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Trump flayed: Hasan Minhaj's harshest burns at White House correspondents' dinner

Washington: US President Donald Trump wasn't there to roast in person at the White House correspondents' dinner, but that didn't stop the evening's entertainer, Hasan Minhaj.

There were plenty of jokes about Mr Trump and his administration - and more than a few at the media's expense as well. Here are some of the harshest.

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Minhaj brings the burn on missing Trump

With President Donald Trump absent at this year's White House Correspondents' Dinner, comic Hasan Minhaj roasted the president for his absence.

"I would say it is an honour to be here, but that would be an alternative fact. It is not. No one wanted to do this. So of course it lands in the hands of an immigrant."

"Don Rickles died just so you wouldn't ask him to do this gig, all right? RIP to Don Rickles, the only Donald with skin thick enough to take a joke like that."

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"A lot of people in the media say that Donald Trump goes golfing too much – which raises a very important question: Why do you care? Do you want to know what he's not doing when he's golfing? Being President. Let the man putt-putt. The longer you keep him distracted, the longer we're not at war with North Korea."

"We have to address the elephant that's not in the room: the leader of our country is not here. And that's because he lives in Moscow; it is a very long flight. It would be hard for Vlad to make it. Vlad can't just make it on a Saturday. As for the other guy, I think he's in Pennsylvania because he can't take a joke."

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"There was also another elephant in the room, but Donald Trump jnr shot it and cut off its tail."

"Betsy DeVos couldn't be here; she's busy curating her collection of children's tears."

"Even Hillary Clinton couldn't be here tonight. I mean, she could have been here, but I think someone told her the event was in Wisconsin and Michigan."

"The news coming out of the White House is so stressful, I've been watching House of Cards just to relax. Oh man, a congressman pushed a journalist in front of a moving train? That's quaint."

"Even if you guys groan, I've already hired Kellyanne Conway, she's going to go on TV on Monday and tell everybody I killed, so it really doesn't matter."

(To the press) "Remember election night? That was your Steve Harvey/Miss Universe moment."

"It was all fun and games with Obama, right? You were covering an adult who could speak English. And now you're covering President Trump, so you've got to take your game to a whole new level. It's like if a bunch of stripper cops had to solve a real-life murder."

"Tonight is about defending the First Amendment and the free press, and I am truly honoured to be here, even though all of Hollywood pulled out now that King Joffrey is president and it feels like the Red Wedding in here."

"We all know this administration likes deleting history faster than Anthony Weiner when he hears footsteps."

"[Donald Trump] tweets at 3am sober. Who is tweeting at 3am sober? Donald Trump, because it's 10am in Russia. Those are business hours."

"This has been one of the strangest events I've ever done in my life. I'm being honest with you. I feel like I'm a tribute in The Hunger Games. If this goes poorly, Steve Bannon gets to eat me."

"I know some of you are wondering, Hasan, how do you know so much about Fox News? Well as a Muslim, I like to watch Fox News for the same reason I like to play Call of Duty. Sometimes, I like to turn my brain off and watch strangers insult my family and heritage."

"MSNBC. It's hard to trust you guys when you send so many mixed messages. On the one hand you tell us the prison industrial complex is the problem, and then you air five straight hours of Lockup. You can't be mad at corporations profiting off of minorities in prison when you're a corporation profiting off of minorities in prison."

"I had a lot more MSNBC jokes, but I don't want to just ramble on, otherwise I might get a show on MSNBC."

"CNN is here, baby. You guys got some really weird trust issues with the public. I'm not going to call you fake news, but everything isn't breaking news. You can't go to Defcon-1 just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturiser."

"All you guys do is stoke up conflict. Don, every time I watch your show it feels like I'm watching a reality TV show. CNN Tonight should just be called 'Wait a Second Now Hold On Stop Yelling at Each Other with Don Lemon.'"

"You guys have to be more perfect now more than ever. Because you are how the President gets his news. Not from advisers, not from experts, not from intelligence agencies. You guys. So that's why you've got to be on your A game. You've got to be twice as good. You can't make any mistakes. Because when one of you messes up, he blames your entire group. And now you know what it feels like to be a minority."

(Later, addressed again to the media.) "By the way, you guys aren't really minorities – you're super white."

"It's 11pm. In four hours, Donald Trump will be tweeting about how badly Nicki Minaj did at this dinner. And he'll be doing it completely sober. And that's his right. And I'm proud that all of us are here to defend that right, even if the man in the White House never would."

Washington Post