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Humans understand the world through stories. We explain what we see and experience to ourselves and to others by incorporating it all into stories. Whether they're stories masquerading as facts or opinions hidden within stories, understanding the way they're told and why they're told that way is a step towards better understanding of the world.

Advancing the Sum Total of Human Knowledge and Endeavour catalogues one woman's attempt to understand the world by understanding the stories that are told, by journalists, politicians, scientists, and even writers of official 'fiction'.

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Bing's sugar momma; Bone Hunter Barbie; future Crazy Snake lady; currently Crazy Pirate Lady; dirtier than barrysarll; master of the pubis; Gives good advice; has fantastic hair.

Occasionally I babble about roleplaying at innermuses

Marriage is love.

I’m in my 20s, studying for a PhD in the morphological evolution of ornithischian dinosaurs. I have an eclectic range of interests and a very busy social life. I club a lot less than I used to, but drink far too much, but that’s my only vice, unless you count the internet.

I really really like werewolves. And pirates. In fact, my ideal movie hero would be a werewolf pirate named after a US state. Not a pussy state like Louisiana or California, but a cool sounding state, like Indiana, Washington or Dakota. Dakota would be played by Hugh Jackman and he would sail around the Caribbean fighting crime with his heterosexual life partner, a vampire elf wizard with a dull, wet name like Paul Butcher (played by Orlando Bloom). It seems like Paul’s supposed to be the hero – he gets all the melodrama (it’s so depressing being a vampire elf) and the romantic plot, but actually the female lead (Kirsten Dunst) turns out to be a lesbian and gets more sex than either of the guys, because Paul’s too wet to be sexy and Dakota’s just too cool to need any of that romantic crap.

Paul has to come to terms with his vampire elf heritage and how it affects his life. He needs to realise his destiny as king of the vampires, and somehow reconcile it with his responsibilities as Lord of the Elves. He hasn’t got the imagination to enjoy immortality and blood stains his teeth. On top of this, he can’t seem to find true love, the Caribbean climate is playing silly buggers with his hair, and he keeps snagging his stockings. Dakota gets to look cool and shoot things. He also gets all the best lines.

Of course, this isn’t just a movie, but a cartoon adventure series, and every week our heroes would solve a new crime, or maybe fight zombies. Often both. It spawned a comic series written by Neil Gaiman as well as the movie, which was directed by Tim Burton and also stars Johnny Depp as an evil mastermind who turns into a dragon about half way through. It has a Danny Elfman soundtrack and features a lot of sexy women in corsets, including most of the female cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It naturally spawns a sequel, also directed by Burton in which Dakota has to save the world from a pair of CGI mice, voiced by Eddie Izzard and Eric Idle. However, this film lacks the Elfman soundtrack, and Queen provide the musical accompaniment, thanks to Brain May’s new necromancer abilities. The resulting album grosses the charts within days.

My favourite colour is purple.

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