The annual Oscars luncheon group photo is always an awards-season highlight. It marks the moment when the great and good of the acting world – billions of dollars’ worth of talent – pose for a photo taken at such an unflattering angle that it makes them all look like angry little Borrowers crowding around the foot of your bed ready to eat your face off while you sleep.
As ever, this year’s photo offers fascinating insights into the behaviour of the successful, and several key themes have emerged. Let’s take a closer look.
The year of the funny hands
When you pose with more than 150 other celebrities, it’s easy to get lost in the soup of faces. This year, however, a few renegades have figured out how to claw back some limelight: the wacky hand gesture. Moonlight co-writer Tarell Alvin McCraney (back row, middle) is either spreading out his fingers to demonstrate how many nominations his film received, or he’s such a big-time Timmy Mallett fan that he’s doing the Wacawave for the camera in tribute. Also notable in this category is Kevin O’Connell, standing to the right of the Oscar. Officially the unluckiest nominee in Oscars history – he’s been nominated 21 times in the best sound mixing category without a win – O’Connell still manages a nifty “get a load of this guy” thumb poke. But be warned: the wacky hand gesture has many repercussions. One guy, on the right three rows from the front, is holding up three fingers in such a way that his face is obscured. Poor man. He should know the one true motto of the Oscars nominees class photo: if you live by the wacky gesture, you’ll die by the wacky gesture.
The year of the not quite knowing where the camera is
When you’re as skilled in the art of narcissism as these people, finding a camera should be the easiest thing in the world. And yet look closely enough and you’ll see that this photo is full of missed glances. The bald guy on the far left is staring at an empty chair. The man to Denzel Washington’s immediate right is lost is the sort of reverie you experience only when you get to stand next to Denzel Washington.
The tiny man behind Emma Stone has focused so much on even getting into the photo that he’s forgotten to point his head the right way. And then there’s Casey Affleck, who looks sullen and distraught, as if the thought of eating Chilean sea bass with couscous in the same room as Nicole Kidman has prompted a profound existential crisis . And who can blame him?
The year of not understanding the dress code
Pharrell, look around you. Everyone else has made an effort. Everyone is dressed nicely. I mean, Gianfranco Rosi is wearing a cravat, but that’s about as egregious as it gets. Now, look in a mirror. You’re wearing jeans and a baseball cap and a Nasa sweater. I get that you’re a busy man – I mean, your wife just had triplets – but would it kill you to smarten up a little? You look as if you have to rush out and help your dad lay some concrete for a shed foundation . I know you’ve got nicer hats than this. It’s usually impossible to get you out of the bloody things.
The year of the Oh My God He’s Seen Us, Quick Let’s Get Inside and Lock the Door
At the time of writing, no publication has managed to identify the man standing second from left three rows back. Or maybe they did, and he murdered them. It’s hard to say. But what’s clear is that he’s found you, and he knows where you live, and he wants his money back. He’d rather not hurt you – there’s no way he’s going back to prison, not after last time – but he won’t be held responsible for his actions if you don’t give him his money back, in its entirety, in a duffel bag, in nonsequential bills. After all, that’s a pretty face you’ve got there, and it’d be a shame if it got messed up somehow.
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