THAT'S not what you said in the Jeffries' Tube

You all know I think that voting out in the EU referendum was a mistake. Economically, it was a mistake. But, you know, maybe the optimist Leavers are right, maybe this is a blip and our economy will recover. Maybe we're not financially doomed. Maybe.

But even if all that is true, I'm still terrified. I'm terrified because, while it's true that not all Leave voters are racists, all the racists voted leave, and they now think that 52% of the population agrees with them and they can attack and abuse people with impunity. I'm scared for all my BAME friends. I'm scared for all my European migrant friends. And yes, I'll admit, I'm scared for myself.

Why?

Because after they come for the blacks and the Roma and the Irish, they come for the disabled and the LGBT. Every single time. I'm very publicly bi, and poly, and autistic, and I'm frightened. I'm admitting my selfishness here. Sorry. I have always been and will always be a campaigner against racism. But it's not for entirely altruistic reasons.

I don't have a chirpy ending for this post, sorry.

ETA: inevitably this post has caused some upset. I'm not going to delete it, nor an I editing the original text, because I own my mistakes, but I do want to say:
- nowhere does it say in this post that the ONLY reason I fight racism is for myself
- nowhere does it say in this post that I don't know that disabled and/or lgbt PoC exist
- if I am writing a post about my own personal fears, I'm not going to presume to talk for people who's shoes I haven't and couldn't walk in.

Obviously I could have worded this better, & for that I apologise. I shall try to do better in future.

So last night I got sent home from work after fainting at my desk whilst complaining of chest pain. My dad came to pick me up, and took my pulse and did various other first aidy things and decided that I probably wasn't having a heart attack (yay) so took me home. I spent a fitful night of yet more nightmares and the chest pain was still there this morning, so I went to the doctor.

There now follows a link to storify, as I have already told this tale on twitter. And can't be arsed typing it all out again. And I'm not embedding storify on here because it looks AWFUL and takes ages to scroll past for those who have already watched it unfold on twitter.

Basically what it boils down to is this: if I get mega-stressed and I can't utilise either of my usual coping mechanisms* my intercostal muscles will pull so tight that they will tear my ribcage away from my sternum. I do not see the evolutionary advantage in this capability of the human body, but apparently it's pretty common.

So I have to take a couple of days off work (which work have been very gracious about) and avoid stress. Trying to avoid stress is going to be very stressful, I think... -_-" For one thing, how do I stop the nightmares? Any tips gratefully recieved.

In slightly cheerier news, I got the results back from being a responsible poly person and going to get tested today, cos I know you're all waiting with bated breath for this. As expected, I am all clear on all tests.

---

*one of which is admittedly healthier than the other. Neither of which are available to me at work.

The eagle eyed amongst you might have noticed that I won blog post of the year at the Botties for this post.

I did not react well, which is one of the reasons why it has taken me this long to blog about it. I am very flattered, and honoured, but I am NOT good at taking a compliment, and some of the consequences of winning an award were a bit triggery* for me, and I might have gone off on one in a semi-public fashion on one of the Lib Dem email lists and upset lots of people. This was silly and ungracious, and given that I think one should own one's mistakes I am apologising for it in an even more public way.

So thank you to the judges for picking me, and sorry to everyone who had to witness my meltdown. At least it wasn't blog of the year... Can you IMAGINE how awful I'd have been if I'd won THAT? In return for being given an award I promise to keep swearing and offending people, keep teasing Tim Farron on twitter, and not become a tool of the establishment. You guys have to promise not to nominate me again next year, OK? I don't think anybody wants to go through this again.

Anyway, regarding the OTHER awards, my predictions** were somewhat accurate, apart from the small matter of not predicting my own win. I don't have to eat my membership card for Julian Huppert, which is a bonus. The one prediction coming true that I am really sad about is Vince Cable winning minister of the year over Lynne Featherstone. I love Vince, you all KNOW I love Vince, but basically all he has done this year is not fuck up as badly as he did last year. Lynne delivered same sex marriage. And in 20, 30, 100 years' time, THAT is what this government will be remembered for, and she deserves more bloody recognition for it. In my opinion anyway.

---

* one nano-second after winning my phone went mental with "x is now following you on twitter" notifications, and among the names was one that I really REALLY did not want to see. Those of you who know me well will know which one and why.
** here and here

I am doing 4 days a week (plus an hour to travel there and an hour and a half back) at the Lib Dem regional call centre for the election campaign, plus four days a week at my regular job, plus sewing class and the stuff I need to do for that, plus all the usual house and mothering stuff, plus standing for election myself in my home town. This means I am somewhat busy at the moment (for instance Friday is a shift at the call centre, two and a half hours total bus ride, and 6 hours in the pub, between which I have to do things like wash and eat) so blogging (and reading blogs, and tweeting, and answering emails and stuff) is going to be pretty non-existent, at least until after the elections, if not for longer. This includes compiling linkspams, because if I'm not reading I won't have anything to link to...

