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The weird Seattle adventures peddled to tourists
This stuff is a rip-off. Rent a car and use the internet.
Published 7:44 pm, Sunday, November 13, 2016
Pay $400 to take a tour of Mount Saint Helens and attend a perfectly public observatory. Maybe it truly costs that much to get a ride and catch lunch.
Pay $400 to take a tour of Mount Saint Helens and attend a perfectly public observatory. Maybe it truly costs that much to get a ride and catch lunch.
Or, pay $62 to walk to some local chocolate shops.
Or, or, or, go on the Theo Chocolate factory tour in Fremont for just $10, and
still get hella samples.
Or, pay $62 to walk to some local chocolate shops.
Or, or, or, go on the Theo Chocolate factory tour in Fremont for just $10, and still get hella samples.
Or ask a local for their favorite spots and take a rental car.
Or ask a local for their favorite spots and take a rental car.
Ferry to Bainbridge, with a car: $11.50 to $14.60 for a car and driver. $8.20 for each additional adult or for a walk-on fare.
Ferry to Bainbridge, with a car: $11.50 to $14.60 for a car and driver. $8.20 for each additional adult or for a walk-on fare.
Please see previous slide for ferry fares and compare.
Please see previous slide for ferry fares and compare.
(Street car fare: $4.50 for a day pass. MOHAI admission: $19.95 for adults.)
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Isn't that what selfie sticks are for?
Isn't that what selfie sticks are for?
What do locals and travelers alike have to say about some of our beloved Washington icons? We plucked the most scorching reviews from their Yelp pages for your entertainment.
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What do locals and travelers alike ... more
Elyse M.: "I avoid Pike Place like the plague of tourists that it is. Aimless, soulless, vacant-eyed tourists who run into you while gaping at a salmon as if they've never seen fish before. Everything is overpriced and kitschy. Unless you want to sit and people watch the Walmart-clad Midwesterners who have gotten themselves lost from the rest of their party, avoid this nonsense like the tourist trap it is." less
Elyse M.: "I avoid Pike Place like the plague of tourists that it is. Aimless, soulless, vacant-eyed tourists who run into you while gaping at a salmon as if they've never seen fish before. ... more
Raymond W.: "The most disgusting, stomach-churning, vomit-inducing, and unnecessary 'attraction' Seattle has to offer. "
Raymond W.: "The most disgusting, stomach-churning, vomit-inducing, and unnecessary 'attraction' Seattle has to offer. "
Ferdinand B.: "Anyone who visits the Space Needle must be an idiot to begin with.
It's like going to Paris to visit Disneyland."
Ferdinand B.: "Anyone who visits the Space Needle must be an idiot to begin with.
It's like going to Paris to visit Disneyland."
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Bronson A.: "The 'alcohol enforcement' people are more like the Fun Police. They're more worried about the amount of baseballs you catch during batting practice then actual underage/abusive drinkers. It's a shame security is not supervised in this stadium. "
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Bronson A.: "The 'alcohol enforcement' people are more like the Fun Police. They're more worried about the amount of baseballs you catch during batting practice then actual underage/abusive ... more
Gil O. (who has a San Francisco 49ers avatar): "I hate this stadium. Horrible weather, and that noise that comes from this stadium, is from people throwing up. I hope they bulldoze it to the ground. 0-2 in the Super Bowl!" less
Gil O. (who has a San Francisco 49ers avatar): "I hate this stadium. Horrible weather, and that noise that comes from this stadium, is from people throwing up. I hope they bulldoze it to the ... more
Lily H: "A joke...a hideous remnant of the World's Fair of 1962, massive concrete, clumsy, obstructing Fifth Avenue (west of Pine St.) and with its sheer bulk throwing the otherwise pleasant street into deep shadow.
Tear it down, please, ASAP.
It goes nowhere. Why would anyone, including a tourist, want to wait half an hour in line to take something that goes 1/2 mile??
If it's meant to show how benighted our sense of urban aesthetics is, then it's a winner. Furthermore, it is NOT a technological cutting marvel (not since 1962) and has been superseded around the world." less
Lily H: "A joke...a hideous remnant of the World's Fair of 1962, massive concrete, clumsy, obstructing Fifth Avenue (west of Pine St.) and with its sheer bulk throwing the otherwise pleasant ... more
Amy B.: "The only way that I would do this again is if I had a flask."
Amy B.: "The only way that I would do this again is if I had a flask."
