now”. She agreed with me and sent me for yet another CT Scan. A nurse asked the doctor if I could walk up the test, I hollered over, “I can!” which was my only small victory of the day.
The injected me with dye and scanned me more intensely. They found a large growth in my colon as well. Within seconds of walking back downstairs, I was told by the doctor the results and we set a course of action. So it looks like a colonoscopy (don’t Google what that involves), removal of a chunk of the colon, biopsy, and radiation and chemotherapy.
They took the IV out and I was free to go.
I drove by work because my boss was working my shift and this will cause chaos for him. I then called my friend Gloria Reimer who has a chronic form of cancer. Her and Jerry are family to Wendy and I and I was horrified to tell Mark. It was the evening before his birthday and we had planned this epic weekend to celebrate it.
I came home and he started to cry before I said a word. He knew something bad was about to happen. Oliver cried. Wendy wept. I was emotional but finally I had to say, “I haven’t eaten since Tuesday, can someone do a food run?” I want to say the Baconator was the best burger I had ever had but it really wasn’t
Eventually exhaustion took over and I fell asleep. I would I could say it was a peaceful sleep but a combination of the the fever and the dog stealing my blankets and kicking me in the face all night woke me up more than once. When I woke up on Friday, I was excited and ready to attack the day. I swung out of bed and then it hit me, “I have cancer.”
Over the last couple of days I realized that some are horrified to talk about cancer and even friends don’t know how to talk to me about cancer. Everyone is asking me, “Do you mind if I ask?” I really don’t, I just don’t have any answers right now. Those and a lot more questions will come in time.
The big question I had to ask myself was, “Do I want to write about this?” I remember filling Hilroy notebooks when I was a kid of things I was learning. I still have the notebook I filled while reading All The Presidents Men as a teen. Writing stuff out has always been how I understood. I know I understand things when I can comfortably write about them.
So as I understand what is happening next, I will write about it here. It’s the path that I am now and I need to figure it out.
So the one last thing. I mentioned my mother.
She raised the family since by father walked out the day before my brother was born. She had brain cancer and it was already grapefruit sized before they found it. She never had a chance. They operated and did radiation but she was never the same. I would talk to her but something changed in how she saw us. She got us confused and reverted to seeing me as a 6 year old. We just never had a chance to talk about her journey because of where the cancer was.
Mark asked me Thursday night if I would write about it and I told him I didn’t really know. He asked if I would record some of it. That was more of a suggestion than a question.
So I spent 8 minutes in part talking about the cancer and then joking around with Mark and Oliver while Wendy spent what seemed like ages trapped in Dollarama.
I know this is a bit redundant in that many of you read both this and the Don’s Photo blog but in case you missed it, Don’s Photo is having a pretty big photo trade show in Saskatoon on June 9th and 10th. Basically the camera companies float giant barges of gear down the mighty South Saskatchewan River (okay that part may not be true) and will be showing them off on that weekend at Don’s Photo. What is true is that will be a crazy amount of great gear here.
I was down in Regina a few weekends ago and even saw some cameras and lenses that weren’t released that I was able to try out and play with. It wasn’t even because I was staff. It was just because I was there. Ricoh had one of the few Pentax KPs around. Nikon had one of the two Nikon D7500s in the country and there was one of the new amazing Fujifilm GFX 50s there.
Mother’s Day started poorly. Instead of letting Wendy sleep in while we played a trio of stringed instruments to soothe her as she slept, we woke her up early so we could give her our gifts to her. There was a lot of noise, threats of ice water and a dog licking her in the face. She is surrounded by jerks.
About those gifts.
Marley her a photo of herself in a dog themed frame.
Oliver gave her a blender because ours died and she wanted a new one. It was over 20 years old when it kicked the bucket so it had done it’s job.
Mark gave some trekking poles and a pink Nalgene water bottle.
I gave her a North Face shirt and a picture frame that looks like one of Parks Canada’s red chairs with a photo of Mark, Oliver, Marley and Wendy in it.
After the gifts were opened, we drove to Smiley’s Buffet with Jerry and Gloria Reimer where the guys took Wendy to brunch (and we took Gloria as well). I was told about Wood Wick candles and we gave Gloria one of those and two framed photos of the boys. Then we ran home, grabbed the dog, and headed north.
We drove through Prince Albert and stopped for some cold drinks before pushing on towards Prince Albert National Park along Highway 263. Mark had never had an energy drink before today. He turned from a quiet introvert to a noisy extrovert. That was quite an experience.
After heading into Waskesiu and tooling around a bit, we headed back home and waited for Mark to finally stop talking.
The big question I had to ask myself was, “Do I want to write about this?” I remember filling 
