The mortifying moment I found one of my family was on that fatuous anti Trump demo - with an X-rated placard, writes TOM UTLEY

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My award for the most brilliant idea of the week goes to the darkly funny Rod Liddle.

Writing in tomorrow’s Spectator magazine, he suggests that instead of going on protest marches or signing online petitions against Donald Trump or Brexit, angry liberal Lefties should set fire to themselves, in the manner of Buddhist monks objecting to religious persecution.

Thus, they would give force to their protests and the rest of us might pay more attention.

Did the marchers honestly think by signalling their objections, they would persuade the President to dishonour his election pledge and scrap his executive order?

Of course, Mr Liddle sees the obvious snag: a conflagration of 1.7 million anti-Trump petition-clickers might exacerbate the smog problem that has plagued the capital over the past couple of weeks.

But as he points out, the long-term environmental effects should be entirely beneficial. This is because the sort of middle-class, politically correct virtue-signallers who join these protests probably own all the wood-burning stoves that have been blamed for the smog in the first place. It sounds like a flawless argument to me.

I write with some feeling, since I learned with horror this week that at least one of the younger members of my family joined Monday’s fatuous mass demonstration in London. This had been organised to protest against Mr Trump’s decision to impose temporary restrictions on travel to the U.S. from seven largely Muslim countries, identified by the Obama regime as breeding-grounds for terrorism.

Worse, to my utter mortification, I am told that the Family Member In Question (FMIQ) brandished a placard bearing the obscene legend: ‘Trump is a c***.’

To give her what little credit she’s due, I gather she didn’t make the placard herself, but found it on the pavement. She clearly agreed with its message, however, perhaps thinking it a profound and sophisticated piece of political analysis. Otherwise, why would she have held it aloft?

My immediate reaction when I heard about her conduct (in the interest of domestic harmony, I won’t name and shame the FMIQ) was to scour all the news and picture websites, praying that she hadn’t been caught on camera.

What did Gary Lineker (pictured, centre) and the other marchers hope to achieve, beyond feeling good about themselves?

Phew, all clear! At least there won’t be embarrassing evidence in the public domain for her to explain away when she grows up a bit, develops a sense of propriety and sees the folly of her ways.

Indeed, it beats me what she, Gary Lineker and those thousands of other marchers hoped to achieve, beyond feeling good about themselves and showing the world that they have swallowed every right-on opinion spoon-fed to them by the likes of the Guardian’s Polly Toynbee, Harriet Harman and the BBC.

Of course, I can see Mr Trump is pretty ghastly, and not at all the sort of fellow respectable folk would want to have round for tea. His attitude to women in particular seems Neanderthal and offensive, even by my standards — and I write as a man who once said in print that he quite fancied poor, much-groped Ms Harman.

By the way, my confession of desire for the Labour MP drew howls of outrage from readers. But they didn’t rebuke me for sexism, a charge to which I would have had to plead guilty. Instead, they accused me of an appalling lapse of taste, saying she was far too humourless to be fanciable.

I have to disagree. But then chacun a son gout, as they say — and my gout seems to have been shared by plenty of men, to judge by the tales in Ms Harman’s memoirs of the serial sexual harassment she has had to endure.

But where was I? Oh, yes. Had I been a U.S. citizen, I’m not sure that even I could have brought myself to vote for Mr Trump — though since the alternative was Hillary Clinton, it is just possible I would have held my nose, thought of America and given him the benefit of the colossal doubt.

So, yes, I quite understand why so many were unhappy about his election. But the FMIQ and her friends cannot surely have believed that by marching en masse to Trafalgar Square, they would persuade the Americans to tear up their constitution, defy 63 million Republican voters and install the losing candidate in his place.

For the same reason, I was mystified by the protests against the Brexit vote. Did those anti-democracy demonstrators seriously think by registering their disagreement with the verdict of 17.4 million of their fellow citizens, they would induce the Government to ignore the result?

Where were those thousands of righteous Left-wing protesters when Mugabe, Ceaușescu, Xi and the rest came a-calling at Buckingham Palace?

As for Mr Trump, certainly his temporary immigration ban (the latest in a series of similar measures by past U.S. presidents, including Mr Obama) could have been introduced a great deal more competently. In the event, it caused chaos at airports and genuine distress to many travellers who posed no threat whatsoever to American security.

But, again, did the marchers honestly think that by signalling their objections, they would persuade the President to dishonour his election pledge and scrap his executive order? I suppose it’s just possible that he might have done. After all, he appears to have heeded his generals’ advice that torture is useless (though admittedly he still won’t accept it’s plain wrong). He also seems to have listened to Theresa May, when she pressed him to give his support to Nato.

But amenable to persuasion though he may be, I somehow can’t see Mr Trump going back on this particular policy, no matter how defiantly the FMIQ waves her placard, likening him to a part of the female anatomy.

Another possibility is that the marchers thought their protest might induce Mrs May to cancel the President’s invitation to a State visit later this year. Indeed, the petition-clickers preposterously claim they are worried about embarrassing the Queen.

But as so many have pointed out, Her Majesty has played host to legions of blood-drenched tyrants, far more bigoted and unsavoury than brash Mr Trump. Just think of Robert Mugabe, that vicious anti-white racist who has transformed Zimbabwe from the bread-basket of Africa into a hell-hole of violence, poverty and disease.

Where were those thousands of righteous Left-wing protesters when Mugabe, Ceaușescu, Xi and the rest came a-calling at the Palace?

As for the Queen, she has survived State visits from all these nightmare guests, and many more, without the slightest jolt to her dignity or blemish on her matchless reputation. It is simply laughable to suggest that she would be embarrassed to share a carriage with Mr Trump — the elected representative of one of the most civilised nations on Earth and our closest, most powerful friend and ally.

What is so contemptible is the hypocrisy of the petitioners’ claim that they are concerned to spare the royal blushes. Indeed, I’d be prepared to bet a sizeable proportion of them don’t give a stuff about the Monarchy, having bought republicanism along with the rest of that job-lot of Leftist opinions peddled by the Guardian and the rest.

You know the attitudes: in favour of the mass slaughter of unborn children, but against lavatory signs that discriminate against the transgender community; pro lavish state spending, but anti the private businesses that pay for the welfare state through their taxes; supportive of mass immigration, but hostile to the police who have to deal with the fallout from racial tensions…

And so the wearisome litany goes on. I’ll tell you what really annoys the protesters. It’s the fact that after decades in which their minority opinions have held sway in the political class, on both sides of the Atlantic, they suddenly see the tide turning against them.

But now I’m sounding angry myself. So let me just say that I love the FMIQ with all my heart — and there’s nothing in this world that would distress me more than if she set fire to herself in protest against people and policies she dislikes.

But if she wants to know the meaning of embarrassment, she should try how it feels to have her nearest and dearest waving placards in public, proclaiming the President of the United States to be a c***.