This was published 7 years ago
Modern Guru: etiquette for unsatisfied party guests
By Danny Katz
Q: Attending a friend's 60th birthday party, my partner and I gave a gift of $100 in cash. We then found ourselves with other guests freezing outside on a cold night, drinking cheap wine, with hardly anything to eat. After an hour, we left. I was tempted to ask for my money back. Could I? J.H., BOX HILL, VIC
A: Yep, I can see what's going on here. You think a friend's 60th is like going to a mid-range suburban restaurant, and your gift of $100 entitles you and your partner to a hundred bucks' worth of food and drink: you've chosen the $50-a-head buffet option, and you're sticking to house wines and beers to stay under budget.
Danny Katz.Credit: Mike Baker
You also think your friend should provide a basic restaurant level of quality and decor: proper tableware, comfortable seating and some form of outdoor heating – possibly one of those restaurant patio heaters that warms the entire Earth's atmosphere just so patrons don't have to wear a jacket outside.
But a friend's 60th birthday party is nothing like a mid-range suburban restaurant. It's more like a donation-only, social-enterprise, inner-city eatery where you pay whatever you choose, sit on whatever's available and eat whatever you're given, even if it's bowl of vegan kofta balls with a glass of raw lentils to wash them down. So you can't ask for your money back because you were under no obligation to give anything in the first place.
Illustration by Simon Letch
Just like dining at a social-enterprise eatery, you need to accept the situation, enjoy the whacky experience and listen politely if the host gives an over-earnest speech about love, kindness, respect and global compassion – even though you're really just thinking about where to stop on the way home to pick up a decent souvlaki.