There's one question that irks Shrill author Lindy West more than most.
And it's one that may seem relatively innocuous. The self-described "loud woman" who's appearing at Sydney Opera House talks festival All About Women this weekend hates being asked: Where do you get your confidence?
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'Loud woman' once lacked confidence
It may be hard to believe now but Shrill author and self-described "loud woman" Lindy West used to be painfully shy.
West's annoyance is less about the question itself, but the assumptions that all too often lie behind it: That a woman "like her" shouldn't be confident. That it should come as a surprise when a woman who is fat feels confident enough to also be loud, funny, angry – and happy.
But West, who came to global renown writing for Jezebel when her campaign against rape jokes made her the target (and slayer) of vicious trolls, admits she wasn't always so outspoken.
![American writer, Lindy West, is in Sydney for the All About Women Festival.](/web/20170325115952im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/q/h/9/i/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guq4wy.png/1488608554129.jpg)
"I was painfully shy as a child, I couldn't talk in front of other people, I basically only talked to my mother for many many years," she tells Fairfax Media.
"In hindsight, I think I was aware that my body was too big, and so I felt this obligation to make my personality as small as possible."
West clawed her way out of that thinking over the course of two decades by forcing herself to step outside her comfort zone, make mistakes and just be willing to embarrass herself. And somewhere along the way, she found herself not only speaking up, but taking hit after hit from fat-shaming, woman-hating trolls. Far from shrinking back into the shadows, she realised she could take them. And she still does, every day.
"It happens less and less as I get older and carry myself with more confidence," she says. "But I certainly get daily hate on the internet, and occasionally people scream at me on the street and tell me to go on a diet."
![Shrill by Lindy West.](/web/20170325115952im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/p/f/k/r/t/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.guq4wy.png/1488608554129.jpg)
Although she started out just wanting to write comedy, West's persistent and sharply articulate advocacy has ultimately made her a global voice for feminism and fat acceptance. And she's still very funny.
"Somewhere in my mid-20s I started to realise that I was waiting for my life to start, because we're told that being fat is not a permanent state, you're just a thin person who has failed ...
"I started to realise fat-positive blogs, and explore this world a little bit. I realised that this might be my body forever, and even if my body does change later there was no reason not to live my life at age 26 or 27."
"It felt kind of magical," she says, adding that she wished she had a better explanation so she could "give people a how-to".
"I'd been doing this kind of work for so many years, and finally it just clicked."
Step-by-step how-to guides aside, West does have some advice to other people who are struggling with body image and confidence. And that's to find a community.
"Find solidarity, find other people who are having the same struggles or who are maybe a couple of years ahead of you in the process, and talk to them.
"Look at photos of people like you, take selfies," she adds, laughing, "and post them to communities where people compliment each other's outfits!
"I mean, things like that seem so superficial but they were so hugely important in my process."
West's wildly popular and often laugh-out-loud memoir Shrill came out last year, instantly becoming a go-to resource for women of all sizes and volumes to find their voice and learn to take up space without apology.
At All About Women, West will present a keynote as well as appearing on a panel titled "Nasty Women" with Yassmin Abdel-Magied and Van Badham.
Headlining the festival is Academy Award winner Geena Davis, who will offer a rare insight into Hollywood and the global film industry, presenting a talk on gender stereotypes in the movies and what can be done to improve the representation of women and girls on film.
Other speakers include NASA scientist Carmel Johnston, Pulitzer-winning Malaysian-Chinese-American journalist Mei Fong, and South of Forgiveness author Thordis Elva, who will controversially present a talk alongside her rapist Tom Stranger.