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Gibraltar Airport. Pinched in by the Mediterranean on its eastern flank and the Bay of Algeciras on its western side, the airport's truncated runway stretches just 1828 metres and requires pinpoint precision. Photo: Reuters -
Princess Juliana International Airport, St. Maarten. It regularly welcomes wide-body jetliners like Boeing 747s and Airbus A340s which fly in low over Maho Beach and skim just over the perimeter fence. Photo: Flickr/Johnny Shaw -
Barra Airport, Scotland. The airport on the tiny Outer Hebridean Island of Barra is actually a wide shallow bay onto which scheduled planes land with the roughness of landings determined by how the tide went out. Photo: Charlotte Hindle/Lonely Planet -
Reagan National Airport, Washington, DC. Located smack in the center of two overlapping air-exclusion zones, Reagan National requires pilots flying the so-called River Visual into the airport to follow the Potomac while steering clear of sensitive sites such as the Pentagon and CIA headquarters. Photo: Reuters -
Paro Airport, Bhutan. Tucked into a tightly cropped valley and surrounded by 4900-metre-high Himalayan peaks, Bhutan's only airport is forbidding to fly into. It requires specially trained pilots to maneuver and land through a channel of tree-covered hillsides. Photo: Nicholas Reuss/Lonely Planet -
Toncontin Airport, Honduras. Having negotiated the rough-hewn mountainous terrain, pilots must execute a dramatic 45-degree, last-minute bank to the left just minutes prior to touching down in a bowl-shaped valley on a runway just 1862 metres in length. Photo: AP -
John F. Kennedy International Airport, New York. Pilots have to avoid interfering with flights into New York's two other close-by airports, LaGuardia and Newark. Photo: AP -
Madeira Airport, Funchal, Madeira. Wedged in by mountains and the Atlantic, Madeira Airport requires a clockwise approach for which pilots are specially trained. Pilots must first point their aircraft at the mountains and, at the last minute, bank right to the runway. Photo: Adina Tovy Amsel/Lonely Planet -
Matekane Air Strip, Lesotho. The 399-metre-long runway is perched at the edge of a couloir at 2300 metres. You drop down the face of a 609-metre cliff until you start flying. Photo: Di Jones/Lonely Planet
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Gibraltar Airport. Pinched in by the Mediterranean on its eastern flank and the Bay of Algeciras on its western side, the airport's truncated runway stretches just 1828 metres and requires pinpoint precision. Photo: Reuters of -
Princess Juliana International Airport, St. Maarten. It regularly welcomes wide-body jetliners like Boeing 747s and Airbus A340s which fly in low over Maho Beach and skim just over the perimeter fence. Photo: Flickr/Johnny Shaw of -
Barra Airport, Scotland. The airport on the tiny Outer Hebridean Island of Barra is actually a wide shallow bay onto which scheduled planes land with the roughness of landings determined by how the tide went out. Photo: Charlotte Hindle/Lonely Planet of -
Reagan National Airport, Washington, DC. Located smack in the center of two overlapping air-exclusion zones, Reagan National requires pilots flying the so-called River Visual into the airport to follow the Potomac while steering clear of sensitive sites such as the Pentagon and CIA headquarters. Photo: Reuters of -
Paro Airport, Bhutan. Tucked into a tightly cropped valley and surrounded by 4900-metre-high Himalayan peaks, Bhutan's only airport is forbidding to fly into. It requires specially trained pilots to maneuver and land through a channel of tree-covered hillsides. Photo: Nicholas Reuss/Lonely Planet of -
Toncontin Airport, Honduras. Having negotiated the rough-hewn mountainous terrain, pilots must execute a dramatic 45-degree, last-minute bank to the left just minutes prior to touching down in a bowl-shaped valley on a runway just 1862 metres in length. Photo: AP of -
John F. Kennedy International Airport, New York. Pilots have to avoid interfering with flights into New York's two other close-by airports, LaGuardia and Newark. Photo: AP of -
Madeira Airport, Funchal, Madeira. Wedged in by mountains and the Atlantic, Madeira Airport requires a clockwise approach for which pilots are specially trained. Pilots must first point their aircraft at the mountains and, at the last minute, bank right to the runway. Photo: Adina Tovy Amsel/Lonely Planet of -
Matekane Air Strip, Lesotho. The 399-metre-long runway is perched at the edge of a couloir at 2300 metres. You drop down the face of a 609-metre cliff until you start flying. Photo: Di Jones/Lonely Planet of -
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"Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused, this is due to periodic air pockets we encountered, there's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight.
