I know I'm not the only parent who ever felt like this, but I hated my teenage kids going to parties.
Yes, I wanted them to have autonomy. But I also feared where that autonomy might take them.
For parents of the teenagers involved in this week's horrific story of alleged sexual assault and online sharing of images, those fears are all too real.
It's the worst thing you could read about your kids: "Police will allege in court that the 15-year-old girl, who also attends a Sydney private school, was unconscious when the boy sexually assaulted her.
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"The boy's friend, also aged 15, allegedly filmed the assault on a mobile phone."
I'm not going to get into the whole "private schools don't instill appropriate values in teenagers" debate. It's your decision where to school your children.
But it's also really important that you school them on how to behave when they go to parties.
This story is really for the parents of young men. We spend a lot of time policing the way our daughters behave. It's time to focus on sons.
Michael Carr-Gregg, one of Australia's leading child and adolescent psychologists, has strong views about what we should say to our boys.
1. No means no.
"That's pretty bloody significant." Having that conversation is excruciating. It's hard enough to have the discussion about sex at all, without having to say that consent is crucial. But unless you want your son to end up violating someone, this is the one talk you must have.
2. Age limits.
Carr-Gregg is a big proponent of age limits. Yes, boys start getting erections in nappies. But just because you have one, doesn't mean you should use it on someone else until you have some clue what to do with it.
3. Does this still need to be said? Safe sex.
If your teenage son is going to have sex, then he should use condoms. Whatever he's heard about the diminution of feeling because of condom use needs to be put aside in favour of protecting both his partner and himself from a range of serious conditions they don't want, including pregnancy.
4. Hey, son, women are people.
If your son doesn't think girls are his equal, then he's not ready for sex. Full stop. Respectful relationships are a great goal but fully realising that in the brain of a teenage boy is hard. He's been hearing a lot of the whole slut/whore thing from others. That may be his take on women. Until he realises that women are as good as men, he's a danger to himself and others.
5. Common sense dissolves in alcohol.
Australian men drink too much and forget all of the above rules.
6. This is the four Ps: Parents. Principals. Police. Paedophiles.
If you think you wouldn't like any of those groups to see that photo or video you have on your phone, don't post it online. Maybe don't even take it in the first place.
Carr-Gregg wants mandatory cybersafety education in primary schools. And we need some of that for parents too.
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