Dating apps make it simple for the average single to secure a date without the very public and physical inconveniences of on-the-spot rejection. But there are some advantages to mastering the skill of an IRL ‘ask-out’.
And let’s face it, asking someone out in real life does have advantages.
Firstly, it saves time: you don’t have to spend hours chatting to someone online first only to find you have no chemistry at all in real life. It also creates more excitement because, to some people, blind dates based on online reaction are more challenging. So that makes dating successes ‘hard earned’.
And then there’s the fact that in real life, you’re not just a one-dimensional image, so there ‘should be’ less emphasis on looks and more on personality or the package as a whole.
Here's how to best capitalise on those real-life encounters and come away with a little more than just a pocketful of regret (like hope and maybe even a phone number!).
“There is nothing that will work every time. You will get rejected but if you see that as an opportunity to learn and grow stronger, then in a year’s time this will show in your confidence.”
The approach
Dating coach, Chris Manak, says it only takes a second to size someone up as a potential mate so go for it.
After all, he’s is a firm believer that the only real thing you can do ‘wrong’ is not doing anything at all.
“There is nothing that will work every time,” he tells SBS “You will get rejected but if you see that as an opportunity to learn and grow stronger, then in a year’s time this will show in your confidence.”
Once you’ve found a potential date, Manak suggests opting for an ‘ask-out’ approach that comes naturally.
“It’s important to remember that you are a package made up of personality, appearance and body language and energy so there’s no need to overthink what you say and how you say it,” he says. “Instead, just be yourself and go with what comes easily.”
And if you’re stuck for specific ways to start talking to a person of attraction in real life, Manak says the best approach is to keep it simple yet direct. He recommends asking your potential partner their name and where they are from.
“I had a client a couple of weeks ago who got a first text from a girl saying that she really admired his courage in approaching her,” Manak says. “They went on a date a few days later. This girl was an amazing ‘catch’. I believe that if he had approached her online, he would have been overlooked.”
But what if you spot a potential date while he or she is in a group setting? Dating expert, Matthew Hussey offers up this strategy on his popular You Tube channel.
He advises that if you see someone you may like out in public, politely say hello with a wave. If they choose to come over, simply explain with a smile, “I just wanted to say hi.” According to Hussey, this is a playful, flattering and respectful approach that rarely falls short.
Getting a date
Indeed, there’s little denying rejection plays a big part in the #IRL dating game.
This comes as no surprise, with studies done by the University of Michigan finding that the mere act of rejection activates the same part of the brain as physical pain. Ouch.
Manak encourages his clients to face the fear of rejection by preparing for it (it’s inevitable, eventually!) and continuing to put yourself out there.
“The more you do it, the better you will get at it,” he says. “Also you will find that not only will you get better at dating, but your confidence will develop and this will translate in all areas of your life.”
He also points out that being interested in others is a natural and necessary survival instinct due to our pack nature so there’s little point being ashamed of it.
“I think showing interest in somebody seductive and flattering,” he maintains.
Serial dater, Ben, 36 from Albert Park (Victoria), agrees. “There is nothing sexier in my experience, than someone who knows their worth enough to just be upfront and going for what they want,” he says.
“That confidence for me, is almost always well-received. After all what’s not to love about someone liking you enough to put themselves on the line?”
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Undressed debuts Monday 16 January at 9:30pm on SBS. The first four episodes are available to watch now on SBS On Demand. Join the conversation: #Undressed
