The world of aviation was rocked to its core this week following an alarming incident in which an elderly male passenger was hauled out of his seat, beaten, dragged down the aisle and turfed off a plane by airline security guards. The incident took place on a crowded Quaintass flight out of Sydney and was filmed by terrified passengers who watched as the screaming man was left bloodied and bruised. "We had no choice," explained the CEO of the airline, Mr Alan Joystick. "The plane was fully booked with a typical diverse and gender inclusive crowd from inner-Sydney when we realised we needed an extra seat for a transgender member of the cabin crew called Raylene. Naturally, we looked around to see who was the least diverse passenger on board and we immediately spotted this 70-year-old doctor who wasn't wearing his designer Gay Marriage "Acceptance" ring, with the little gap in it symbolising the gap in gender equality in Australia, which we had so generously handed out with the boarding passes at Check-In. Somehow he'd slipped on board without slipping it onto his finger. Obviously, we couldn't expect LGBTIQ passengers to tolerate such a blatant display of intolerance, homophobia, and transphobia on the same flight as themselves."

The man has since been identified as a doctor with a dark and sinister past. "We have found out that he used to trade things like flowers or a trip to the movies followed by dinner and bubbly for unnatural heterosexual acts with members of a different sex. He was not the sort of person we want on our airline," explained an unrepentant Mr Joystick. "Marriage equality is all about love and compassion, so if you choose to disrespect our community by not wearing your voluntary Acceptance ring then don't be surprised if you get turfed off our flights."

In other news this week, the ABC confirmed that it had reinstated "axed" newsreader Natasha Latham after an embarrassing on-air gaffe which had gone viral on social media. "Media reports that Natasha has been 'barred', 'banned' or 'fired' are completely untrue," explained a spokesperson for the ABC. "Although we take on-air standards seriously, we don't always expect perfection."

The controversy was sparked when Ms Latham, an attractive young brunette intern from Campelltown, was caught out whilst hosting a popular cable TV current affairs show. "Natasha was daydreaming about being back in Parliament when the camera cut to her and suddenly she realised she was live on air. But instead of smiling calmly Natasha opened her mouth wide, and out came all this stuff about oppressed white men and domestic violence and identity politics and lefties and political correctness and sexism and Rosie Batty and disabled radio presenters and man-toddlers and gay schoolboys so we had no choice other than to cut to a commercial break." The spokesperson assured reporters that Ms Latham would soon be back behind her regular desk. "But only on Facebook, obviously," he added.

Meanwhile, the world of political comedy was rocked to its core this week by the sudden death of much-loved satirist Scott Morrison. Morrison was out walking in the high altitude corridors of the Victorian ABC when he suffered sudden heart failure. "His career died a natural death doing what he loved best, looking for the media spotlight," explained a teary spokesperson. "He was in pretty rude political health, and thought he could tackle Jon Faine, but he made the fatal error of double-crossing Ray Hadley. It was downhill from there. He never stood a chance."

Scott Morrison was best known for his deadpan TV send-ups of being a federal treasurer. "You could hardly tell him apart from the real thing!" said one tearful fan. "Particularly the way he used all that waffly bureaucratic language in such a smug and self-important manner. It was hilarious." Said another: "Scott was quirky, witty and brilliant – a man who exposed the total absurdity, hypocrisy and stupidity of our national economics debate every time he opened his mouth."

Apart from his regular stand-up routines during question time, Morrison also co-wrote the popular comedy skit "The Games", in which a devious and underhand Communications Minister plots to bring down a first term Prime Minister before the Canning byelection with the help of a loyal deputy and 54 bed wetters. "It's a classic comedy of errors. But the ending is a real shocker."

In other news, the world of schizophrenia was rocked to its core by the sudden reappearance of two Julia Gillards. Said a spokesperson for Beyondblueties: "One Ms Gillard underfunded the NDIS, the other is foaming at the mouth about it. We have no idea which is the Real Julia."

Rowan Dean's 2nd AFR collection Way Beyond Satire www.wilkinsonpublishing.com.au