I’ve never got over the hurt caused by my mother-in-law

Twelve years ago, my father-in-law gave me his special necklace, but when he died his wife demanded it back. Now my sister-in-law is wearing it and I feel so upset

Woman looking at another woman wearing necklace
Photograph: Guardian Design Team/Getty Creative

Two years before he died, my father-in-law gave me a necklace he used to wear all the time. I was touched by this gift as I had always felt that my parents-in-law were never very enamoured with their son’s foreign bride: they are French, and we have always lived near them in France. A few days after the death, my mother-in-law demanded I return the necklace, saying that her husband never meant to give it to me. I am surprised at how much this hurt me. Twelve years on, both of my husband’s parents have passed away and I haven’t given this any thought for years. But lately my sister-in-law has started wearing the necklace. I am unnerved at how much it disturbs me. We don’t get on very well but I don’t know why I feel so bad. Am I jealous? Am I thinking of the previous hurt? How can I “let go”? I don’t particularly want the necklace, because of the memories associated with it, but fear that’s what she would think if I mention it.

When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).