Dear Jess: maintaining a frienship with someone who never reaches out first
Your most intimate questions answered by Jessica Rowe
Q. One of my friends has a habit of not returning my phone calls and text messages. She has always been a little slack when it comes to keeping in touch and I'm sick of being the one who makes all the effort! I'm tempted to stop trying to contact her but I don't want to lose our friendship.
A. Fabulous Friend, what a good person you are to always be the one reaching out. I have to confess to being a lot like your slack friend, since we share the terrible habit of not responding to messages. My husband has been known to text me that I've won a car as a way of getting me to call him back! Would that work for you?
Jessica Rowe answers your questions.Credit:Damian Bennett
I'm sure your friend is not being deliberately hurtful and I wonder if she means to get back to you but is simply disorganised. Have you tried telling her that you're weary of always making the first move? Please don't give up on her just yet. I'm simply siding with your friend as I'd be distraught if my nearest and dearest stopped making the effort with me. I'd end up lonely and sad, like your well-meaning but forgetful friend.
Q. I hate this time of the year – it makes me feel guilty that I haven't made any resolutions. I'm surrounded by people who have decided to lose weight, stop drinking and enrol in Bikram yoga! How do I survive this insanity?
A. Sensational Survivor, is there some anger in your question? I often tell my daughters that "hate" is a strong word and to think about using a less absolute term. Understandably, though, many of us are still exhausted by all the forced Christmas cheer and it can be impossible to dredge up the energy to bound into a new year.
It can also be tedious listening to the resolutions of friends, especially if they amplify the lack of change you have made in your life. If you can, stop comparing yourself to them! (Personally, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than step into a 40°C Bikram yoga studio.)
There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with the choices that other people make, but don't use them as an excuse not to make changes in your own life. Choose something that makes your heart sing. Go boldly into this new year, my darling.
These answers are simply my views, and I am far from perfect. I struggle through some days better than others with the help of my family, cats, chocolate and antidepressants.
Contact me via Jessica.Rowe@fairfaxmedia.com.au. Instagram: @jessjrowe Twitter:@JessRowe
Unfortunately, I cannot personally reply to questions.
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