It's one of the most extraordinary situations imaginable: a woman sharing the stage with her rapist, discussing her experience and his responsibility.
But that's exactly what attendees witnessed as Thordis Elva and her rapist Tom Stranger shared the stage at the All About Women conference at the Opera House on Sunday.
![Thordis Elva was 16 when she was raped by 18-year-old Australian exchange student Tom Stranger in Reykjavik, Iceland.](/web/20170309010438im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/i/m/f/t/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gur8ra.png/1488767698665.jpg)
"I don't want to focus on forgiveness today, I want to focus on responsibility," Ms Elva said at the beginning of her talk.
That a rapist has been given such a public platform is something which has come under heavy criticism. A petition against his upcoming appearance at a Women of the World festival in London has attracted more than 2000 signatures.
In a question and answer session, Ms Elva defended Mr Stranger's appearance.
"With rape being so pervasive and unreported, we are seeing and hearing from rapists all the time," Ms Elva said, adding that they are likely in your workplaces and running industries.
"The conversation around consent is still very stagnant," she added.
In Mr Stranger's view: "Staying silent is a tacit blessing for the status quo."
![Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger's TED talk about rape has been viewed more than 2.5 million times.](/web/20170309010438im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/i/l/w/g/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gur8ra.png/1488771795723.jpg)
He stressed that he is not profiting from the rape, nor is he trying to make a name for himself.
The pair have co-authored a book called South of Forgiveness, which has just been released. They originally met when Mr Stranger - an Australian - was an exchange student in Iceland.
Ms Elva has worked as an activist and educator on consent for 10 years and was named Iceland's Woman of the Year in 2015. In 2009 she wrote a book on gender-based violence in Iceland called The Plain Truth.
Her motivation, she said in the talk, comes from a quote that she once heard that was very meaningful to her: "Be the person that you needed when you were younger."
After Mr Stranger raped her she blamed herself for years. She said the "way that I took responsibility ... nearly killed me".
"The fact that Tom wasn't a monster but a normal person made it harder for me," she said.
Her hope is that her work will help other rape victims to put the blame where it belongs.
The criticisms have been "educative", said Mr Stranger. "I'm actively looking at the comments sections on articles."
He is taking part in Ms Elva's project because he is hoping to educate men. He would like to take part in those discussions with men in the future, he said, but "in the background".
He noted that he has never been charged for his crime, and said that he learned "you cannot detach from your own shadow". Instead he has had to learn to "harmonise with it".
When he received a letter from Ms Elva outlining her experience of the rape and the aftermath he said it was something where you have "to re-learn your own brutality in a moment".
"My categorical convenience of seeing it as sex and not rape had exploded," he said.
"What is clear is that she did not give me consent and I did not ask for it.
"I [had] felt that after a night out, a boyfriend is owed sex," he said.
After their talk Ms Elva and Mr Stranger were asked if they were now friends. Ms Elva quickly and firmly replied: "No." Instead she said they were "collaborators". Mr Stranger described their relationship as "functional".
One attendee told Fairfax Media the mood of the room was sombre. Ms Elva opened the talk by stating the purpose: "Whereby Tom who rapes me takes responsibility for his actions."
"Clearly it was dark subject matter and women in the audience could be heard quietly crying. It was very emotional."
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