'Missing The Bloody Point' Award Of 2017 Already Won...

Judge Paul Lawton questioned why the £598 theft case ended up at the crown court and asked: “Manchester United can just about afford it, can’t they?”

The seven defendants, who feared they would be locked up, shared smiles with each other and with friends and family after they were each handed a 12-month conditional discharge.

Some judges have common sense, as can be seen:

Last month District Judge Mark Hadfield, sitting at Manchester and Salford Magistrates’ Court, decided his sentencing powers - up to 12 months behind bars - weren’t enough and he sent the case to Manchester’s Minshull Street Crown Court.

Nice try, Mark. Shame your colleagues are grandstanding idiots.

None of the defendants had previous convictions, except for Andrade, who was handed a referral order for a conviction for robbery when he was 14.

After the case solicitor Amar Alyas, who represented Belkhair and Oyawaye, said: “They are very remorseful but this should have been dealt with by the district judge (in the magistrates’ court). It’s unfortunate this had to waste precious crown court time.”

What do you think the chances that anyone will hire young blacks are now, Amar?

Not only are they likely to repay you by robbing you blind, the judicial system will reward them, rather than punish them. You'd have to be mad.

H/T: wiggia via email

Chocolate Teapots Protest Their Unfair Comparison To Kirklees Police Farce...

“I’m still traumatised by it now. I’ve had no apology or contact with the dog’s owner who just watched what happened and didn’t say anything.

“It just can’t be right that nothing is done to stop this happening again.”

How is it that nothing is done? Why, because the police won't act. Again.

Janet contacted police again in February and gave a formal statement along with a neighbour. she also gave permission for police to contact the hospital about her injuries.

However, last Saturday an officer came to her home to tell her no charges would be brought against the dog’s owner.

One wonders why...

In a statement West Yorkshire Police said: “Police were called to an incident on Thornhill Road, Longwood, on July 6 last year in which a dog was killed.

“An investigation was carried out into the circumstances and how the two dogs came into contact. The owner of the deceased dog had received a minor wound to her leg while trying to intervene and required hospital treatment.”

A fairly bland statement for a shocking incident.

Temporary Inspector Jo Wolff, of Kirklees District Police, said: “We spoke at length with both parties involved as part of this investigation, including the owner of the deceased dog who has understandably been very upset by what took place.

“An 82-year-old woman voluntarily attended one of our police stations and was spoken to by officers. The matter was dealt with by way of community resolution, as agreed by both the victim and the suspect.”

It doesn't sound like the complainant agreed at all.

And it doesn't sound like it's all that safe to have a known aggressive dog that has attacked other dogs before, and now killed one and injured its owner, in the hands of a pensioner who can't or won't control it, does it?

One wonders just what sort of protected species this 82 year old lurcher owner belongs to...

Problem Animals

Third World:

Rashmi Ranjan Nayak, Bolangir district forest officer, said: 'Actually, the main challenge was to control the mob.

'We would have captured the animal if the villagers wouldn't have created disturbance to during the operation. I am glad that we finally managed to cage the beast.'

First World:

Animal director Adrian Harland said: "The cheetah was calm and pacing the enclosure fence looking to get back in.

"Some food was thrown into the enclosure and the cheetah walked back in to get it. No vet intervention was needed.

"The full escape procedure was run because the safari lorries travel past the enclosure. This particular cheetah was no real threat to our guests.

"He only climbed out to get back with his mother after having been separated to stop him eating all her dinner.

"We have secured the enclosure's perimeter fencing to ensure that the cheetah cannot climb out again."

Any questions?

Never Mind, Love, I Hear There's A PR Job Open At United Air...

Helium balloons containing free sandwich vouchers could fall over Bolton today, thanks to Poundbakery.

500 orange and black balloons were let loose from Poundbakery’s head office in Sidney Street earlier this afternoon - all containing vouchers for a free butty.

Whoever finds a balloon with the ‘Go Large’ voucher attached can grab a free sandwich at their nearest Poundbakery.

Well, it's not often people take out a full page advert in the local paper to announce their intention to litter on behalf of their company!

Marketing manager, Keely Palin, said “The sky is the limit with this campaign and we can’t wait to see where the balloons end up.”

I wonder where you'll end up...

"We're Missing Out On The Moolah!"

