Greg Louganis' performance at the 1988 Olympics in Seoul is the stuff of legend.
Just hours before the finals, the young diver smacked his head on the springboard concussing himself and creating a wound that required five stitches.
![Olympic diver Greg Louganis.](/web/20170305114150im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/p/0/9/h/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.guoz3p.png/1488487207439.jpg)
That he went on to win his fourth Olympic gold is an extraordinary feat in itself. That he did so six months after being diagnosed with HIV, an illness that, at the time, was considered a death sentence, is astounding.
Not that the world realised that they were witnessing the world's first athlete with HIV win an Olympic gold.
![Greg Louganis in1984.](/web/20170305114150im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/p/a/y/2/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.guoz3p.png/1488487207439.jpg)
From the outside, the life of the Wide World of Sports "Athlete of the Year" was perfect.
From the inside, the life of Louganis, was in dire straits.
The then 28-year-old kept his sexuality and diagnosis hidden from the public as he battled a long-term depression, that was so severe that, at times, he didn't think he'd see 30.
![Greg Louganis poses with his two gold medals during the 1984 Summer Olympics.](/web/20170305114150im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/p/a/z/2/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.guoz3p.png/1488487207439.jpg)
"I didn't have a whole lot of support from US diving," says the 57-year-old. "Often times there were meetings I was not invited to, that I'd find out about later, like 'who's going to room with Greg, who's going to room with the fag?'"
There were also internal competitions among the team, not about beating the legend, but about "beating the fag".
Louganis, who was in Sydney this week to talk about his experiences as well as the importance of diversity and inclusion at Speak Out, now believes jealousy was the main motivation for his exclusion. But, attitude because of his sexual identity and illness were undeniable.
"There was one individual who was really, really nasty," recalls the softly spoken athlete, who was dropped by most of his corporate sponsors after revealing his HIV status in 1996. "As it turns out he's gay but he couldn't accept that in himself – that self-loathing, he kind of took that out on me."
He used diving as an escape from his issues, but now says it may "have prolonged dealing with a lot of the issues at the time".
When he retired from diving, and then following the death of his mum, who was "my rock", Louganis went under.
"I had a couple of interventions, at 4 in the afternoon, I would lock myself in my house with my dogs and I felt safe and I would start drinking and I would never leave the house."
After being encouraged out to dinner one evening he drove home drunk.
"I got in a little fender bender, the police arrived and I spent the night in jail," Louganis says, "and that was my wake up call."
He began a slow road to recovery.
"I've found a lot of my coping skills now are, yes I'm HIV positive – I take my meds in the morning and my meds in the evening – and I go about the business of living," he says. "The other component that is very important to me is getting to the gym, working out , yoga, meditation, all of those tools that I've learned that help me stay balanced."
He now splits his time between writing books, performing in plays and working as a gay activist, pushing for acceptance of the LGBTQI community in sport.
While there is much more acceptance of sexual identity in sport – and in the rest of the community – nowadays, there is still not enough, says Speak Out's organiser Andrew Puchas, who says his research indicates there are still "shocking" levels of homophobia in team sports.
"Clearly it's a continued discussion around making sure sports are genuinely active about being inclusive – it's not going to happen on its own," says Purchas, who is also the chairman of International Gay Rugby and who was awarded The United Nations Golden World award for a campaign that advances social progress in 2015.
And it's a discussion that we all need to be involved with, Louganis believes.
"There was so much I needed to learn about the LBGTQI," he says. "Learning that we're all on our own journey and to be able to speak respectfully – a lot of times we make assumptions without knowledge or personal experience shared with us."
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