When I was pregnant with my twins, I met a woman who had two five-year-old girls who shared some of her insights with me.
"No one understands what it's like having twins," she said, emphatically. "People try, but they just don't get it."
I swallowed and nodded, wondering what I was in for. The pregnancy had been hard enough. What the hell was coming?
Fast forward three years and I keep thinking back to those words. Whether I'm dealing with the confused school mum who doesn't get why I need to keep my protesting twins in the stroller at school pick-up, or explaining to a blank face why the extended day care close-down period over Christmas was a nightmare beyond belief, that woman's words keep floating right on back.
People who don't have twins don't get the world of parenting twins. And why would you? You only have to "get twins" if you have twins.
But in case you're interested (and who knows, twin-world could become your world one day!), here are the things I struggle to explain to non-twin parents:
1. It's exhausting
There's a reason why I have cavernous dark circles under my eyes, and also why I don't say yes to ladies nights out very often. This twins business is freaking exhausting.
Yes, I know child-rearing in general is tiring, but the exhaustion that comes with meeting the needs of multiples all day long is something else altogether. The words sapped, spent and wiped out come to mind. When I finally get to my bed, I'm asleep in about 10 seconds.
2. It's often overwhelming
Dealing with twins all day can leave me feeling a little shell-shocked, so at times I may look spaced out and sound incoherent.
Don't get me wrong, I love feeling needed, but to be needed by two little people, all the time, all of the day, even when I'm trying to wee? That can be overwhelming ... and, to be honest, a little crazy-making. I'm sure these twins have sent me a bit cuckoo since their arrival.
One minute, I'm blissed out and can't believe how lucky I am, the next, I'm clutching my head, counting the hours 'til bedtime.
3. Going anywhere requires massive planning
Asking me anywhere is never a simple thing because of the massive planning involved with taking twins places. I need to complete a major risk assessment of the venue before I get there to make sure it's "twin-proof". Is the place fenced? How many exit points? Are the doors lockable? Anything that can be climbed? Will the double stroller fit? And do they serve coffee there?
This is why I'm so often at indoor play centres with my twins, because they tend to get all the ticks ... despite the crappy coffee.
4. We don't live in a double stroller-friendly society
Speaking of double strollers not fitting, I once got wedged with mine in a mini-supermarket checkout. That was the last time I ever took my twins in their pram to a teeny tiny shop. As a result, there are shops in my neighbourhood I haven't been in for years, because I can't even get through the door, let alone manoeuvre our giant pram around the place.
It's not just shops that have become a no-go zone for us. Public toilets, footpaths, lifts, even park gates, have all given us the squeeze-out in the past. Sheesh, with all the twins being born lately, you'd think society would be a little more accommodating for our prams, but nope.
5. Twins have this ... energy
"Having twins is like having 10 kids," a fellow twin mum said to me recently. What an excellent way to describe the effervescent, relentless, tornado-like energy that comes with multiples (imagining this with triplets actually makes me feel faint).
My little guys are ridiculously cute but they seriously DO. NOT. STOP ... EVER.
6. I'm so grateful, I could cry
Although I spend a lot of the time telling people how insane having twins is, I'm a seriously grateful twin mum. I can see how blessed I am to have these healthy, gorgeous kids and yep, sometimes it makes me weep ... although I'm fairly sure that's just the chronic exhaustion talking.
But for all my gratitude, I've learnt that I need to whinge about it now and then, too. It gets it off my chest and helps bring my perspective back so I can get on with loving and appreciating my lot.
I'll tell you all about it coffee someday. Shall we meet at the local play centre?