Suzy K.: "Saddest sad place. Shall I start with the cute little pygmy owl all alone in its little tiny glass box? Maybe the polar bear digging through the thin layer of pebble. Perhaps the Asian elephants in their small, barren enclosure? I'm too depressed to go on ...." less
Suzy K.: "Saddest sad place. Shall I start with the cute little pygmy owl all alone in its little tiny glass box? Maybe the polar bear digging through the thin layer of ... more
Melissa M.: "The one star is simply for getting me across a large body of water. Maybe I'm jaded about government workers but every interaction I've had with someone at this terminal makes me wish there was a private ferry company I could pay twice as much for and tell these assholes to suck it." less
Melissa M.: "The one star is simply for getting me across a large body of water. Maybe I'm jaded about government workers but every interaction I've had with someone at this terminal ... more
Norelle D.: "If you want to go where every man and woman visiting Seattle have ever gone, go to Kerry Park. If you want a view of the Seattle skyline that's been done, re-done, and then done again countless times in film and photograph, go to Kerry Park. If you want to have other tourists get in the way of your photographic moment, fight with at least 4 bridal parties for a good shot spot, and sniff the lovely aroma of cigarettes, weed, and homeless bum, go to Kerry Park.
If you prefer a gorgeous view and none of the above, head west a couple more blocks on Highland Dr. and you'll hit Marshall Park viewpoint and the intimate Parson's Gardens. They're MUCH better." less
Norelle D.: "If you want to go where every man and woman visiting Seattle have ever gone, go to Kerry Park. If you want a view of the Seattle skyline that's been done, re-done, and then done again ... more
Jackie S.: "Everyone seems to recommend this tour, but that just makes me think there are a lot of people out there that really hate me. The tour guides appear to have memorized a script, complete with low-class humor, and I felt like my guide was practicing for an awful comedy routine rather than giving a tour. The underground portion is extremely run-down, which is understandable (it's underground and the original stuff down there was destroyed), but considering they get $15 for every fool who purchases a ticket, it would've been nice to have seen a little more effort put into the surroundings. Actually, any effort at all would have been nice. Save your time and money, and do anything else in the Seattle area instead. Unless your worst enemy decides to come visit you, in which case sending them on this tour would be the perfect revenge." less
Jackie S.: "Everyone seems to recommend this tour, but that just makes me think there are a lot of people out there that really hate me. The tour guides appear to have ... more
"In my opinion, they shouldn't have focused on the history and the corny jokes. Because to be honest, I lost interest really quickly. Instead, they should have maybe focused on the possible creepiness of being underground with gross water dripping on you and cobwebs everywhere." less
Caleb W. (apparently a disgruntled Mount Vernon resident): "Just a bunch of boring flowers save your time and money stay home and not flood my road with aggravating traffic and if you do insist on coming here obey the signs i.e. all the no parking signs don't mean go ahead and park like all you looky loos seem to do!!!! Would be minus stars if they would allow it." less
Caleb W. (apparently a disgruntled Mount Vernon resident): "Just a bunch of boring flowers save your time and money stay home and not flood my road with aggravating traffic and if ... more
Ashley H.: "Do not do it! I have been on Argosy cruise before the 1 hour Seattle tour is good but the Tillicum village is horrible! I got 20 percent off the purchase and still wanted my money back. Its (sic) literally a video that you watch, and the food is done buffet style which means you eat all you want but not here. The food is good but there isn't enough for everyone to have seconds therefore not a buffet. It was a waist (sic) of my money and it will be a waist (sic) of yours!" less
Ashley H.: "Do not do it! I have been on Argosy cruise before the 1 hour Seattle tour is good but the Tillicum village is horrible! I got 20 percent off the purchase and still wanted my ... more
"This is way overpriced and I left feeling ripped-off.
"The boat ride over is enjoyable.
"When we got to the island I was expecting a show of live performers and and salmon buffet. The food was so-so. I wish some one would have told me that soft drinks were not included in the price. It was one-time through the buffet line because they make it nearly impossible to make your way back, and there was no wait staff to serve us drinks during the meal. The show was mostly pre-recorded! With bits of live performances.
"I am from Seattle and would be embarrassded to take any out of town guests to this." less
"This is way overpriced and I left feeling ripped-off.
"The boat ride over is enjoyable.