In conclusion: ARGH BUSY WORKING ABOUT NINE DAYS A WEEK OUT OF SEVEN BRAIN IMPLOSION ARGH. Hope you guys are all OK.

So I went to the doctor today about my migraines. And while I was there I mentioned the odd pain I have been getting in my abdomen. The migraines are not an issue, it transpires. I just needed better painkillers. The pain in the abdomen, though... There's a lump in the wombal area. And it might be fibroids, and it might be ovarian cysts, and it might be some kind of tumour, or I could be pregnant (even though I have been having normal Time of the Moth) or it could be something else. And I have to go and have a scan to find out.

The joy of it is that if I am pregnant, it's much more likely to be ectopic because of the coil... And to think yesterday I was all steamed up about the spending review, and how we are hitting the poor and the sick, and dealing the badly housed a double whammy of evil... Of course, those things still matter, but now? Now things are focussed differently.

Blogging may be light for a while. Sorry.

---

The deadline for nominations is tomorrow at noon.

People who are collecting noms for me? Can you email me at jennieDOTriggATgmailDOTcom how many you've got so that I can count up and see if I have enough? Not that I am panicking or anything...

People who have not yet collected me any noms? Please consider doing so if you are able and qualified to sign, You can download the form from the member's area of the party website (registration required), or if you're not registered for the member's area on the party website it's on my campaign team google group (different registration required), or you can email me at the above address and I'll send one out to you.

If you think you might be able to help, please do so. It would be a shame, not just for me, but for all the other people who have put work into this, if I was to fall short of nominations. IT doesn't matter if I get too many, but it sure as hell matters if I don't get enough.

Thanks in advance.

---

This blog is proudly sponsored by Caron's Musings

Apart from all the stuff recently detailed on here, there has been drama aplenty at work and in personal life, and I have been poorly (again) and I am involved in TWO (count 'em) Top Sekrit Speshul Projects - one of which won't see fruition for a few weeks, and one of which should be up on Monday or so (or at least, the first installment of it should be). Oh and various blog redisgns, including a minor one on here, which isn't live yet...

So, you know, still here, just about. Just mega mega busy. Am going to answer comments soon, I swear.

---

This blog is proudly sponsored by

If you would like to view this entry with a pale colour scheme click here. If you would like to subscribe to my blog click here for RSS or here for atom.

Less than two days till we're meant to be setting off for conference and it's all gone horribly wrong AGAIN

• The major problem is that dog-sitter has cancelled. It's kind of understandable - one of the other dogs he looks after from time to time is owned by an old lady, and she's had a fall and gone into hospital, so he's got her dog and thus no room for ours - but WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN??? ARGH! Any volunteers gratefully received...


• Holly has been off school sick all week, so not only does this mean that the house is a total tip, but this morning I woke up with a nose I couldn't breathe through and eyeballs glued together with snot. So if I do make it to Conference, I shall be being Typhoid Mary, except I'll probably infect a lot more than 53 people...


• It's only 6 weeks till beer festival at work and I have LOADS of posters and stuff to design and print and Conference will take a week out of being able to do that

So, yeah, I'm having a bit of a panic. And that's aside from the panics I am having over the fact that I'm booked to ask Questions to Federal Exec, and several people have told me I should speak on the Save Our Pubs motion, and I have a blogger interview with Our Glorious Leader on the Saturday morning, and I've had a top sekrit offer from someone else to be Lib Dem correspondent for their website for conference and... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

I am fighting the urge to curl up under the duvet and hide, because I have an eight hour shift at work in half an hour.

---

This blog is proudly sponsored by

Even though I know that famouse Doctor Who writer lonemagpie is right when he says that

The BNP's votes were actually *down* across the board - but because so many mainstream voters stayed home, and because Labour's collapse was even greater than expected, it still allowed them to get in with less votes than last time.

, I still can't help but feel the same as the lovely Mr Matthewman.

I hope all you bastards who stayed at home and didn't vote because they're all in it for themselves and they're all the same and my vote wouldn't make a difference anyway are really fucking proud of yourselves this morning. My money... MY MONEY is going into the pockets of two racist scumbags. We have tax-payer-funded fascists in this country now. I have a Bastard Nazi Party MEP. And it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

Fail, fellow countrymen. Epic fucking fail.

---

In more amusing (if slightly personally embarrassing) news, and speaking of Doctor Who writers, Daddy Alex has confessed to me that he went to a Doctor Who event on Saturday and might have inadvertently told my favourite Doctor Who writer about my huge crush on him. Oops.

Oh well. If you're reading this, Mr Lidster, sir, you have no need to run screaming in terror. It's very unlikely you will ever have the misfortune of meeting me, and if you do all that will happen is I will go red and stare at my shoes and mumble a lot, like I generally do when confronted with people I admire greatly. You can ask all the people who were present for the blogger interview with Vince Cable for confirmation of this if you like. I had to have a very large swig of brandy before I was capable of speaking, and was uncharacteristically quiet for the whole thing, aside from my question about bees. Which I really ought to write up at some point...

---

This blog is proudly sponsored by