By Liora Miller
We battle each day. Each time we are confronted, we make a decision whether to fight or lay down our arms – because not every battle is worth the combat and its consequences. I'm not talking about the battle for equal pay or equal recognition. It goes without saying; these battles are worth fighting every day. I'm referring to the battles that bring conflict into our lives unnecessarily. Or perhaps they are necessary, depending on your priorities.
There are the battles between parents and children. Children are successful each day in doing the exact opposite of what parents expect, no matter how many times they've been told. The piles of clothes that keep growing on their bedroom floor until threats ensue and they all magically disappear to be located later in the laundry basket. Shoes and socks and dirty dishes discarded in every room of the house. Try as I might to keep the annoyance at bay, it keeps building until I burst, I yell and then they scatter like ants racing to a laden picnic table, to make reparations. It's not a battle worth fighting constantly about. But after days of polite direction, raising my voice has impact.
Children's messy bedrooms are a common stressor to parents.Credit: Richard Collins
Principals and teachers battle each day with their students. The state of the school uniform is a prime target. Some schools make it their mission to ensure students present themselves appropriately. Dresses or skirts must be an appropriate length. Hair must be tied back. No make-up is permissible. Boys must be cleanly shaven and their hair cropped. Detentions are set for the offenders. These schools embody the creed that how one presents oneself is directly related to the pride in one's school.
Battles on the road occur frequently. Some drivers are too slow; some are too aggressive, becoming predators driving at my tail. I'm late, I have somewhere to be. Frustration results, a break-out sweat, I'm railing at the ever-increasing traffic and incomprehensibly bad driving of those around me. And yet I know I've brought this on myself by running late for a meeting. I promise myself to leave earlier next time, to leave plenty of time for traffic and not to be irritated by those who sit at green lights looking at their phone. I know I've brought this battle on myself.
What's behind the urge to battle? To prove a point, assuage a need, to position yourself on the moral high ground? Post-battle, I find myself drained, irritable and only rarely, triumphant. Because when choosing what to battle, perhaps the biggest battle is acknowledging it's better to let it go. That is, until I see my childrens' bedrooms.
Liora Miller is a project manager at an independent school, and is a freelance writer.