Sexual healing
Sex advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders. Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.
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Since my hysterectomy, we haven’t had any sexual intimacyMy partner would never commit to a family before I was ill, and now I can’t have children, I resent him
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I can’t climax during sex with my partner. Is it because I masturbate too much?I haven’t talked to my girlfriend about this, but while I can’t come during sex with her, I have no problem ejaculating when masturbating
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My boyfriend and I don’t have sex so I turned to another womanI’ve lost interest in the physical side of things with my partner of six years, but recently had drunken sex with a good female friend and loved every minute of it
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Has being diagnosed with HIV ruined my sex drive?I’ve met a great girl and she’s very supportive, but I’m worried that I just don’t have any libido. Can we ever have a physical relationship?
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Since I terminated a pregnancy, my boyfriend has been unable to ejaculateHe says it is nothing to do with the abortion, but before it happened, the sex had always been great
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My partner blames his erection problems on my weightWe have been together for 20 years and I have always been on the large side, but when my partner revealed why he has a problem, I lost a lot of weight. So why is the problem still there?
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Since my husband’s affair, I’m afraid he will reject me sexuallyWe are rebuilding our relationship, but neither of us feel free to initiate
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I've always felt too much guilt to enjoy sex – and now I've got no libido eitherAt last, I’ve met someone I would like to enjoy life with. But, thanks to my Catholic upbringing, I’ve always had problems with sex, and now I’m perimenopausal
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My husband is a recovering alcoholic and is uninterested in sexHe sleeps in a separate room and isn’t even interested in cuddles
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My wife prefers her vibrator to sex with meShe says she’s too tired to make love, then masturbates in secret. How can I break this cycle?
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I’m a man who can’t orgasm through vaginal sexI am a healthy man in my 30s. I don’t have a problem if I masturbate, but can’t climax during intercourse
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I’m 67 and have started seeing a woman of my age, but worry I can’t satisfy herDue to an old injury, testicular cancer and blood pressure problems, I’m pretty well useless at straightforward sex, but would do anything to pleasure her. How can I raise this subject?
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My long-term girlfriend is in love with a woman but wants us to stay togetherShe has recently started a sexual relationship with a woman and refuses to understand why I am upset by the loss of the deep intimacy we shared
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We want children, but my husband struggles to climax through intercourseWe have worked around the problem and had a fulfilling sex life. But now we are trying for a family, it has become an issue, yet he refuses to discuss it
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I’ve lost all interest in sex – although I still find women attractiveI’m worried my issue will cost me my relationship – but the thought of sex fills me with dread
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Pregnancy and low self-esteem have put a stop to our sex lifeIt has been eight months since I gave birth, but I don’t miss sex
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I have trouble climaxing with my girlfriend when I wear a condomAt 64, I just don’t get the same sensation with a condom, and manual stimulation during intercourse is uncomfortable for her
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My husband only wants sex four times a year – what do I do?He says he has a fear of intimacy. Will therapy help him past these feelings, or should we give up and live as friends?
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I’ve only had one orgasmNow I have met a nice guy and would like to find my orgasm with him, but don’t know how to approach it
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I am not confident enough to satisfy my abused partner sexuallyWe love each other but I am not sure I can role-play what she wants
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I made myself have sex with my husband and I feel terribleMy libido has been low recently and he had been drinking, so I let it happen. Now, I blame myself for not taking control of the situation
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I am terrified of any kind of sexual contactI have a boyfriend, but when it comes to sex, I get terrified and almost on the verge of tears
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My wife says I fail to stay hard except during oral sexI didn’t even realise and now she is worried that I don’t find her attractive
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I haven't had sex with my wife for six years after she ignored my advice on weight lossI tried to assist with her post-pregnancy weight loss, but when that didn’t work, I avoided intercourse. I’ve since tried to get back to normal, but she runs away from me
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I feel disgusted with myself after having sexI hate intimacy and can only tolerate partners who are not ‘lovey dovey’. What is wrong with me?
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Could my wife’s circumcision explain her lack of interest in sex?Our sex life has been underwhelming. I wonder if what happened to her as a child could be to blame
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I love my boyfriend but he only likes rough sexI fantasise about intimacy and romance every day, but it always stays a fantasy
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I haven’t had sex with my wife for eight years and I’m becoming obsessedShe has MS and is registered blind, and I cannot physically connect with her. A counsellor suggested I masturbate, but I feel guilty doing so
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I can orgasm from masturbation and porn, but not with my loving boyfriendEven though he would do anything to make me climax, I don’t get turned on enough
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Should I tell my partner how many lovers I've had?Is it OK to refuse to answer or lie – or should I always tell the truth? I’m a sexually active woman in my mid-20s
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My boyfriend doesn’t feel comfortable having sex with meHe’s insecure and says he ejaculates too quickly, and I think he’s depressed. I’m trying to support him, but I’m frequently away for work
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My partner has a phobia of kissing – but tries to have sex when he is asleepHe only kisses me when he ‘sleep sexes’
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I hate receiving oral sex from my boyfriendHe enjoys it but I just lie there wishing it was over. Am I wrong to feel that way?
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I come much too soon in the missionary positionWe have a good sex life, but it’s hopeless when my wife wants me on top
I'm a virgin and want to try sex, but I can't get in the mood