Britney Spears makes sex tape and has a break-up dance-off with Justin Timberlake in 'unofficial' Lifetime movie Britney Ever After
There were a lot of crimes committed against Britney Spears on Saturday night — the Lifetime movie itself chief among them.
But the one that might surprise fans the most is when the sex tape she supposedly made with Justin Timberlake got stolen.
The never-before-heard-of incident was just one of the head-scratching moments in the Britney Ever After premiere
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Britney Spears apparently made a sex tape — and had a break-up dance-off — with Justin Timberlake, according to her unofficial Lifetime movie Britney Ever After, which premiered on Saturday
Despite being two hours long, there was pretty much no mention of her childhood, discovery or lead-up to her fame; with just as little attention given to her life post-meltdown.
Another thing less surprisingly missing from it was a single Britney Spears song, since Britney herself wanted nothing to do with the film.
Besides cheesy anonymous muzak, her covers of The Rolling Stones Satisfaction and Joan Jett's I Love Rock n Roll were the only tunes that made the cut.
And cheese was the main dish for the first 45 minutes or so, which consisted mainly of Britney (Natasha Bassett) and Justin (Nathan Keyes) giggling and mauling each other.
Straight in: Despite being two hours long, there was pretty much no mention of her childhood, discovery or lead-up to her fame; with just as little attention given to her life post-meltdown
Got it: Justin's (Nathan Keyes) ramen hair was easily the most accurate thing about the film
Say cheese! Cheese was the main dish for the first 45 minutes or so, which consisted mainly of Britney (Natasha Bassett) and Justin giggling and mauling each other
'I'm just trying to be a gentleman,' he tells her as they fool around in a trailer. 'Don't be,' she replies, stripping off.
It being a Lifetime movie, it doesn't get any more R-rated than that in her frequent dalliances... and the audience certainly didn't get to see them make the alleged sex tape.
That comes to light when the family return from a trip to the beach, to find the house ransacked... and Justin realises 'they stole the tapes'.
Young love: 'I'm just trying to be a gentleman,' he tells her as they fool around in a trailer. 'Don't be,' she replies, stripping off
Permission woes: N'Sync sang Happy Birthday, one of the only songs in the film
Uh-oh: The family return from a trip to the beach, to find the house ransacked... and Justin realises 'they stole the tapes'.
Sex tape? 'Jesus H Christ... they stole a boudoir video? My little girl was in a boudoir video?' her dad James (Matthew Harrison) chimes in, suddenly remembering he is always drunk and storming out, distracting from the fact the biggest popstar in the world just had a sex tape stolen
'Jesus H Christ... they stole a boudoir video? My little girl was in a boudoir video?' her dad James (Matthew Harrison) chimes in, suddenly remembering he is always drunk and storming out, distracting from the fact the biggest popstar in the world just had a sex tape stolen.
Luckily the thieves were 'just some kids' and the sex tape is never mentioned again.
The disjointed format jumps back and forth between an interview with modern day Britney, who it is very clear has never gotten over Justin.
Seeds of discontent: Things start to go downhill between JT and Britney when he becomes jealous of her choreographer Wade Robson, who got very handsy during their dance sessions.
How it happened: Their eventual break-up is undoubtedly the highlight of the film
In real life: The two encounter each other in a night club and engage in a dance-off
Cry me a river: Justin is declared the winner when he walks off while she is in mid spin, leaving her standing confused and alone in the middle of the floor
His fault: The film appears to suggest her split from Justin - whom she was borderline obsessed with - was the beginning of her downward spiral
'Were you in love?' the interviewer asks. 'It was more than that... he was part of me.... he was everything, she replies.
'Sometimes I think that nobody knows me the way he did. He was the one thing in my life that was real.'
When asked if she regretted it not working out between them, she answered only with a pained silence.
Quickie: Her first marriage to childhood friend Jason Alexander meanwhile is given as much airtime as it got in real life
Hitched: 'Britney's the sort of girl who needs a man in her life... always has been,' her mom Lynn (Nicole Oliver) tells the camera, before it cuts to Britney waking up in a Vegas hotel room a married woman
Bye: 'Any idea how this makes you look? Desperate,' her manager Larry Rudolph tells her... and Jason is never heard from again
Things start to go downhill between JT and Britney when he becomes jealous of her choreographer Wade Robson, who got very handsy during their dance sessions.
A tense moment in a club sees Britney catching him give a his number to 'some skank', before she scoffs at him: 'I'm not the one slipping in the charts'.
But their eventual break-up is undoubtedly the highlight of the film: the two encounter each other in a night club and engage in a dance-off.
