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Quick—listen to today’s KITM right now, because Zombie Trumpcare might be advancing yet again, and you’ll need to review all of the information David Waldman presents, with the help of Greg Dworkin and Armando to reach the required quantity of insight and outrage to handle your day.

Why is the Gop leadership intent on walking their caucus off a cliff? Don’t they see this is a career-ending mistake? Their bill Is an abdication of responsibility and a moral disgrace. New horrible things are revealed daily: A provision to defund Planned Parenthood, the strangling of special education, the physical endangerment of every American—all added to secure additional Republican support. And all of this, even before the CBO score is known.  

Sure, the Republicans are hypocritical, double-dealing, incompetent and think even their supporters are idiots, but what are YOU going to do about it? Call your representatives, or better yet, become one!

How’d we get into this mess? Well there’s James Comey, and that letter he sent to Congress on Oct. 28. There is also the press, who have a weird problem with Hillary Clinton. Keep the media accountable. Even George Will will tell you there is something wrong with Trump, and even Democrat Jon Ossoff is getting big Republican support in Georgia.

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With the help of his friends, David Waldman got a breather today. Not a big enough breather to hit the links at his local historical monument though. (You’d think Andrew Jackson would have known better than to lead his troops across a golf course...) But why was there the Civil War?

Greg Dworkin rounds up the news of how our Clown in Chief, who says our country needs a good “shutdown”. (Trump knows his history.) Jimmy Kimmel pulled heartstrings and pushed buttons when he said he was happy that his son was alive. What sort of person could oppose Kimmel’s plea? Some Republicans are just learning about the Kimmel side of the story, and hope their Senate pals can help them out. Maybe a little amendment will help this blow over, but probably not, especially when it makes it worse for everybody. Personal bankruptcy filings plummeted after Obamacare.

Trump gives us a preview of next year’s Pence administration. Laughing is no longer a laughing matter. Maybe Hillary and Donald can join forces to take out their common enemy? The chief enemy of the Trump administration is everyone else in the Trump administration.

Joan McCarter longs for the days when Joe Namath looked pretty, and knew when to speak. Before Marco Rubio came along to raise Obamacare premiums and mess up people’s lives. Now, a single Iowan has healthcare that costs $1 million per month, while Iowa’s last insurer selling individual health policies exits. Paul Ryan is fast-tracking Zombie Trumpcare to those suckers in the Senate, with the aim of eventually screwing Blue States.

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Did you know that when information passes through Donald Trump on its way to American public, a few kernels of factual truth will sometimes emerge comparatively intact? Never one afraid to get his hands dirty, David Waldman rolls up his sleeves and sifts through Donald’s latest in today’s KITM. Donald Trump’s ideal, Andrew Jackson, has a somewhat mixed legacy, so Trump’s admiration might be problematic... or completely expected.

Is Trump’s ideal America pre-Civil war, or just pre-1890? Maybe the stars represent approval points. Donald rescheduled his dreams to September, because he lost yet again. That’s because we won. Which means we can win again and again. David gives us a peek inside the spending agreement, before Joan McCarter comes in tomorrow and they talk about the politics behind it all.

Trump really doesn’t know what’s in his healthcare bill, which is OK, he won’t be getting it.  

Jared Kushner has all sorts of conflicts of interest issues, but doesn’t seem too worried about it for some reason.

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Did you decide to attend a Climate March this weekend? Wise choice! Today there are May Day marches—a good day for it, as it is May Day, which is also International Worker’s Day. Today is also Loyalty Day! Feeling loyal? Wanna send a little attestation our way? 

In an indication of his loyalty to you, David Waldman smeared a dollop of expired scallion cream cheese on his bagel and got behind the KITM microphone once again for another week of sh*tstorm duty. Sure, Fox is deeply, ludicrously, egregiously dishonest. But is Trump always lying also? Yep. Probably. But he could maybe just be stupid. Donald Trump will tell you anything.

Greg Dworkin catches up from Friday and the weekend with an around-the-world round-up. Trump gets friendly with Philippine’s Rodrigo Duterte because nothing matters other than Trump.

Congress voted to keep the United States alive for a bit, although Trump’s tax cuts are going to hurt more than Reagan’s. Conservatives needed Russia as much as Russia needed them. New York Democrats are gunning for Trump’s state taxes. The Alt-Right is gunning for you, with guns.

David got last week’s Sebastian Gorka stories in the nick of time, as Gorka is “to accept a role outside White House”. His career change was inspired by the cessation of paychecks from his previous employer. Gorka isn’t the only alpha male sent yipping with his tail between his legs. Jim DeMint will be accepting a role outside the Heritage Foundation. Milo Yiannopoulos previously accepted a role outside of book deals and speaking/taunting engagements. He is attempting to return, in an quest to find a young protégé, ward, apprentice in the 13-15 year old range. Corey Lewandowski seemed to have accepted a role outside the White House, but he promises clients that he is still inside.

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Friday is David Waldman’s therapy day. David climbs into the mind and voice of Donald Trump (with maybe just a touch of Carl Spackler) for the whole first half of KITM. Tune in to join in his primal rant:

Donald loved his previous life. He had so many good things going. He thought playing President would be even easier than playing “Trump”, but no it wasn’t. Trump thought he didn’t have to work because was so smart. He knew he was so smart because he got more money than all those others thinking they also were too smart to work. Actually, over 100 days Donald’s scam worked about as good as it always has... It is just all that extra stuff that wears him down.

Lazy scammers attract more lazy scammers. Here’s the story of Ari and Heather Rinkus, big players in the Mar-a-Lago territory. Sebastian Gorka wanted to peddle snake oil in Hungary, but now that he’s hooked up with Trump his market has expanded.

