Is an "experiment within an experiment" an experiment too many when we can just call Perth firefighter Andrew Jones a douchebag and walk away?
Talk about taking his wounded TV persona and flushing it out his keg hole! If this episode doesn't inspire men to join an International Women's Day rally on Wednesday, I hold little hope for female equality.
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Cheryl finds out about boys night
Stan reveals to Cheryl what her husband Andrew said at boys night. Vision: Married At Fist Sight, Network Nine.
Cheryl starts out meeting with Sean and Susan, who reveal that Andrew has been bagging her to the other grooms on the 'Boys' Night'. "So disrespectful, who gives you the right to talk about me and Andrew is the oldest one," says Cheryl.
Sean agrees: "It was crap, it was disgusting the way they were carrying on.
"I did try saying something, trying to defend ya. I was just, sort of like, shot down straight away and then they just went back to the muckin' around and jokin' so I just thought 'stuff this'."
Two very unimpressed men... #9Married pic.twitter.com/Pc0wcyUyw1
— MarriedAtFirstSight (@MarriedAU) March 5, 2017
Cheryl reveals that it has set her and Andrew back after feeling like they were making progress: "It is interesting to hear all this because Andrew and I did have a chat about just wiping the slate clean, starting fresh and now it's just destroyed everything.
"I have a lot to think about, I am pissed off at him. I've had his back, I've never said anything negative towards us or him so to have that said about me and to the other guys as well, I'm just angry.
!['Breaking point': Andrew and Cheryl should call it a day and be done!](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/v/m/j/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
"But thank you so much for having my back, as well as you Susan. I know you don't have to and you could have just said you don't have to listen to that so I'm appreciative of that, heaps."
Sean: "I don't want it to cause any trouble in your relationship." Too late.
![Lauren was more fun: A pissed Andrew didn't hold back his thoughts on Cheryl in front of the boys.](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/v/n/b/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
Brotherhood broken: Was Sean right to tell Cheryl? #9Married pic.twitter.com/vDeRENSK83
— MarriedAtFirstSight (@MarriedAU) March 6, 2017
Skip to the "fallout of the boys night", with Andrew and Cheryl now at "breaking point", as our TV narrator informs us. So enter 'relationships expert' Dr John Aiken (to the theme tune of Mighty Mouse, "Here I come to save the day", playing in my head).
!['I don't remember': Andrew uses 'I drank too much' defense.](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/v/o/v/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
"Of all the couples Cheryl and Andrew are the ones who are struggling the most ('so when there is a wrong to right, Mighty Mouse will join the fight')," says Dr Aiken. "They're in crisis. They're living apart and at the commitment ceremony Andrew said he was looking to leave."
After hearing from Cheryl that the pair have barely been together in the past couple of days but she has since been warned that "disgusting" things were said about her on the boys' night, Dr Aiken asks the question: "So what sort of whispers are we talking about?"
!['Until she knows': That smirk tells viewers that Andrew feels he is getting away with his lies, for now.](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/v/l/m/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
And then BOOM! POW! This from Andrew: "Yeah, I'm unsure. The night's a little bit hazy. We were drinking a fair bit. I don't remember. I honestly can't remember that."
LIAR, LIAR!!! (Cue: throw rotten tomatos at the screen – Googlebox has to cover this surely!) It's just as well that the cameras can do all the remembering for you, Andrew.
![Oh you know: Cheryl's skeptical of Andrew's poor memory of the boys night.](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/v/p/6/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
Go ahead Doctor. "Do you feel like anything was said last night with the boys that might have upset Cheryl?"
Andrew: "Ummm ... I just would have been honest if I did say anything about it." Cue more footage of Andrew demeaning Cheryl to the boys about how Lauren was a better match and more fun, with him saying he missed his opportunity "thinking things couldn't get worse".
![The verdict: A Married At First Sight relationship bootcamp.](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/w/w/w/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
Is honesty always the best policy? #9Married pic.twitter.com/FExTtEVxkz
— MarriedAtFirstSight (@MarriedAU) March 6, 2017
Back in the pair's apartment Cheryl is reminding Andrew that even though she had been drinking with the girls, she could remember what she said.
![Sent on a lunch date to mend things: Cheryl at least says 'nothing major has changed' with her and Andrew on Married At ...](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/y/8/1/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
To which Andrew responded: "Look I do talk a lot and for me to remember everything I say, and I'm probably the biggest talker and I just ramble and I am a joker, if I vented or said anything it would have been me laughing or just joking around."
Nuh, uh. You can't weasel your way out of this one, it's on national television for obvious sake!
