The report over the radio said it all: "When the verdict was read out, Ben Cousins looked to his father in the gallery ..."
Yup. In the one-time Brownlow medallist's darkest hour on Tuesday – off to serious prison, and not just for a few nights either, but a whole year – Cousins looks to his dad, and he is there, just as he has always been there.
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Ben Cousins sentenced to one year in jail
Ben Cousins is sentenced to one year in jail over stalking and drug possession. Audio: 6PR.
Listen, I don't particularly know why I have always followed the interaction of Ben Cousins and his father Bryan over the years, I just have. In that time his father has moved from quiet pride, to overwhelming pride, to worry, to obvious frustration, to outright despair. But the whole time he's been there, always there!
And if it is common to put the lives of sports stars in the spotlight time and again to draw salutary lessons from what they have done right and what they have done wrong, I hope Mr Cousins might forgive the intrusion if, just this once, I momentarily widen the arc of that spotlight to bring in, too, the man with the agonised look in his eyes, just off stage – to record my deepest admiration for his paternal stoicism.
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As it happens, Bryan Cousins already had his fair share of the spotlight, and was nothing less than an Aussie rules legend in the west for having played no fewer than 238 games for Perth and winning the Sandover Medal, and he was good enough to have also played for Geelong.
Despite that, in young Cousins' glory years, he was never one to push himself forward, to get any reflected glory. People in Perth at that time tell me he was all but invisible, just another face in the stands, though perhaps beaming more than anyone.
Only when the substance abuse became public, 10 or so years ago, when Ben was suspended indefinitely for his trouble, did Bryan Cousins step forward, saying to the press with great dignity, "I am making this statement today not on behalf of Ben, but as a father on behalf of his son ... Ben's problem relates to substance abuse and he faces a great challenge. Our family understands this is a problem that is faced by so many other Australian families ... There is no simple answer to the problem and in the process of overcoming it there will be obstacles and hurdles, some of which we may stumble at."
Across Australia, I imagine, families with offspring gripped by substance abuse would have nodded knowingly, and even, perhaps drawn some strength from his words. If this can happen to a superstar, it can happen to anyone, and this bloke is showing the way: calm, loving, resilience.
Mr Cousins was quick to put things in perspective, for all those carrying on about the impact on Ben's football career.
"It is ... not the foremost issue in my mind," he said. "When someone has a health issue of any significance, your first objective is to get them healthy again. I think every parent, when your children are growing up – and we have four – you are aware of issues I refer to as community problems. I think you all think 'It won't happen to one of my children', and when they become involved in any sort of activity that is of concern to you. It does jolt you and I think you have just got to remain aware that the opportunities are there and this is not an issue that is going to go away."
And so it proved, as his son's descent into hell continued over the next decade.
When, in November 2007, Ben was reported missing, Mr Cousins choked back tears saying: "As a parent, I am disappointed that it is necessary for me to make a statement today about Ben's welfare due to the ongoing fabricated stories and blatant untruths that have appeared in the media. The facts are these: Ben is not missing and has not been missing at any time whilst in the US. I spoke to him myself late last night. I have always known exactly where he is ..."
A year later he acknowledged he'd made mistakes, and publicly lashed himself for not having realised the extent of Ben's addiction earlier. "It has been a tough journey for us. The old parental instinct works pretty well [but] I didn't follow mine at the initial stages and I wish now I had. It may not have necessarily changed where we've got to, but there was a fair chance it would have done."
Two years later, in August 2010 after Ben made it back to the AFL with Richmond, , Mr Cousins was asked if Ben ever felt suicidal, and was frank. "Yes he did. [I made a pact with Ben, whereby if he] ever felt like that, that he would always speak to me."
Had Ben ever said sorry to him for the trouble he had put him through?
"Prior to his comeback game ... he thanked me for all the support I've given him ... [which was saying] sorry in the most important way for me," he said.
As to the toll it took on him and the family, he was honest:
"We've been a very lucky family, with the cards that we've been dealt as a family, and I said if this is our real big test, you know, this is the test of our family, let's bring it on. It broke my heart some of the things he did but I never ever once considered giving up. I just urge you never to give up, you know you've just got to hang in there and it does turn."
Well, in this case, it hasn't yet.
Last December a family friend, Eddie Natale, was quoted in the Herald Sun saying: "They are having a few ups and downs in their relationship, but Bryan loves his boy. Bryan was crying with me yesterday and asking what more he could do?"
From this distance, I would say nothing. And the fact that he is not only still there, all these years on, but is the first one his son looks to in his darkest moment is a tribute to him, and I, for one, salute his extraordinary stoicism and dignity, in the face of overwhelming challenges.
Twitter: @Peter_Fitz