You’ve been tangled

September 25th, 2003 by Ben Goldacre in bad science, homeopathy, quantum physics | 2 Comments »

You’ve been tangled

Ben Goldacre
Thursday September 25, 2003
The Guardian

Talk bad science

· I don’t mean to be a suspicious soul, but ever since the great Sokal scam, when a professor of physics managed to sneak a hoax paper called “Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity” into a cultural studies journal, pretending that quantum electrodynamics somehow proved the veracity of postmodernist textual critiques, I’m always a bit wary of far-out articles in unlikely journals. But here at the Institute of Bad Science I’m feeling very good about our latest find: “The Entanglement Model of Homeopathy as an Example of Generalised Entanglement Predicted by Weak Quantum Theory,” published last month in Research in Complementary Medicine and Classical Naturopathy.

· This might be a German journal, but it is by no means invisibly obscure: its impact factor, the figure used by academics to measure whether a journal has a high profile or not, derived from the average number of citations per article published, was 0.63 in 2001. To give you some idea of what this means, the stellar Nature got 28, and Biochemistry, a good journal, came in at 4.1.

· I could quote the whole abstract, but it’s so barking that if I did you’d all stop reading immediately, and, as my editor helpfully says, the first rule of feature writing is never file anything that nobody will read. So check it out for yourself at www.tinyurl.com/oc6t.

But basically, their brilliant entanglement model is based on the concept of “Weak Quantum Theory”, which has only 24 entries on Google and is authoritatively referenced to, er, another paper by the same guys. They seem to take the ideas of complementarity and entanglement from quantum physics, usually used to describe things like position, momentum, and spin of particles, and then reinterpret the whole game, saying that “epistemic complementarity can produce entanglement”.

Which is to say, similar, or complementary, ideas can produce quantum entanglement. Or as they put it: “It transpires that homeopathy uses two instances of generalised entanglement: one between the remedy and the original substance (potentiation principle) and one between the individual symptoms of a patient and the general symptoms of a remedy picture (similarity principle). By bringing these two elements together, double entanglement ensues, which is reminiscent of cryptographic and teleportation applications of entanglement in QM proper.” Indeed.

Can anal retention help you beat depression?

September 18th, 2003 by Ben Goldacre in bad science, express, herbal remedies, new scientist, references, times, weight loss | 5 Comments »

Can anal retention help you beat depression?

Ben Goldacre
Thursday September 18, 2003
The Guardian

Talk bad science

· You might wonder why I’m being so anally retentive about everything this week. I can only say in my defence that I’ve been doing my best to follow Hiroyuki Nishigaki’s excellent book: “How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?” available now on Amazon (£14.49).

· The Independent on Sunday managed to infuriate me by carrying an interesting story about comfort eating in rats – apparently it blocks the effect of a hormone implicated in stress – but then not bothering to tell us anything as useful, or crucial to the story, as which hormone. Meanwhile their books section, as is traditional, carried a string of articles that nobody without a PhD in literature could possibly understand.

· The Times on Saturday managed to cheer me up by starting a flatteringly derivative bad science column called “Junk Medicine”. “Chelation therapists, magnet pushers, Cherie and Carole: you are being watched,” sounded eerily familiar, so I decided to watch the Times closely. On Sunday my vigilance was rewarded when its sister paper told us: “The remedy that has performed well in trials to reduce the pain of postherpetic neuralgia is reishi (Ganoderma lucidum).” When they say “performed well in trials” I presume they mean the one trial that was done, in 1998, of four people, with no control group. Find out more at the writer’s awkwardly confident www.whatreallyworks.co.uk, or come chat with me on their excellently unpoliced message boards…

· Meanwhile the Sunday Express claimed “clinical research published in the journal Life Sciences” showed pycnogenol, an extract of pine bark, to be effective at treating blood pressure over 12 weeks. This study is not on medline, or in the Life Sciences index, or in the latest edition of the journal.

· After this orgy of pickiness I was dizzy with over-excitement at spotting some bad science in New Scientist: “A new kind of machine … locates and measures your body fat. It could then tell you exactly where you could do with losing a few pounds and even advise you on exercises for your problem areas.” Normally I wouldn’t dare to question the überboffins, but this sounds a lot like the “spot reducing” myth, the idea that muscles use fat from overlying tissue rather than the whole body, which is widely regarded as rubbish.

Killer virus to wipe us all out!!

