Tubular

Double elimination tonight. AND THANK COWELL that doesn’t mean a doubly-long results show.

And let’s give Idol a little credit. At least they’re trying to mix things up a bit. Duets!

Lauren Alaina and Scot…

• TEAM WEINERT SPEAKS OUT ABOUT THE MAD MEN CONTRACT SLAP FIGHT: “And it’s NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, DAMON LINDELOF.” (That’s me paraphrasing Weinert, by the way, and not actually me yelling at Damon Lindelof.)
• I’M GLAD TO SEE THEY’VE TONED DOWN THE SHINY PLEATHER ASPECT OF THE COSTUME, I GUESS: But I gotta be honest, it doesn’t matter what the costume looks like as long as David E. Kelly is still attached to this project and putting phrases like “You go, girl,” in her mouth. Doesn’t matter one bit.
• NOR SHOULD SOMEONE BECOME FAMOUS JUST BECAUSE THEIR FATHER RECORDED A POPULAR LINE DANCE SONG AND HAD A BOSS MULLET BACK IN THE 90s. MAYBE IT SHOULD BE HARDER TO BE AN “ARTIST” THAN THAT, TOO. So maybe you want to stay out of it, MILEY.
• NO. Ugh. I was CERTAIN he was going to be the new boss on The Office. THIS IS A MISSED GENIUS OPPORTUNITY, NBC.
• NOPE. SORRY. YOU GO ON A REALITY SHOW? You’ve opened the door to this sort of thing. Sorry. CASE DISMISSED.
• SO IS THIS CANCELED: Or what?
• GET WELL SOON, JUDGE JUDY!

  WATCH THIS

• American Idol: FIRST OF ALL, I got yesterday’s theme wrong. SORRY. 80s songs will be next week. SECONDLY, two people are going home. My guess? Thia and Naima. Who do you think is going? 7 p.m. FOX
• Grey’s Anatomy: The musical episode is here. And it kinda looks like a bummer? I thought musicals were supposed to be fun? 8 p.m. ABC
• Mobbed: Howie Mandel surprises people with flash mobs. Series premiere. 8 p.m. FOX

THURS.

7:00

7:30

8:00

8:30

9:00

9:30

ABC

Wipeout (new)

Grey’s Anatomy (new)

Private Practice (new)

CBS

The Big Bang Theory

Rules of Engagement

CSI

The Mentalist

CW

The Vampire Diaries (repeat)

Nikita (repeat)

News/Local

FOX

American Idol (live)

Mobbed (repeat)

News/Local

NBC

Community (repeat)

Perfect Couples (new)

The Office (repeat)

Parks and Recreation (repeat)

30 Rock (repeat)

The Office (repeat)

Richard Blais may have always been the guy who was Top Chef… even before there was a Top Chef All-Stars… but going into Wednesday night’s finale, it wasn’t a given. Mike Isabella, that silly guy from the Vegas season, had become…

Elton John week! Candle in the Wind! Rocket Man! Tiny Dancer!

But no Bitch is Back? Oh well. (Brett Loewenstern would have totally done it.)

Scotty McCreery: Country Comfort. Of course he picks th…

• SO, THE BIG NEWS IS MAD MEN AND THE CONTRACT DISPUTE THAT NO ONE CAN STOP TALKING ABOUT: Interestingly, Damon Lindelof is not Team Weiner. I, personally, am Team Whatever Gets This Show Back on the Air Already.
• WELL, SINBAD’S BACK. Didn’t realize he was missing? Yeah.
• THIS WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME: #winning
• MY SISTER’S LINK OF THE DAY.: Although this one might be just for her, too.
• THE WALKING DEAD – ZOMBIES + ALIENS = FALLING SKIES: = Me totally tuning in.

  WATCH THIS

• American Idol: Songs from the 1980s tonight. Here’s something depressing: none of these children were alive in the 1980s. SIGH. 7 p.m. FOX
• America’s Next Top Model: Tyra teaches the ladies how to deal with “fame,” and then makes them roll around in the mud. So, you know, a typical episode of ANTM. 7 p.m. The CW
• Nova: A in-depth look at the Japanese earthquake and tsunami, in case you were looking for something deeper than 16-year-olds singing Lionel Richie songs. 8 p.m. PBS
• Shedding for the Wedding: The couples compete for their wedding menus. Writing the descriptions for this show makes me sad. 8 p.m. The CW
• Top Chef: ZOMG FINALE!! 9 p.m. BRAVO

WEDS.

7:00

7:30

8:00

8:30

9:00

9:30

ABC

The Middle (repeat)

The Middle (repeat)

Modern Family (repeat)

Mr. Sunshine (new)

Off the Map (new)

CBS

Survivor (new)

Criminal Minds (repeat)

Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior (new)

CW

America’s Next Top Model (new)

Shedding for the Wedding (new)

Local

FOX

American Idol (live)

News/Local

NBC

Minute to Win It (new)

Law & Order: SVU (repeat)

Law & Order: SVU (new)

BRAVOI’m going to go put on my best nightgown and drink a glass of wine (or 5) in your honor, La Bruja.

It is the season finale, and because this was not originally a Real Housewives…

No surprise — “Psycho” Mike Catherwood is the first celebrity sent home on Dancing with the Stars.

“It sucks to be sent home first,” he said after being ousted. Indeed.

I use the word “celebrity” loosely. Catherw…

• OH. SO YOU MANAGED TO FIND AN HOUR OF YOUR PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS TIME, CONTESSA? How generous.
• IN A CITY WITH A DEADLY COBRA RUNNING AROUND LOOSE: Maybe this is too much, History Channel?
• TRUE (TMI) FACT ABOUT MYSELF: I have a weird crush on Dan Abrams. Just one more reason this show will never last.
• DO YOU MISS JACK BAUER? I do. Dammit. Can someone set me up a perimeter for old time’s sake? Maybe strip a lamp of its wires and give me a little zap or something?
• HEY! YEAH!: What about this, AMC? WHAT ABOUT IT?
• NO.

  WATCH THIS

• Dancing with the Stars: PRO TIP: this noise technically begins at 7, but that’s a “THE STORY SO FAR!” recap, so don’t bother. The results show begins at 8. You’re welcome. 7 p.m. ABC
• The Biggest Loser: Something about an Easter Egg hunt? I dunno. Jelly beans and chocolate bunny heads are not on most diet plans. 7 p.m. NBC
• The Real Housewives of Miami: Adios, mamis. Season finale. 9 p.m. BRAVO

TUES.

7:00

7:30

8:00

8:30

9:00

9:30

ABC

Dancing With the Stars: The Story So Far (new)

Dancing With the Stars (live)

Body of Proof (new)

CBS

NCIS (new)

NCIS: Los Angeles (new)

The Good Wife (new)

CW

One Tree Hill (repeat)

Hellcats (repeat)

Local

FOX

Glee (repeat)

Raising Hope (repeat)

Traffic Light (new)

News/Local

NBC

Biggest Loser: Couples (new)

Parenthood (new)

This week’s ep was an exercise in super-size twists. Favorites in the bottom and last-minute challenges and an ARE YOU FOR REAL?! ending. How much more drama can a drag queen take?

Things start off normally eno…

NBCAll your ancient artifacts are belong to Dempsey.

I have been promised a big episode tonight so I don’t want to waste time at the top speculating about what may happen. Let me just say this: Face-Off…