Don’t waste time sharing your anal probe stories with petty local officials! Not when there are federal agents standing by at 1-855-48-VOICE!

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Greg Dworkin, M.D., advocate, activist, and budding foley artist, aspires to be a Senate procedural expert. If you do too, today’s KITM is a great place to start! David Waldman leads today’s “Understanding the Tax Reform Process” seminar touching on the Congressional Budget Act of 1974, which contains the Byrd Rule, which brings a sunset provision to when the reconciliation process can and cannot be used, which is all very interesting for those interested in playing by the rules. 

Donald Trump has no particular intention to follow or not follow rules. He’ll do what we make him do, eventually, or just change the rules. Greg rounds up the stories of us Trump wranglers. Then there are the Trump supporters, ruining America for all of us. You can damage your brain reading what they say they believe, or just cut to the chase with Armando. Honestly, some of them are idiots. Lucky for us Democrats are all smart and unified.

The Trump Tax Plan is so well written, it can fit on a single sheet of toilet paper. 

Is Ivanka really, officially setting up a bribery fund, or not quite officially? Is Donald really breaking up the 9th circuit court, or in his dreams? Is he bored with blowing up North Korea? Is he terminating NAFTA, or maybe not? Is this an f***ing game? Wait—is the Troll Administration’s 4 Chan staffers maybe pulling our leg for… the LULZ? The entire Senate sits on a whoopee cushion. Justice John Roberts has no sense of humor.

Physicians show interest in the health of their patients.

Jesse Watters takes some time off to be with his family, if they haven’t already left him for a better microphone.

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NAFTA, taxes, health care, sanctuary cities,  shutting down the government, ending  the world. Donald Trump doesn’t need 100 days to get those things done. He just needs the next couple.

For David Waldman, a regular guy with regular hands, all of this is too much to handle alone. Lucky for him, and us, Greg Dworkin, Armando and Joan McCarter join in today!

The “Why doesn’t somebody just say...” contingent sticks with Trump as that is pretty much Donald’s entire governing/management process.  Greg points out that particular cohort isn’t growing and is becoming less relevant anymore.

Trump fixed Trumpcare, and the Freedom Caucus is now behind it 100%, except for the Obamacare parts they are keeping for themselves. Anyhow, repealing Obamacare could violate international law. It pays to read the fine print. Insurers aren't falling for Trump's sabotage efforts, yet. Democrats are feeling a renewed vigor over Obamacare, as Trumpcare tanks.

Trump fixes taxes the way he always has, by not paying them. Like climate change, negative action now will reap even more negative consequences later. Trump's Obamacare sabotage threat could cost the government $2.3 billion next year. Republicans move forward with a spending bill that excludes Trump's new border wall funding. Trump has to have that wall now, although later will do.

Jesse Watters saw a bj on the internet once, and has an idea of what they look like. Chris Cillizza ♥’s Ivanka. Ivanka ♥’s rampant corruption.  David offers us 🌹.

Trump decides to hop on the worldwide bigotry bandwagon, but Armando and federal judges in Hawaii, Maryland, and California do not see this as a difficult decision. A judge sees the Sanctuary Cities Order as "clearly unconstitutional", Trump never liked the constitution anyhow. Soon he will hate conservative judges. Why doesn’t somebody just say...

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Alas, the fake media has not seen Humpty Dumpty change position on his WALL... yet. Give him time. He might decide to move it to the Wisconsin/Canadian border, once North Korea finally decides to pony up for it. In the meantime, here’s David Waldman’s collection of news and stories to enjoy and consider in between the times Donald blows something up. You know Trump is insane, right?

The Trump Wall is supposed to stop human trafficking etc, Donald definitely is aware of this problem, but he let one villain slip through his fingers. Tim Nolan might traffic some children, but he has loved a couple black ones to death, and occasionally dresses in Klan robes, so…

Ivanka wanted to talk about economic empowerment of women, not her dad groping them, nor how her new political power is part of her own economic empowerment. The Trump White House offers economic empowerment to many, if they know where to look for it. For instance, a donor’s son found opportunities waiting for him at NSC meetings in Venezuela. Trump condos could pose “potential conflict”—does Donald seem the guy to leave money on the table?

David gives us a taste of GunFAIL with a couple of stories: Columnist M.D. Harmon taught the finer points of proper gun-handling to a young man in his basement. After killing his wife, Tex McIver was told to remove all the guns from his house, including that one in his sock drawer.

KWWL doesn’t do “fake news” about Stand Your Ground, but it isn’t really “factual” either.

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Don’t you wish it was harder to find things to make fun of? Or, at least easier to find something rational to talk about in this world? Either way, David Waldman has you covered, for a couple of hours each day. By the way, Donald Trump is nucking futs. It’s just so hard not to stare, and almost impossible to look away. As we near 100 years days of this administration, Trump’s approval is at record lows, but isn’t that what makes him great?

If you really wanted eloquence and intelligence there was plenty to see at your local March For Signs. What’s so important about science? Greg Dworkin, at times an advocate and activist for science, tells us today is the day to act. 

Trump and his gang can’t shake down Mexico, so we’ll have to do. How much longer will bullying work? Was Trump elected due to the media’s compulsion for symmetry? Should the Democrats also consider the media the enemy?  

In France it’s Macron vs. Le Pen for this important week. Trump likes anti-semites, and their dads.

The media’s been pretty good to Bill O’Reilly. Fox has long been a sanctuary for wayward lechers… since maybe Steve Doocy, although some think it originated with Roger Ailes. Now, even dim-wit Sean Hannity is catching up. But no, that sticky trail leads across the ocean to The Beaverbrook Brothel, and Rupert Murdoch!