Be aware of a new trend – air rage. A report from the International Air Transport Association warns that freak outs in the sky are soaring to dangerous heights – and sober passengers in economy are the worst offenders. Evidently, there is a striking link between "class divide" and traveller unruliness. While first class passenger meltdowns are mostly related to issues of alcohol and anger, economy travellers are more likely to go off with panic attacks.
With airlines cutting costs and maximising revenue by cramming between 7 and 8 per cent more seats into their aircraft than they were initially designed to carry, it's surprising that more of us are not going berserk above the clouds and hijacking the drinks trolley.
First we popped our Valium and adjusted to tinier seats. Held our noses and swallowed dinner. We sucked in our gut and edged sideways into the evermore minuscule toilets. That is if we are brave enough and do not suffer from airplane toilet phobia. (To overcome this you should watch YouTube videos before boarding to get used to the terrifying flushing sound.)
"On airplanes, it is all about how you use the real estate," says Sebastien Weber, chief executive of Zodiac Aerospace, a Los Angeles-based firm that builds toilets for aircraft. When the real estate is a stall built for a pygmy in danger of being brained against the mirror if he makes a wrong move, you might think this would be the one to send you screaming into the aisle. But no. Apparently we can put up with all the deprivations they toss at us except the big killer – the reclining seat in the face. It's all about your head.
According to psychologists who specialises in personal space issues, we can tolerate the lousy allotted leg room and shrunken seat size, but lack of head room – especially at eye level – can bring on feelings of claustrophobia and anxiety, even if you are Gandhi or have no history whatsoever of mental problems.
Reclining seat rage is the new mile-high club, with more and more flights being forced to land due to passenger fights. On a recent South West Airlines flight from LA to San Francisco a man began choking a woman in front of him for tilting her seat back. He was tackled by the flight crew, and the plane was turned around and forced to make an emergency landing. Next time he might consider adding the "Knee Defender Reclining Seat Lock" to his carry-on luggage. This nifty little device, which you simply attach to your tray table, will stop an elephant from relaxing its seat into your personal space.
So far the FAA hasn't banned the Knee Defender, as it doesn't pose a specific safety risk, although the man who recently had one rammed into his gob may disagree.
If you tend to avoid the skies and prefer the calm of the highway, you would be wise to heed the words of that most infamous motorist, Toad of Toad Hall. "When I'm messing around in cars, I'm quite another guy". We may not be shooting each other on the motorways yet like the Americans were so fond of doing some years back, but road rage in Australia is up there with the best. Getting behind the wheel can unleash your inner "Chopper" Read.
Some years ago, insurance provider GIO conducted a survey that revealed that 85 per cent of questioned Australians believed drivers were wilder, angrier and crazier than ever before. There is no reason to believe that things have improved.
Apoplectic Brisbane drivers outnumbered cane toads. Adelaide and Perth came in second with Melbourne and Sydney surprisingly a near close tie for runners up. Perhaps by now, Melbourne, famously named the world's most liveable city by the publishers of The Economist magazine, is our Zen driving capital.
Although most people will confine their tarmac tantrums to "rude gestures", verbal abuse and abusive tailgating have serious traction. Is there anything more infuriating than the troll sitting on your backside while you dutifully keep the speed limit? Yes there is. The bastard crawling along (often just pulled out in front of you) who refuses to budge as you creep ever closer giving a polite little wave. One man solved the problem by changing his car horn to sound like gun shots. That got them moving. So did the altercation at Sydney traffic lights that ended up with all parties in hospital; one minus his ear, the others with serious wounds – and the cars impounded.
It's enough to make you never leave the safety of your underground parking lot. But there, amid the soothing concrete, you may be in even more mortal danger. As one motorist recently observed, "Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot, so now we both have to sit here until we're dead".
Pity you're going to miss your flight.
Valerie Morton is a filmmaker and freelance writer.
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