In a way, it’s nice that SS-GB is set in an alternate universe where the Nazis won. Because, deep down, it makes me hope that another alternate universe exists where SS-GB is good or interesting or, at the very least, doesn’t make its audience feel like it’s drowning in cold tea.
Oh, to be in that universe. To live in a world where the BBC took a timely, fascinating, no-fail premise like SS-GB and didn’t bungle it into disarray. Just imagine if the very first shot, where a fighter plane lands on the Mall, didn’t look like it was programmed into an Amiga 500 by a distracted toddler. Imagine if the sound mix wasn’t so bodged that it didn’t make all the characters sound like they were hyperventilating under three inches of grade 90 cheesecloth. Imagine if any of the characters were given any tonal variation whatsoever, or had anything interesting to say, or went about their business in an even vaguely dynamic manner. What a show that would be.
Sadly, though, we’re stuck in the universe where SS-GB is a sludgy, soupy, disappointing mess that viewers are abandoning in their millions. And, after much careful consideration, I’ve decided I’m going to bin it off as well. Life is simply too short to endure any more of this flat, brown, incomprehensible guff.
Perhaps this is my fault. When it was announced that the BBC was making a “What if Hitler won?” drama, my mind immediately went to Philip Roth’s The Plot Against America, which took into consideration the growing normalisation of anti-semitism that would inevitably occur if a rightwing sympathiser took a country’s highest office. Then it went to The Man in the High Castle which, despite its shaky start, looks as if it’s about to plunge into a Lost-tastic spiral of bonkers dimension-hopping. Because those are the only two things you can do with a “What if Hitler won?” drama, aren’t they? Sober exploration or high camp.
Apparently not. SS-GB has proven that it’s also possible to take the concept and lazily suffocate it to death. Take the most recent episode. The official iPlayer description reads “Finding the missing atomic bomb documents becomes Archer’s main priority as he frantically tries to track down the elusive Dr John Spode”. Aside from the doctor’s surname, which sounds like it should be a slang term for a perineum, this promises drama and tension and action and gung-ho fun.
The trouble is, it barely bears any relation to the actual episode itself. As usual, that was largely just a procession of airless scenes where people in dimly lit rooms stare at each other in silence before eventually making a noise like they’re trying to dislodge a splat of phlegm from the back of their throat. On and on it went, this fetid, nothingy death-rattle of an episode, until a bomb eventually went off at Karl Marx’s grave right at the last moment. If I had to put money on it, I’d guess he blew himself up out of boredom.
So I’m bailing. Halfway through, without any sign that it’s about to pick up steam, I’m giving up on SS-GB. Hand on heart, I honestly don’t care how this version ends. Although, if anyone happens to be reading this in one of the universes where the show is actually good, do me a favour and send me a copy.
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