!['You actually made me smile once upon a time': Cheryl and Andrew's special photo album.](/web/20170308160057im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/r/y/5/4/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guroxz.png/1488832251135.jpg)
"I don't think Cheryl has the right to be upset just yet until she knows exactly what was said," a cocky Andrew tells the cameras. Is. He. For. Real?????
Mighty Mouse do your crime fighting work! "Do you feel that you had Cheryl's back last night with the boys?" asks Dr Aiken.
Andrew: "Umm, I don't feel like that was the nature of the night (Let's call this the Oscar Pistorius defence) .... As I said I don't remember."
"If I push you on that as a 'yes' or 'no', do you feel that you had Cheryl's back?" probes Dr Aiken. Yeah, get 'im!
Andrew: "I don't remember a moment where I would have needed to have Cheryl's back." LIAR! "I do know there were a lot of emotions flying around with some of the couples.
"And I know that Sean and Susan, especially, are worried about Cheryl's feeling amongst the group so perhaps Sean reacted to something I said."
Andrew's not holding anything back. 😳 #9Married pic.twitter.com/cVxcuyQdeD
— MarriedAtFirstSight (@MarriedAU) March 5, 2017
Swapping his fireman's uniform for one of a detective, Andrew at this point deflects attention in his Q&A; with cameras by deducing Sean must have been the whistleblower because he has an MO of using the term "disgusting".
"So I don't know if there has been an overreaction, whether I have actually said anything. I certainly didn't intend to (Shyeah, NOW!)," he continues to Dr Aiken and Cheryl.
Finally Cheryl's voice-over cuts in, "I do not believe that Andrew doesn't remember, you're 38 years old, you definitely know what's happened".
Andrew's theme song. #9Married pic.twitter.com/RKwQ3xWEVn
— Melissa Carlill (@MelissaCarlill) March 6, 2017
#9married Seems Andrew ran into this guy last night pic.twitter.com/ET7LVIhJpt
— Gary Graham (@Gaz_70) March 6, 2017
So now Dr Aiken is going to bring this almighty cluster ---- to a neat and tidy end. Yeah, right. "So what we need to do is something extreme that's ultimately going to overhaul your bond. So what we're going to do is a relationship bootcamp," tells the good doctor.
Andrew to camera: "It might be the thing that we need and it might be the thing that helps Cheryl open up (A can of whoop ass on your arse!), or it might break us."
"What I need though from both of you is a 100 per cent commitment to push forward and to show each other that you want to be in this experiment and particularly that you want to be with each other," continued the doctor.
"This is an experiment within an experiment. We haven't done it with any of the other couples.
"But ultimately you are going to need to step in and show her that you're in and you're going to need to open up Cheryl and that you're interested in being involved in this bond... the answer has to be 'yes' otherwise you're not going to make it.
"This will be the decider about whether you stay or leave this experiment."
He sends them on a lunch date with a cheesy photo album "of the good times they shared together and with any luck this may rekindle some of the early feeling they had for one another", which equated to eight pictures.
Can Andrew and Cheryl bring back the positive? #9Married pic.twitter.com/hgw0tSz3ur
— MarriedAtFirstSight (@MarriedAU) March 6, 2017
And no, it does not magically solve their problems. When Andrew suggests that he can talk while she just eats her lunch, Cheryl gets in the dig: "You're used to that aren't you, that's what you always say I do anyway."
"It's kind of hard when you hear certain things ... obviously there must be something said, something, one thing ... and when you're like nothing, it's just weird," she tells him.
"It's annoying. And anything I ask you, you're just like 'I can't remember' and that's kind of frustrating."
"Well obviously it's not a big deal so maybe just trust me," he counters. And after relaying some small token gestures, like getting her water, he does for her, he then has the gall to say: "I think my point is, I feel like I'm still putting in more effort."
Cheryl: "I feel like when you talk it's literally like 'this is what she's doing' ... nothing about you, nothing about what you've done wrong."
"When you're venting to your friends and that's what the Brotherhood are, that's what you do ... and to be fair I'm still waiting to see a sign that you're interested," he said. "...I'm completely frustrated at times."
Despite Cheryl earlier saying that she needs Andrew to take responsibility for his boys night and pointing out to him that she doesn't feel that he has her back, she decides to stick it out, with the pair attending the dinner party together.
Might Mouse wins again! For now.
But a "threesome" comment by Andrew (which appears to be about the Perth twins Sharon and Michelle) at the dinner party looks like upending this experiment.
Cue: Fist punching the air.
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