September 16th, 2003 by Ben Goldacre in bad science, MMR, references, scare stories, statistics | 2 Comments »

Killer virus to wipe us all out!!

Ben Goldacre on the risks of reading health pages

Tuesday September 16, 2003
The Guardian

Let’s look at what last month’s news stories would have done for your health. You would be worried – quite inappropriately – about giving your child MMR, putting your child and whole community at risk; you would have stopped your HRT and your Seroxat, or made a panicked beeline for your GP; you would be terrified of the “superbug” that “may kill 150,000”; and you would be convinced that we are four times more likely to die after surgery under the NHS than in the US.

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Journalists aren’t employed to keep you healthy, or even informed: it is our job to sell readers to advertisers, to entertain you, and experience has taught us that we can do this very effectively with scare stories. The health pages aren’t here to inform anyone, let alone health professionals, who find them uniformly irritating: they are here for hypochondriacs.

So it’s all the more ironic that the King’s Fund today published a study that blames media hype over health scares for actively putting your well-being at risk, by encouraging people to “change their behaviour in ways that are not in their own best interests”, and by allowing media scares to drive public health policy. The latter would never have happened, of course, in the good old days when doctors ran the health service instead of politicised managers. But we have lost our faith in doctors, largely thanks to these scare stories, and that’s the key point that this study misses.

It’s obvious that scare stories undermine people’s ability to make sensible decisions about their health. But when you undermine doctors, you also undermine the strong placebo effect of any therapeutic intervention, not to mention the morale of everyone who works in the health service.

Last week’s news story – that patients are four times more likely to die post-operatively under the NHS – is an excellent example. It was backed up by a moronic study that compared one famously mediocre district general hospital in the UK, covering everyone in a poor and difficult catchment area, against Mount Sinai Hospital in New York, a private teaching hospital, where you can’t move for professors and which treats only the very rich.

Do I need to remind you that Britain did rather well in the last World Health Organisation ranking of healthcare systems, whereas the US, which spends more than twice as much of its GNP on healthcare, without even managing to provide it for everyone in its population, came in 72nd? Apparently, I do. The US came below Cuba (ranked 36); El Salvador (37); Grenada (49); Columbia (51); Iran (58); and only a nose ahead of Nicaragua (74) and Iraq (75). Britain came in 24th, but we were robbed.

I don’t want to get grumpy, but if you wanted to undermine the morale of all the hundreds of thousands of people who work in the NHS for very little reward, you could at least have the decency to do so with proper data.

But health stories aren’t about data, or a realistic appraisal of risk. If they were, you’d have seen massive coverage for what’s known as the SSSS study, which is famous in the medical world: millions of people are on statin drugs to reduce cholesterol, so it’s clearly relevant – they were a major breakthrough – and this study of 4,444 people (catchy, huh?) showed that the treatment of 100 patients for six years would prevent four deaths from coronary heart disease and seven non-fatal heart attacks at little cost.

Let me tell you, this is much more important than anything you’ve read this week about a glass of wine for your heart, or some ridiculous vitamin for your joints, or chocolate for stress, or some esoteric branch of stem-cell therapy that won’t be available until 2008.

The paradox, of course, is that it’s almost all irrelevant. Because everybody knows how to stay healthy, it’s just that lots of us can’t be bothered. You don’t need a doctor, or a journalist, to tell you to stop smoking, drink moderately, eat your greens, and get regular exercise. If you get that far, and use your GP sensibly, then you’ve covered almost all your risks.

But people get a peculiar thrill from health scares; it’s the same thing that drives them to complementary medicine. We like to feel informed, but we don’t want to feel guilty about our unhealthy lifestyles; we like to feel that we can get one up on doctors, but we can’t spend the time reading up the whole of medicine; when we’re worried about our health, we feel out of control, and we want to get some of that control and understanding back. Perhaps most insidiously, in the UK, where healthcare is provided universally and free at point of access, by the state, we are suspicious of doctors, as agents of the state, rather than our paid servants, which is what they should be.

Maybe we should encourage doctors to manage our anxieties about our health better. But as a recent study on doctors’ careers in the BMJ showed, the media going on the attack, and scaremongering is now being cited by doctors as their reason for leaving the medical profession altogether. And you know what that will do for waiting times. Scared yet?