...I can’t deny that there have been a glut of dramas featuring sexual violence over the last few years, including Emmerdale, Hollyoaks, EastEnders, Apple Tree Yard, National Treasure and Broadchurch. I have 13 years’ experience of working and campaigning within and on behalf of the Rape Crisis movement, including acting as its national spokeswoman for three years, and I find myself defending the trend. Don’t social issues have peak moments in popular culture and is it not just rape’s “turn”?

It peaked last year, love. Now we're all bored with it.

...at least this current generation of depictions has evolved beyond scantily clad young women being chased through dark woods by demonic armed attackers. At least today’s programme-makers consult with specialists, such as Rape Crisis, to ensure their portrayals are realistic.

Eh? I've yet to see a rape case in a drama where a chav off her tits on Bacardi Breezers goes to the police to accuse a random stranger of rape, and has some poor sod banged up until the police get off their arses and check CCTV to find out she was lying.

That'd be realism.

But here I start to falter. Because the truth is I know the tidal wave of researchers, writers and producers eager to handle sexual violence responsibly is beginning to place a burden on chronically under-resourced and overstretched yet vital support agencies. And incredibly, the vast majority don’t offer to pay these specialists for their expertise.

Why should they, when you're clearly so desperate to push your agenda you'd climb over your own mother's corpse to do it for free? They aren't stupid. You clearly are.

Last year, as the domestic violence storyline on Radio 4’s The Archers became excruciating for listeners, one fan set up a fundraising page in the fictional victim Helen Titchener’s name that has so far raised over £172,000 for Refuge, a charity that supports “the real Helens”. It was a beautiful illustration of how drama can trigger consciousness and prompt action in support of worthy causes.

Translation: "Ah wants me some of dat!"

This year, acclaimed actor Julie Hesmondhalgh, beloved of Corrie fans as Hayley Cropper and brilliant as Broadchurch season three’s main character Trish, gave an exclusive interview to Rape Crisis, which was posted with a donations page for its national helpline. At the time of writing, that page has raised a tenner.

Ahahahahahaha! The best begging appeal news since this one:

Deep down, do we think survivors aren’t deserving because it’s just a little bit their own fault?

Sometimes it is.

The paradox is that part of the work of Rape Crisis is to challenge myths and prejudices around sexual violence so survivors can access social justice.

Aha. Now we hit the crux of the matter. That's why no-one's prepared to stump up any cash. It's because you're as mad as a box of frogs.

The issue here is justice. Not social. Just justice. That's all that matters.

Caption Competition!

Ryan, 36, barricaded herself inside and refused to surrender after police surrounded the property during the terrifying stand-off in Grimsby, Lincs.

She denied possessing an imitation firearm – an airgun – with intent to cause fear of violence, but was convicted after a trial. Cops, ambulances, helicopters and trained negotiators were called to the dramatic scene on October 8 after Ryan’s bizarre stunt.

She was sentenced to six months in prison at Grimsby Crown Court.

 *raises eyes heavenwards*

Temporary Detective Constable Tom Kelly said: “I hope she is ashamed of her actions and that the sentence acts as a deterrent to anyone else behaving in such an irresponsible way.”

Yes, this looks like a woman capable of shame, doesn't it?

I wonder what she's shouting?

 H/T: Rita Panahi via Twitter

When Celebrities Attack...

That's Chris Evans, the guy who plays 'Captain America', forgetting that he just plays 'Captain America'...

Yum, Sounds Delicious!

Spotted at my local boot sale. Well, it's almost right..!

Sunday Funnies...

It's not going to be that different, then...?

How To Get Publicity 101...

Packham’s latest venture is the design of a range of free to download T-shirt motifs including ‘Killing Wildlife for Fun is a Dying Business’ and ‘Safer in Outer Space’, which relates to the declining tiger population.

“I doubt whether there is a single safe enclave on earth for the tiger,” he explains.

“Maybe we should spend all that vast sum of charitable cash to send the last few to the moon”.

...say something so daft the media just has to advertise your latest money-making scheme. Lesson over.

He is, however, confident that is it only ‘a matter of time’ before the mistreatment of animals comes to an end – and he won’t stop until it does.

“I feel positive and optimistic at the moment, as I feel we’re making progress more rapidly. I want to make a small difference before I die, we can’t rest until everything is sorted.”

The 'small difference' being to his bank balance, as is the reference to getting everything 'sorted'...