Behind the scenes with a $7000 Grand Prix ticket

The Australian Grand Prix is more than a race. While motorsport fans count it as an opportunity to see sporting heroes and their magnificent machines in action, socialites and the business world approach the race as opportunity to show off, woo clients and frock up for a day in the sun.

While the Melbourne Cup has its Birdcage, the grand prix offers the Paddock Club, which costs $4675 for a three-day pass. I attended as a guest of McLaren-Honda, which offers even better access for a small number of guests priced at more than $7000 per head.

While anyone can buy a Paddock Club pass, you need to be invited into a race team's corporate suite - usually by being affiliated with sponsors that tip millions of dollars into the likes of Ferrari, Red Bull or Williams.

This isn't my usual scene.

I paid for general admission access to last year's grand prix, bringing my dad along thanks to a public buy-one-get-one-free ticket offer. We sat on Brocky's Hill, got our pre-race info from the trackside magazine and had a burger for lunch - all up, it cost less than a weekly grocery run.

Things were a little different this year.

The eye-watering price of corporate access to the Grand Prix meant my Honda hosts were never going to pop the ticket in the post. Cracking open the personally delivered parcel felt a little like unboxing a new iPhone - there are layers of beautifully finished black and white cardboard with touches of silver and McLaren orange. A letter of invitation joins maps, itineraries and a large, heavy pass made of plastic and metal hanging from a fairly questionable pink and gold cloth lanyard.

But what would I know about fashion?

I know my darling wife has progressively eradicated V8 Supercar merch from my wardrobe over the last few years, which is probably a good thing. And that a t-shirt and sneakers might not cut it here.

Walking through gate one with lanyard-toting colleagues, we pass hundreds of supporters hanging out for the chance to meet the likes of Daniel Ricciardo or Lewis Hamilton. Our first checkpoint gets us on to the other side of the fence, where racers meet race fans desperate for a moment with the drivers. Strolling along the drivers' side of the divide, I spot current racers including Nico Hulkenberg, Sergio Perez and Marcus Ericsson, retired champions Mark Webber, Alan Jones, Damon Hill and Niki Lauda, along with other motorsport royalty. It's sensational to feel like you're part of the inner sanctum - if only for a day.

Things improve from there as McLaren's PR team invites guests to take part in a pre-race pit walk while engineers make final adjustments to their cars.

I get close enough to touch grand prix machines, have my photo taken holding a Renault F1 steering wheel, handle the fat new tyres that promise to revolutionise F1, and get hold of ultra-powerful wheel guns that allow teams to complete tyre changes in less than two seconds - all with their permission, of course.

The new bodywork developed for this year's cars looks utterly glorious up close, with exquisite details that speak to millions of dollars invested in research and development.

We watch Mercedes-AMG, Haas F1 and McLaren practice pit stops, discussing the precision required to execute the perfect tyre change - where drivers' stopping points are measured to the millimetre.

Teams spend hours practicing pit stops each week, and some of them have contractual obligations surrounding the fitness and physical performance of mechanics. Unlike America's NASCAR series, which employs hulking athletes purely to handle fuel and tyre stops, personnel restrictions in F1 limit the number of people a team can take to a race. Everyone on the pit crew must also have serious technical ability.

McLaren-Honda mechanic Lee Mathurin tells us how he built elements for the cars at the team's home base for four years before joining a travelling squad that goes to every grand prix. Mathurin, a strapping lad built like a professional Rugby player, is responsible for whipping off enormous 405mm-wide rear tyres during pit stops.

But he also helps manage the team's tyre bank (including pre-heating sets of tyres to various temperatures perfect for any conditions) and fuelling (which must be completed before the race) as well as building extensive pit facilities that include high-speed cameras used to dissect every pit stop.

The importance of pit stop speed was vividly illustrated by Ferrari on Sunday, when it proved crucial to Sebastian Vettel's upset win over Mercedes-AMG. Running second behind Lewis Hamilton in the opening stages of the race, Vettel pitted a few laps later than Hamilton, who was caught behind the Red Bull of Max Verstappen, and a quick pit stop from the Italian outfit enabled Vettel to seize the lead.