"When we got to the island I was expecting a show of live performers and and salmon ... more
"When I went there with my family, we were shocked by the nudity and open gay sex. There were many older men with juvenile boys in the nude. I immediately took my family back to the park ranger station and filed a report. I called for a follow up to the regional office and was told the report was never sent up. I then called the station back and was accused of being a homophobe and bigot. I explained that I would report heterosexual activity if I had seen it and would have been equally outraged. What I found unforgivable were the nude children with a group of nude men that were in their what looked to be 40s. I don't know if this place is still a pedophile paradise and I will not return to find out." less
"When I went there with my family, we were shocked by the nudity and open gay sex. There were many older men with juvenile boys in the nude. I immediately took my family back to the park ... more
Natasha G.: "I visited this little town with my family after hearing about it's alleged Bavarian charm. (I lived in Germany for years. I visited all over there and Austria so I know an authentic town when I see one. Though, I don't think I would've needed that life experience to spot this dud.) I have to say, I was thoroughly disappointed. The town is Bavarian, as promised. However, it reads more gimmicky old theme park. I can't understand how a town so geared towards tourism could be so unfriendly/cold. ... The parking is a joke (again, you're a tourist town). I saw several locals, repeatedly, shooting dirty looks at people who were obviously not from their backwoods, non-diverse town and it left me thoroughly ticked off; it happened enough that it was one of the things that really stuck about this place. The stores, like the town, lack all semblance of charm. This town is less Bavarian Winter Wonderland and more backwoods/back words (sic) town with a cheap themed backdrop propped over it. Not fooled; won't return." less
Natasha G.: "I visited this little town with my family after hearing about it's alleged Bavarian charm. (I lived in Germany for years. I visited all over there and Austria so I know an authentic ... more
Some body-shaming from Dre R.: "1 star for you, Seattle Great Wheel! We purchased tickets online in order to avoid the mass of breeders and their strollers waiting in line for 45 minutes. Why do you offer an 'Online Purchase and Will Call' window when the obese staff person can't understand the concept of 'advanced purchase'? Have fun all you tourist families and your crotch droplings, neither we nor our local friends will patronize your tourist trap hell!" less
Some body-shaming from Dre R.: "1 star for you, Seattle Great Wheel! We purchased tickets online in order to avoid the mass of breeders and their strollers waiting in line for 45 minutes. Why ... more
Hillary N.: "Lame. Hard to find and not worth the effort. People draw and write dumb things, mainly profanity, on it. Other people crowd a picture if you really want one. Lame lame lame. The pictures posted of it are enough, I wouldn't suggest wasting your time actually visiting it." less
Hillary N.: "Lame. Hard to find and not worth the effort. People draw and write dumb things, mainly profanity, on it. Other people crowd a picture if you really want one. Lame lame lame. The ... more
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Matthew T.: "Worst place I have ever been to. Very boring. Only fun in the summer when their are salmon in the fish ladder. Takes forever for a boat to come and when it does it is more boring than watching paint dry. Would not recommend to my worst enemy." less
Matthew T.: "Worst place I have ever been to. Very boring. Only fun in the summer when their are salmon in the fish ladder. Takes forever for a boat to come and when it does it is more boring ... more
"OK. About the English Botanical Garden... Where the hell is English garden? It was just a large lawn with some trees & some flowers. It just looked like someone's backyard. There was nothing specially beautiful, & nothing 'English' about it.
"Sure, it was pretty, BUT to be called 'botanical garden' they should have more collection of flowers & interesting/exotic plants, in an organized & attractive way. Me & my families/friends visited here, and we were shocked at how clumsy their garden setting was and how little their collection was."
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"OK. About the English Botanical Garden... Where the hell is English garden? It was just a large lawn with ... more
Tara H.: "Very disappointing! I'm visiting Seattle and was hoping see the view everyone posts pictures of, but ended up only seeing my own reflection. I wish the person selling tickets would've warned me of the extreme fog before charging me almost $15." less
Tara H.: "Very disappointing! I'm visiting Seattle and was hoping see the view everyone posts pictures of, but ended up only seeing my own reflection. I wish the person ... more
"Pros: it's really quiet and uncrowded, because nobody in their right mind would come here." less
Sara H.: "This place is horrible. Basically you have to pay around $9/person for a nature walk that just winds back and fourth. There are very few flowers none of which were any more unique than you would see in a walk around your neighborhood. Also there were water installations but none had any lilly pads or fish....what is the point!! Also the 'waterfall' is so hidden you cant really take a picture and it is just the smallest trickle." less
Sara H.: "This place is horrible. Basically you have to pay around $9/person for a nature walk that just winds back and fourth. There are very few flowers none of which ... more
Jill P.: "I stayed at the castle on September 5th, 2014. Please do not waste your money. If you need a place to sleep do not go here. The buildings are old and smell very musty. Furnishing were run down and overall appearance - TIRED. I was told it had a gourmet kitchen, I suppose because it had a stove and refrigerator. I can assure you there was nothing gourmet about it. They provide a coffee pot, no coffee or tea. Do you need coffee in the morning, then drive over to the commons (another building) and stand in line for coffee and a muffin (hope your (sic) not hungry) because that's all they serve. A BIG disappointment." less
Jill P.: "I stayed at the castle on September 5th, 2014. Please do not waste your money. If you need a place to sleep do not go here. The buildings are old ... more
How is Seattle marketed to tourists?
You might be able to take some worthy guesses: Space Needle! Ballard Locks! Pike Place Market! (And not "Pike's Place" for the love of the Sonics!)
And you'd be correct. These and other Puget Sound adventures are packaged with a great big price tag, when you'd probably be better off renting a car and asking the nearest local what to do. If you're willing to do your own driving or find some ideas on the internet, you'd probably have a much more spectacular time. And not have to deal with a tour guide's schedule.
Anyway. Check out what Seattle-area tourist excursions are being hawked to the poor saps with disposable income.
Then find the gallery of hilarious one-star Yelp reviews of beloved Seattle gems.