Our very own health scare

September 11th, 2003 by Ben Goldacre in bad science, dangers, detox, nutritionists, scare stories | 3 Comments »

Ben Goldacre
Thursday September 11, 2003
The Guardian

· Monday’s Daily Express gave details of an exciting treatment called “thalassotherapy”. Basically you sit in a bath of salt water, seaweed, algae and mud, and then… “because the seawater is at body temperature, mineral ions pass into the blood and encourage toxins to pass out,” says the paper. This is terrifying information. I’d always been quietly pleased with my skin, it being relatively impermeable since my ancestors moved out of the sea. But apparently not, and the implications are terrifying: does this mean all that time I’ve spent in the bath, things have been leaching out of me into the bath water? Or have I been sucking water in? No wonder I’m so big and puffy.

· But apparently it’s more than just ions: “All the vitamins, minerals and trace elements are at exactly the same level and [sic] concentration as they are in your body… by a process of osmosis, your body will take in any nutrients it needs from the seawater. It’s a highly effective treatment,” says Dr Christian Jost, “a consultant in thalassotherapy, from Inchydoney Island Lodge and Spa Thalassotherapy Centre in West Cork, in Eire”. So if you want to lose weight without the Atkins, why not sit in a bath of pure water, and let the “nutrients” just seep out of you? Or help yourself to that extra serving of pasta, and then go for a walk in the rain to gently wash it all away?

· And as for the paper’s claim that “joint mobility and range of movement are 10 times easier in sea water?” I hold my head in my hands and wonder: what can that possibly, possibly mean?

· These tabloids are getting so lame at starting health scares, I’m thinking about seeding a few of my own. The Daily Mail can’t even manage to backtrack on its previous adulation of the Atkins diet without making claims like high fat diets double your risk of breast cancer, an assertion for which the data is famously conflicting. But I’m hunting bigger game. So here goes: one traditional Chinese herbal medicine has just been reported as having 11 sudden deaths attributed to it in just two years. But I’m not going to tell you which one. Until next week. Or maybe never. After all, with the stampede that doctors have to endure with every new health scare, I quite like the idea of a nation of hypochondriacs from the “natural means safe” school beating a path to the door of their local snake-oil salesperson to find out…

Neutral whites

September 4th, 2003 by Ben Goldacre in alternative medicine, bad science, cosmetics, herbal remedies, magnets | 5 Comments »

Neutral whites

Ben Goldacre
Thursday September 4, 2003
The Guardian

Talk bad science

· When I was a lad, washing powder adverts were all about men in white coats on housewives’ doorsteps; now international biotech firms have to wear a kaftan and beads just to get your attention. New Persil Aloe Vera contains “Aloe Vera extract, well known to be gentle on skin … a touch of nature for all the family wash”. If I can be the man in the white coat for a moment: aloe vera has been shown “in tests” to accelerate wound healing, which might count as gentle, but [turns earnestly to camera ignoring baffled housewife] “a touch” of nature is just about all you’ll get once it’s been through two rinse cycles and a drum spinning at 1200rpm.

· And while I’m still in anally retentive mode: Bach’s Flower Remedies were not, as the unendingly credulous Times stated last week, “discovered” by Dr Bach in the 1930s. Species and laws are “discovered”; esoteric moneyspinners, no matter how well-meaning and fluffy they may be, are “concocted”.

· And now to our star bad science activist from Birmingham, who, sadly, wishes to remain anonymous. A firm called Neutralec is apparently on to something big. That funny shading you sometimes get on your carpets, where the weave points in different directions? Electromagnetic waves, apparently. I turn to the website (www.field-free.co.uk). I start to worry when I see the pictures of big dark rectangles in fitted shagpile that were apparently caused by a broken video recorder that was 2m away in the loft and wasn’t even plugged in. The website says I can get rid of this sort of thing by plugging a little ceramic sphere (that costs £60) into my earth loop through the three-pin plug on the wall, and this will also protect me from electromagnetic radiation. Or will it? In among the testimonials (“Neither I or anyone else has experienced a headache since … Twelve months later … her husband had not experienced any fits whatsoever!”) they seem to be hedging their bets: “We are not in any way suggesting that the Neutraliser will cure any specific illness or prevent disease.” Well, as the Guardian legal department often say, as they rap my sarcastic little knuckles: that’s certainly what you’re implying. Where others would have held their heads in disbelief, our masked crusader wrote to Solihull trading standards, asking: “How many gullible souls have to part with £60 before someone makes a stand?” So far, no response. If you need any help, trading standards, a nation of scientists is at your disposal.