McLaren-Honda wasn't in contention for a race win on Sunday. Measured on the form the team showed in pre-season testing, they were barely in contention to finish the race.

Star driver Fernando Alonso has been particularly petulant about the situation in 2016 and 2017, publicly calling out Honda for a lack of power and reliability.

Alonso delivers a withering assessment of the team's chances during a pre-race chat, saying its form is "quite embarrassing".

It's enough to make you choke on that glass of Chandon.

The team's emcee quickly moves to safer territory, quizzing the Spaniard about his go-karting childhood, the particulars of his helmet design, praise for his soccer skills - anything to get away from uncomfortable ground that might offend people spending $7000 per head to support the team this weekend (again, potentially having fed millions into McLaren-Honda's grand prix campaign).

Taking my McLaren hat off - literally - I ducked over to catch up with colleagues at the Mercedes-AMG club situated on a golf course at turn 10. It's a beautiful spot restricted to 'Benz customers who pay $2500 for the weekend - little more than half of the Paddock Club's asking price while getting access to legends such as Mick Doohan, Niki Lauda and current racers Lewis Hamilton and Valtteri Bottas. There are tech displays, classic cars and never-before-seen new models.

A friend managed to get a "selfie" photo with Hamilton, which he seemed more proud of than a V8-powered AMG bought this weekend. It's a magic space, but McLaren's hospitality beckons for the start of the race.

We sample blue cheese, blue label whiskey and beautifully prepared canap?s as the contest gets underway, grimacing at Daniel Ricciardo's technical failure and wondering whether McLaren's cars could possibly go the distance.

For much of the race, it looks as though Alonso can pull off an upset result, finishing among the top 10 to secure championship points in a car barely expected to last 10 laps.

Devastated, he parks the car with just a handful of laps to go.

Alonso calls it suspension failure. But Team PR man Mark Norris calls it differently, saying the driver was pushing the car beyond the limit in a bid to keep the team in contention, belting it over curbs and ripple strips and prioritising speed above longevity. It's a strategy the car couldn't cope with.

The double champion describes this as one of the best drives of his career, even though he didn't make it to the finish line or stand on the podium. Mechanics take stock of the damage - vast swathes of carbon fibre are missing, with parts of the car's floor, front spoiler, brake ducts and barge boards conspicuously absent.

Clearly, Alonso has given it everything he had.

Clearly, he deserves a better car.

Clearly, McLaren-Honda is desperate to give that to him.  

While new driver Stoffel Vandoorne struggles throughout the race, he did at least make it to the finish line, giving the team cause for positivity.

They'll fly back to Britain on Monday morning, have a quick debrief and work their backsides off trying to elicit more speed from the car.

With the racing done for another year, we turn our attention to another glass or two from McLaren's sponsors before heading down to The Lounge, where singer-songwriter Dami Im is giving the microphone her best work.

I recognise many of the motoring industry's heavy-hitters here; chief executives, directors and national managers talk sport, while football and cricketing icons discuss business. I'm told some of the beautiful people swanning about feature on the likes of The Bachelor and Married at First Sight.

John Harnden, chair of the Australian Grand Prix Corporation, pitches the experience as the "ultimate indulgence", offering "unprecedented networking opportunities". He's not wrong - there really are few experiences quite like this.

The celeb-spotting is lost on me. To simple race fans, the real celebrities are either tucked away with engineers to dissect the day's performance, or working the phones to source industrial quantities of grappa to celebrate Ferrari's first win since 2014.

Photo: Mark Thompson

I can't say it's worth $7000 - but then again, I've never spent more than $100 on a watch, and the most expensive item in my wardrobe is a scuffed pair of RM Williams boots. I don't doubt million-dollar deals were made across the weekend, and that important relationships were forged in the Paddock Club's exclusive surrounds.

What I can say is that this sort of experience allows privileged access inside of a famously exclusive sport.

And I can't wait to be back on Brocky's Hill.

Photo: Clive Mason