"By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"
For those unfamiliar, these immortal lines were uttered in the aviation spoof classic, Flying High!, a must-see for anyone who has ever flown or laughed.
Low-flying plane stuns beachgoers
Tourists and thrill-seekers flock to Maho Beach on the Caribbean island of St Maarten to watch planes skim over their heads before touching down at the airport.
But joking aside, the issue of how to fly - and land - a plane when both - or all - pilots are incapacitated is an incredibly serious matter, especially for nervous passengers.
One such worrier turned to Quora, the brilliant question and answer website, for comfort. They asked: "What should I do if the pilot passes out and I (with no flight training) have to land the plane?"
See also: Pilot congratulates passengers for drinking all of the alcohol on board
The man in the know is pilot Bruno Gilissen, who responded in wonderfully detailed fashion.
"If both pilots died and no other pilot is on board and you're going to be the hero of the day, follow this procedure (for a commercial jet)," he explained.
"Don't panic [easy for him to say]. The airplane flies on autopilot. You're not dead. You're going to be the hero soon. Take your time. Following a procedure slowly produces often faster results than rushing."
Incidentally, this is not dissimilar to Flying High!, when the character played by Leslie Neilsen has to convince the traumatised fighter pilot played by Robert Hays that he can land the plane after everyone on board - including the pilots - suffer food poisoning from the fish (not the steak - and definitely not the lasagne).
Gilissen continued: "Try to find out how the radio works. This shouldn't be too hard. Don't press it yet, but there's usually a push-to-talk button on the stick, often on the backside of it, like a trigger.
"Careful here because there's also one that disconnects the autopilot on the stick… Usually the autopilot disconnect button is red and operated by a thumb."
He adds that there might also be a radio hanging "somewhere on the side", or, if in doubt, ask one of the flight attendants, assuming they're not dead, too.
Once you've found the radio, he says, press the button and call "Mayday, mayday, mayday." It's the best way to get everyone's attention. He says to explain the situation slowly.
This is when what is called a talk-down begins - when an unqualified person is assisted in flying an aircraft with radio instructions from either the ground or a nearby aircraft.
See also: What happens when some dies on a flight?
"Once you talk to someone, they'll probably try to talk you down," explains Gilissen. "They'll no doubt guide you to the nearest suitable airport that has autoland capability.
"No sweat. The airplane will land itself there, provided you operate the autopilot as you're told. You put on the autobrake and it will even brake automatically and you still get all the hero credit. Congratulations and welcome to the Tonight Show."
Well, that all seemed suspiciously easy.
However, the pilot warns that should you be unable to find someone to talk you down, you'll be faced with managing the autopilot yourself.
"This combined with the fact that you have to configure with flaps and gear as you slow down, becomes more complicated and type specific," he says.
"Flying manually, though not necessarily rocket science, should be avoided. If for some reason you end up flying manually, try to put the autopilot back on: it's there to help you and does a better job than the average type rated and qualified pilot often, so use it. Getting into autopilot modes won't happen in under two minutes, unfortunately. Neither will explaining how to do an approach and land manually."
And that's how he ends his response. So, basically, if you don't get the autopilot on you'll find yourself in a spot of bother.
Unless, of course, you are John Widley, one of the most famous successful talk-downs in history (there have not been many, mind - there is no record of a single incident like this involving a commercial jet, only a number involving light aircraft).
In 2013, the then-77-year-old landed a Cessna 172 with guidance on the radio from a flying instructor and an air traffic control manager, after the pilot collapsed in the cockpit, and later died.
Widley, who was returning to Sandtoft Airfield near Doncaster, after a day trip to Skegness, managed to land the plane "flying blind" in the dark with no lights.
"It was a controlled crash really," he told the BBC at the time.
In response to the incident, the Telegraph produced a short guide to landing a light aircraft, but it is plenty technical.
The Telegraph, London
See also: Traveller letters: Pilot's sexist comments humiliate cabin crew
See also: Unusual and record-breaking planes: Six incredible planes you'll never fly on
Listen: Flight of Fancy - the Traveller.com.au podcast with Ben Groundwater
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