Next: Kevin Federline (Clayton Chitty) shows up almost immediately afterward
Busy: It doesn't take to two long to get hot and heavy
Twice shy: Britney didn't learn her sex tape lesson the last time
Good idea: She suggests marriage, so he proposes
Justin is declared the winner when he walks off while she is in mid spin, leaving her standing confused and alone in the middle of the floor.
The film appears to suggest her split from Justin - whom she was borderline obsessed with - was the beginning of her downward spiral.
'You gotta reign it in,' he manager Larry Rudolph (Peter Benson) tells her as she starts her partying ways, 'or you're gonna do serious damage to you brand.'
Speeding through: The next chapter in Britney's life thumbs through like a flip book
I do: One scene the pair are getting married
Where's they come from? The one after that she's pining over her two fully grown children
'Your cheques will still clear if i decide to have a little fun,' she snaps back.
Her first marriage to childhood friend Jason Alexander meanwhile is given as much airtime as it got in real life.
'Britney's the sort of girl who needs a man in her life... always has been,' her mom Lynn (Nicole Oliver) tells the camera, before it cuts to Britney waking up in a Vegas hotel room a married woman.
'Congratulations - you just gave away half your money,' Larry tells her after arriving at the door.
Busted: In the end its another girl's phone number that seals the deal for Britney, as she dumps him after he gets a sext
Pattern: Another relationship appeared to end in a nightclub
Quote: In a fitting revenge, she later texts him: 'I wnt 2 dvrce U' - a 'quote' that appears to have been taken from a Fox News headline after that news broke in 2006
'I don't care... were in love,' she retorts.
'Any idea how this makes you look? Desperate,' he tells her... and Jason is never heard from again.
The next chapter in Britney's life thumbs through like a flip book: one moment she's making out with Kevin Federline (Clayton Chitty), the next he's proposing, the one after that she's pining over her two fully grown children.
In the end its another girl's phone number that seals the deal for Britney, as she dumps him after he gets a sext.
Spiral: After that things rapidly fall apart for Britney, as she turns on her mother for 'being tight' with Kevin, warning her to stay away from her grandchildren
Wow: 'My lawyers coming for you so you better BUCKLE UUUUUP!,' she spits, wearing a purple wig
Down: From there it's just scene after scene off public Britney breakdowns: sitting in the middle of a road crying
Gross: Next she's wiping food on and not bothering to return a five-figure designer dress during a photo shoot
In a fitting revenge, she later texts him: 'I wnt 2 dvrce U' - a 'quote' that appears to have been taken from a Fox News headline after that news broke in 2006.
'I'd never say it was a mistake because I got my babies from it, but maybe it was too fast,' she says of K-Fed in her retrospective.
'I hadn't let loose in so long... I made some bad choices.'
After that things rapidly fall apart for Britney, as she turns on her mother for 'being tight' with Kevin, warning her to stay away from her grandchildren.
Money shot: Of course there's her infamous head-shave, which is flashed back to several times throughout the film
Leave Britney alone! hER subsequent brolly-swinging attack on a gang of paparazzi is also in there
'My lawyers coming for you so you better BUCKLE UUUUUP!,' she spits, wearing a purple wig.
From there it's just scene after scene off public Britney breakdowns: sitting in the middle of a road crying; wiping food on and not bothering to return a five-figure designer dress during a photo shoot; and of course her infamous head-shave and subsequent brolly-swinging attack on a gang of paparazzi.
Things continue downward, until Sam Lutfi's (Benjamin Arce) infamous entry onto the scene.
Grim: Things continue downward, until Sam Lutfi's (Benjamin Arce) infamous entry onto the scene
Crazy: Her new manager is shown basically holding her prisoner while her desperate parents attempt to wrest her away from him.
Her new manager is shown basically holding her prisoner while her desperate parents attempt to wrest her away from him.
When they eventually do, it is with the help of a doctor, who helps convince her to turn control of her affairs over to them.
'It's like a waterslide... suddenly everything is moving so fast,' she surmises in her interview. 'It's fun... it's scary. There's nowhere to go... you cat get off until you hit the bottom.
And would she do it all again?
'It's who I am... it;s all I've ever known. She concludes. 'I hear the crowd and I want them to be happy. I mean shoot, we all deserve to be happy.'
Omission: Sadly, there wasn't a single Britney Spears song, since Britney herself wanted nothing to do with the film. Her covers of The Rolling Stones Satisfaction and Joan Jett's I Love Rock n Roll were the only tunes that made the cut
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