AFL 2017 in names only

The only player analysis you’ll need this footy season

By Hugh Robertson
April 2017

April 2017Short read

Topics

From the front page

A family in fluxTaylor Mac’s ‘HIR’ at Belvoir is not your average kitchen-sink drama Lessons from camelsA ten-day camel trek through the South Australian outback. With your parents.Religious persecutionWon’t somebody think of the Roman Catholics?Entirely foreseeable problemsAnother predictably bad day for the government On the road againJen Cloher’s self-titled album is a unique take on the trials of a touring musician Looking for Joseph MerrickMalthouse Theatre’s ‘The Real and Imagined History of the Elephant Man’ runs the risk of erasing its protagonist The united colours of BessonLuc Besson discusses humanity, utopia and his latest film, ‘Valerian’Misogyny floatsThe second season of ‘Top of the Lake’ once again battles male sexual and psychological violence Foresters of the skiesThe grey-headed flying fox faces a perilous nightly journey

Names suitable for minor characters in a Charles Dickens novel
Darcy Parish, Brandan Parfitt, Harry Perryman, Harrison Wigg, Tom Ruggles

The Ks have it
Keegan Brooksby, Kristian Jaksch, Kayle Kirby, Kade Kolodjashnij

Give ’em both barrels
Jesse Glass-McCasker, Sam Petrevski-Seton, Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti, Josh Deluca-Cardillo, Sam Powell-Pepper

The annual Jarrad census
Jarrad (4), Jarryd (3), Jarrod (5), Jared (1), Sharrod (1), Jarryn (1), Darragh (1)

The times, they are a …
Brayden (3), Braydon (1), Jayden (3), Hayden (2), Kaiden (1), Aidyn (1)

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the …
Dayne, Zaine, Blaine, Kayne, Kane, Wayne, Jamaine

*desperately immature giggle*
Mason Cox, Tyson Goldsack, Tom Doedee, Steele Sidebottom, Aaron Mullett

Yes mum?
Harry Dear, Jack Darling

Obvious aliases of superheroes
Cedric Cox, Harrison Himmelberg, Brady Grey, Tristan Tweedie, Dean Kent, Jack Steele

Footy player or make of car?
Jaeger, Suban, Hrovat, Bewick, Fiorini, Preuss, Varcoe, Strnadica

Imperatives
David Swallow, Billy Stretch, Brad Crouch, Tom Lynch, Dean Gore, Luke Shuey, Jarrod Pickett, Scott Selwood

Names suitable for the protagonist of a Banjo Paterson bush ballad
Darcy Tucker, Billy Longer, Dougal Howard, Mackenzie Willis, Jack Scrimshaw, Jack Fitzpatrick, Billy Frampton, Fletcher Roberts

Names suitable for a new housing development in Sydney’s north-west
Blake Acres, Levi Greenwood, Bradley Hill, Bailey Dale, Fergus Greene, Dean Towers, Easton Wood

Six degrees of Dawson Simpson
Jordan Dawson, Liam Dawson, Zac Dawson, Dawson Simpson, Kade Simpson, Sam Simpson

May the Force be with you
Wylie Buzza, Griffin Logue, Ivan Soldo, Tarir Bayok, Cameron Zurhaar, Maverick Weller, Roarke Smith

The Orazio Fantasia perpetual trophy for best new name
Quinton Narkle

Great names to shout when they take a speccy
Matthew Uebergang, Tim Broomhead, Jarman Impey, Myles Poholke

With special thanks to Peter Cronin

About the author Hugh Robertson

Hugh Robertson runs a record store, writes a lot and thinks about the Sydney Swans too much.