This was published 7 years ago
South Sydney's Bryson Goodwin honours the memory of his brother
By Michael Chammas
Bryson Goodwin knows he'll never get the chance to ask him now, but he hopes he made his older brother Leon proud.
It's been a week since Goodwin lost his brother, who took his own life on the eve of South Sydney's round three clash with Newcastle.
"Because he is so much older than me I looked up to him a lot," Goodwin said.
"He coached me through my juniors as well. I always looked up to him. I was always trying to make him proud. I hope I have done that."
Bryson Goodwin is tackled by Joseph Manu during the round four NRL match.Credit: Getty Images
On the morning of the day Goodwin learnt his older brother had died, the South Sydney centre was thinking of him.
"We did something at training and I was just thinking about him," Goodwin said after Thursday night's loss to the Roosters.
"A few hours later I find out he is gone."
Goodwin had just hopped off the team bus in Newcastle last week on the eve of his side's clash with the Knights when another of his brothers, Bronx, called him.
"He just said he had some bad news for me," Goodwin said.
"It was pretty hard to take as you can imagine. He had a little bit of struggles, he had a few problems. But it came out of the blue. You never expect someone to go through with it.
"A lot of people do work to try rectify things. But it's hard to get a handle because they go off and do it. It is very sad."
The news rocked Goodwin to the core.
He was away from home, away from family and was meant to be preparing for a game of football.
While rugby league suddenly seemed irrelevant, Goodwin decided to take the field the next day in honour of his brother because he believed it would have been what he would have wanted.
"I don't really know [how I played] – I was in all sorts," Goodwin said of his decision to play against the Knights last weekend.
"I was pretty shattered. It kind of took my mind off it just for that 80 minutes.The boys really got around me and helped me. I had some good support there. After the game it was pretty hard on the drive home from Newcastle, just being able to think about him. So yeah, it was tough. But I think he would have wanted me to play. You could say it is to honour him. Mum and Dad, I spoke to them, and they said go out there and play.
"As I said it did take my mind off it a bit and ease my mind, just being around the boys. 'Madge' was really good. I sat down and had a good chat to him. He said you have to do what you have to do. If you have to go home, we'll get you home. Tell me in the morning. He left that to me. I was thinking all night – I had a pretty crappy sleep that night. I woke up in the morning, spoke to Mum and Dad, and I thought he would have wanted me to play so I did."
Goodwin, who is the son of rugby league legend Ted Goodwin, remembers the pain on his parents' face.
"No parent should have to bury their kid," he said.
The 31-year-old wonders if he could have done something to help, however admitted the news of his brother's passing came as a complete shock.
"I'm still coming to terms with it all, just how sudden it was," Goodwin said.
"For him to take his own life is a real big shock. Still trying to get over it ... You think: 'could I have texted him?' From what you hear and what people say, they go into a deep state and you can't change their mind. You could almost say it is an illness."