On the couch with Janet Ellis: I’ve lost my job — and my identity too
- Novelist Janet Ellis, 60, advises readers on their problems
- This reader is worried about how she can regain her sense of self
- Janet says not to think about trying to replicate what you’ve lost
Novelist, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Janet Ellis, 61, answers your questions...
Q: I have worked in estate agency for years, loved my job and, at 54, felt I was at my peak. Recently, however, it emerged that my company faced financial problems, and I was made to take early retirement.
It came as a huge shock. I knew the firm was struggling, but never thought I’d lose my job. And I certainly wasn’t expecting the effect it has had on me.
My husband works, so money isn’t the issue, but I was so proud of my profession and now feel bereft of purpose. I dread social occasions and I’m afraid of people asking what I do.
I have worked in estate agency for years, loved my job and, at 54, felt I was at my peak. Recently, however, it emerged that my company faced financial problems, and I was made to take early retirement (stock image)
However, I know finding another job in my field is unlikely now that I’m competing against the younger generation. How can I regain my sense of self?
A: Please don’t blame yourself for happily ploughing the same furrow for so long. In a fast-moving world, it’s refreshing to hear from someone who was content to stay where she was.
It is doubly wounding that your loyalty hasn’t been rewarded and you have lost not only your job, but your contact with colleagues, your routine and what you think of as your identity.
Do you actually want another job? I’m asking because, deep down, you may feel slightly relieved to have waved goodbye to at least some aspects of work life.
You’re not far off what used to be retirement age, and may already have been looking ahead to things you could do once you weren’t working. Did you sometimes pine for more time to yourself? Would you have liked to travel or indulge a hobby?
Novelist, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Janet Ellis, 61
I know that being confronted with these choices in the way you have isn’t ideal, but it’s a good opportunity to take stock.
Ask yourself, too, which aspects of being employed you miss most. If they can only be replicated in the area you worked in, then it’s time to investigate whether your undoubted experience is needed elsewhere. You may not go back in at the same level but, if you love estate agency, many companies would value your input. A careers advisory session may be invaluable here.
You have just had a sharp reminder of the march of time, but you can look back over years of success in an enjoyable career, which is a real achievement.
Instead of feeling cast aside, consider the transferable skills you can take elsewhere.
You have the ability to work in a volatile industry, coupled with maturity and experience. These are all very valuable qualities. You’ll feel nervous about going out into the job market, of course, and you may not slot back in straight away or even full-time — but if nothing will satisfy you like being out there, off you go.
I can’t imagine that you’d look down on someone if they told you they weren’t currently employed. What happened to you is, sadly, commonplace these days, and there is no shame attached. There are plenty of other topics of conversation.
Have you discussed how you feel with your husband? It’s great that he can support you financially, but you need his emotional strength now, too. Your sense of self has taken a battering, but you’re in the prime of life, financially secure, you have your health and a partner to make plans with.
Don’t think about trying to replicate what you’ve lost, but isolate the elements you enjoyed most and see what that reveals. Good luck!
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